How do you deal with death?

PsikyoPshumpPshooterP · Fri Jul 01, 2005 9:20 pm

Just found out today my boy Eric just died from a car accident yesterday nite
Found out 2 weeks my boy Batman was stabbed and died
Found out a month ago,Sherwin died of cancer last year
6 months ago,my boy Leo got shot and died
and a year ago, my cousin Trung ran over and killed

How do you deal with death involving your friends and family?

Ive found out I smoke to deal with the pain..but it dont go away

marcus12024 · Post by **marcus12024** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 9:32 pm

In my experience, the best thing to do is:

--> spend a lot of time with friends and family
--> start a journal, to write down how you're feeling - sometimes you'll write stuff that you never even would have thought of otherwise
--> talk about how you feel to someone/people, it really does help
--> consider seeing a counsellor, just to sort your thoughts out
--> try to keep a positive attitude.
--> don't try to keep busy just to avoid dealing with your feelings
--> no matter what anyone says, it's okay to do/feel any way you, as long as it helps you. Don't feel bad if you cry for those you've lost.

I can totally understand how you must be feeling, as since I graduated high school (five years ago), I've had three friends commit suicide, and two die in car accidents. I've also lost four family members in that time, two of which were very recent. It's hard to go on sometimes, but just remember that there are people to talk to, and people who do understand how you feel.

The world will continue to go on for you and everyone else that's still here. It can be hard sometimes, but you will get through it. Just keep doing what you're doing, things will get better.

Ord · Post by **Ord** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:14 pm

marcus12024 wrote:In my experience, the best thing to do is:

--> spend a lot of time with friends and family
--> start a journal, to write down how you're feeling - sometimes you'll write stuff that you never even would have thought of otherwise
--> talk about how you feel to someone/people, it really does help
--> consider seeing a counsellor, just to sort your thoughts out
--> try to keep a positive attitude.
--> don't try to keep busy just to avoid dealing with your feelings
--> no matter what anyone says, it's okay to do/feel any way you, as long as it helps you. Don't feel bad if you cry for those you've lost.

I can totally understand how you must be feeling, as since I graduated high school (five years ago), I've had three friends commit suicide, and two die in car accidents. I've also lost four family members in that time, two of which were very recent. It's hard to go on sometimes, but just remember that there are people to talk to, and people who do understand how you feel.

The world will continue to go on for you and everyone else that's still here. It can be hard sometimes, but you will get through it. Just keep doing what you're doing, things will get better.

Pretty much what marcus12024 said.
It's really hard when people you know or love die. I used to work with teenagers who had mental health issues or were abused, and some of them commited suicide. There have been times when i've found the bodies and it's hard. Fucking hard. Especially when you think your going somewhere with them, your making progress and then that's it. Finished.
At first I drank a lot, took drugs. Anything really to forget the fucking bastard tragedy that had occured. I just ended up physically feeling rough the next day and still in turmoil.
I don't believe in the after life. If your gone your gone. That's it. Over. Just remember the laughs, and the good times. Think about them. Tell people about how cool they were and the funny stuff that you did together. It gets better, it really does. But it takes a bloody long time for that to happen and it hurts like fuck.
My father is dying of cancer right now, and i've got to mentally prepare myself, for when he goes. Right now we talk about the good times, and he's trying to enjoy every minute he's got.
Fuck it. Like I said, it's hard. Really hard. But you've just got to get on.

black mariah · Post by **black mariah** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:16 pm

It's never really bothered me.

Specineff · Post by **Specineff** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:31 pm

I'm not sure if this helps, but I'll add you to my prayers so you find inner peace, PPPP.

Sorry about all your losses. -__-

dave4shmups · Post by **dave4shmups** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 3:09 am

Specineff wrote:I'm not sure if this helps, but I'll add you to my prayers so you find inner peace, PPPP.

Sorry about all your losses. -__-

Diddo. And, IMO, surrounding yourself with friends and family is really the most important thing. (Not saying that the other suggestions were bad.) You DON'T want to be alone after a tragedy like that.

You might also want to look into seeing a counselor-I see a psychotherapist ever 2 weeks because of my anxiety disorder, even though it is now under control, and it's been a wonderful and very helpful experience.

I am truly sorry for your losses as well; I hope you know that you are a vauled member of this forum, at least as far as I'm concerned!

Brian · Post by **Brian** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 3:52 am

Actually, I find a lot of friends and family can be downright phony, obnoxious and play the empathy / sympathy card way too much at these times.

Elixir · Post by **Elixir** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 4:19 am

I miss grandma. And my other cat, Willy.

Oh how I won't be able to proceed in life, and have a reasonably decent career, due to dead people. I don't know what to do. Maybe they could guide me, and allow me to understad more about myself, via the spirituality of their prescience.

Naturally my sarcasm isn't going to win barely any points in this thread. Which is bad, because that is who I am. Nevertheless, people eventually forget about the people who have died, and move on. I don't always remember my losses, but it comes to me at times. It's very sadistic when you have relatives die and they eventually fade away.

But you kids don't have to worry about that, the only way you're going to get your little teenage behind to heaven so quickly is if you wrap yourself around a lamp post after getting your drivers license.

In this situation, the best thing you can do is enjoy your friends and family while they're alive. Complaining over how they're going to die, when they're going to die, if they're going to die and why they're going to die only leads to more gray hairs in your head.

I hardly ever remember this guy. Back in 2002, I had a friend on efnet. He was a heavy mtg player, and an operator of a popular channel. Out of the blue, he comitted suicide. This is around the time where I realized that I cared about the internet far too much.

I miss him, and I never even saw his face. I don't know exactly how annoying this makes me feel. Kind of pathetic considering the fact. Grief and remembrance usually lead to near-tears and sadness.

Edit: What the fuck is wrong with my keyboard.
Edit 2: Holy fuck, this post is horrible. My space bar needs to learn to do some work when it's being pressed.

Dartagnan1083 · Post by **Dartagnan1083** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 5:08 am

Both my parents died when I was 16
I didn't really give it too much thought, I just contiued going on while other problems slowly developed.
So right now I feel oddly numb about things around me.

Don't make the same mistake I did.
See a councellor.

Marc · Post by **Marc** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 7:13 am

Don't ignore it is the only thing I can really say. Been through some bad shit over the last few years, lost many relatives, and my first child which was the hardest. I got my head down, got on with it and thought I was dealing until I basicaly cracked up over Christmas. Now I'm doing OK, but I hurt a lot of people I love in the process of building up to that explosion, if I could do it again I'd have dealt with things a lot sooner.

The n00b · Post by **The n00b** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 4:17 pm

It's going to be hard. So hard that some people will pretend it doesn't get to them, when it really does, so they don't have to acknowledge it or to play the "tough" card. Just remember the good times you had with that person. If you believe in an afterlife, console yourself that you'll see that person "on the other side."

I'm an athiest but I also happen to think mankind is a little bit more than worm food. Maybe there is an afterlife, maybe dying is our way of breaking out a cacoon, I don't really know and I doubt anyone else does either. For now I prefer to think that I'll see my friends again in some fashion in another life, until the day comes that my theory will be tested.

Nemo · Post by **Nemo** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 8:08 pm

I had a girl I went through all of grade school and high school with die in a car accident and another guy I went to high school with hung himself, it was hard as heck coping with that so I can't imagine what you're going through Psikyo. It's awful whenever someone dies at such a young age. Things like prayer and medititaion can help a lot, it's also important try to find a positive outlet for your feelings like art, writing, and music. And of course you definitely want to have the support of family and friends. The worse thing to do is turn to some substance for dependence like cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs (not that you have or will), because addiction will only bring more problems. I wish you well.

SheSaidDutch · Post by **SheSaidDutch** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 9:00 pm

I'm sorry for your loss PPPP

I haven't got anything else to say that hasn't already been mentioned.

If you decide to go to a counselor make sure your comfortable with the person, You might want to have 1-3 sessions to find out first.

Fighter17 · Post by **Fighter17** » Sat Jul 02, 2005 9:42 pm

I try not to think about death.

My family history and regilous reasons forbid me to go into graveyards. So if anyone that I love so much die, I can't never go to their grave.

If you want to study about my family or why I can't go to graves, look at here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cohen

sven666 · Post by **sven666** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 2:18 pm

live fast - die is my motto..

theres really no control, i could die tomorrow or in 30 years, anyway i had a good run and did my best with it, lifes a blast and we should all live acordingly.
sure i get very sad when friends and family drop off (being a bunch of crazy bikers it happens every now and then), but i always try to think of the good times and to honor their memory in the future, thats the way i wanna be remembered anyways, with foundness rather than sorrow..

we all gotta go sometime so make the best of it untill your time comes.

sorry to hear bout your losses PPPP, thats one rough year.

SFKhoa · Post by **SFKhoa** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 2:27 pm

Ai-ya, sen loi, anh My, nhung ma duong lo!

I'm sorry to have someone like you suffer so many losses so fast. I, myself, am suffering enough now that my brother's in the hospital because something's wrong with his bloodstream, and not only that, since it's so serious, he has to be in the ER or 2 months straight.

I mourn and try to move on when I lose someone important... not like that's enough to express how sad you feel when you do lose someone important.

neorichieb1971 · Post by **neorichieb1971** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 11:47 pm

Love was always more painful than death.. At least death doesnt have a grip on you like love does.

In both scenarios the above advice is paramount. It does strike me as odd that you have had that much bad luck around you.

This whole scenario differs depending on your status. If your married, have a girlfriend, spend as much time with her as possible. Do stuff you wouldn't normally do.. If your alone, councelling.