Tiny Starfighters (PS4 - PS5)

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Sturmvogel Prime
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Tiny Starfighters (PS4 - PS5)

Post by Sturmvogel Prime »

TRASHSTORM (EPISODE XXXIX)
TINY STARFIGHTERS, GREAT DISGRACES




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TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.



Sigh... Looks like it is my destiny to play with shit, and this game is no exception.
Why, because I'm gonna review Tiny Starfighters by Erdem Sen and Everynot Game Studio.


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Below the basics.

Once you select start, you're given the option of choosing one of two available starfighters, the others have to be unlocked as you play and get money in the game so you can afford to buy them. Sounds Ace Combat-esque in terms of buying new aircraft.



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Staring at this screenshot is as fun as playing this game.
A fucking waste of time.


Sadly, this game goes down as soon as you start playing it, all ships have the same weapon. Yeah, the game designers were either lazy or stupid enough (or maybe both) to give the ships a simple frontal shot with varied firing rates, but in this game you're not gonna need more than that, why? Simple, all the enemies go down in one shot, there's a few of them that need two hits to die and they only shoot 1 way bullets and that's all, not even a basic bullet curtain. This is shmup gaming at "Babies and Toddlers" levels of difficulty, so basically there's no way to lose, except by crashing deliberately with an enemy in order to end this agony. There's no bosses to fight, power ups to pick or levels to complete, its just one single, endless, monotonous stage where the enemy rarely fires at you. One of the things I've noticed is that your ships have different amounts of HP ranging from 1HP point to a maximum of 3HP which is far below the basic range of HP for a shmup, but just like the weaponry, it's more than enough to obtain enough coins and downed enemies to get the trophies and buy the unlockable ships to finally obtain the Platinum Trophy which separates you from this game and its uninstallation.

You know what's the most pathetic part of Tiny Starfighters? The adblurb on the PlayStation Store which like the majority of the mediocre indie shmups, it relies in blatant false propaganda with outrageous claims that turn out into a series of giant lies when the game is being played.

"Embark on an exciting space adventure where you take control of a spaceship and battle endless waves of enemies across the galaxy. Collect coins as you blast through your foes and unlock new, powerful ships to enhance your journey. With every wave, the challenge intensifies—how long can you survive the cosmic chaos? Prepare to gear up and zap your way to victory!"

The only statement that is true is the one that says "Battle endless waves of enemies" because the fucking thing never ends until you die, but the rest? Let's check.

It's "Exciting"? NO, the Fun Factor is buried or unexistant.
Unlock new ships? NO, one thing is unlock and other BUY a ship.
The new ships are powerful? NO, regardless of the ship, most enemies die in one hit.
"With every wave, the enemy intensifies" NO, they're the same short number of enemy formations which rarely fire.
"Prepare to Gear-up" NO, there's no Gradius II or Axelay style weapon equip screen.
"Zap your way to victory" NO, there's no victory since the game doesn't have stages and an ending.


In total, that's six giant lies in the store description. Someone needs to strengthten the PlayStation Store requirements urgently, because this "Quick Trophies" games problem is out of control, but not beyond help. I don't wanna see Sony as the new LJN.

The graphics? MY LORD they're awful. Being "Tiny" doesn't mean being horrendous with the sprites. Compare this with AeroStar and SolarStriker, the sprites and overall graphics were small but that was because the Gameboy had a small screen, but they made a good work on that aspect giving us things what we can recognize as starfighters and enemy machinery along with unique scenarios. Tiny Starfighters doesn't do that and the enemies are ridiculously small. Well, not as absurd levels of small like Cilla's flying bike pilots which I've mentioned before, but its still in the utmost pathetic range. The pilot design? HA-HAHAHAHAHA!! They look like crappy Lego builds made by your 4 year old cousin, and I swear that a kid could make better characters than those from Tiny Starfighters.
As for the sound department, the music is this mix of Genesis-synth style music combined with clapping like percussion beats which loops forever or until you commit suicide crashing your ship against an enemy.


TINY CURIOSITIES

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SYSTEM NO CURIOSITIES FOUND



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Lesson Learned? Calamity comes in any size it wants.


Overall, Tiny Starfighters is among the games that are nothing more than trash that insults your videogame library. Even as a Trophy booster for your recently acquired PlayStation 5 is a disgrace and a bad choice having more shmups which are way better than this thing let's say aaaah, Ginga Force, Raiden III x Mikado Maniax, or any of the Arcade Archives shmups. Just forget this shit exists.



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Tiny Starfighters, Great Regrets.
Even the Eda Scale knows that.
Fan of Transformers, Shmups and Anime-styled Girls. You're teamed up with the right pilot!
Bringing you shmup and video game reviews with humorous criticism.

STG Wikias: Thunder Force Wiki - Wikiheart Exelica - Ginga Force Wiki
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