The Shmup jokes thread

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 1:08 pm

What does Yagawa eat for lunch?

DodonPorkchi DaifuTonkatsu.

BitFaced · Post by **BitFaced** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 8:31 pm

The 480p signal was considered progressive for its time.

BitFaced · Post by **BitFaced** » Sun Sep 29, 2013 1:09 pm

No other replies in a week? I WIN!

gs68 · Post by **gs68** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 5:46 am

What is the favorite game of a certain Metal Gear protagonist and a certain Streets of Rage boss?

Raiden Fighters Jet.

guigui · Post by **guigui** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 7:42 am

A french one is good , note that "pattern austère" translates as "bland pattern".
Now here comes the joke :

Why does everybody thinks "pattern austère" is a latin prayer ?

Keade · Post by **Keade** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 9:05 pm

BulletMagnet wrote: Why do the Mahou Daisakusen characters never seem to lose?
Because one of them is a Chitta.

Why was Mushihime-sama revised so many times?
There are lots of nasty bugs in it.

Hope you guys still have that engine running!

10/10.

GIGA WING

ZERO WING

IKARUGA

IKEA RUG

(sorry, best I could do)

(edit: +what about Taito ? That sounds easy)

Post by **BulletMagnet** » Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:36 pm

What do you get if you replace Gaiares' soundtrack with classic rock/blues music?

ZZ Topnusty.

What do tank shooter players like to order when they go to the bar?

Rum and Kokuga.

Post by **spadgy** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:41 am

Keade wrote:IKEA RUG

Amazing! Did you come up with the pub first, and then find that rug, or the other way around?

ORDLJU · Post by **ORDLJU** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 8:20 am

Hey, I have this problem and I was hoping you guys could help me out. I really want to play a backup of Dodonpachi on my non-modded PSX. I use the disc swap trick, and for most games it works fine if I get the timing right, but DDP is weird... there's no music and the screen just freezes after the first boss fight. Anyone have any ideas?

Try downloading a Dodon-patch-i

BIL · Post by **BIL** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 11:38 am

BulletMagnet wrote:What do you get if you replace Gaiares' soundtrack with classic rock/blues music?

ZZ Topnusty.

EllertMichael · Post by **EllertMichael** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 12:05 pm

BIL · Post by **BIL** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 12:16 pm

^LOL

Not so much a joke as a comedy anthology.

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 1:48 pm

I have some real secret news coming up.

You guys are gonna go nuts.

Can't talk about it now but it's coming.

Will let you know when I know more.

Just need to finish gutting these Fatal Fury AES carts and will definitely let you know as soon as I can.

DJ Incompetent · Post by **DJ Incompetent** » Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:44 pm

oh! oh! I know this one! That reference was about TonK. Was that a reference about Tonk? That totally sounds like a reference about TonK.

Vexorg · Post by **Vexorg** » Sat Oct 05, 2013 11:43 pm

There was once an eccentric Brazilian tycoon who traveled the world in a luxurious airship. No expense was spared on this craft; Every space was luxuriously appointed with the best that money could buy. He had fifty servants aboard who catered to his every whim as he flew around the globe attending to his business. Nonetheless, he never seemed content with what he had, and he was constantly remodeling and adding new things to his airship. Oftentimes, even his servants wouldn't know just he had been up to until they showed up to make preparations for another journey.

One day, the tycoon was preparing to depart for an economic summit in America. Unfortunately, his personal chef got stuck in a traffic jam on the way to the airport, and was very late in arriving, so much so that he barely had time to board before the airship was set to take off. Fortunately, there were several hours before it would be time to prepare his master's evening meal, so instead of heading for the galley, he took the time to get settled into his quarters and take a nap as the airship began its northward flight over the Amazon rain forest.

They were well underway by the time the chef was ready to begin cooking. He made his way toward the galley, but before he could get there, he was surprised to find his master waiting for him there.

"Ah, I was wondering when you would get here. Come now, I have a surprise for you."

They both proceeded toward the galley, and when the chef opened the door, he saw that it had been completely remodeled since the last time he was there. There was gleaming stainless steel everywhere. Any appliance you could think of was available. There were convection ovens, fryers, griddles, Sous-vide machines, kettles, mixers, blenders... You name it, it was in this kitchen. The chef didn't even want to know just how much his master had spent on all this shiny new equipment.

After the chef had taken several minutes to take it all in, the tycoon finally asked, "Well, what do you think?" The chef just stood there staring, unable to come up with a reply.

Sensing the shock on the face of the chef, the tycoon replied, "Well, I see you're a little surprised by the changes, so I will leave you to it. If you wouldn't mind, I think I would like to have some fish and chips this evening. I believe you will find that the fryer has already been pre-heated for your convenience. Please let me know when dinner will be ready."

The chef continued to just stand there, staring at the newly remodeled kitchen. He never expected to see a kitchen this luxuriously appointed on land, much less on an airship. The tycoon, seeing that his chef had been staring transfixed at the new galley, finally tapped him on the shoulder and asked, "What's the matter, is there something wrong with all this?"

It took some time before the chef was able to respond. Finally, he turned around, looked at his master, and replied:

"I never thought I'd be frying over a jungle."

null1024 · Post by **null1024** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 2:30 am

Vexorg wrote:There was once an eccentric Brazilian tycoon who traveled the world in a luxurious airship. No expense was spared on this craft; Every space was luxuriously appointed with the best that money could buy. He had fifty servants aboard who catered to his every whim as he flew around the globe attending to his business. Nonetheless, he never seemed content with what he had, and he was constantly remodeling and adding new things to his airship. Oftentimes, even his servants wouldn't know just he had been up to until they showed up to make preparations for another journey.

One day, the tycoon was preparing to depart for an economic summit in America. Unfortunately, his personal chef got stuck in a traffic jam on the way to the airport, and was very late in arriving, so much so that he barely had time to board before the airship was set to take off. Fortunately, there were several hours before it would be time to prepare his master's evening meal, so instead of heading for the galley, he took the time to get settled into his quarters and take a nap as the airship began its northward flight over the Amazon rain forest.

They were well underway by the time the chef was ready to begin cooking. He made his way toward the galley, but before he could get there, he was surprised to find his master waiting for him there.

"Ah, I was wondering when you would get here. Come now, I have a surprise for you."

They both proceeded toward the galley, and when the chef opened the door, he saw that it had been completely remodeled since the last time he was there. There was gleaming stainless steel everywhere. Any appliance you could think of was available. There were convection ovens, fryers, griddles, Sous-vide machines, kettles, mixers, blenders... You name it, it was in this kitchen. The chef didn't even want to know just how much his master had spent on all this shiny new equipment.

After the chef had taken several minutes to take it all in, the tycoon finally asked, "Well, what do you think?" The chef just stood there staring, unable to come up with a reply.

Sensing the shock on the face of the chef, the tycoon replied, "Well, I see you're a little surprised by the changes, so I will leave you to it. If you wouldn't mind, I think I would like to have some fish and chips this evening. I believe you will find that the fryer has already been pre-heated for your convenience. Please let me know when dinner will be ready."

The chef continued to just stand there, staring at the newly remodeled kitchen. He never expected to see a kitchen this luxuriously appointed on land, much less on an airship. The tycoon, seeing that his chef had been staring transfixed at the new galley, finally tapped him on the shoulder and asked, "What's the matter, is there something wrong with all this?"

It took some time before the chef was able to respond. Finally, he turned around, looked at his master, and replied:

"I never thought I'd be frying over a jungle."

Masterful.

Oniros · Post by **Oniros** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 4:29 am

Why did the shmup player went out without an umbrella?

Because the rain drops didn't hit him anymore

trap15 · Post by **trap15** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 4:47 am

Vexorg wrote:Joke

You win absolutely everything. Fantastic. Laughing so hard I think I might die.

guigui · Post by **guigui** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:38 pm

trap15 wrote:
Vexorg wrote:Joke
You win absolutely everything. Fantastic. Laughing so hard I think I might die.

I'd like to, but I cant get it.

"Frying over the jungle" <--- Is that some engrish in a well-known shooter ?

Post by **BulletMagnet** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 3:30 pm

Why are the bad guys in Giga Wing so self-conscious?

They're always afraid that their actions will reflect badly upon them.

guigui wrote:"Frying over the jungle" <--- Is that some engrish in a well-known shooter ?

That's right. Though most of the humor here comes from the ridiculous set-up, heh.

BIL · Post by **BIL** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 4:45 pm

Two great Aero Fighters jokes on the same page, BAM!

Captain · Post by **Captain** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:34 pm

IN AD 2101, WAR WAS BEGINNING

CAPTAIN: WHAT HAPPEN?
OPERATOR: SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB.
OPERATOR: WE GET SIGNAL.
CAPTAIN: WHAT !
OPERATOR: MAIN SCREEN TURN ON.
CAPTAIN: IT'S YOU
CATS: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN !!
CATS: ALL YOUR BASE ARE...heh....hehehehe..HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH oh god i'm diying over here

DIRECTOR: CUT!
DIRECTOR: OK seriously guys, this is the fifth time we tried this, I'm dissapointed in you all, at least last time we made it to "WHAT YOU SAY"...

emphatic · Post by **emphatic** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 9:13 pm

Q: What's CAVE shmup has the most nudity?
A: Ass Parade

youtube · Post by **Softdrink 117** » Sun Oct 06, 2013 10:22 pm

From today's STG Weekly episode:

Ikaruga is a very polarizing game.

Terrible.

Acid_Rain · Post by **Acid_Rain** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 8:43 pm

Why did the STG player lose his job?

Because he tried to milk his boss.

LSU · Post by **LSU** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 8:47 pm

If Asada made the sequel to Muchi Muchi Pork, would it be "Muchi Muchi Beef: Carne Asada"?

KAI · Post by **KAI** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 9:14 pm

Buen chiste.

Drachenherz · Post by **Drachenherz** » Tue Oct 08, 2013 9:55 pm

emphatic wrote:Q: What's CAVE shmup has the most nudity?
A: Ass Parade

pestro87 · Post by **pestro87** » Sun Oct 13, 2013 2:01 am

Squashed Tate mode on the Saturn port for Battle Garegga

DBoss Hopper (Grass Hopper)

Wild Shril (Wild Snail)
... - ....
Pork

Ed Oscuro · Post by **Ed Oscuro** » Sun Oct 13, 2013 3:45 am

Bah, reading this thread backwards ruined Vexorg's joke for me. It's the most plausible account yet of how boss ships get to be so damn bloated though!

I was kind of surprised there wasn't anything about a last-minute mixup with the local fresh catch suppliers.

"What? This is jungle tuna."

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