Help, my gf tryna convert me to scientology

Never_Scurred · Post by **Never_Scurred** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 8:56 pm

Alright, I was talking to my girl about school about a coupla weeks ago and what not and she told me that she went into take a personality test. I was like, for who, and she told me it was for the church of scientology or something. She said they solicited her and her friend on the street so they went along and did it. She said they told her some things about her life and now they want to arrange for her to take some courses. I asked her how much it was gonna cost and she said they were charging $200 but it would be lowered it she brought someone along. Soooo...I went online to look up what this was all about and it looks like a cult to me. I ain't with that Jonestown shit so I was like, naah baby, i'm cool on that. Well, fast forward to last night and she told me that they audited her and told her that she needs further counseling and she really wants me to come on in with her to try it. Now she mad at me and shit. How do I convince her to stop giving these people money? Anyone have any experience with cults like these?

croikle · Post by **croikle** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 9:11 pm

http://xenu.net/ might be an interesting place for you to explore.

Now, some might argue that it's biased, and that Scientology really helps people, but the whole business seems more than a little off. Good luck, and try to avoid giving them money.

Pixel_Outlaw · Post by **Pixel_Outlaw** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 9:38 pm

Scientology tests (at least the ones I;ve looked at) are mostly targeted at the average person. They ask questions that the normal person would answer yes to. If you convert you will be shouting and jumping on couches in no time.

FIL · Post by **FIL** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 9:49 pm

It starts as a plausible sounding self help scheme and then gets gradually crazier (and more expensive) as you move along the bridge.

damakable · Post by **damakable** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 9:53 pm

Good God man, stay away from those people. ~_~

I have no idea what to say to your girlfriend other than, don't go along with their sales pitch. I think Scientology is more of a scam than a cult, really... they convince people they need 'auditing' and that if they spend enough money they can be taught how to be happy. But you keep spending money and never find the meaning of life and none of the books they sell you make any sense. It's up to their salespeople to convince you that it's all crystal clear on paper and that you're the weak link, and need to try harder... spend more on the Church!

Or maybe you could hook an Ohmmeter to two tin cans and have her grasp them with both hands, and explain that your homemade E-Meter jumps due to the electrical resistance in her skin, which will be pretty much random depending by equal amounts on what she's wearing and the current weather outside...

Or you could tell her just to try to read Dianetics next to Battlefield Earth. Read them both at the same time, a chapter at a time. You should preferably listen to Space Jazz: The soundtrack of the book Battlefield Earth while you do it. I really doubt any one would find it possible to take Dianetics seriously, after that.

Actually, I guess I have a pretty good idea what to tell her, i.e. the above. I hope that gives you a place to start, at least. There are actually a number of (dis)organizations dedicated to the cause of undermining Scientology.

jpj · Post by **jpj** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 9:53 pm

belief systems are way cooler when you can level up.

i'm currently a level 13 optabavarian

RackGaki · Post by **RackGaki** » Wed Oct 22, 2008 10:06 pm

I love a religion that copyrights it's holy text.

Neon · Post by **Neon** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 1:02 am

dump her

Ed Oscuro · Post by **Ed Oscuro** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 1:02 am

jpj wrote:i'm currently a level 13 optabavarian

You get free beer privileges in Germany?

Neon wrote:dump her

MR_Soren · Post by **MR_Soren** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 1:22 am

Neon wrote:dump her

Sly Cherry Chunks · Post by **Sly Cherry Chunks** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 1:50 am

MR_Soren wrote:
Neon wrote:dump her

junkeR · Post by **junkeR** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:50 am

Sly Cherry Chunks wrote:
MR_Soren wrote:
Neon wrote:dump her

Daedalus · Post by **Daedalus** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:59 am

junkeR wrote:
Sly Cherry Chunks wrote:
MR_Soren wrote:

Stormwatch · Post by **Stormwatch** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 3:19 am

Go watch Battlefield Earth with her. Then tell her it was written by the founder of scientology.

If that train wreck doesn't make her dump scientology, you must dump her... for your own safety.

Important note: side effects of exposure to Battlefield Earth may include nausea, incontrollable laughter, and neck pains.

Ed Oscuro · Post by **Ed Oscuro** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 5:07 am

Incontrollable = uncontrollable incontinence? O_o

But yeah, save your wallet d00d.

Stormwatch · Post by **Stormwatch** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 5:50 am

Incontrollable is correct too.

sven666 · Post by **sven666** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 6:03 am

Daedalus wrote:
junkeR wrote:
Sly Cherry Chunks wrote:

tommyb · Post by **tommyb** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 6:07 am

Pixel_Outlaw wrote:Scientology tests (at least the ones I;ve looked at) are mostly targeted at the average person. They ask questions that the normal person would answer yes to. If you convert you will be shouting and jumping on couches in no time.

I think I'm the only person that got this, and it made me lol for like a minute straight.

Tom Cruise is nuts.

Pixel_Outlaw · Post by **Pixel_Outlaw** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 6:39 am

tommyb wrote:
Pixel_Outlaw wrote:Scientology tests (at least the ones I;ve looked at) are mostly targeted at the average person. They ask questions that the normal person would answer yes to. If you convert you will be shouting and jumping on couches in no time.
I think I'm the only person that got this, and it made me lol for like a minute straight.

Tom Cruise is nuts.

They say you can use water to stop your pets. If you use a water squirting mic on Cruse you will only evoke a nurturing parental guidance response. The scientologists natural enemy is water.

tommyb · Post by **tommyb** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 7:00 am

Pixel_Outlaw wrote:
tommyb wrote:
Pixel_Outlaw wrote:Scientology tests (at least the ones I;ve looked at) are mostly targeted at the average person. They ask questions that the normal person would answer yes to. If you convert you will be shouting and jumping on couches in no time.
I think I'm the only person that got this, and it made me lol for like a minute straight.

Tom Cruise is nuts.
They say you can use water to stop your pets. If you use a water squirting mic on Cruse you will only evoke a nurturing parental guidance response. The scientologists natural enemy is water.

hahahaha. It's such a sad thing that he's so insane, too. He plays in some decent movies (Magnolia comes to mind)

Oh, and don't tell anyone to watch Battlefield Earth. Telling someone to watch that movie should be punishable by having to watch it 10 times yourself.

Stormwatch · Post by **Stormwatch** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 7:07 am

That's called shock therapy.

And here's a must-read:

(In case you haven't figured... click the pic)

Ixmucane · Post by **Ixmucane** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 8:27 am

Try to talk her out of Scientology; it is a moral duty, both towards a fellow sinner and towards society as a whole, that goes beyond your personal affection to her.

Torture with Battlefield Earth, sensible literature (I'd add to others' suggestions the relevant South Park episode, "Trapped in the Closet", season 9), old-fashioned preaching (after you have educated yourself, of course) might be good approaches.

If she complies, she isn't too idiot after all.

If you do your best and she remains a scientologist, dump her.

Frederik · Post by **Frederik** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 8:40 am

A fool and his money and his soul and his mental stability and his social life are soon parted.

I have the feeling the type of people most attracted to Scientology are those with self-doubt and something lacking in their lives, and they think that the mix of self-improvement and spirituality of Scientology can give them that. Also, I always get annoyed when I heard about this "We´re only using ten percent of our brain!" crap. If we weren´t using it, you can bet our brains wouldn´t be that big in the first place.

DEL · Post by **DEL** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 9:36 am

We have a Church of Scientology next to Casino arcade. They know better than to approach us for a free drain your bank account stress test

Oh and...

DEL wrote;
Daedalus wrote:
junkeR wrote

My best advice to guys being approached by Dianetics girls for a free stress test is:- to ignore what she's saying and chat her up in the most BLATANT way possible. Tell her she's got a nice ass, tell her what you'd like to do to her etc. Basically go ALL OUT.
Wind the silly bitch up

Motorherp · Post by **Motorherp** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 10:03 am

I've been approached by some scientologists on the street before. They were claiming to be able to measure people's stress levels using this equipment, and then of course after finding you to be 'unbalanced' or whatever they'd try to get you to spend money to attend courses or buy their books or whatever. Anyway turns out their 'stress measuring machine' was just an ohmmeter attached to a pair of metal bars you gripped onto. They left me alone after I pointed out how there's no relation between emotional stress and your body's resistivity and also that's how those 10 pence a pop 'love meter' machines you find at carnivals work.

Jockel · Post by **Jockel** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 10:17 am

DEL wrote:
DEL wrote;
Daedalus wrote:

fixed.

DEL · Post by **DEL** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 1:07 pm

^Awesome fix!

Octopod · Post by **Octopod** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 1:12 pm

DEL wrote:
DEL wrote;
Daedalus wrote:

szycag · Post by **szycag** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:10 pm

If she doesn't see through that shit she'll probably believe anything. Put it up her butt and if she says no tell her it promotes healthy colon activity.

Aru-san · Post by **Aru-san** » Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:17 pm

Octopod wrote:
DEL wrote:
DEL wrote: