YOUR AVERAGE TRASH GAME REVIEW (TRASH-O-WEEN SPECIAL 2024 - PART III)
TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
Just when I thought Trash-o-ween was finally over, this popped up in the PS Store.
I've played a lot of uninspired shmups before, but never as ridiculous and uncreative as this one.
Believe it or not, this game is an example of "I don't care" grade of indie quality: Your Average Old School Shmup.
Yeah, you've read that right, that's the name Y-ZO gave to this fucking thing.
Your Average Trash Shooter Mess
Oh fuck. The lack of creativity never cease to surprise me, and that's what I can say about Your Average Old School Shmup or (YAOSS for short). The lack of creativity on the logo is the first "RED FLAG" to keep you away from picking this shit up, but if you ignored this early warning, then you'll be in for a world of shit. The gameplay is extremely simple, allowing you to pick one difficulty. Once you do that you're in the game. Depending on the selected difficulty you'll be facing less or more enemies, but the rules are the same. Survive as long as you can in the void of space while taking down the largest number of enemies possible. Fortunately, the game developer cared enough to give you power ups.
S = Speed Up: Increases the ship's speed
F = Fire Rate: Reduces the time delay between shoots for a more continous firing.
B = Bullet: Adds one more shot to your frontal stream of bullets (| > || > |||)
D = Damage: Increases the strength of your shots.
Along with the idea of survival, the game's main challenge factor is to keep the enemy from leaving the screen by reaching the bottom. The reason of this is the game's score multiplier mechanic. Each time you take down an enemy, it will increase your multiplier by 0.10 and the multiplied score bonus will also include the boss. But keep in mind, if you take a hit you'll lose ALL of your upgrades, making recovery far more difficult than it should be since this rule is simply abusive. I mean, I can understand losing all of my power if I die, but not when I only lose one Hit Point *Gets Game Over* Oh, its one of those "1 Guy, No Continues" kind of games. You only start with one hit point 'cos the others are given to you as separated items.
Your Average CAT-astrophic Idiocy Display
The game has boss fights, but is just this incoherent fight against a cut-out picture of a cat with glowing eyes as if it was ripped from one of those TikTok or YouTube Shorts of cats that swarm on the web. One curious detail that I've noticed is that if you take a hit during the boss battle, you won't lose your powers. Anyway, after defeating the boss the game goes on and on and the next boss is the same cat. There's no stage count like in Galaga and it feels like if you're shooting in an infinite loop with increasing number of enemies that will end after you finally lose.
To end the gameplay part of the review, there's very few instances where picking a new game after dying would not send enemies to attack you, forcing you to close the game and open it again. It happened to me after dying on Hard and starting a new game in Normal. A testimony that nobody tested this game. Speaking of people, there's an option of viewing the credits and believe it or not, there was real human beings working in this game. Maybe just no-brainers as their bodies were on the computers wasting their life and time developing this atrocity on Game Maker while their brains and talent just ran-off somewhere else like being attended on a broken dialysis machine waiting for death, they were captured and became political prisoners in some obscure, hostile country or they are just sipping an umbrella drink on the beach...sipping an umbrella drink consisting of cyanide, rotten pineapple juice, dog fecal matter and bad vodka.
The graphics are a fucking joke as well. ¿Where do I start? The HUD is just flat white fonts and flat white squares with no detail or colors to make it look good, only a red square indicating when a part was maxed out is the only difference. The life/HP is just a hollow heart which looks more like a lifeless Zelda lifebar. The "sprites" are line-outs as if it were a crude attempt to vector-trace minus the high definition that made vector graphics amazing, not to mention that stupid idea of having a cutout of a cat as the boss. It makes a MAD magazine comic strip look like a fucking Da Vinci illustration. There's a point where laziness turns into stupid and that's the cat boss. ¿What the fuck was up on their heads? Was this made by a drug-addict after consuming an overdose of meth? The sound is horrible, you can barely hear it with the muffled sound quality like a badly recorded album
YOUR AVERAGE CURIOSITIES SECTION
Need to see even more than the screenshots?
Here's a video ---> SYSTEM TRASH IN ACTION
Your Average Project Wingman Quote
Overall, the game is a complete joke and an horrendous mockery of what "Old School" shmups are supposed to be and represent, simplicity is represented here with stupidity and clumsiness and adaptative difficulty with absurd enemy spams as if the game's existence wasn't enough imbecile punishment towards the player (Downgrading without dying is stupid). While I appreciate the idea of score multiplying mechanics for a hi-score rush challenge, it all goes down the shitter with their lousy work. If you are urged for REAL Old School shmups, just pick Arcade Archives: Raiden or Aero Fighters. Forget this stupid thing.
Your Average Eda Scale Result