CALAMITY FOR A BUCK
TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
TRASH-teroids
Here we go again reviewing the world of "1ドラゲ" (Pronounced "Ichi DoraGe" or "One DoraGe", term coined by me.) "1 Dollar Game"; 1 Dollar for a game, or in this case "1 DollaShmup"; 1 Dollar for a Shmup, "Shmup for a buck". A world where we can found true jewels of the filth. Indie games that are famous for the wrong reasons. Xitilon is the predominant name in that ecosystem since ALL of the games he makes are in this 1 buck only category of gaming.
A lone Erusean MQ-101 fights to save humanity, I guess.
The gameplay of this game is based on Atari's Asteroids where the objective is to destroy the asteroids in order to advance. While Atari's Asteroids covered the whole TV screen on both Arcade and Atari 2600 versions, Astball just covers like a third of it in the attempt of "being retro", resulting in a reduced navigation space and that would come in handy as the asteroids grow in size as you clear later waves. You can make "chains" by destroying asteroids with the explosions generated by previously destroyed ones. These chains increase your score by one point, but there's one problem; They have a small blast radius, making chains more of a pure luck matter than a precision work. In your typical Xitilon difficulty crap, you only have one life to rack a high score before you die and lose the game. This simplicity in execution also involves the trophy progression. From the basic surviving 1 minute, destroying 20 balls (asteroids), getting 50 points, dying, dying without scoring and even dying 10 times. Do all that shit and there you go, the fucking Platinum for this 1 dollar shit.
Sorry if it was short, but there's not too much to talk about when the gameplay is as lame and scarce as Astball.
Graphics, well... You're a green MQ-101 from the Arsenal Bird that for some reason flew away into space and took over rings of dots that become smaller rings of dots. I know they're resembling spheric asteroids that split in smaller chunks when they're hit, but the simplicity makes the Atari port of Asteroids look like Ace Combat 7: Skies Unknown. The music of this shit is at least good enough and has NES influences on it evoking the style of games such as Shatterhand and Megaman more than a shooter. So once again, Xitilon makes 1 thing right in a shitty shmup.
ASTFACTS
- The title of this name is written as "astball" (all in lowercase letters) on the PlayStation dashboard and store.
- It is possible that the name is a portmanteau between "Asteroid" and "Ball".
Sector D2 and Humble Games resumed whatever tragedy of gaming in those few words.
The Norbert Moutier of gaming threw another "Calamity" at us. Just like Moutier's Dinosaur from the Deep is a laughable catastrophe (using a paper machie puppet and a Dino-Riders T-Rex shouts "NO BUDGET"), Xitilon's Astball does the same with shooting games; being the total joke that insults this game genre and gives shovelware much worse reputation.
I don't know how Sony let such an offense got its way on the PlayStation Store, but it REALLY needs to reinforce their stance on Easy Trophies, because no matter if its one single dollar, it's one dollar wasted to feed a shitty game developer.
Astball gets 1 R-9 on the R-Scale:
Trash gaming pain knows no limits.
Eda understands that perfectly well.