NOOOOOO!!!! Paul W.S. Anderson to direct Castlevania movie

PFG 9000 · Post by **PFG 9000** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 2:01 pm

Somewhere near the beginning of DoS (or maybe it was in the manual?) it stated that the cult had many members, or was growing rapidly, or something to that effect. Not that this changes the overall plot, though.

I agree that a CV movie shouldn't be made, but I think it would be possible to make a movie that was both faithful to the series and fairly solid as a work of film. It's just that it would take far too much dedication, craft, and budget than a CV movie would ever get, so it shouldn't even be attempted.

sethsez · Post by **sethsez** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 5:12 pm

circuitface wrote:I can see it easily. Have you ever watched an old silent film? Like a Charlie Chaplin film?

EDIT - Or Nosferatu? Picture that but Castlevania and Symphonic/Metal

But here's the thing... Castlevania done that way would barely be Castlevania. That's what I'm saying.

Look. A good movie about a man hunting Dracula could be made. If that's all you require for it to be a Castlevania movie, then fine. Take Interview With the Vampire and slap the Castlevania name on it. Maybe slip in some Nightwish if it would make you happy.

But Castlevania is not Nosferatu. It's not close to Nosferatu. It's Abbott & Costello Meet the Mummy. It's Dracula Versus Billy the Kid. It's all those old, cheesy serials that threw together popular characters with only the slightest plot and no regard for anything resembling continuity. It's the comic where Batman defeats Superman and then dies. It has Frankenstein's creature in the basement because it's cool. It has flying Medusa heads because they make platforming sections more fun. It has holy water that explodes because it's useful for slow-moving ground enemies. It has chicken hidden in walls because otherwise it'd be too hard to regain health. It has candles in places where there shouldn't be candles because that's how you get hearts. It has an absurdly huge, totally illogical castle because you need to have something to explore. None of these are motivated by the plot at all.

A good movie could be made about hunting Dracula. However, series fans would bitch that it didn't have enough in common with Castlevania. A movie could be made that sticks close to Castlevania. However, movie fans would bitch that it's completely lame.

Take your pick. Accurate adaptation, or good movie. You cannot have both, by the very nature of both mediums and the purpose of Castlevania's setup. It doesn't matter how much money you throw at it and how much talent is involved because the fundamental premise is fatally flawed. The only way it could be salvaged is if it was all played for laughs, like Army of Darkness (and this could work), but that would also piss off Castlevania fans for not taking their action game plot seriously enough.

dave4shmups · Post by **dave4shmups** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:18 pm

No horror movie/series/game makes sense after the first one, because Dracula/Jason/whoever always has to come back to life, and be killed over and over again. The plots for the Castlevania games are no worse, in this regard, then any other horror series; regardless of the media.

Paul Anderson seems to be more miss then hit; IMO, the only good thing to come out of the Mortal Kombat film was the soundtrack. I'm just sick of video game movies, period.

sethsez · Post by **sethsez** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:51 pm

I'm not talking about Dracula coming back over and over. That's the least of the issues a direct adaptation would have. I'm talking about killing a menagerie of completely unrelated creatures from all sorts of origins (Van Helsing, anyone?). I'm talking about trekking through a castle that makes absolutely no sense, structurally. I'm talking about killing all of them with a goddamn whip (which looks okay enough in 2D thanks to the abstraction it provides and that fact that we accepted anything back in the mid 80s, but would be utterly ridiculous in a film). And I'm talking about trying to approach all of this as a serious film.

Like I said, if you just made a movie about a guy hunting Dracula, then fine, it could be a good movie. But that's not Castlevania, it's just a typical vampire flick.

JBC · Post by **JBC** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 7:15 pm

I don't think you understood what i said. I never compared Castlevania to Nosferatu - i just mentioned that to get you to remember that silent movies sometimes work better than most of the crap we get today. I meant that you could make an all out action/adventure Castlevania movie that stuck true to form by having it as a silent film set to symphony and metal.

Look. A good movie about a man hunting Dracula could be made. If that's all you require for it to be a Castlevania movie, then fine. Take Interview With the Vampire and slap the Castlevania name on it. Maybe slip in some Nightwish if it would make you happy.

Whoa... i have no f'in idea where you get off saying that. I'm the one talking about keeping CV true to the games. I was speaking about the exact opposite of 'just having a guy hunting Dracula'.

Nightwish...?

psh!

sethsez · Post by **sethsez** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 7:25 pm

And the silent movies were good because they weren't just excuses for action, which is exactly what the Castlevania plots are. There was more to them than "here's an excuse to kill things and pay homage to old horror movies." You keep saying "it could work like the silent movies did" but I'm honestly not getting how you're coming to that conclusion since Castlevania is pretty much the opposite of everything those movies (the good ones, at least) had going for them. They succeeded because they had an extremely singular focus (thematically, visually and character-wise), whereas Castlevania is all about throwing a ton of visual themes and creatures at the audience to see what works. It lacks the singular vision

Again. Step back from the series, forget you're a fan of the games, and look at it from the perspective of a script writer or director.

However, elaborate. You're very sure that it could work as a pseudo-silent movie, so tell me, from beginning to end, how would it play out? Who would the main character be, what weapon would he have, how would he eventually come to Castlevania, what monsters would he encounter, what other characters would there be, etc. I can picture how the movie could look nice, but there's more to a film than that, and I honestly can't picture how a good, complete movie could be made out of CV.

Convince me otherwise.

JBC · Post by **JBC** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:03 pm

Wow, Seth - i'd really like too but no.

sethsez · Post by **sethsez** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:22 pm

Alright then.

Can you at least say something other than "like Nosferatu except not at all"? Because you seem to have something in mind that sounds good to you but makes no sense to me. I just can't picture anything that stays faithful to the series and doesn't come out like Van Helsing. You're being really vague about why it would be a good movie.

JBC · Post by **JBC** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:29 pm

How about instead i don't communicate with you anymore because either way you still like Paul Anderson movies and i'm bored with your 'rightness'.

sethsez · Post by **sethsez** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:40 pm

...I like Paul Anderson movies? Where'd you get that? "He's not Uwe Boll" is about the highest compliment I've given him.

JBC · Post by **JBC** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:43 pm

*nods*

sethsez · Post by **sethsez** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:50 pm

Paul THOMAS Anderson, perhaps. Though Magnolia was a mess in search of a point, Punch-Drunk Love made up for it.

JBC · Post by **JBC** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:58 pm

Haven't seen them... though i did hear they are both awesome. Did you see 'American Beauty'? For some reason Magnolia made me think of that...

sethsez · Post by **sethsez** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 9:10 pm

HAAAAAAAATED American Beauty.

For, oddly enough, the exact opposite reason I hated Magnolia.

In Magnolia, nothing seems to have a point. It's just a series of events that happen, and then it ends with a gigantic deus ex machina (which is symbolic, but still lame). Altman does the same thing, but he usually has a point.

American Beauty, on the other hand, is scripted to hell and back. Everything feels horribly artificial, and the crowning glory of this is the "mistaken blowjob" bit that takes a staple of Three's Company (misunderstanding leads to overblown conflict) and applies it to melodrama. The acting is fantastic and the direction is, for the most part, extremely good, but the script just takes the easy way out too many times for my liking.

Neo Rasa · Post by **Neo Rasa** » Fri Nov 11, 2005 1:29 am

The only way to make a good Castlevania movie is to have it be directed by Werner Herzog and have it be a straight adaptation of the atmosphere/structure of either Super Castlevania IV or Castlevania II: Simon's Quest.

IF the hardcore action movie route is to be taken it should have a lot of humor and be done in the style of stuff like the original Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lethal Weapon, and the other GOOD eighties action movies.

Or they could go this route and have Paul "Wasted Potential" Anderson do a mediocre early nineties style action movie, again.

FatCobra · Post by **FatCobra** » Fri Nov 11, 2005 5:31 am

Just watch Van Helsing if you're looking for a Hollywoodized Castlevania movie.

Likewise, watch Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow if you want to see a Hollywoodized Strikers 1945.

And if Super Mario Bros, Doom, Resident Evil, and every other videogame has proven, that chances are likey that a Castlevania movie will suck.

Nate · Post by **Nate** » Fri Nov 11, 2005 11:47 pm

Davey wrote:

My first reaction: Why is the guy that did Boogie Nights doing a Castlevania movie?

My second reaction: I'm an idiot.

That's ok. I was thinking...why is the guy who did the Royal Tennenbaums doing a Castlevania movie?...

But, then you think about it and either one of them would be pretty interesting...

-Nate

ST Dragon · Post by **ST Dragon** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 10:41 pm

Castlevania movie?... Oh God No!

It's really happening.

http://www.variety.com/index.asp?layout ... ID=13&cs=1

"Other videogame-inspired horror films have fared remarkably well in both box office and rental environments; we believe that Castlevania is a natural successor to the past achievements seen by Resident Evil and House of the Dead. Additionally, these films rely largely on techniques originally pioneered in classic films featuring our respected Dracula character who fans would love to see back on the big screen."

They must be joking obviously.

Stormwatch · Post by **Stormwatch** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 1:37 am

sethsez wrote:the plots of every single Castlevania game exist as an excuse for lots of action. [...] It's why making a Double Dragon movie was a dumb idea. Why making a Mortal Kombat movie was a dumb idea. Why making a Super Mario Bros. movie was a dumb idea. These are all games where the plots were afterthoughts, and where most of the content had fuck-all to do with the plot anyway.

Mortal Kombat did have a nice plot from the beginning, and it gets even better if you count the comic books. That movie turned out really nice.

Double Dragon sucked because it was turned into a stupid kiddy comedy, but its plot could have been fleshed out into something decent. Either the japanese post-apocalyptical plot, or the simpler good-guys-vs-gang american plot. The problem was the "kiddyfication" of it.

Mario sucked because it was too dumb and too serious at the same time, and had nothing to do with the game. The Super Mario Bros' Super Show was pretty good, though, because it was total nonsense, and the live action parts were far more faithful to the games.

sethsez · Post by **sethsez** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 7:47 am

Stormwatch wrote:Mortal Kombat did have a nice plot from the beginning

"We're going to take over the world! But first, we'll hold a fighting competition to make sure we're allowed to."

ST Dragon · Post by **ST Dragon** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 8:01 am

Mortal Kombat 1 & 2 movies were cool & so was Mario Bros.

I've yet to see the Double Dragon movie to have a clear opinion on it....

JBC · Post by **JBC** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 8:51 am

...

russ · Post by **russ** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 5:36 pm

Hmm.... Did anyone see "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow"? Alright, no comments on the movie itself please, but you know the style it used? It had the very old, 1950s film work, where the color was faded a bit but the effects were still pretty good. Personally, I think it would be pretty cool if the Castlevania movie adopted this sort of style (or something similiar), to give it a more classic feel. I also like the idea of having little dialogue, and have the movie be expressed more with the music, ambience, and camera work. Yes, I read the argument about how the Castlevania storyline didn't have much to be expressed, but I still think it would work if implemented correctly. As far as the music goes, they would have to be careful if they tried to implement any sort of metal variation to the soundtrack - Instead they should stick to a purely orchestrael score, which could get more intense during battle scenes, more suspenseful during exploration scenes, etc. That's just my two cents.

Andi · Post by **Andi** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 6:35 pm

A great story is not necessary to make a great movie.

karasuman · Post by **karasuman** » Wed Nov 30, 2005 3:48 am

However lame this looks, I don't think it will top the upcoming Dead or Alive picture (see the insert credit thread with the Devon Aoki Kasumi picture for reference). The only way the DOA flick could be worse is if they actually got Dennis Rodman to play Zack. I don't really see why they didn't, since he did star in the classic "Double Team" with Jean-Claude Van Damme, who starred in the equally incompetent "Street Fighter" picture. It would provide a nice link between mindless cash-in genre pictures.

It would be cool though if, in the spirit of DOA's chessecake aesthetic, Rodman appeared in a dress like during the publicity events for his autobiography "Bad As I Wanna Be". It might provide just the right level of silliness to push the movie into the guilty pleasure category. At the very least, Zack should appear in the bunny/alien costume at some point, regardless of who portrays him.

Castlevania will probably be screwed in the movie translation. The problem is that while the basic idea of Castlevania is cool, it's hard to envision any way that they could do that idea justice with the budget they would have for a video game movie. Plus, Anderson is heading it up. I still don't see what his attempted prequel to Resident Evil added to the storyline. Granted RE has never had a really deep storyline (and I've only really played RE1), but the whole Alice character, while providing a nice excuse to see Milla Jovovich half naked, did not fit in at all.

Of course, who can forget the scene where he kills off like 4 characters in that laser hallway; truly, an iconic moment in lame writing. When De Palma did that in Mission Impossible, it was interesting because he was playing with everyone's preconceptions about the movie. You knew the rug was being pulled out from under you, but you liked it. In Resident Evil, you're just like, WTF. It's like he couldn't come up with effective dialogue or situations for the military team, so rather than going back and either taking out some characters altogether, or adding something for them to do later on, he just ices a bunch of them in the hallway. Problem solved! Let's not start on AvP. ^_^

Well, at the very least, the story can't be any worse than the one in Lament of Innocence.

JBC · Post by **JBC** » Wed Nov 30, 2005 9:50 am

The Resident Evil games have a very deep story.

...?

Klatrymadon · Post by **Klatrymadon** » Wed Nov 30, 2005 10:29 am

Hell, I even forced myself to beat Castlevania Chronicles on original mode.

It's pretty painful, isn't it? For me, I think its biggest failure is its whipping action. The music and environments are all perfectly fine for the most part, so aside from the fact that the controls are stiffer than ever before, I can only put the lack of fun down to the fact that whipping enemies in this game is so unsatisfying. Who'd have thought a clunky animation and an ever so slightly delayed sound effect could ruin a game (well, apart from extremely shallow gamers

)?

As an aside, I've realized recently that I'm overly attached to this series (another life-long fan here), because I actually feel depressed at the thought of a Castlevania film coming to fruition.

JBC · Post by **JBC** » Wed Nov 30, 2005 10:47 am

I was depressed - way more than i should've been. Now i'm just numb.

Ganelon · Post by **Ganelon** » Wed Nov 30, 2005 1:05 pm

Bal-Sagoth wrote: It's pretty painful, isn't it? For me, I think its biggest failure is its whipping action. The music and environments are all perfectly fine for the most part, so aside from the fact that the controls are stiffer than ever before, I can only put the lack of fun down to the fact that whipping enemies in this game is so unsatisfying. Who'd have thought a clunky animation and an ever so slightly delayed sound effect could ruin a game (well, apart from extremely shallow gamers )?

Painful? It's still the most fluid rendition of Akumajo Dracula after the SNES version. And just because it punishes you by knocking you to your death for carelessly jumping forward doesn't mean the controls suck; they're perfectly fine for the job. And the music is way better than any other version of the original (esp. the mellow arrange version of Thrashard in the Cave). It's one of my fave CV titles...once you get used to it, the game isn't even hard (well, except at higher loops where you've got to be a lot more careful). Now, the arcade CV on the other hand...I wouldn't care to defend it since the controls are worse than in the MSX2 and NES games.

Klatrymadon · Post by **Klatrymadon** » Wed Nov 30, 2005 1:31 pm

I've never thought of it as a particularly hard game, I just think the action lacks a bit of 'punch', if you will. Stylistically it's great, and I often play through it just to enjoy the music and the re-imaginings of various old locales...

I can certainly see how my gripes seem trivial (I never thought I'd be bothered by something like this myself), but I just don't derive any pleasure from dispatching my foes in this one.

Anyway, back to grieving over the fact that Castlevania will forever be remembered by Joe in the street as "shit film/ok-ish PS2 games" and not as one of the strongest and most long-lasting staples of video gaming.