LEARN HOW (NOT) TO BE STUPID
TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
Well, EastAsiaSoft is back... and unfortunately not on the best way.
Time to check Learn to Play Vol. 2 - A Simple Shooter.
NOTE: This game already gave up on you.
When this game warns you about being immune to enemy damage, you already know this game sucks already. Who makes a game where you're not gonna get damaged or killed? Unless we're talking about a demo or beta, something that shouldn't be on sale.
A glimpse of videogame purgatory.
You know what's the saddest thing about Learn to Play Vol. 2 - A Simple Shooter?, The fact that this game is meant to be your kiddies first shmup. Your first shmup is that moment in your gamer life where you pick a fly and shoot game and hope to be your fun and thrill ride. We all had fond memories of our first shmups: U.N. Squadron, Raiden, After Burner II, Gradius, Vapor Trail, Flying Shark, Tiger Heli, R-Type, Aero Fighters 2, those were good experiences despite the challenges you've faced and the more than imminent (and sometimes inevitable) ass kicking you'll be getting as the game looped after finishing all levels and you ran out of quarters, but still were fun to play. So, how EastAsiaSoft tries to bring that experience to present day kiddies? By doing a simple yet challenging game? Nah, they made a lame shooter while giving you invincibility. Nothing will kill you. How you can call that a game if you can't even die? One of the pivotal aspects of all shmups is to learn from your mistakes after losing a life. Even the "Old Testament" of shmups called Space Invaders knows that. With the game in No-Damage mode on, there's nothing else to do with the game. Also, don't expect any challenge from your enemies. The enemies won't fire either and most of them are your popcorn enemies that go down with one or two shots. The stage length sounds promising with a total of 15 levels, so you might be expecting some challenge. Well, guess what? The stage length depends on how much time you spend picking coins which upgrade your ship. Basically, clearing a level is like leveling up on an RPG, but if the requirements were on the lower levels as if you were playing an "EasyType" ROM hack of some sorts. Looking for boss fights? Not in this game. Not even after picking all the required coins on each level. So, unless you pick coins, you'll be on a perpetual loop.
CONGLATURATION !!
YOU COMPLETED A GREAT GAME
ITS PERFECT PLAY AND GAME IS OVER
THANK YOU !
With a lame game, its more than clear that a lame ending screen comes with it, and this is no exception. Just "Congratulations" and get kicked back to the screen after 10 minutes of playing. Absolute display of "You saw our game. We don't give a fuck about gameplay, and we are worse making endings too". Yeah, we know. EastAsiaSoft are idiots.
Good graphics, but that doesn't help a game if the gameplay is horrible.
Graphically is quite decent...only on the background aspect 'cos that doesn't last for too long. That "cliff and river" background loops forever like a bad gif and is a crying shame since the effort put in the background implies this had potential for something much better. The sprite art is between decent and bad resembling your average PC Engine shmup most of the times.
UPDATE: The reason of why the background looks good is because they got it from the "Top Down River" from Open Game Art. So the praise for the background goes to the artist "ansimuz".
Thanks to Shmups forum member mamonu for the information.
The music is unfitting for a shmup. As we have a generic mid-paced piano tune that feels like something out of The Piano Guys that would fit on the "outside town" part of an obscure 90's RPG game, and that's all what you're gonna hear all the time. For some reason, the music sounds has a very low volume and the sound effects are high, so this game is just another bunch of noises for your console. I'm not asking for Tsukumo Hyakutaro or Deniz Akbulut to compose, but knowing the good shmups EastAsiaSoft brought, at least they should know how to compose for a game of this style. Even Silver Surfer had better music than this shit.
TRIVIA TO LEARN VOL. F/U - A FEW CURIOSITIES
- Second entry on the Learn to Play series and sequel of Learn to Play Vol. 1 - Fruit Puzzle.
- First shmup in the series (and I hope its the last one).
Calamity and Atrocity altogether.
Learn to Play Vol. 2 - A Simple Shooter tries to be "Kid Friendly" with the gameplay, but with the invincibility toggled-on automatically and the lack of enemy attacks treats both target audience and shmuppers in general like fucking idiots.
Why the fuck Sony doesn't do jack shit and do the same thing as Microsoft with these kind of "Easy Gamerscore/Trophy" games?
Sometimes being a shmupper hurts.
Eda knows that too.