The Shmup jokes thread

boagman · Post by **boagman** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:46 pm

How many "Battle Garegga"s does it take to make a good game?

TRICK QUESTION! A single piece of garbage is no less or more garbage than infinite pieces of garbage.

boagman · Post by **boagman** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:48 pm

cave hermit wrote:Engineer 1: YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH JARED. Anyway, any ideas?

I really don't have much of any defense for this, but this is the part of the joke that made me laugh the hardest...and for some *really* weird reason, it's the fact that "JARED" is in there that really seals it for me. I'm not defending it; I'm just saying what my reaction was.

DMC · Post by **DMC** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 9:44 pm

Which game was Michael Jackson's favourite?
Ikaruga

Which game was Kurt Cobain's favourite?
Battle Garegga

Which game does Muhammed Ali absolutely hate?
Muchi Muchi Pork

Which game is Fox Mulder's favourite?
Undefined Fantastic Object

Which game does Michael J. Fox really like?
Psyvariar

Ok, really bad ones.

trap15 · Post by **trap15** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:09 pm

Wow those were terrible!

BIL · Post by **BIL** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:17 pm

What did the 911 operator say to the man being rectally assaulted by his malfunctioning heavy-industrial sex toy?

"TARGET FOR THE WEAK POINT OF FUCKIN' MACHINE"

PS

What was Kurt Cobain's last meal? SHELLS N' CHEESE

^____^;;

Cagar · Post by **Cagar** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:19 pm

What's the favorite food of all shmuppers?
-Shrump

..jesus christ, kill me already

SuperSoaker360 · Post by **SuperSoaker360** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:34 pm

n0rtygames · Post by **n0rtygames** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:41 pm

A boy was riding his bike down a residential street delivering newspapers.

He was later fired as his boss realised he was actually a shump.

Post by **BulletMagnet** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 11:19 pm

Did you hear about the upcoming Classical-styled remix of Armed Police Batrider's soundtrack? It's titled Welcome to Violin City.

*runs*

DMC · Post by **DMC** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 11:38 pm

Did you hear about the fake Armed Police Batrider replay on youtube? It's titled Let TAS kick together.

*speedruns*

trap15 · Post by **trap15** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 1:41 am

Acid_Rain · Post by **Acid_Rain** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 7:34 am

What does the shepherd do in his spare time?

Bullet herding

evil_ash_xero · Post by **evil_ash_xero** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 2:22 pm

This...this is pain.

n0rtygames · Post by **n0rtygames** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 2:34 pm

trap15 wrote:CAVE

A friend told me Cave were planning to release a new arcade game featuring Cows and lots of milking.

Given their business decisions recently, I told him to pull the udder one.

n0rtygames · Post by **n0rtygames** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 2:35 pm

Fuck this I'm taking myself outside to have a good word with myself.

I suggest you all do the same.

BPzeBanshee · Post by **BPzeBanshee** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:43 am

I hear Cave's moving into the porn industry!

Mushihimesama Futanari, coming soon.

SuperSoaker360 · Post by **SuperSoaker360** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 1:36 am

BPzeBanshee wrote:I hear Cave's moving into the porn industry!

Mushihimesama Futanari, coming soon.

Why do I keep coming back to this thread?

Aleksei · Post by **Aleksei** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 5:10 am

n0rtygames · Post by **n0rtygames** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 7:15 am

Q. What's the difference between a Touhou player and a sheep?
A. Literally nothing. They both sit there grazing all day.

SuperSoaker360 wrote:Why do I keep coming back to this thread?

This

DMC · Post by **DMC** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 9:08 am

Just a few more pages of practice and we're ready to start the "The Shmups good jokes thread".

zeroroute · Post by **zeroroute** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:38 pm

n0rtygames wrote:Q. What's the difference between a Touhou player and a sheep?
A. Literally nothing. They both sit there grazing all day.

SuperSoaker360 wrote:Why do I keep coming back to this thread?
This

I almost fell backwards out of my chair.

cave hermit · Post by **cave hermit** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 2:26 am

What do you call game difficulty that reacts to how well the player is doing and dynamically adjusts accordingly?
Rank!
...*twiddles thumbs* *coughs awkwardly*

BitFaced · Post by **BitFaced** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:37 pm

I'm kinda glad I'm not getting a lot of these.

gs68 · Post by **gs68** » Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:50 pm

Gradius III ~From Legend to Misery~
Gradius IV: Fukkatsu - So-called because you'll be reviving every five seconds.

Formless God · Post by **Formless God** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 1:37 am

n0rtygames wrote:Q. What's the difference between a Touhou player and a sheep?
A. Literally nothing. They both sit there grazing all day.

100000000000000000/10

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:12 am

I came in here with low expectations, but you're too hard on yourselves. I think you've done rather well.

I definitely got the worst ever:

A big breasted girl pulled a vertebrae in her back and had to go to the hospital. "What department do I need?" She asked the male receptionist, batting her eyelashes.

"Orthopedicus, gorgeous."

one for all those shmup playing bone surgeons.

Post by **BulletMagnet** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:05 am

Why did the isometric shooter player wear his shoes over bare feet?

He forgot to put his Zaxxon.

What do you get when you cross a vector shooter and Earl Grey?

Tempest in a teapot.

Unbeknownst to most people, when Sonic the Hedgehog plays Progear he prefers the wide shot type, while Ratchet from Ratchet and Clank prefers the narrow shot type. Nobody's sure why.

ratikal · Post by **ratikal** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 4:53 am

pestro87 wrote:Yagawa doesn't play pokemon because he doesn't believe in "Gotta catch 'em all"

I GET IT NOW, thats a good one.

n0rtygames · Post by **n0rtygames** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 9:48 am

He forgot to put his Zaxxon.

Tempest in a teapot.

Mind blown!

BIL · Post by **BIL** » Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:00 pm

What was the h-game superplayer's first shooter purchase?

EINHÄNDER

BAAHAHAHA

PS

The name Einhänder is German for "single-handed", a reference to a sword, here used to refer to the single manipulator arm possessed by the player's spacecraft. (OR LIKE FAPPIN)

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