Stupid joke I made up this morning...

[howmuchkeefe]

Why did the masochist buy a copy of Tao Feng?
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Because he's a masochist.

[Neon]

Japan is a country that is not in or near America, a bit like Great Britain.

Someone's gotta sig that.

Done

[Marc]

In England we eat a lot of Fish and Chips, a bit like the Americans eat burgers. We have Chippies, that is, shops that sell fish and chips.

Chips are not what Americans call chips (a bit like football isn't what Americans call football). America might be bigger than Great Britain, but it is wrong all the same.

Anyway a chip is a chopped up potato deep fried in fat. A bit like fries only thicker and with a name that doesn't involve anything to do with France, which is what us Brits like. An absense of anything French is usually a bonus. Also they are not made out of re-constituted dog turds, there's actually potato in chips.

Fish swim in the sea, and being as we live on an island and have good access to the sea, we eat them.

Anyway the fish has a coating added to it called batter before it is also deep fried in said fat, and most chippies give a selection of fish to batter, namely large cod, small, cod, large haddock, small haddock.

In most chippies you can ask for Fish and Chips, which will mean you will get Cod and Chips because that is the cheaper and more common option. However some people make the distinction, pay a bit more money, and ask for Haddock and Chips.

"Haddock and" , when said in a British accent sounds not unlike Hadoken. Because we rarely say the full AND we usually contract it to be N (hence a lot of chippies right "Fish 'n' Chips" on the menu, if you could call fish, chips, mushy peas and a battered Mars bar a menu.

In the Streetfighter series the Ryu and Ken characters have a move to which they say the word "hadoken", it's Japanese, kind of. Japan is a country that is not in or near America, a bit like Great Britain.

Thus using Ryu and Ken walking into a chippy combined with the haddock and chips creates the central part of the joke.

Cheers

Leeram

You know, I'd come into work in a really miserable mood this morning but feel much better after reading this. 'They' are right, the best way to start a day really is with a good laugh, cheers!

[Turrican]

Leeram, that was great. My respects.

[JBC]

Ok, guys - here's a realllllyyy offensive joke so if you're a sensitive vagina boy and or girl then don't read it. It's only meant in good fun anyway.

How many femenists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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. Two - one to screw in the bulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!!!

[~Kid Icarus~]

Sorry I forget that not everyone gets our English eccentricities. By the way that joke was in Mean Machines about 15 years ago.

Circuitface, that is the best joke EVA! LMAO.

[Ghegs]

Nice, but we do have a thread for the very purpose of bad/tasteless jokes.

http://forum.shmups.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=107

[Specineff]

I like tacos.

Hey, gotta say that before the lock.

[captain ahar]

Denny's is like a greasy spoon without the charm or service.

[Leeram]

Chips are not what Americans call chips (a bit like football isn't what Americans call football). America might be bigger than Great Britain, but it is wrong all the same.

Thanks man. People would swear to me that soccer is NOT football (even though you use your FOOT to hit a BALL). You guys invented it, and sure have a right to call it football. Yes, American Football is Football all right. But soccer is too, you racist ESPN byotches!

Unrelated: One thing that really surprised me when coming down from working at a fancy store in Snotts-dale, Az, was two euro tourists getting absolutely confused when I told them a store was 3/4 of a mile away from the corner we were at. They thought it was some sort of local slang. Come on. It's not like the UK is on the other side of the world in relation to the rest of western Europe.

Of course I said "1 Km" and then they understood.

We all know that most European nations have strange strange dark ways that are best avoided. They are seeped in history, tradition, war with pikes and axes and most likely beer. Best to avoid if possible.

Obviously we in Great Britain, despite popular belief are European, but not the same type of European as the rest of Europe which is, quite frankly, self obsessed, morally corrupt and stupid, no, nothing like this great nation of ours. Rule Britania!!

American football is a bit like an American shoot 'em up, you know, the ones that they change the packaging on and make the difficulty level easier and give it a crap name.

American football is a derivative of the English game called Rugby Football. The idea of Rugby football is that you can kick the ball as much as you like but you can also pick it up and throw it, as long as you throw it backwards. I seem to recall that Rugby Football was developed by Rugby school in England, but I might be wrong on that.

Anyway the game was exported to America and they took it up, made it easier by allowing you to throw the ball forwards once. You can chuck it backwards as much as you like but it's a bit too complicated so they changed the rules so that, whether the one forward throw is caught or not, you can stop and take a breather 'cos it's a bit knackering chucking that ball a few yards. Then when it's time for adverts on the telly you get to have a break as well.

And let's not forget about all the extra shielding you're allowed to wear, just in case you might get a slight scratch or a scuff on your left knee. You also have to have a towel in case you happen to sweat and a great big bollock protector so everyone can see how much of a man you really are..

Anyway, now that there is the forward throw it's almost pointless kicking the ball, so no-one can. At any point in time when the ball needs to be kicked in any meaningfull manner you're allowed to change your whole team (assumingly in the hope that one of you will be able to kick it). At this point the rest of the world starts to think "what the frigging hell is this game called football for?"

And of course it can't be right calling it Rugby any more so they mustered a few hundred people, had a committee, a few rounds of voting, consulted the President, most probably God had some input (apparently America is God's chosen land, it's true) and they decided almost unanimously that the new name would be American Football, so people can see that it's different the other types of Football and that it is obviously superior, even though you're foot doesn't have to touch the ball.


I think rounders is very popular in America for a similar reason. It's an easy game normally played by pre-pubescent girls, nothing too strenuous involved and they get to change the name, and get to make it even easier...




Cheers

Lee

[Icarus]

American football is a bit like an American shoot 'em up, you know, the ones that they change the packaging on and make the difficulty level easier and give it a crap name.

At any point in time when the ball needs to be kicked in any meaningfull manner you're allowed to change your whole team (assumingly in the hope that one of you will be able to kick it). At this point the rest of the world starts to think "what the frigging hell is this game called football for?"

^O^ HAHAHA!

I just got in trouble with my art tutor for bursting into fits of laughter at your last post, Leeram. Good stuff. Written like a true Brit. ^_-

[Samudra]

In England we eat a lot of Fish and Chips, a bit like the Americans eat burgers. We have Chippies, that is, shops that sell fish and chips.

Chips are not what Americans call chips (a bit like football isn't what Americans call football). America might be bigger than Great Britain, but it is wrong all the same.

Anyway a chip is a chopped up potato deep fried in fat. A bit like fries only thicker and with a name that doesn't involve anything to do with France, which is what us Brits like. An absense of anything French is usually a bonus. Also they are not made out of re-constituted dog turds, there's actually potato in chips.

Fish swim in the sea, and being as we live on an island and have good access to the sea, we eat them.

Anyway the fish has a coating added to it called batter before it is also deep fried in said fat, and most chippies give a selection of fish to batter, namely large cod, small, cod, large haddock, small haddock.

In most chippies you can ask for Fish and Chips, which will mean you will get Cod and Chips because that is the cheaper and more common option. However some people make the distinction, pay a bit more money, and ask for Haddock and Chips.

"Haddock and" , when said in a British accent sounds not unlike Hadoken. Because we rarely say the full AND we usually contract it to be N (hence a lot of chippies write "Fish 'n' Chips" on the menu, if you could call fish, chips, mushy peas and a battered Mars bar a menu.

In the Streetfighter series the Ryu and Ken characters have a move to which they say the word "hadoken", it's Japanese, kind of. Japan is a country that is not in or near America, a bit like Great Britain.

Thus using Ryu and Ken walking into a chippy combined with the haddock and chips creates the central part of the joke.

Cheers

Leeram

Love the explanation; made me laugh more than when I read the actual joke again. Thanks!

[captain ahar]

everyone, read it

Leeram's Shoot 'em Up debate

[Turrican]

Oh my... you're that Leeram... I mean.. whoa!

I mean, you were there in The Great Shoot'em Up Debate™, and better yet you sided with the right cause!

You're the Man, really. My respects again.

[captain ahar]

^ don't mean to embarass Leeram, but word... is all i have to say.

[TWITCHDOCTOR]

Chips are not what Americans call chips (a bit like football isn't what Americans call football). America might be bigger than Great Britain, but it is wrong all the same.

Thanks man. People would swear to me that soccer is NOT football (even though you use your FOOT to hit a BALL). You guys invented it, and sure have a right to call it football. Yes, American Football is Football all right. But soccer is too, you racist ESPN byotches!

Unrelated: One thing that really surprised me when coming down from working at a fancy store in Snotts-dale, Az, was two euro tourists getting absolutely confused when I told them a store was 3/4 of a mile away from the corner we were at. They thought it was some sort of local slang. Come on. It's not like the UK is on the other side of the world in relation to the rest of western Europe.

Of course I said "1 Km" and then they understood.

We all know that most European nations have strange strange dark ways that are best avoided. They are seeped in history, tradition, war with pikes and axes and most likely beer. Best to avoid if possible.

Obviously we in Great Britain, despite popular belief are European, but not the same type of European as the rest of Europe which is, quite frankly, self obsessed, morally corrupt and stupid, no, nothing like this great nation of ours. Rule Britania!!

American football is a bit like an American shoot 'em up, you know, the ones that they change the packaging on and make the difficulty level easier and give it a crap name.

American football is a derivative of the English game called Rugby Football. The idea of Rugby football is that you can kick the ball as much as you like but you can also pick it up and throw it, as long as you throw it backwards. I seem to recall that Rugby Football was developed by Rugby school in England, but I might be wrong on that.

Anyway the game was exported to America and they took it up, made it easier by allowing you to throw the ball forwards once. You can chuck it backwards as much as you like but it's a bit too complicated so they changed the rules so that, whether the one forward throw is caught or not, you can stop and take a breather 'cos it's a bit knackering chucking that ball a few yards. Then when it's time for adverts on the telly you get to have a break as well.

And let's not forget about all the extra shielding you're allowed to wear, just in case you might get a slight scratch or a scuff on your left knee. You also have to have a towel in case you happen to sweat and a great big bollock protector so everyone can see how much of a man you really are..

Anyway, now that there is the forward throw it's almost pointless kicking the ball, so no-one can. At any point in time when the ball needs to be kicked in any meaningfull manner you're allowed to change your whole team (assumingly in the hope that one of you will be able to kick it). At this point the rest of the world starts to think "what the frigging hell is this game called football for?"

And of course it can't be right calling it Rugby any more so they mustered a few hundred people, had a committee, a few rounds of voting, consulted the President, most probably God had some input (apparently America is God's chosen land, it's true) and they decided almost unanimously that the new name would be American Football, so people can see that it's different the other types of Football and that it is obviously superior, even though you're foot doesn't have to touch the ball.


I think rounders is very popular in America for a similar reason. It's an easy game normally played by pre-pubescent girls, nothing too strenuous involved and they get to change the name, and get to make it even easier...




Cheers

Lee

Hey, so is British Golf harder than American golf?
Nah, don't think so.

[Leeram]

Thanks for the kind comments everyone!

Cheers

Lee

[Leeram]

awww, I just tried to look at the shoot 'em up debate and Dave's web site is down

I'll have to see if I can get the original text off him and paste it in.

Cheers

Leeram

[Klatrymadon]

Hahaha, those two posts were fantastic, Leeram. If only I'd have thought of writing about shooters for my A2 English coursework, or creating some kind of mock debate. What I ended up with was a horribly dry discourse about secular schools!

Edit: I can paste the Salamander/R-Type argument here...

Edit edit: ah, balls. You meant the other guy's site. D'oh.