Insult Dreamcast here

[Neon]

It seems that I've offended a few people with my views on this console, now I've just read another reference to it as the 'little white box' which has pushed me over the edge. In memory of Spec's 'OMG! IGN insults Dreamcast!' thread of old, here's what I think of this machine:

Dreamcast is a:

- Rapscallion
- Ruffian
- Scruffy Looking Nerfherder
- Carpet Bagger
- Lush
- Barmy Old Codger
- Chancer
- Churl
- Miscreant
- Strumpet
- Ragamuffin

Add your own! And stop being so damned indignant. It's a (bad, sleep deprivation fueled) joke.

[Dylan1CC]

"Who's scruffy lookin'?!"

And now, I submit to our readers a random picture of Joe Don Baker for your consummate approval:



"Mmmmmm, Metamucil. That really hits the spot."

[Super Laydock]

I'll be damned if I understand just 1 one of those insults!
But I guess they are VERY insulting!

Here's mine.

"Hey you Dreamcast!"
"Don't look away. I am talking to you."
"You nasty white thief of my free time!

Well if hat wasn't insulting then I don't know what is. I actuallly accused it of stealing my free time!

[it290]

Cur.

[Specineff]

I don't remember the thread you talk about, Neon. But let's see..


Go yiff yourself, DC.

(Sorry, it's the best I can come up with)

[Vexorg]

Dreamcast, ye lily-livered land lubber barnacle backed scalawag! Walk the plank, ye swab!

[Vexorg]

As a citizen of this country, which I believe in and which I have seen Sega Dreamcast tear apart, I must denounce Sega Dreamcast's précis. The first thing I want to bring up is that my position is that the issue of what to do about deplorable derelicts is a hopelessly tangled and complicated issue, impossible to discuss due to the intensity with which each side holds its beliefs. It, in contrast, argues that anyone who resists it deserves to be crushed. This disagreement merely scratches the surface of the ideological chasm festering between me and Sega Dreamcast. The only rational way to bridge this chasm is for it to admit that it has stated that simplism is a noble goal. That's just pure isolationism. Well, in Sega Dreamcast's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that Sega Dreamcast spouts a lot of numbers whenever it wants to make a point. It then subjectively interprets those numbers to support its antics while ignoring the fact that it motivates people to join its coalition of irrational, asinine bloodsuckers and unstable freaks by using words like "humanity", "compassion", and "unity". This is a great deception. What Sega Dreamcast really wants to do is sully my reputation. That's why certain facts are clear. For instance, somebody has to get the facts out in the hope that somebody will do something to solve the problem. That somebody can be you. In any case, many people are convinced that Sega Dreamcast's prevarications carry multiple connotations, ranging from the raving (they contaminate clear thinking with Sega Dreamcast's depraved shenanigans) to the oligophrenic (they deface a social fabric that was already deteriorating). I can't comment on that, but I can say that the biggest difference between me and Sega Dreamcast is that Sega Dreamcast wants to pervert the course of justice. I, on the other hand, want to carry out the famous French admonition, écrasez l'infâme!, against its demands. While most people know this like a schoolchild knows that 2+2=4, Sega Dreamcast's buddies actually believe the bunkum they're always mouthing. That's because these types of distasteful extremists are idealistic, have no sense of history or human nature, and they think that what they're doing will improve the world sooner than you think. In reality, of course, some organizations are responsible and others are not. Sega Dreamcast falls into the category of "not". Is there anyone else out there who's noticed that Sega Dreamcast clings to any argument or principle, however piteous or vile, that appears to support its memoirs? I ask because it wants you to believe that the rules don't apply to it. You should be wary of such claims. Be aware! Be skeptical! Think! Do not be diverted, deceived, or mesmerized by Sega Dreamcast's self-serving, callow outbursts.

Sega Dreamcast's adages are just a rhetorical ploy to get away from the obvious fact that Sega Dreamcast can't possibly believe that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters. It's pernicious, but it's not that pernicious. How can Sega Dreamcast live with itself, knowing that it needs to stop living in a fool's paradise? In classic sophist fashion, I ask another question in reply: Is it really its impression that its epigrams are all sweetness and light? To turn that question around, is its lack of intelligence genetic or the result of too much time spent with antisocial unprofessional-types? It's an interesting question, and its examination will help us understand how Sega Dreamcast's policies work. Let me start by providing evidence that if Sega Dreamcast feels ridiculed by all the attention my letters are bringing it, then that's just too darn bad. Its arrogance has brought this upon itself. Sega Dreamcast is thoroughly versipellous. When it's among plebeians, Sega Dreamcast warms the cockles of their hearts by remonstrating against favoritism. But when Sega Dreamcast's safely surrounded by its proxies, it instructs them to force us to do things or take stands against our will. That type of cunning two-sidedness tells us that Sega Dreamcast is never without a brazen thing to say. Let me rephrase that: Sega Dreamcast speaks like a true defender of the status quo -- a status quo, we should not forget, that enables it to arouse inter-ethnic suspicion. Now stay with me a moment here; I am making a point. Specifically, Sega Dreamcast's claim that cultural tradition has never contributed a single thing to the advancement of knowledge or understanding is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity, but an assault on the human mind. This screams of the old belief that disdainful vigilantes are merely snippy, bad-tempered doofuses. There, my ranting is finished.

[Specineff]

^^^Post of the month.

You= Tacos+3

[Zach Keene]

^^^Post of the month.

Is that all it takes? In that case:

If I were to summarize Sega Dreamcast's churlish, self-serving tractates I'd need only one word: unenlightened. With this letter, I hope to get the facts out in the hope that somebody will do something to solve the problem. But first, I would like to make the following introductory remark: We can't stop Dreamcast overnight. It takes time, patience and experience to call for a return to the values that made this country great. It's possible that he doesn't realize this because he has been ingrained with so much of militarism's propaganda. If that's the case, I recommend that we confront and reject all manifestations of mercantalism. Dreamcast has been offering delirious, worthless euphuists a lot of money to give rise to grumpy dunderheads. This is blood money, plain and simple. Anyone thinking of accepting it should realize that if you can go more than a minute without hearing Dreamcast talk about blackguardism, you're either deaf, dumb, or in a serious case of denial.

I myself wonder what would happen if Dreamcast really did engage in or goad others into engaging in illegal acts. There's a spooky thought. His featherbrained threats are an epiphenomenon of damnable, prurient antinomianism, don't you think? He is totally mistaken if he believes that national-security interests can and should be sidestepped whenever his personal interests are at stake.

The question, therefore, must not be, "What provoked Dreamcast to prey on people's fear of political and economic instability?", but rather, "What exactly is the principle that rationalizes his rummy teachings?". The latter question is the better one to ask, because he is reluctant to resolve problems. He always just looks the other way and hopes no one will notice that I wish that one of the innumerable busybodies who are forever making "statistical studies" about nonsense would instead make a statistical study that means something. For example, I'd like to see a statistical study of Dreamcast's capacity to learn the obvious. Also worthwhile would be a statistical study of how many uncouth power-hungry-types realize that for the nonce, Dreamcast is content to anesthetize the human spirit. But in the near future, he will replace discourse and open dialogue with unbalanced snow jobs and blatant ugliness. The unalterable law of biology has a corollary that is generally overlooked. Specifically, Dreamcast's reasoning is circular and therefore invalid. In other words, he always begins an argument with his conclusion (e.g., that every featherless biped, regardless of intelligence, personal achievement, moral character, sense of responsibility, or sanity, should be given the power to attack the fabric of this nation) and therefore -- not surprisingly -- he always arrives at that very conclusion.

If you delve deeply into Dreamcast's effusions and thus, in tranquil clarity, submit to contemplation the suggestions of maladroit evil-doers, you will indubitably discover why Dreamcast formulates his notions in a precarious latticework between the sadistic and the rabid. I submit that everyone should stop and mull that assertion. Then, you'll understand why Dreamcast cannot tolerate the world as it is. He needs to live in a world of fantasies. To be more specific, Dreamcast's views will cause more harm than good. Now, I could go off on that point alone, but if I wanted to brainwash and manipulate a large segment of the population, I would convince them that Dreamcast's intimations are Holy Writ. In fact, that's exactly what Dreamcast does as part of his quest to shower discourteous loonies with undeserved encomia. Dreamcast coins polysyllabic neologisms to make his deeds sound like they're actually important. In fact, his treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary. You might have heard the story that he once agreed to help us stand by our principles and be true to them on all occasions, in all places, against all foes, and at whatever cost. No one has located the document in which Dreamcast said that. No one has identified when or where Dreamcast said that. That's because he never said it. As you might have suspected, we must give direction to a universal human development of culture, ethics, and morality if we are ever to raise the quality of debate on issues surrounding his obtrusive, meddlesome smear tactics. Yes, this is a bold, audacious, even unprecedented undertaking. Yes, it lacks any realistic guarantee of success. However, it is an undertaking that we must undeniably pursue because Dreamcast's thesis is that our unalienable rights are merely privileges that he can dole out or retract. That's utterly illiterate, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that idle hands are the devil's tools. That's why Dreamcast spends his leisure time devising ever more illogical ways to borrow money and spend it on programs that jawbone aimlessly.

Each rung on the ladder of authoritarianism is a crisis of some kind. Each crisis supplies an excuse for Dreamcast to condition the public to accept violence as normal and desirable. That is the standard process by which splenetic quidnuncs make life less pleasant for us. Take, for example, disgusting extremists. Now look at Dreamcast. If you don't believe there's a similarity, then consider that his criticisms cannot stand on their own merit. That's why they're dependent on elaborate artifices and explanatory stories to convince us that superstition is no less credible than proven scientific principles.

In a tacit concession of defeat, Dreamcast is now openly calling for the abridgment of various freedoms to accomplish coercively what his mudslinging, bestial insinuations have failed at. If his modes of thought get any more Pecksniffian, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep. As we organize our campaigns against peevish, gruesome varmints and formulate responses to their rhetoric, it is critical that we speak out against behavior and speech that is intended to waste natural resources. If you ask Dreamcast if it's true that this is something that he ignores in his eagerness to inculcate oleaginous beliefs, you'll just get a lot of foot-shuffling and downcast eyes in response. He has a strategy. His strategy is to eavesdrop on all sorts of private conversations. Wherever you encounter that strategy, you are dealing with Dreamcast.

That is no excuse for anything. In just a moment I'll discuss some important recent developments based on this fundamental truth. First, however, I want to add a bit to what I wrote previously. The next time Dreamcast decides to propound ideas that are widely perceived as representing outright factionalism, he should think to himself, cui bono? -- who benefits?

The salient point here is that when I was younger, I wanted to open students' eyes, minds, hearts, and souls to the world around them. I still want to do that, but now I realize that we must reach out to people with the message that his apple-polishers are too indolent to put to rest ghastly and warped analects such as Dreamcast's. We must alert people of that. We must educate them. We must inspire them. And we must encourage them to shield people from his mindless and vainglorious deceptions. As my mother used to tell me, "Dreamcast behaves as if he's been lobotomized." When was the last time you heard him mention that he should take all the bull-pucky he's been throwing at us and fertilize his garden with it? Probably never. That's why if he opened his eyes, he'd realize that his machinations are a sink-pit of degeneracy, corruption, and ugliness. Someone has to be willing to disabuse him of the notion that he holds a universal license that allows him to blend together ageism and Marxism in a train wreck of monumental proportions. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that might makes right.

I don't mean to condemn anyone's beliefs, but when I observe Dreamcast's functionaries' behavior, I can't help but recall the proverbial expression, "monkey see, monkey do". That's because, like him, they all want to descend to character assassination and name calling. Also, while a monkey might think that Dreamcast could do a gentler and fairer job of running the world than anyone else, the fact remains that inasmuch as I disagree with his accusations and find his ad hominem attacks offensive, I am happy to meet his speech with more speech and, if necessary, continue this discussion until the truth shines. The first thing we need to do is to get him to admit that he has a problem. Dreamcast should be counseled to recite the following:

* I, Sega Dreamcast, am a snippy New Age flag burner.
* I have been a participant in a giant scheme to muster enough force to take rights away from individuals on the basis of prejudice, myth, irrational belief, inaccurate information, and outright falsehood.
* I hereby admit my addiction to resistentialism. I ask for the strength and wisdom to fight this addiction.

Once Dreamcast realizes that he has a problem, maybe then he'll see that he is known for walking into crowded rooms and telling everyone there that cannibalism, wife-swapping, and the murder of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior. Try, if you can, to concoct a statement better calculated to show how fastidious Dreamcast is. You can't do it. Not only that, but I believe I have finally figured out what makes people like him quote me out of context. It appears to be a combination of an overactive mind, lack of common sense, assurance of one's own moral propriety, and a total lack of exposure to the real world.

While I have no proof that expansionism is the driving force behind Dreamcast's writings, you should still believe me, as I enjoy the great diversity of humankind, in our food, our dress, our music, our literature, and our forms of spiritual expression. What I don't enjoy are Dreamcast's vicious artifices which push our efforts two steps backward. Don't let Dreamcast delude you into thinking that we should abandon the institutionalized and revered concept of democracy. He's just trying to reduce human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine. Let me close by reminding you that the statements I made about Sega Dreamcast in this letter are in earnest. I will not equivocate. I will not excuse. I will not retreat a single inch. And I will be heard.

[LoneSage]

I will slap it, call it a dirty bitch, then make out with it.

That's as far as my insults will go.

[shariar07]

Grandma says, "Joey Is that a new white toaster"
Joey says, "no granny its a dreamcast"
Grandma then says, "can it make toast or pancakes"
Joey then says with a hint of sarcasm its not toast, but its been making a lot of pancakes recently.
Grandma then says, "well pass the syrup"

[Rob]

[sethsez]

Dreamcast is the Corey Feldman of consoles.

[Fenrir]

^^^Post of the month.

You= Tacos+3

poor guy
you learnt something tonight.

[neorichieb1971]

The Dreamcast is a love hate story for me. It had potential but was seriously lacking anything ground breaking. My favourite genre is 3D action adventure (That includes survival horror) and I have to say its catalog in this dept was quite underwhelming.

The pad was a joke, putting the cable at the back of the joypad was simply stupid. A scratched disc made the game completely unbootable.


One of the most wanted games was Daytona, and when it came out I couldn't control the game to save my life. The saturn version looked like shit yet I could control it perfectly. As usual, Sega made something great and artistic, then completely screwed it up some other way.


Was a near perfect arcade translation of Sega Rally 2 really too much to ask? Lets face it Sega had a huge catalog of racing pedigree to convert over and even in 2006 there is no sign of Scud race..

To be honest, its Sega not the Dreamcast. The company just has no idea about its fans.. The old adage "It will take Sega Ages before anything decent comes out".

[Dylan1CC]

For example, I'd like to see a statistical study of Dreamcast's capacity to learn the obvious.

Hey man, "it's thinking" ya know? Cut the kid a break.

Dreamcast is the Corey Feldman of consoles.

It's just fun 'n games, but then somebody's always gotta take it one step too far! >: (

[Zweihander]

...

[Ganelon]

SFZ3A Naomi to DC? Quite imperfect port of a game that nobody played seriously in the first place...

[Zweihander]

...

[BulletMagnet]

Dreamcast is a:

- Rapscallion
- Ruffian
- Scruffy Looking Nerfherder
- Carpet Bagger
- Lush
- Barmy Old Codger
- Chancer
- Churl
- Miscreant
- Strumpet
- Ragamuffin

Hee hee, half of those sound like excerpts from a "Shakespearian Insult Kit" that I keep around for special occasions.

[neorichieb1971]

SFZ3A Naomi to DC? Quite imperfect port of a game that nobody played seriously in the first place...

Street fighter zero 3 right?

Thought that was CPS2.

[Ganelon]

Sort of; Zero/Alpha 3 was on the CPS2 but Zero 3 Upper was on the Naomi.

[neorichieb1971]

I've never heard of that one before.

[Zweihander]

...

[neorichieb1971]

Just ROFL.

[Zweihander]

...

[Neon]

--A perfect NAOMI machine. Take a NAOMI arcade game, like Ikaruga or Shiki 2 for example. Dreamcast? Perfect port.

Gamecube (and now X360) are capable of better.

--Excellent support for 2-D graphics. Games like Bangaioh or Giga Wing would make the PS2 shit itself before smoking and spontaneously combusting. Look at the loading time for GGX on PS2, which was originally on DC. OBSCENE.

PS2 can certainly handle N64 and CPSII conversions, poopypants. Look at Vampire Collection. Anyway, DOJ, Mushi, Galuda, Dragon Blaze, etc. etc. are more complicated than all those. The later guilty gears had better than arcade (naomi) perfect ports on it as well, judging by ports is dumb, especially near to launch ones.

[Ghegs]

...also depends on the quality of work put into the port. The DC is capable of perfect NAOMI ports.

I like how you apply double standards here. When it comes to DC, a bad port is still okay because the DC has the potential for perfect ports. However, on other consoles the quality of work put into the port is apparently irrelevant, GGX got a bad port so to you it means the PS2 itself is crap.

I also enjoy how whenever this topic comes up (all too often) you completely manage to ignore all the evidence other people post that would destroy your theories.

Console fanboys (and anti-fanboys, for that matter) kill kittens and make baby Jesus cry.

[Neon]

Console fanboys (and anti-fanboys, for that matter) kill kittens and make baby Jesus cry.

Agreed.

[MOSQUITO FIGHTER]

Fierce 2 player action!