Dragon Spirit it's good, but it feels so prehistoric.
Your turn (extra points for bad jokes)
The Shmup jokes thread
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KAI
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The Shmup jokes thread
Dragon Spirit it's good, but it feels so prehistoric.
Your turn (extra points for bad jokes)
Last edited by KAI on Fri Sep 13, 2013 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Drachenherz
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
A plane, a fairy and a pig are going to a...
Aw fuck it, no.
Aw fuck it, no.
Truth - Compassion - Tolerance
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Deca
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
Sine Mora
1CC List To miss is human; to rank control, divine.
“Fly to live and shoot ‘em all!” – Manabu Namiki
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trap15
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
Dying!Deca wrote:Sine Mora
@trap0xf | daifukkat.su/blog | scores | FIRE LANCER
<S.Yagawa> I like the challenge of "doing the impossible" with older hardware, and pushing it as far as it can go.
<S.Yagawa> I like the challenge of "doing the impossible" with older hardware, and pushing it as far as it can go.
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Deca
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
1CC List To miss is human; to rank control, divine.
“Fly to live and shoot ‘em all!” – Manabu Namiki
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spadgy
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
I'd give Phalanx more of my time, but I just can't get into it.
(Sorry - that was terrible. One for fans of Ancient Greek military formations.)
Let's try another...
I wanted to impress the Cockney, but I drew the line when the guy suggested 'Trizeal'.
(Too parochial? Eel is a local delicacy in East London, home of the Cockney. "Try Eel" in a Cockney accent. If it needs explaining it's definitely bad enough to earn me a few points!)
One more...
From where I'm sat Viewpoint doesn't look all that.
I should be shot.
(Sorry - that was terrible. One for fans of Ancient Greek military formations.)
Let's try another...
I wanted to impress the Cockney, but I drew the line when the guy suggested 'Trizeal'.
(Too parochial? Eel is a local delicacy in East London, home of the Cockney. "Try Eel" in a Cockney accent. If it needs explaining it's definitely bad enough to earn me a few points!)
One more...
From where I'm sat Viewpoint doesn't look all that.
I should be shot.
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CStarFlare
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
Too easy. I came here to post that.trap15 wrote:Dying!Deca wrote:Sine Mora
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ratikal
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
I wanted to say this on STGWeekly's Ginga Force episode...
Backdoor Blaster? I HARDLY KNOW HER!
Backdoor Blaster? I HARDLY KNOW HER!
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rancor
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
I'll give it a try:
Q: Where are female nazi helicopter pilots most ticklish?
...
...
...
A: Under 'da feet!
Q: Where are female nazi helicopter pilots most ticklish?
...
...
...
A: Under 'da feet!
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Jonst
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
spadgy wrote:I'd give Phalanx more of my time, but I just can't get into it.
(Sorry - that was terrible. One for fans of Ancient Greek military formations.)
Let's try another...
I wanted to impress the Cockney, but I drew the line when the guy suggested 'Trizeal'.
(Too parochial? Eel is a local delicacy in East London, home of the Cockney. "Try Eel" in a Cockney accent. If it needs explaining it's definitely bad enough to earn me a few points!)
One more...
From where I'm sat Viewpoint doesn't look all that.
I should be shot.
Start the car!...
"Just fire and forget" 1cc List
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spadgy
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
To drive me away somewhere to be dumped and left there, I presume?!Jonst wrote:Start the car!...
Ha ha! Yes! That's exactly the kind of high-end humour I hoped this thread would bring!rancor wrote:A: Under 'da feet!
On that matter, I'm deeply sorry, but I've got another one...
How did the group of people who collectively tackled a single exam paper on iconic Konami shmups respond to receiving their result?
...
We got a 'grade E, us'.
I'll get my coat...
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Jonst
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
Start the car...it looks like the crowd could turn nasty!! I think it originated from stand up comics that were performing for a tough crowd and were dying on stage. 
Last edited by Jonst on Sat Sep 14, 2013 9:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Just fire and forget" 1cc List
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chempop
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
Why did the cab kill its self?
Because it knew it was going to be mamed.
Because it knew it was going to be mamed.
"I've had quite a few pcbs of Fire Shark over time, and none of them cost me over £30 - so it won't break the bank by any standards." ~Malc
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nasty_wolverine
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
HAHAHA, lol, that was funny...chempop wrote:Why did the cab kill its self?
Because it knew it was going to be mamed.
Elysian Door - Naraka (my WIP PC STG) in development hell for the moment
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antron
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
Who did the mob hire after Hitman-N retired?
Bang-guy-O yuck yuck
Bang-guy-O yuck yuck
Last edited by antron on Sun Sep 15, 2013 2:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
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BulletMagnet
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
Awful jokes run in my blood...
Why do the Mahou Daisakusen characters never seem to lose?
Because one of them is a Chitta.
Why was Mushihime-sama revised so many times?
There are lots of nasty bugs in it.
What's Windia's favorite band?
The Hoo.
Hope you guys still have that engine running!
Why do the Mahou Daisakusen characters never seem to lose?
Because one of them is a Chitta.
Why was Mushihime-sama revised so many times?
There are lots of nasty bugs in it.
What's Windia's favorite band?
The Hoo.
Hope you guys still have that engine running!
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KAI
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Drachenherz
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
I lolid!BulletMagnet wrote:
Why was Mushihime-sama revised so many times?
There are lots of nasty bugs in it.
Truth - Compassion - Tolerance
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Ed Oscuro
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
With a dry cleaner's bag connected to the exhaust. Next terrible joke outta one of you and we're driving for comic eugenics!BulletMagnet wrote:Hope you guys still have that engine running!
Speaking of shmups jokes, here's one:
"Retailers should reserve shelf space for old or relatively unpopular games that they might sell in a few years! (and then again, they might not)"
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KAG
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
oh ****! I just want to graze 10 more bullet...
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NTSC-J
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
Asada walks into Ikeda's office and says, "I've got a great idea for a new STG!"
"Alright, well what is it?" Ikeda asks.
Asada explains, "Instead of detailed pixel art, it'll have really fugly polygonal graphics. Instead of a complex scoring system, it'll be overly simplified with auto-bombs that don't penalize the player, plus chains that connect automatically and can't be broken or even increased with skillful play so beginner's can feel good about themselves! It'll have some recycled enemy sprites from Dodonpachi II to save us time and instead of original designs like in Guwange, we'll use generic loli shit! And when we port it, we'll be sure to screw up the slowdown, add lag, and make confusing menus and display settings!"
"That sounds like a hell of a shooter," says Ikeda. "What do you call it?"
"The Aristocrats!"
"Alright, well what is it?" Ikeda asks.
Asada explains, "Instead of detailed pixel art, it'll have really fugly polygonal graphics. Instead of a complex scoring system, it'll be overly simplified with auto-bombs that don't penalize the player, plus chains that connect automatically and can't be broken or even increased with skillful play so beginner's can feel good about themselves! It'll have some recycled enemy sprites from Dodonpachi II to save us time and instead of original designs like in Guwange, we'll use generic loli shit! And when we port it, we'll be sure to screw up the slowdown, add lag, and make confusing menus and display settings!"
"That sounds like a hell of a shooter," says Ikeda. "What do you call it?"
"The Aristocrats!"
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Ed Oscuro
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
LOL. NTSC-J wins the thread!
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pestro87
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
Yagawa doesn't play pokemon because he doesn't believe in "Gotta catch 'em all"
Last edited by pestro87 on Tue Sep 17, 2013 2:54 am, edited 2 times in total.
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chempop
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
Some guy named Malc once wrote:
I've had quite a few pcbs of Fire Shark over time, and none of them cost me over £30 - so it won't break the bank by any standards.
"I've had quite a few pcbs of Fire Shark over time, and none of them cost me over £30 - so it won't break the bank by any standards." ~Malc
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Ed Oscuro
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
My playing skills! *rimshot*
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spadgy
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
I'm still sat in the car, and the engine is running. It's a soft-top too, so leap in and we can accelerate to the nearest cliff like the Thelma and Louise of shmup 'jokes'.BulletMagnet wrote:Hope you guys still have that engine running!
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cave hermit
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
A bunch of engineers working on the construction of the Vic Viper are all in a conference room together to discuss the ship's weaponry:
Engineer 1: Ok, so we've completed development on the anti-ground missiles, multi-shot blasters, and laser cannons; we have enough money in our budget to develop one more weapon.
Engineer 2: Um, sir? Beyond that shield that only protects the front and can't survive tight corridors, the Vic Viper has zero defense capabilities; in its current state, just grazing a single bullet will cause a critical hull breach, and-
Engineer 1: YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH JARED. Anyway, any ideas?
Engineer 3: Well, we could integrate those little red-orange energy orbs that follow a ship around and fires whenever the ship does. I forget what they're called though...
Engineer 1: I think I know what you're talking about, and that's definitely an Option.
Engineer 1: Ok, so we've completed development on the anti-ground missiles, multi-shot blasters, and laser cannons; we have enough money in our budget to develop one more weapon.
Engineer 2: Um, sir? Beyond that shield that only protects the front and can't survive tight corridors, the Vic Viper has zero defense capabilities; in its current state, just grazing a single bullet will cause a critical hull breach, and-
Engineer 1: YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH JARED. Anyway, any ideas?
Engineer 3: Well, we could integrate those little red-orange energy orbs that follow a ship around and fires whenever the ship does. I forget what they're called though...
Engineer 1: I think I know what you're talking about, and that's definitely an Option.
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BulletMagnet
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
That may be too merciful an outcome! By the way...spadgy wrote:It's a soft-top too, so leap in and we can accelerate to the nearest cliff like the Thelma and Louise of shmup 'jokes'.
What's a political PR consultant's favorite shmup?
Image Fight.
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spadgy
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Re: The Shmup jokes thread
The more laboured the build up, the 'better' the bad joke, so I give this one the thumbs up!cave hermit wrote: Engineer 1: I think I know what you're talking about, and that's definitely an Option.
I'm lost as to why nobody is rushing to claim the Brad Pitt role.BulletMagnet wrote:That may be too merciful an outcome! By the way...spadgy wrote:It's a soft-top too, so leap in and we can accelerate to the nearest cliff like the Thelma and Louise of shmup 'jokes'.