So I just now dumped my girlfriend of 4.5 years...

[Jockel]

and you know what? We slapped a high five and called it a day.
Because I felt that we drifted apart over the years so much that there was no emotional involvement any more.
We got along really well, we just weren't in love at all anymore.

So the plan is that we try to keep sharing the same flat.
This will probably ring a lot of peoples alarm bells, so my question is:

Has anyone ever had a similar experience where living with an ex turned out to be a good solution?

Any other good tips for a breakup?

[Moniker]

Any other good tips for a breakup?

Run. YMMV.

[sven666]

going back to men huh?

seriously once the love is gone it can only get worse, id say move out or move her out.

[Drachenherz]

I lived together with an ex... Then we became lovers again... Then exes again... Then she fucked with another man... It tore my heart out... Then we became lovers again... And exes again... And finally we went our separate ways.

In short: schätzt es, dass ihr's gut habt und geht so auseinander.

Don't share the flat because it's the easier solution atm.

[Jockel]

going back to men huh?

For you I'm gay 24/7.

Drachenherz is raising a good point, though.
Personally, I can see myself coping with her having a new boyfriend- I just don't know if she'd manage if I start dating again.

[gs68]

My first and only relationship lasted 4 months.

Long story short she fell for someone that she RP'd with online, someone who lived all the way in Singapore, suddenly developed a strange aversion to me, and a few weeks later she ditched me to focus on him. The guy was aware of the situation, knew that what he was doing wasn't exactly good, and yet didn't back off despite having had someone steal one of his former girlfriends in the past.

I stopped talking to her afterwards.

I was too afraid of my friends being right if I asked them about her avoiding me and effectively treating me like crap, so I kept it to myself and yeah that wasn't very pretty. I barely ate and I think I lost like 10-15 pounds, and not necessarily the bad kind of pounds, and every day of the month leading up to our breakup was sheer emotional hell.

After the breakup I pretty much relied on keeping myself around friends--friends who knew both of us--for sanity control, and it would be 3 months before I would talk to my her again.

As for her and that guy? Eventually, the guy found someone else, and my former girlfriend is now dating an acquaintance of mine. I personally have far less of a problem with them being together since her new boyfriend had nothing to do with this whole fiasco, although I've heard bad things about him and his love life.

We're decent friends again, but I am rather critical of her and I hope she learns a thing or two about dating and matures up.

[jonny5]

I'd say if you really want to remain friends and retain the current goodwill, somebody has to move. It may be OK at first, but sooner or later, somebody will catch feelings, and it's all down hill from there.

[gs68]

[invalid post, please delete]

[guigui]

If that was a high five, then it is good for you both.

However, living in the same flat does not sound like a good option to me, for all reasons stated earlier by people.

[jonny5]

I don't believe in living with one's significant other unless the couple is married and things are tied down. Even then, with the pooptastic divorce rate in this country, there's a chance things will still go wrong.

So you think its a better idea to not live with somebody before marriage? Ever wondered why the divorce rate is so high? You don't truly know somebody until you live with them.

I've been with the same girl for over 12 years, lived together about 11 1/2 years. No plans to get married, although technically we have been common law for over a decade.

Marriage is an outdated joke. In this day and age it's a piece of paper and a ring; there is nothing sacred about it, and as far as the government sees it, there is no difference between common law and married, other than that piece of paper and ring.

You shouldn't put much stock in such things. Better to enjoy who you are with and not worry about trivial matters like rings and paper.

[emphatic]

Just be thankful you have no kids yet. I got some friends who got 2 boys, and soon after she got pregnant with the second one, they stopped being intimate and didn't even share the same bed. They lived like that for 2 years (for the kids) then decided to move apart. About 2 months before he moved to his new place, the guy started to pick up girls at bars, not telling his "room mate". Lots of sneaking about. Then as soon as she started online dating, he was like "you better find a guy I'm "approving", or I'm suing for full custody". I'm not hanging out with him anymore btw. People get mean and selfish when feelings are in the mix. Very hard to be fair.

[professor ganson]

I want to live in Berlin. Can I take your place in the flat and mess around with your ex?

[Moniker]

I want to live in Berlin. Can I take your place in the flat and mess around with your ex?

Not cool, bro.

[professor ganson]

I want to live in Berlin. Can I take your place in the flat and mess around with your ex?

Not cool, bro.

I guess I'm being too subtle for you. The point that everyone is making is that you can't live with an ex because there's just too many feelings involved. Is it REALLY going to be ok with you if she brings home a new guy here and there? And how is she going to feel when you bring someone home? And how are you going to feel bringing someone home when you know how she might feel? That shit is just too complicated.

[TLB]

Better solution: I take her place in the flat. Call up some banks and see if they want bilingual Americans for me. I'll get my passport.

[Randorama]

My two cents:

First, the one with the best income should move out, the other can certainly help in finding a place. Parting ways is always a non-trivial problem, at a financial level.

Second, stay separated for a while. Farewells should be sudden, so that there is no time for lingering afterthoughts and resentments. You can stay friends, but a period of refocusing is necessary for both. Above all, no ex-sex stuff.

Third, don't rush into other relations. It may be helpful to just have casual sex around, if you really feel the need. No random nights out, some online services allow to meet people for sex in a rather rational, clean and stress-free way.

[rancor]

Better solution: I take her place in the flat. Call up some banks and see if they want bilingual Americans for me. I'll get my passport.

damn. that was my line. I wanted to move in and learn first-hand the ways of the German fist(ing).

[CIT]

First of all, my girlfriend gets first dibs on Jockel's ex. She's been eyeing her for a while now and Jockel already promised he would try to hook them up.

Secondly, I think whether you can continue to live together sucessfully depends on three things:

- The nature of the breakup
In your case it appears to have been a mutual and amicable decision, so I think that's a good foundation.

- Your ability to continue to communicate openly and constructively
For example, if one of you feels jealous about or uncomfortable with the other's new romantic interest, you should speak about it openly. By interalizing these sorts of feelings you run the risk of misunderstandings and passive-aggressiveness.
Similarly, if you are concerned how she may react if you have a new girl, the worst thing you can do is to keep secret about it. Just ask her how she feels about it and if she thinks it could endanger your flat-sharing arrangement.
You may also find that you could both become more impatient about certain behavior of each other, as there is less motivation to "cut some slack" when you are no longer in a relationship and there is the mindset that this is only an interim solution anyway. If you feel this sort of thing happening, don't bitch back, but immediately try to find a workable solution. If a compromise can't be found, you should then consider going separate ways while the going is still good.

- Your ability to find workable solutions for practical issues
Such as who pays for what, where do you sleep (in the same bed?), privacy when new sexual partners are around, who cleans the bathroom, etc.


Finally, don't feel you should or shouldn't do something just because other people say so or because there exists some shallow social consensus that "this is how things are done". If you stay true to yourself and fair to others you can make all sorts of "crazy" arrangements work.

[GaijinPunch]

Any other good tips for a breakup?

Run. YMMV.

QFT.

Just be thankful you have no kids yet.

QFT w/ max multiplier.

I got some friends who got 2 boys, and soon after she got pregnant with the second one, they stopped being intimate and didn't even share the same bed.

I live in a nation of these people.

[kernow]

Would you trade her for an ESPGaluda PCB?

[xris]

I did the mutual breakup with my (x)girlfriend about a month ago. I was really happy about it, she was a terrible gf, didn't cheat on me or anything, she just couldn't take care of herself. Had no control over her money, had her electric shut off for a week, always coming very close to getting evicted. Always needed to barrow money, only around half was ever paid back. You get the ideal. I slept with a women that I've known for a few years, but we never were able to hook up before. It was awesome, the gf sucked in that department. The woman moved back to the town she's from, she was here on work. I get get to go vist her in a few weeks for steamy things. The xgf is lightly dating someone as well, good luck to him. So, it was all really cool, but it kinda hit me a couple weeks later, and it's been a couple of weeks of mope-ing around the house being kind if sad. You really used to having that person to talk to, even if it is annoying as hell sometimes. But then you are looking at your quiet phone, and need to find someone new to pal around with.
It's been really mixed. I'm happy to be done with it, grateful that I have way more free time, and zero stress. But, I have been depressive at the same time, having a hard time keeping motivated, and my confidence is manic at best. I have spent some time going out, and even gave it an honest shot at a total babe that I was into, but it feels like I'm faking it. And, it's not something that I really want to talk out with friends, they don't really care that much about my love life, they know I'll be fine so they have pretty much ignored it, and are very happy I am no longer with her anyway. I miss the xgf's dog allot, the dumb little shit-poo (shitzu/poodle mix) was awesome - and actually very smart, just ugly.
I've been able to spend more time reading, playing video games, and drinking heavily at least.

[GaijinPunch]

You really used to having that person to talk to, even if it is annoying as hell sometimes.

Skype.

I've been able to spend more time reading, playing video games, and drinking heavily at least.

Yes, this is why people break up in the first place.

[louisg]

When I broke up, it was mutual, and I was happy for a while. Then, a year later it hits you and you realize how hard good single people are to find.

[rancor]

Then, a year later it hits you and you realize how hard good single people are to find.

THIS. When I feel like I hate my wife and want a divorce, I browse the craigslist personals of my hometown, and all of the sudden I'm in love again and want a second child.

[Skykid]

Then, a year later it hits you and you realize how hard good single people are to find.

THIS. When I feel like I hate my wife and want a divorce, I browse the craigslist personals of my hometown, and all of the sudden I'm in love again and want a second child.

Tis true. No matter how much you love someone, you'll always hate them a bit too; but while half the time I'm ready to commit some kind of domestic violence, the other half I'm thankful to have someone good to share life with and not have to revisit all that ronery dating malarkey.

[drauch]

It doesn't work; it's absolutely awful. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

[MX7]

I'm currently living with my ex girlfriend who I went out with for 5 and a half years. It's not a good situation at all. You may have broken up in a more convivial way, but it is still a situation fraught with problems. Would you feel comfortable bringing a girl back to the flat with you, for example?

[ancestral-knowledge]

...So the plan is that we try to keep sharing the same flat...

Mwahahaha!! Holy shit you can't be serious. THIS has to be the worst idea ever regarding relationships. RUN FOR IT! REALLY, RUN FOR IT! No children ---> GTFO!!!
What the fuck are you waiting for? Until the next guy appears in your flat so you can hear them fucking through the door and doing nasty, dirty things you never were allowed to do to her ? (Of course she will get pregnant after 1 week of sex because he will be Mr Fucking Right.) Or are you a pussy that unconsciously wants to get back together?

(and beg that bitch is letting you take that damned 62'' LED TV out of that flat. you better move at night!)

[evil_ash_xero]

Yeah...move out. MOVE OUT. Things will not go well, if you stay living together. Especially when one of you starts talking(or doing) someone else. And since chicks get nailed easier, I would guess you would have to witness this kind of thing first. Just get out!

[cools]

Lol relationships.

Lobotomy, problem solved.