THE GREAT STUPID RACE
TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
LIST OF PESTILENCE - THE TRASHSTORM SO FAR...
HALL OF INFAMY: THE WORST GAMES EVER Vol. I
Spoiler
I: EXIT TRASHFALL, WELCOME TRASHSTORM (POWER-DEAD BY BREAKTHROUGH GAMING) - (Nik & Kit's Math Quiz)
II: UNINSPIRED SPACE SHOOTOUTS - (X-Force Genesis)
III: NIGHTMARE DRIVING ON THE TRASH GAME ROAD - (Driverio)
IV: AGE OF DEVELOPER STUPIDITY - (Game Achievements "Stroke The Pet" Series)
V: TAKE THE TROPHIES, I DON'T WANT THEM! - (Rocketio)
VI: SUPERDISASTROUS SPACE SHOOTER SQUAD - (Super Rebellion)
VII: MYRON SAID "CRAPPY HOLIDAYS" - (Breakthrough Gaming: The Continents)
VIII: BREAK-TURD GAMING...AGAIN - (Project: Summer Ice - Pinball)
IX: DEEP SPACE ATROCITY - (Deep Space Anomaly)
X: ZAKYM'S DISASTROUS RETURN - (Rocketio 2 and 3)
XI: CRAPPER BOWL AND THE END OF BREAKTHROUGH GAMING - (Breakthrough Gaming's Football 2)
XII: ALPHA MORON - (Alpha Warrior by S-Mobile)
XIII: THE DEEP FREEZE - (SoulFrost by Xitilon)
XIV: WEBNETIC'S FIRST SHOOTER - (Space Defend by Webnetic)
XV: ONE BUTTON CATASTROPHE - (B Cannon by Xitilon)
XVI: CLASH FORCE? MORE LIKE TRASH FORCE! - (Clash Force)
XVII: TAURIAN MANURE - (Taurian Defense)
XVIII: INHUMAN ROAD: STINKING TURD LIGHTNING - (Thunder by Xitilon)
XIX: MORE XITILON TRASH - (S Lanes by Xitilon)
XX: TRASH-O-WEEN PRESENTS: CRAPPER-5 - (Hyper-5)
XXI: RED-CRAP-TOR - (RedRaptor)
XXII: FROM MEDIOCRE TO "X-CREMENT" - (X-Force Under Attack)
XXIII: CONSEQUENCE OF STUPIDITY - (Danjigoku)
XXIV: IF IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, IT'S EXTINCT - (Arcade Archives: Dinorex)
XXV: NEPHENTHEOSIC EUTHANASIA - (Nephenthesys)
XXVI: MESSED UP SHMOUPPING - (Shmoup by Phoenix Reborn Games)
XXVII: WAR AGAINST BLOCKS. AS STUPID AS IT SOUNDS - (Shooting Blocks by Webnetic)
XXVIII: (UN)HOLY WEEK SPECIAL - (Galactic Invasion by Pix Arts)
XXIX: DISADVENTURE IN VENARIS - (Flightpath: Adventures in Venaris)
XXX: THE OBSCENE LEVEL OF STUPIDITY - (Aabs Animals)
II: UNINSPIRED SPACE SHOOTOUTS - (X-Force Genesis)
III: NIGHTMARE DRIVING ON THE TRASH GAME ROAD - (Driverio)
IV: AGE OF DEVELOPER STUPIDITY - (Game Achievements "Stroke The Pet" Series)
V: TAKE THE TROPHIES, I DON'T WANT THEM! - (Rocketio)
VI: SUPERDISASTROUS SPACE SHOOTER SQUAD - (Super Rebellion)
VII: MYRON SAID "CRAPPY HOLIDAYS" - (Breakthrough Gaming: The Continents)
VIII: BREAK-TURD GAMING...AGAIN - (Project: Summer Ice - Pinball)
IX: DEEP SPACE ATROCITY - (Deep Space Anomaly)
X: ZAKYM'S DISASTROUS RETURN - (Rocketio 2 and 3)
XI: CRAPPER BOWL AND THE END OF BREAKTHROUGH GAMING - (Breakthrough Gaming's Football 2)
XII: ALPHA MORON - (Alpha Warrior by S-Mobile)
XIII: THE DEEP FREEZE - (SoulFrost by Xitilon)
XIV: WEBNETIC'S FIRST SHOOTER - (Space Defend by Webnetic)
XV: ONE BUTTON CATASTROPHE - (B Cannon by Xitilon)
XVI: CLASH FORCE? MORE LIKE TRASH FORCE! - (Clash Force)
XVII: TAURIAN MANURE - (Taurian Defense)
XVIII: INHUMAN ROAD: STINKING TURD LIGHTNING - (Thunder by Xitilon)
XIX: MORE XITILON TRASH - (S Lanes by Xitilon)
XX: TRASH-O-WEEN PRESENTS: CRAPPER-5 - (Hyper-5)
XXI: RED-CRAP-TOR - (RedRaptor)
XXII: FROM MEDIOCRE TO "X-CREMENT" - (X-Force Under Attack)
XXIII: CONSEQUENCE OF STUPIDITY - (Danjigoku)
XXIV: IF IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, IT'S EXTINCT - (Arcade Archives: Dinorex)
XXV: NEPHENTHEOSIC EUTHANASIA - (Nephenthesys)
XXVI: MESSED UP SHMOUPPING - (Shmoup by Phoenix Reborn Games)
XXVII: WAR AGAINST BLOCKS. AS STUPID AS IT SOUNDS - (Shooting Blocks by Webnetic)
XXVIII: (UN)HOLY WEEK SPECIAL - (Galactic Invasion by Pix Arts)
XXIX: DISADVENTURE IN VENARIS - (Flightpath: Adventures in Venaris)
XXX: THE OBSCENE LEVEL OF STUPIDITY - (Aabs Animals)
HALL OF INFAMY: THE WORST GAMES EVER Vol. II
Spoiler
XXXI: FECAL RAIDERS - (Space Raiders by Alexander Carparelli)
XXXII: STUPIDITY HAS NO LIMITS - (Hoodie Survivor by The Voices Games)
XXXIII: LEARN HOW (NOT) TO BE STUPID) - (Learn to Play Vol. 2 - A Simple Shooter)
XXXIV: INVASION OF STUPIDITY - (Soraja Invaders)
XXXV: PAC-DISASTER - (Paku Paku)
XXXII: STUPIDITY HAS NO LIMITS - (Hoodie Survivor by The Voices Games)
XXXIII: LEARN HOW (NOT) TO BE STUPID) - (Learn to Play Vol. 2 - A Simple Shooter)
XXXIV: INVASION OF STUPIDITY - (Soraja Invaders)
XXXV: PAC-DISASTER - (Paku Paku)
EastAsiaSoft doesn't take a break on their series of shitty Learn to Play games and sadly, racing genre was the unfortunate victim.
This is Learn to Play Vol. 4 - Happy Racer (My condolences to the word "Happy" for this).
5 Lanes of boredom
4 Wheels of lame
3 Minutes to disappointment
2 Seconds of fun
1 Piece of Shit
What was your first racing videogame you've played? Pole Position? Rad Racer?, Turbo Out Run? S.T.U.N. Runner?, F-Zero? Whichever it was, you sure had a fun time stepping the pedal in the arcade or console getting a punch of speed and sound with amazing gameplay, as long as your first game wasn't the piece of shit you're about to see.
The gameplay of Happy Racer is basically a clone of Sega's classic arcade game Monaco GP as you take control of an F-1 car and drive across multiple cars while getting a high score. This sounds like a good idea for basic, classic racing game, only that EastAsiaSoft didn't made their work right. To begin with, there's no speed control, so you're moving more like in a Galaga-style left-to-right while the screen and enemies auto-scroll. Since there's no time limit, the idea of the game is to reach the highest score possible. As long as you don't crash with the other cars, the game will increase the points given from 1 to 5. Crashing with a vehicle will drop 1 point away from your score. The second obstacle in this game will be banana peels. Yeah, as if it was Super Mario Kart, you will be facing randomly placed banana peels that will make you lose control of your car, but you're not gonna die or something, you'll just keep your course like normal. Its a step forward compared with Learn to Play 2: A Simple Shooter and its "No Damage" gameplay as it adds a punishment for error, but there's still a long way to go. If you played Sega's Monaco GP you'll probably remember how the track became wide and sometimes narrow as you progressed along with changing terrain like slippery ice. You don't get that challenge here, so its a shit already. You can increase your score by picking coins and later purple chevrons to get a temporary speed boost.
You won!
But there's other four races left.
After completing a level, this is all you'll get. For a race game it is questionable as there's no losing or leading position along with championship points or circuits, making this race game a crap shot, I mean a SHIT shot. If it wasn' for the items, all five races are basically the same.
YOU'RE WINNER!
The ending screen is as bland and generic as possible, just a trophy with the results. Even the ending of Hang-On was much better than this, and that was an 80's game. So an indie game of 2024 could AT LEAST try to be at the same league, but looks like EastAsiaSoft preferred the lack of effort and laziness using the "My First Game" as an excuse for that.
At least the game has retro-styled music for the main game, which seems to have Commodore 64/Tim Follin vibes, but can't say positive things about the graphics, which look like a crappy MS-DOS educational game. Does this game was made in the early 90's and left on the corner until 2024 when the developer remember it and worked on it for its final release?
LEARN THE FUN FACTS - (UN)HAPPY CURIOSITY
- First racing game in the series.
No words about what to decide.
Giving a kid what it will be the first racing game on its life should be a beautiful experience, so Learn to Play Vol. 4 - Happy Racer is a major failure like the rest of the series. It's better than Breakthrough Gaming's Racing, but unless you want to play a cruel prank on your children, this would be a good idea. But for the sane minds, this game is a must avoid like a plague.
Need to say more?