The Bad/Tasteless Joke Thread Reborn

[Thinimus]

u bleeped out n**** but u didnt have a problem typing chink?

I wouldn't be tastless then?:P (Sorry, force of habit.)

What shouldn't you say when it's cold in Hawaii? There's a nip in the air.

Good quote: "There's about 100,000 women battered every day in this country and here I am eating mine raw."

Speaking of Stevie Wonder, do you want to know why he's smiling all the time? Because he doesn't know he's black.

Why did Michael Jackson have his skin color changed? So he could hide all the semen samples.

Why do pussies have hair? To hide the hook.

(I'm just popping these off as they come to me.)
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So a 12 yr. old kid draggind a dead frog walks into a whore house and asks the madam for a women. She tells him to get lost but he pulls out 100 dollars. Being a business women, she changes her mind and leads to a room.

He comes back out dragging his dead frog behind him and asks for another women but this time she has to have herpes. She gets really pissed that he would ask and gets ready to throw him out but then he whips out 500 dollars. She pauses for a moment then decides to find him one.

He does his thing and goes heading for the door dragging his dead frog behind him. Before he leaves, the Madam asks him quietly: "So kid, what exactly is the deal with wanting a woman with herpes and what the hell is with the dead frog?

He replies: "Well, when I get home, I'm going get banged by my Dad and then eventually he'll bang my Mom. After he leaves for work the next day, my Mom is going to bang the mailman. Thats the asshole who killed my frog."

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What did Michael J. Fox's Father tell him after he got diagnosed with Parkinson's? Shake it off.


I'm off to bed for now. (Thanks for bumping the thread whoever. )

[Diabollokus]

Story jokes eh?

ok here we go I call this one the paintbrush.

The paint Brush

one day a kid was at his house, his mother says go down town and get me a paint brush when you've finished radiant silvergun. So the kid goes up stairs to get money then suddenly he sees his mom naked coming out of the shower he says'' mommy whats all that hair between your legs'' shes like er'' thats my sensitiv...... Nerve, yes My Nerve'' the moneys on that table now get the brush.

So the kid goes into town on his bike, he gets to the shop theres a paint brush at 5 pounds 1 at 3 pounds and another at 2 pounds, the kid has 1.20 pounds so he goes back home and tells his mother.

Shes says wheres the brush'' just give the shop keeper the money that you got and get the best one'' so he goes back to the shop and takes the 5 pound brush to the counter walks up and gives the money across.

The manager says what about the rest kid? He says ''my mommy said what I have will do fine'' the manager replies ''Jesus that woman has some nerve!'' the kid says ''Dam right theres more hair on it than there is on your paint brushes''

[Stormwatch]

Someone's sig at Slashdot:

'Yes, firefox is indeed greater than women. Can women block pops up for you? No. Can Firefox show you naked women? Yes.'

[benstylus]

[captain ahar]

^that is the most terrible thing i have ever seen... ever. and i laughed. i have problems my family also has around 9 cats and i love them like siblings, go figure.

[freddiebamboo]

What's got two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog

What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball

A dyslexic man walks into a bra....




I think I'll spare you my 12" pianist jokes

[Stormwatch]

Compare your genitals to cars!

[Minzoku]

I keep thinking of this one that a foreign exchange student! told us, but it's more a visual joke... I also can't remember exactly how it goes.


A young boy passes a brothel on his way home from school, and the woman out front waves her pinky at him and says, "Hey, little boy! Hey, little boy!" The boy doesn't reply.

The next day, the same thing happens: the woman waves her pinky at him and says, "Hey, little boy! Hey, little boy!" Again, he doesn't reply.

The third day, the same thing happens, so he finally says, "Why do you keep waving your pinky at me?"

She responds, "Because that's how big your penis is!"

The next day, the boy again sees the woman, who again waves her pinky and says, "Hey, little boy! Hey, little boy!"

The boy opens his mouth and stretches his cheeks out really wide and says, "HI, LADY!!!"

[Diabollokus]

Was that foreign exchange student from holland by any chance? lol


What does a blond have in common with a sea monster?
They've both swallowed alot of seamen

What did you call the rapper whose children died young?
MC- Baby Shaka

[sffan]

What do you call a naked blonde woman standing on her head?

A brunette with bad breath.
______________________________________________________

What's the difference between a fag and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.

[Thinimus]

3 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea.

The other two must enjoy it!

[Minzoku]

Was that foreign exchange student from holland by any chance? lol

He's German, actually

[D]

daughter asks father can I have the car this evening.
Father: sure but you have to s*ck my d*ck first.
Daughter: Damn yo d*ck tastes like sh*t
Father: Oh yeah it's your brothers night to have the car.

[Diabollokus]

What do you call a blond with 2 brain cells.
ans. Pregnant.

How do you boost a blonds iq by 200%?
Answer. Blow in her ear.

[captain ahar]

So,.. a pirate walks into a bar............................
..... getting some strange looks as he walks through. Tied around his testicles is a huge wooden ship steering wheel. He goes up to the bar and asks the bartender for a drink, where the bartender serves him his drink with a sideways look . The bartender says .." uh .. sir.. do you know you have a steering wheel tied around your sack?.... And the pirate says ... " AAARRRGGhhhh..... It drives Me nuts "

[flux]

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive a car?

Because she was a woman.

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What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?

The wheelchair.


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What did the blind and deaf kid get for Christmas?

Cancer.

[Stormwatch]

A silly one:

As we age, our priorities change. The other day I came home and was greeted by my wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet ropes. "Tie me up", she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So, I tied her up and went golfing.

[jp]

What do you use to unload dead babies from a truck?
A pitchfork

Whats the difference between a rubber ball and a dead baby?
Dead babies don't bounce.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
Cause thats where I kicked it.

Whats better than one dead baby at the bottom of 16 barrels?
16 dead babies at the bottom of one barrel.

What looks like a cross between fresh hamburger meat and fruit punch?
A dead baby in a blender.



One day, a man got on a bus and noticed a beautiful nun on the bus. He walked up to the nun and voiced a proposition:
"Hey, look, I know you're a nun and all that, but I think you're absolutely gorgeous, and if you would sleep with me, well, I think I might just find religion."
The nun was appalled of course, and got off the bus at the next stop. Once she was off, the bus driver called the man over:
"Look buddy, I know how you can score with that nun. She prays at this cemetary in front of a statue of an angel every night see? And I'm almost positive that if you dress up like Jesus and wait for her, well, then you could convince her to do anything you wanted!"
The man thought this was a brilliant idea, and quickly obtained a Jesus disguise.
That night, he waited at the cemetary behind the statue of an angel. When the nun came around, he quickly jumped out from behind the statue:
"I'm Jesus! I have heard your prayers every night! And I will answer all of them, but first, you must have sex with me!"
The nun replied:
"OK, I will do as you wish. But I'll have you know that I am a virgin, and would like to remain so. So if you will, please, anal only."
The man agreed and went to town. When he was done, he threw off the disguise shouting "HAHHAHAHAHAHA! I'M NOT REALLY JESUS! I'M THE GUY FROM THE BUS TODAY!"
The nun threw back her hoods shouting "And I'm not really the nun! I'm the bus driver from the bus today!'


There was once this family with two sons. Christmas was approaching, and all the two kids could talk about was "Fire truck! Fire truck! Fire truck!"

Well, Christmas came, and the oldest opened his present first. It was, of course, a firetruck. Nothing too impressive, but a very solid fire truck any kid would be thrilled to own. Then, the youngest opened his. His fire truck was a rideable fire truck, with a bell, flashing lights, and even a horn.

The youngest laughed at the oldest exclaiming: "HAHA! My firetruck is better than yours!"
To which the oldest replied: "Yeah? Well at least I don't have cancer!"


Thats all I got right na.

[Specineff]

What did a rock say do another rock in Feb 29, 1994?

Nothing, because rocks do not talk, and 1994 wasn't a leap year.

[captain ahar]

A liberal bias in the media.

[Zweihander]

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
Nail it's other hand to the floor.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.

What's the best thing about 33 year olds?
There's 30 of them!

[Stormwatch]

A guy is having his eyes checked at the optometrist...

- So, doc, how are my eyes?
- They're fine, but I think you should masturbate less frequently.
- Why? Will that harm my sight?
- No, but it annoys the other people in the waiting room.

[Specineff]

I have seen jokes aimed at mexicans here, so being mexican myself, I hope our afroamerican shmuppers don't take offense to this...


An aspiring member to the KKK goes into a bar with an afroamerican bartender, and in a very despising way, orders.

"I want a Sprite, black."

"Sprite, black. Here you go." The bartender replies quickly, and serves him a glass of Coca Cola.

[Specineff]

Also, what's the difference between Richie Rich and Batman?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A dark alley.

[PaCrappa]

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?

The old lady in my trunk!




What do you get when you stab a baby with scissors?

An erection!


Unfortunately I don't tell those two much in public.

Pa

[Specineff]

So a british guy comes to work in the US. After having a hard day, he talks to his friend in the break room:

"Mate, I'm so pissed. I'm going out there and lighting up a fag right now!"

"Whoa, man! Being homophobic is one thing, but isn't that a bit too extreme?"

[Klatrymadon]

There was an Englishman, a Pakistani and a Jew in a pub.

What a wonderful example of an integrated multicultural society.

.
.
.

Some more anti-jokes:

Q: Why do undertakers wear ties?

A: Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance reflects a degree of respect for the deceased and their family.
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One man turns to another and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men going in and out of your wife's house.'

The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit.'
---
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
---
What did the Irishman say to the Englishman?

"I was diagnosed with testicular cancer the other day. Unfortunately I don't have long to live"
---
Two nuns are cycling down a cobbled street.

The first nun says, "Have you ever come this way before?"

The second nun replies, "No, I usually take the longer route to avoid these cobbles."
---
Knock knock
Who's there?
Dr
Dr Who?
Dr Higgs, I'm here to check up on your mother following some stomach complaints after her appendectomy.
---
A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
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A man and a woman are crossing the desert. They find a lamp in the sand.

The man rubs the lamp and nothing happens. Afterward, he feels a bit foolish.
---
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the chicken lacks any reasoning or decision-making capabilities, it seems unlikely the chicken's action was spurred by any particular motivation.
---
A black man is going to have a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor's office wearing a suit.

The doctor says "Why are you wearing a suit?"

The man replies "I just got back from a funeral."
---
What's the difference between a fox and a dog?

One is of the genus canis, the other is of the genus vulpes.
---
Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
John.
John who?
John Wilson, your old friend from college.
What a pleasant surprise. Please, come in.
---

A man walks past a bar and sees a sign which says "PERFORM THE THREE FEATS AND WIN A MILLION DOLLARS!" Thinking that a million dollars sounds like a great idea, he goes inside and asks the bartender what the deal is.

"First," says the bartender, "you have to chug this entire bottle of vodka. Second, there's a crocodile in the back room with a bad tooth. You have to pull it. Thirdly, there's an eighty-five year old woman in the back who's never had sex. You have to have sex with her."

The guy thinks it over and says "Okay, sure. You have a deal!" He grabs the bottle of vodka and, with little effort due to the fact that he's basically a professional alcoholic anyway, downs it. Then he slams the empty bottle down and goes into the back room. There's a lot of screaming, some growling, and various crashing sounds. Finally a silence falls upon the bar. Minutes pass, then an hour. Finally the bartender sends a barmaid back to see what's going on. A few minutes later, she comes back out.

"What's he doing?" asks the bartender.

"What's left of him is back there in the croc pen," she says, her horrified face pale with shock. "His clothes are tossed in the corner. The croc...the croc ate him."

"Oh, Jesus," whispers the bartender. "Jesus."
Nobody says a word.

[Icecap Veiwin]

Hmmm...

A priest, a pedophile, and a child molester walk into a bar.
And that's just the FIRST guy.

[iatneH]

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head when it hits your windshield?

Its ass!

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What's worse than finding blood in your underwear?

Finding out it's not your blood!

[howmuchkeefe]

Yo momma so fat, her tits have a different area code than her ass.

Yo momma so stupid, she thinks reserved parking spaces just need to get out more.

Yo momma so slutty, the milkman stopped delivering to your house when your brother came out looking like the cable guy.

Yo momma so poor, she fucks strangers for money.

Yo momma so hairy, Ron Jeremy calls HER 'The Hedgehog'.

Yo momma so fat, I saw a picture of her feet on the back of a milk carton.

(Sry if these are lame, I'm trying to be original after a long day at work)