HALLOWEEN SPECIAL 2025 TRASH DESCENT I: FAILED CHARM
*"Crystal" by Mannheim Steamroller plays*
We are lone pilots heading to unknown terrors...
...and haunting visions.
LIST OF PESTILENCE - THE TRASHSTORM SO FAR...
HALL OF INFAMY: THE WORST GAMES EVER Vol. I
Spoiler
I: EXIT TRASHFALL, WELCOME TRASHSTORM (POWER-DEAD BY BREAKTHROUGH GAMING) - (Nik & Kit's Math Quiz)
II: UNINSPIRED SPACE SHOOTOUTS - (X-Force Genesis)
III: NIGHTMARE DRIVING ON THE TRASH GAME ROAD - (Driverio)
IV: AGE OF DEVELOPER STUPIDITY - (Game Achievements "Stroke The Pet" Series)
V: TAKE THE TROPHIES, I DON'T WANT THEM! - (Rocketio)
VI: SUPERDISASTROUS SPACE SHOOTER SQUAD - (Super Rebellion)
VII: MYRON SAID "CRAPPY HOLIDAYS" - (Breakthrough Gaming: The Continents)
VIII: BREAK-TURD GAMING...AGAIN - (Project: Summer Ice - Pinball)
IX: DEEP SPACE ATROCITY - (Deep Space Anomaly)
X: ZAKYM'S DISASTROUS RETURN - (Rocketio 2 and 3)
XI: CRAPPER BOWL AND THE END OF BREAKTHROUGH GAMING - (Breakthrough Gaming's Football 2)
XII: ALPHA MORON - (Alpha Warrior by S-Mobile)
XIII: THE DEEP FREEZE - (SoulFrost by Xitilon)
XIV: WEBNETIC'S FIRST SHOOTER - (Space Defend by Webnetic)
XV: ONE BUTTON CATASTROPHE - (B Cannon by Xitilon)
XVI: CLASH FORCE? MORE LIKE TRASH FORCE! - (Clash Force)
XVII: TAURIAN MANURE - (Taurian Defense)
XVIII: INHUMAN ROAD: STINKING TURD LIGHTNING - (Thunder by Xitilon)
XIX: MORE XITILON TRASH - (S Lanes by Xitilon)
XX: TRASH-O-WEEN PRESENTS: CRAPPER-5 - (Hyper-5)
XXI: RED-CRAP-TOR - (RedRaptor)
XXII: FROM MEDIOCRE TO "X-CREMENT" - (X-Force Under Attack)
XXIII: CONSEQUENCE OF STUPIDITY - (Danjigoku)
XXIV: IF IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, IT'S EXTINCT - (Arcade Archives: Dinorex)
XXV: NEPHENTHEOSIC EUTHANASIA - (Nephenthesys)
XXVI: MESSED UP SHMOUPPING - (Shmoup by Phoenix Reborn Games)
XXVII: WAR AGAINST BLOCKS. AS STUPID AS IT SOUNDS - (Shooting Blocks by Webnetic)
XXVIII: (UN)HOLY WEEK SPECIAL - (Galactic Invasion by Pix Arts)
XXIX: DISADVENTURE IN VENARIS - (Flightpath: Adventures in Venaris)
XXX: THE OBSCENE LEVEL OF STUPIDITY - (Aabs Animals)
II: UNINSPIRED SPACE SHOOTOUTS - (X-Force Genesis)
III: NIGHTMARE DRIVING ON THE TRASH GAME ROAD - (Driverio)
IV: AGE OF DEVELOPER STUPIDITY - (Game Achievements "Stroke The Pet" Series)
V: TAKE THE TROPHIES, I DON'T WANT THEM! - (Rocketio)
VI: SUPERDISASTROUS SPACE SHOOTER SQUAD - (Super Rebellion)
VII: MYRON SAID "CRAPPY HOLIDAYS" - (Breakthrough Gaming: The Continents)
VIII: BREAK-TURD GAMING...AGAIN - (Project: Summer Ice - Pinball)
IX: DEEP SPACE ATROCITY - (Deep Space Anomaly)
X: ZAKYM'S DISASTROUS RETURN - (Rocketio 2 and 3)
XI: CRAPPER BOWL AND THE END OF BREAKTHROUGH GAMING - (Breakthrough Gaming's Football 2)
XII: ALPHA MORON - (Alpha Warrior by S-Mobile)
XIII: THE DEEP FREEZE - (SoulFrost by Xitilon)
XIV: WEBNETIC'S FIRST SHOOTER - (Space Defend by Webnetic)
XV: ONE BUTTON CATASTROPHE - (B Cannon by Xitilon)
XVI: CLASH FORCE? MORE LIKE TRASH FORCE! - (Clash Force)
XVII: TAURIAN MANURE - (Taurian Defense)
XVIII: INHUMAN ROAD: STINKING TURD LIGHTNING - (Thunder by Xitilon)
XIX: MORE XITILON TRASH - (S Lanes by Xitilon)
XX: TRASH-O-WEEN PRESENTS: CRAPPER-5 - (Hyper-5)
XXI: RED-CRAP-TOR - (RedRaptor)
XXII: FROM MEDIOCRE TO "X-CREMENT" - (X-Force Under Attack)
XXIII: CONSEQUENCE OF STUPIDITY - (Danjigoku)
XXIV: IF IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, IT'S EXTINCT - (Arcade Archives: Dinorex)
XXV: NEPHENTHEOSIC EUTHANASIA - (Nephenthesys)
XXVI: MESSED UP SHMOUPPING - (Shmoup by Phoenix Reborn Games)
XXVII: WAR AGAINST BLOCKS. AS STUPID AS IT SOUNDS - (Shooting Blocks by Webnetic)
XXVIII: (UN)HOLY WEEK SPECIAL - (Galactic Invasion by Pix Arts)
XXIX: DISADVENTURE IN VENARIS - (Flightpath: Adventures in Venaris)
XXX: THE OBSCENE LEVEL OF STUPIDITY - (Aabs Animals)
HALL OF INFAMY: THE WORST GAMES EVER Vol. II
Spoiler
XXXI: FECAL RAIDERS - (Space Raiders by Alexander Carparelli)
XXXII: STUPIDITY HAS NO LIMITS - (Hoodie Survivor by The Voices Games)
XXXIII: LEARN HOW (NOT) TO BE STUPID - (Learn to Play Vol. 2 - A Simple Shooter)
XXXIV: INVASION OF STUPIDITY - (Soraja Invaders)
XXXV: PAC-DISASTER - (Paku Paku)
XXXVI: THE GREAT STUPID RACE - (Learn to Play Vol. 4 - Happy Racer)
XXXVII: SEE-LA, CILLA! - (Cilla)
XXXVIII: DUMPED MIRAGE - (Cosmic Mirage)
XXXIX: TINY STARFIGHTERS, GREAT DISGRACES - (Tiny Starfighters)
XL: A BAD FRENZY (TRASH-O-WEEN SPECIAL 2024 - PART I) - (Tank Frenzy)
XLI: SHOT OUT AND WASTED (TRASH-O-WEEN SPECIAL 2024 - PART II) - (Anime Girls: Wasteland Shootout)
XLII: YOUR AVERAGE TRASH-O-WEEN REVIEW (TRASH-O-WEEN SPECIAL 2024 - PART III) - (Your Average Old School Shmup)
XLIII: A GLITCHED AND BLASTED TRASH-GIVING SPECIAL - (Glitch Blaster's Waifu)
XLIV: A NOT SO FUNNY TRASHMAS SPECIAL - (Y-Type by Y-ZO)
XLV: WHO YOU GONNA CALL...? - (Wave Buxters by Playstige Interactive)
XLVI: HOW BREAKTHROUGH GAMING STOLE CHRISTMAS... AND BLEW IT UP - (Santa Claus - Breakthrough Gaming Arcade)
XLVII: XITILON'S FIRST RUN N' GUN - (EX-802 by Xitilon)
XLVIII: CHARMLESS CRAPPED BLAST - (Pixicharm - Starry Blast)
XLIX: UNHOLY WEEK 2025: NINJA FAILURE, BUT THERE'S GOOD MUSIC - (Tiny Pixels Vol. 1 - Ninpo Blast)
L: SURVIVING THE UNSPEAKABLE FATHOMS OF GAMING - (Marine Survivors)
LI: HORROR IN NEON LIGHTS - (Space KaBaam Neon)
LII: SYSTEM: (CYBER) MISSION FAILED - (Cyber Mission)
LIII: WHEN "DO THE GRADIUS" FAILS - (Akinakes)
LIV: INFINITY IS A LONG NUMBER COMING - (Space War Infinity)
LV: YOUR WORST 2 MINUTES IN SHOOTING - (N6 Secret Mission by Xitilon)
LVI: YET YOU STILL HAVE LEARNED NOTHING - (Space KaBaam Neon II)
LVII: CALAMITY FOR A BUCK - (Astball by Xitilon)
LVIII: XITILON DOES THE "PUSH'EM UP" AND FAILS - (Bacrush by Xitilon)
LIX: SMASHED IN SPACE - (Space Smash)
LX: UNDODGEABLE STUPIDITY - (Dodge These Asteroids)
XXXII: STUPIDITY HAS NO LIMITS - (Hoodie Survivor by The Voices Games)
XXXIII: LEARN HOW (NOT) TO BE STUPID - (Learn to Play Vol. 2 - A Simple Shooter)
XXXIV: INVASION OF STUPIDITY - (Soraja Invaders)
XXXV: PAC-DISASTER - (Paku Paku)
XXXVI: THE GREAT STUPID RACE - (Learn to Play Vol. 4 - Happy Racer)
XXXVII: SEE-LA, CILLA! - (Cilla)
XXXVIII: DUMPED MIRAGE - (Cosmic Mirage)
XXXIX: TINY STARFIGHTERS, GREAT DISGRACES - (Tiny Starfighters)
XL: A BAD FRENZY (TRASH-O-WEEN SPECIAL 2024 - PART I) - (Tank Frenzy)
XLI: SHOT OUT AND WASTED (TRASH-O-WEEN SPECIAL 2024 - PART II) - (Anime Girls: Wasteland Shootout)
XLII: YOUR AVERAGE TRASH-O-WEEN REVIEW (TRASH-O-WEEN SPECIAL 2024 - PART III) - (Your Average Old School Shmup)
XLIII: A GLITCHED AND BLASTED TRASH-GIVING SPECIAL - (Glitch Blaster's Waifu)
XLIV: A NOT SO FUNNY TRASHMAS SPECIAL - (Y-Type by Y-ZO)
XLV: WHO YOU GONNA CALL...? - (Wave Buxters by Playstige Interactive)
XLVI: HOW BREAKTHROUGH GAMING STOLE CHRISTMAS... AND BLEW IT UP - (Santa Claus - Breakthrough Gaming Arcade)
XLVII: XITILON'S FIRST RUN N' GUN - (EX-802 by Xitilon)
XLVIII: CHARMLESS CRAPPED BLAST - (Pixicharm - Starry Blast)
XLIX: UNHOLY WEEK 2025: NINJA FAILURE, BUT THERE'S GOOD MUSIC - (Tiny Pixels Vol. 1 - Ninpo Blast)
L: SURVIVING THE UNSPEAKABLE FATHOMS OF GAMING - (Marine Survivors)
LI: HORROR IN NEON LIGHTS - (Space KaBaam Neon)
LII: SYSTEM: (CYBER) MISSION FAILED - (Cyber Mission)
LIII: WHEN "DO THE GRADIUS" FAILS - (Akinakes)
LIV: INFINITY IS A LONG NUMBER COMING - (Space War Infinity)
LV: YOUR WORST 2 MINUTES IN SHOOTING - (N6 Secret Mission by Xitilon)
LVI: YET YOU STILL HAVE LEARNED NOTHING - (Space KaBaam Neon II)
LVII: CALAMITY FOR A BUCK - (Astball by Xitilon)
LVIII: XITILON DOES THE "PUSH'EM UP" AND FAILS - (Bacrush by Xitilon)
LIX: SMASHED IN SPACE - (Space Smash)
LX: UNDODGEABLE STUPIDITY - (Dodge These Asteroids)
TRASH-O-WEEN 2025: Starring Paimon
Welcome to the season of terror that arrives each tenth month of the year. I, Paimon, will be your guest in this yearly series of Halloween game reviews which will twist your minds with those monstrosities of gaming. ¿Still looking for Halloween horrors? Well, Hell provides and I DON'T HOLD ANY RESPONSIBILITY if there's consequences of any type, and THAT includes mental or economical. Yeah, pity for your wallet which gives your hard-earned cash into video-shit.
That's right, our friendly mortals. Its Halloween, the month of terrors, and once again, we will realize that the scare of our lives can be found not just in ghost videos or eerie sounds, but in the apparently friendly videogame stores where their friendly appearance hides torments and horrors that not all reviewers want to speak of. Abandon all positive scores and join me in this trip to videogame darkness as we dwelve into the obscurities of the console's online stores. Today's (or "Tonight's") unfortunate victim is the PlayStation Store with a shmup that defies comprehension. I'm talking Pixicharm - Spartunex by Everynot Game Studio.
But that's enough dumb prologues, so let that mortal reviewer (and trash game martyr) called Sturmvogel Prime do us the favor of checking Spartunex just for you.
Dull, generic asteroid blaster.
Looks like we're on a deep dive into the darkness of trash gaming again. In the movie Event Horizon, William Weir (Sam Neill) said the titular ship "tore a hole in our universe, a gateway to another dimension. A dimension of pure chaos. Pure... evil". I'm sure this game came from that dimension along with the majority of "Unfunky Shit" games I've played (and reviewed) and I swear this game in particular was made by the Event Horizon: Dark Descent character Paimon, the Eyeless King of Hell himself just to troll the intelligence of the damned. The first signs of "This game is gonna a disaster" is the simplistic AI done illustration, and boy this is another of those AAH (Abandon All Hope) type of games. Well, here we go. The gameplay of Pixicharm - Spartunex is to eliminate a specific amount of enemies in order to pass the next level. Just like in Learn to Play Vol. 2 - A Simple Shooter, instead of picking coins, you shoot down enemies. In fact the gameplay is a clone of A Simple Shooter, saying that already screams "PA-THE-TIC". You are granted hit points, but being lifeless asteroids the lone enemies you're gonna face, there's zero challenge or strategy. Just hold the fire button and never let go. Your ship gets powered up as you keep breaking down asteroids while staying alive, making the game even more easier.
Useless reinforcements.
Later in the game you'll be facing an enemy ship, breaking with the asteroid blasting monotony, but guess what? THE ENEMY DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO STOP YOU. That's right, once it gets on screen, it stays on the middle of the screen until you shoot it down or self-destructs when you hit the required mark. ¿Where is the challenge when the most elemental aspect of the game doesn't exist in the game? Now you see what I mean when I said "Hell made this game to troll the damned"?
CONGLATURATION!!!
YOU BROKE THROUGH EVERY AREA.
WITHOUT THE VIDEO GAME LET'S TRY ANYTHING ELSE
With no budget gaming comes zero efforts for the ending. Instead of a bad cutscene, illustration, credits or epilogue, the game just sends you to this crappy congratulatory screen that makes your efforts worth nothing. Even Wayne's World on the NES was more ambitious than this, and that was just a crappy pic, but at least they went through the trouble of giving you something for your efforts. Well, there IS something for your efforts; the fucking Trophies this shit came with. After clearing 15 levels with zero difficulties, you'll be getting each trophy per stage and the Platinum, "¡yAaAaAaY!" I've wasted a dollar and 15 cents on a sad bunch of trophies, and writing a review to warning you about this shit. The only people to recommend this game is for those who have serious self-steem issues: There's no way to lose. You will ALWAYS win, nobody will try to stop you from being victorious.
If there's one only positive aspect of the game is the graphics. The sprite art looks quite well, I mean, if the game designers cared a little more and took more time, the story with this game would be TOTALLY different.
The music of this game just sucks. It's your action paced chiptune, but the rendition sounds more like noise than NES-like music specially the "Chkchk-chkchk-chk-chkchk!" that muffles the rest of the "Instruments" of the soundtrack most of the time. Is like giving a kid 3 Red Bulls, 5 bags of M&M's and a synthesizer and bangs the Event Horizon-grade hell out of it. Just when the "chkchk" is gone for a while is when the music gets a little better and recognizable as such, having slight Cheetahmen influences ("Bad Game-Good Music" equation).
Don't expect happy endings while playing shit.
Now you understand why the idiocy of this game defies comprehension? Useless enemies, zero strategy, horrible music, and artwork that resembles AI art. All the major negative aspects of 2020's game development are present in Pixicharm - Spartunex as another example of how Shovelware and the recent AI Shovelware are just a blight for gaming.
Unfortunately, since this is a digital game, we can't just take the PlayStation to a safe distance and then launch TAC missiles at Pixicharm - Spartunex until we're satisfied it's vaporized. So, the only way to say "Fuck this game" is simply uninstalling it like any other crap shooter despite it deserves a fate worse than uninstall and later delisting.
Sometimes reviewing games can be the worst of nightmares. "Libera Te Tutemet Ex Inferis" indeed.
In the end, Pixicharm - Spartunex gets 2 R-9's in the R-Scale just for the graphics. The rest is an insult to the intelligence of any gamer regardless of the age. Even a 2 year old toddler will find this game stupid and without any challenge.
So, here's the final score:
...and its about to get worse in the course of this month.