That's because you don't want to be having those conversations and are seizing on any and all excuses to self-sabotage your way out of them, no matter how lame. Instinctively you're lonely and miserable, but from your ego's perspective there is comfort to be had in the belief that your isolation is permanent and inescapable. "With great power comes great responsibility." If that's true, so is the logical reverse, "With no power comes no responsibility."Khan wrote:Im in my 30's and truthfully I've always found it hard to speak or interact with people as such doing little things like making eye contact ive found quite difficult I mean i can make eye contact but not for very long as such i struggle with keeping a person interested in a topic. It always seems to me that when i talk to somone they arent interested and that my voice is terrible infact so much so that I hate it.
"Khan, it's raining out when I wanted it to be sunny and I'm holding you personally responsible."
"Mischief Maker, you're insane, I have no power over the weather and can't be held responsible for it."
"Khan, you're desperately lonely. You have to take the responsibility of approaching women, inviting them to join you on your life's journey, and giving her the option of turning you down."
"Mischief Maker, you're insane, my unsightly nose, jaw, and teeth, not to mention my terrible voice, make me powerless to approach women and I can't be held responsible for it."
The reason you run out of things to say is because you're being a phony. Instead of pursuing a life's journey that honestly excites you, you are going through the motions of what you're "supposed" to do, and instead of engaging with this woman, you're trying to model some guy you don't really want to be. This is a miserable situation and it's good that you're averse to it, the problem is you're mistakenly blaming this discomfort on the act of approaching women and not on the act of being a phony.Khan wrote:even when a girl starts talking to me i keep thinking that i have no chance with her and that I dont deserve her and after a few lines its like I dont know what to say and my mind goes blank,
The essence of "creepiness" is doing something friendly that you don't want to do or don't think you deserve to do. This is why some men can be incredibly forward with women from the word "go" while other men creep women out just trying to make eye contact. Your actions are friendly and social, but her subconscious picks up on your misgivings and the incompatible signals creep her out. Your dysfunctional beliefs, not your looks, are the culprit here.
If you're as difficult to approach as you indicate, what is the likelihood you and someone equally difficult to approach will bump into each other? Pretty frigging low.Khan wrote:I really dont know what to do instead im constantly on steam putting thousands of hours into video games and feeling like a nobody I guess once i get that surgery to fix my aesthetics i can be a little more confident, i have never met anyone like me or as shy which worries me alot because i guess there is something really wrong with me
If you're spending the majority of your time on escapism-related pursuits, like playing video games, it's because your situation is intolerable and you want to escape. Not necessarily escape from your job or physical location, though those could be factors, but escape from the current trajectory of your life. It's either turned out not to be what you want, or you never really wanted this life to begin with, but felt somehow obligated to pursue it. Adding a woman to this miserable situation will not solve your problems, it will just add a miserable woman to your list of problems. You need to tear up the map of the life you're "supposed" to live and come up with a new trajectory. Even if that makes your parents and peers uncomfortable. You need to find a new life's goal that is plausible, morally sound, and most importantly compelling to you. When I say compelling, I mean the idea of doing something like that should make you giddy as a child on christmas morning running to the tree.
Your ego will doubtlessly try to sabotage this life change. Sit down and physically write down all its excuses. "Oh I can't do that because I don't have X." "Oh I can't do that because Y would prevent me from accomplishing it." Now change those negatives into positive parts of this journey. "I need to get X or a suitable substitute in order to achieve my compelling goal." "Part of achieving my goal requires finding a way around Y" Make this mental change and suddenly your life becomes effortless.
What's more, a man who is on a journey that excites him excites women. Invite them to join in your journey. If she says no, she's not rejecting you as a person, she's saying the journey you're on isn't for her.
If instead you remain on this miserable life's vector and get that plastic surgery, you'll just turn into a miserable man with a strong chin and straight teeth who is still chickening out with women and running out of things to say.
You seriously do level up.. like I used to be awful at small talk, and now I'm pretty sure I could carry on a conversation with even the least interesting person on the planet. And, trust me, if you have hobbies, you're already more interesting than a good number of people. I don't care if it's all just videogames, at least you're doing something other than throwing money at consumer goods and watching terrible TV.
