Worst games ever - the threaddening

[Captain]

There are some games out there that are just so bad, you play them just to have a laugh.

This may be intentional or not, but if it is worthy of a laugh, then it belongs in this thread!

My favourite is Samurai Zombie Nation.

just have a look

[Specineff]

Ultraman Towards The Future. Garbage, but at least it can be beat, and that gives me satisfaction.

[Strikers1945guy]

Shmup related I would say Bioship Paladin.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcmFJa9UcZI

[Pretas]

My favourite is Samurai Zombie Nation.

just have a look

The title is "Zombie Nation," as shown on the US box. The "Samurai" on the title screen is merely there to translate the decorative kanji. Despite its silly theme, strange graphics and general absurdity, it's very far from being the "worst game ever" and shouldn't be considered a kusoge.

[Domino]

Shmup related I would say Bioship Paladin.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcmFJa9UcZI

No. Besides the music in that video is wrong (due to older MAME build but has been corrected out, thanks Trap!).

Awesome UPL game.

[KAI]

Not Treasure Hunter (PSX) and Evergrace 2/Forever Kingdom (PS2)
I had nightmares after playing them. Not Treasure shows the real death of Char Aznable.

[Strikers1945guy]

Shmup related I would say Bioship Paladin.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcmFJa9UcZI

No. Besides the music in that video is wrong (due to older MAME build but has been corrected out, thanks Trap!).

Awesome UPL game.

Cant tell if serious...

[apatheticTurd]

Mutant Rampage is a CD-i beat'em up made by the same people behind the (better-known) CDi Zeld game. It's also hilarious.

The Sniper 2 is a transcendant experience.

[Damocles]

Shmup related I would say Bioship Paladin.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcmFJa9UcZI

No. Besides the music in that video is wrong (due to older MAME build but has been corrected out, thanks Trap!).

Awesome UPL game.

Cant tell if serious...

Probably proving Ghegs' theory, I enjoy Bioship Paladin in 2P mode. It would make an excellent twin-stick shooter if remade.

[BrianC]

Not Treasure Hunter (PSX)

How does that game compare to Not Super Mario Bros, Not Final Fantasy, Not Guardian Heroes, and Not Contra?

[trap15]

Probably my favorite kusoge is Jaleco Rally Big Run on Super Famicom. Arcade version is ok, but the SFC version is so abysmal I can't help but love it.

[Drum]

Zombie Nation and Bioship Paladin? This thread is the worst game ever >:(

[trap15]

All Bio-ship Paladin needs to become the ultimate kusoge is momentum and/or analog controls.

[Ed Oscuro]

All Bio-ship Paladin needs to become the ultimate kusoge is momentum and/or analog controls.

but it doesn't have those things

On the other hand...Axelay or BSP? Man, that's...not really a tough choice. And I hate that opening Mode 7 sequence from Axelay. Hate it so much.

BSP has some good stuff going for it though - this I can agree with. Still, it's no Darwin.

[Drum]

Now we're hating on Darwin? :(

[Ed Oscuro]

@ Drum: No, think of Data East's series. Not sure if this was just a bit too obscure for a name drop in Shmups Forum, or whether the game's status well below the first tier makes it hard to mention it without seeming dismissive. It's been a while, but I think that game has some vaguely similar design goals as Bio-Ship Paladin, but executed in a very different way (at least from Darwin 4078).

Mutant Rampage is a CD-i beat'em up made by the same people behind the (better-known) CDi Zeld game. It's also hilarious.

I need this game. Y'know, Animation Magic's work for the cancelled Warcraft Adventures doesn't look too bad. I guess their minor success shows that they were working in a niche at the time - people weren't sure what direction to take 2D art as this 3D stuff hadn't completely taken over, so calling on the bargain-priced talents of some ex-Combloc artists might've seemed like a good gamble, especially for a company that was just finding its own footing at the time. From what little I watched of the video - the usual awful person animation is here, leavened by superb attention to detail (instead of knobby King fingers, we get barely-contained furry nipples...is that a worthwhile trade? YOU BE THE JUDGE, and please don't judge me for calling attention to that), but what really makes them in my book are the quality backdrops. Honestly, they should have gotten the folks (one painter?) who did the backdrops for Animation Magic stuff and sent the others some make-work projects dealing with animation essentials. The '90s visions of a futuristic American (?) metropolis / old New York style sewers / whatever (through Russian eyes? Still looks about the same as if the French or even Americans did it) aren't really striking, but you can feel the love that went into all the backdrops, all the same. Given appropriately fanciful material - like the Zelda games - they crafted some little artistic gems.
Agreed with Drum - sad thread is sad.

All Bio-ship Paladin needs to become the ultimate kusoge is momentum and/or analog controls.

but it doesn't have those things

On the other hand...Axelay or BSP? Man, that's...not really a tough choice. And I hate that opening Mode 7 sequence from Axelay. Hate it so much.

BSP has some good stuff going for it though - this I can agree with. Still, it's no Darwin.

[Drum]

@ Drum: No, think of Data East's series. Not sure if this was just a bit too obscure for a name drop in Shmups Forum, or whether the game's status well below the first tier makes it hard to mention it without seeming dismissive. It's been a while, but I think that game has some vaguely similar design goals as Bio-Ship Paladin, but executed in a very different way (at least from Darwin 4078).

I knew what you were talking about, I just think the game has some redeeming qualities and is basically functional so doesn't belong here and it makes me sad.

[Ed Oscuro]

I don't mean to say that the Darwin games (at least the arcade one, 4078) is worse.

[Drum]

Oh. Well. Um. Proceed.

[Ed Oscuro]

I would, but I'm not sure what my half-remembered gameplay impressions would add to legitimizing the thread. Sounds as if you have more of a stake in this topic, in fact

Also, is = are, just have to throw that out there :p

[Captain]

Well sorry, I always had a dislike to Zombie Nation's gameplay.

Anyway, I must agree about the positive posts about bioship.

The premise is nice and could be a great (get it) game if it was pulled off decently.

EDIT:Actually the above statement is slightly serious after all, I'd like to see a well-done bioship.

[Drum]

I would, but I'm not sure what my half-remembered gameplay impressions would add to legitimizing the thread. Sounds as if you have more of a stake in this topic, in fact

I like how the spaceship turns into a monster and so in conclusion Darwin is good, by Drum.

[MX7]

The themetune to Sonic Crackers is like some Dadaist statement on videogame music and I love it unconditionally.

[RaidenViper]

Ikaruga.

[Lord Satori]

Ikaruga.

Dodonpachi is worse.

[Blinge]

Trying to remember awful games I've owned.

Iggy's Wreckin' Balls. Now that was a waste of hard earned pocket money

[Lord Satori]

Oh yeah, I forgot:

I'm ashamed to say that some of the very first console games I owned were Harry Potter and The Grinch for the PSX. Though, The Grinch at least had some originality going for it, they're still pretty much two dirty lumps of coal among the other old school gems I used to play.

[BareKnuckleRoo]

Akalabeth for the Apple II. Probably one of the oldest computer RPGs, and the granddaddy of the Ultima series. I've beaten it a few times, but good god, I would never wish it upon anyone even if I find it amusing. Basically unplayably slow without an emulator, incredibly simple mechanics, and extremely trivial to beat. The biggest difficulty is realizing the RNG is a steaming piece of shit and you can easily abuse magical amulets to permanently inflate your stats to ridiculous levels.

Enter dungeon, find out how many turns to attack thin air until using an amulet will grant you a permanent stat boost via a lizardman transformation (?!), exit dungeon, repeat. The only real dangers after that is crashing the game by raising stats too high, or Gremlins, who apparently suck food out of your body or something as an attack (half your food gone, and they do this frequently). Or quitting out of boredom. Your stats are so high that you have 10000+ HP, you can't be hit, enemies die in one or two hits... you essentially become an immortal human with a binge eating disorder and have to cart around truckloads of food through dungeons.

The game is really only playable in an emulator at max speed, it's that unbearably slow. The same applies to the first Wizardry game; its mechanics were at least more interesting, but it took FOREVER to do even basic things like navigate menus or walk from one square to another.

edit: I just realized I forgot to mention one of the more irritating bugs in the game - it will occasionally decide to reset the game from scratch (it goes to the screen you see when you start the game) after you try to complete the first quest (no idea what triggers it, seems to be if you inflate stats too high, may be an emulation-specific bug). Meaning you might have to restart a couple of times.

It's a historically interesting and influential game in terms of RPG history, but it was pretty badly programmed, and the mechanics are incredibly shit. The first Ultima game (as well as the later ones for Apple II) is infinitely more playable/enjoyable by comparison. It's amazing how much better they improved the game engine.

[Pretas]

Trying to remember awful games I've owned.

Iggy's Wreckin' Balls. Now that was a waste of hard earned pocket money

I always liked this game. Feels like an alternate spin on Uniracers.

[Ed Oscuro]

Ultima

There was weird shit like an honest-to-goodness Phaser (well, they changed a couple letters in the name, to Phazor) as the top tier weapon. Strange, though - I associated my vague-after-over-a-decade Ultima memories with Akalabeth. I imagine I tried it out via the Ultima Collection disc, but maybe I didn't get it working. I'll have to try again. And yeah, total agreement about the menu hell - I've glanced at Wizardry on the NES and it looks just like that. Ironically, I find that Pool of Radiance's menus and gameplay are often too slow and repetitive these days, too.

Sometime I gotta find a working disc of Temple of Apshai. Found a TRS-80 copy once, but without a disk in it. Too damn bad. The mechanics are probably crusty as hell, but that manual...oh man