Can men and women be... "just friends"?

[drauch]

I dunno. Back when I had friends that were girls it was fine. I mean, once you accept that you are small and hairy and have a fetish for anime babes, then you can really go places. Like, you already know you don't have a chance, and you don't have anything in common, so it usually leads to nothing. This is why I don't go outside anymore. This is life.

[xbl0x180]

What, are you guys like 12?

It was said tongue-in-cheek. People over 12 should understand that

You weren't the only one to agree. Just thought that was a pretty odd stance to have. If you can't even associate with a girl on a friend level, how on earth do you ever expect to have a relationship with one?

I think that's the point of the study and some of the comments here. It's probably more common than you think. You can't be "just friends" with someone you find desirable and attractive - either for something long term or for something casual. The tension is there. Of the two, one wants to more than friendship and they're pretending/lying to the other person or it could be that that other person knows how one feels, but just goes ahead and uses that "friend" for all their emotional needs. This is pretty obvious and I've actually bothered to ask girls about it (in a non-scientific sampling) - and they pretty much know some, if not all, their guy "friends" want something more. They just don't say anything and let those fools dig themselves deeper into the friendzone abyss.

Just for kicks, I went ahead and asked a girl, who refers to me as a "friend," if she'd like to hang out with me at The Getty or MoCA museum, or go see a ballet/performance art, or go see a horror film at the Hollywood Cemetery; hell, play shoot-'em-ups with me! (i.e., stuff I like to do). It was all one big, resounding "no." However, she sees no qualms about asking me to hang out with her and her friends for happy hour, so I can listen to her yap about work or whatever other boring shit happened last weekend... and it's also a scheme to get me to pay for the drinks. Just... friends? Fuck that

[Khan]

Im gonna throw something out there, even though your friends with her and she might be not seem very attractive or even be ugly just give it a few weeks when you havent had any sex then watch your mindset change about her I mean as long as she doesnt look like



Then mostly likely you will tank dat azz!

[Mischief Maker]

Just for kicks, I went ahead and asked a girl, who refers to me as a "friend," if she'd like to hang out with me at The Getty or MoCA museum, or go see an ballet/performance art, or go see a horror film at the Hollywood Cemetery; hell, play shoot-'em-ups with me! (i.e., stuff I like to do). It was all one big, resounding "no." However, she sees no qualms about asking me to hang out with her and her friends for happy hour, so I can listen to her yap about work or whatever other boring shit happened last weekend... and it's also a scheme to get me to pay for the drinks. Just... friends? Fuck that

If she bores you, you will never be truly attractive to her, the best you can hope for is to attain some status where she covets you. Don't be fooled if she sees you hanging out with other women and starts coming on stronger, she's just a Time-Pimp keeping her Time-Ho (you) in line.

Nothing is more attractive than someone who is genuinely interested in you. Are there any girls in this group of hers that don't bore you? If you meet a woman who is interesting to you beyond the looks, and you don't play it "cool" and cover up your interest, you guaranteed have just become very attractive to her.

Then once the sex is in place, suddenly you have a woman in your life you don't feel "obligated" to hang around. Win-win!

[replayme]

Just for kicks, I went ahead and asked a girl, who refers to me as a "friend," if she'd like to hang out with me at The Getty or MoCA museum, or go see an ballet/performance art, or go see a horror film at the Hollywood Cemetery; hell, play shoot-'em-ups with me! (i.e., stuff I like to do). It was all one big, resounding "no." However, she sees no qualms about asking me to hang out with her and her friends for happy hour, so I can listen to her yap about work or whatever other boring shit happened last weekend... and it's also a scheme to get me to pay for the drinks. Just... friends? Fuck that

If she bores you, you will never be truly attractive to her, the best you can hope for is to attain some status where she covets you. Don't be fooled if she sees you hanging out with other women and starts coming on stronger, she's just a Time-Pimp keeping her Time-Ho (you) in line.

Nothing is more attractive than someone who is genuinely interested in you. Are there any girls in this group of hers that don't bore you? If you meet a woman who is interesting to you beyond the looks, and you don't play it "cool" and cover up your interest, you guaranteed have just become very attractive to her.

Then once the sex is in place, suddenly you have a woman in your life you don't feel "obligated" to hang around. Win-win!

Where I work, we get a lot of pretty girls walking through the door - and trust me, you wouldn't say no to 85% of them (or 95% on a bad day). The point is, and depending on how long you want to keep the girl around for, you'll start to judge her on other attributes (such as her brains, lifestyle, and sense of dress), and these will become even more important over time.

As an example, when I went to Spain in August, I got really bored of all the girls at Valencia beach after about an hour - even though the vast majority of them were topless. Never a truer maxim has been stated when the saying goes: beauty is only skin deep. And there's only so much pulling power a girl has based on her beauty alone.

For superficial relationships, I agree that men definitely can't be friends with girls. But depending on the girl's personality, and over time, guys definitely can. It just depends on the girl, and on one's own standards.

Having said that though, if you are romantically interested in a girl, you definitely CAN'T be friends with a girl. You've either got to be in it to win it, or as the Youtube video said, you're just another "Time Ho".

[Ruldra]

Of the two, one wants to more than friendship and they're pretending/lying to the other person or it could be that that other person knows how one feels, but just goes ahead and uses that "friend" for all their emotional needs. This is pretty obvious and I've actually bothered to ask girls about it (in a non-scientific sampling) - and they pretty much know some, if not all, their guy "friends" want something more. They just don't say anything and let those fools dig themselves deeper into the friendzone abyss.

A lot of guys would avoid this trap if they were forward with the girl and let his intentions be known from the start. They hang around hoping the girl will fall for him eventually but it never happens.

Grow some balls and let her know you're interested in her romantically. If she rejects you, you can move on with your life and avoid unnecessary drama.

I saw this phrase in another forum: "Girls are not machines that you put Kindness Coins into until sex falls out." Sums it up nicely.

[Lordstar]

Nothing is more attractive than someone who is genuinely interested in you.

what? Thats bullshit. Honestly think the more readily available you are to someone the less a girl wants you. Why do you think a girl will desire the 2K handbag over the 20$ one. its something that the other girls do not have . essentially they are feathering their nests. You could argue that its the cost (which to an extent it is because not all girls have that kind of cash to blow on a fucking bag which is hot for what 6-12 months) my point is and for many cases unless you are mutually feeling love for one another there is nothing more off putting than someone throwing themselves at you. Its nice for a while but it gets boring fast.

[undamned]

It makes perfect sense. Having desperate men hovering around you is a sign of status for a woman.

I've known at least 3 attractive (physically and personality) girls that had multiple guy "friends" hanging around them all the time. I can guarantee the guys weren't just hanging around because they were bored. They had hopes that they would eventually get something for their time.
-ud

[xbl0x180]

Im gonna throw something out there, even though your friends with her and she might be not seem very attractive or even be ugly just give it a few weeks when you havent had any sex then watch your mindset change about her I mean as long as she doesnt look like



Then mostly likely you will tank dat azz!

Oh, no, no, no. No. HELLNO. She dropped the f-bomb on me and I stopped her at that word by telling her that if the next two out of her mouth aren't "with benefits," then there's no way I would ever be interested in being "just friends."

If she bores you, you will never be truly attractive to her, the best you can hope for is to attain some status where she covets you. Don't be fooled if she sees you hanging out with other women and starts coming on stronger, she's just a Time-Pimp keeping her Time-Ho (you) in line.

Nothing is more attractive than someone who is genuinely interested in you. Are there any girls in this group of hers that don't bore you? If you meet a woman who is interesting to you beyond the looks, and you don't play it "cool" and cover up your interest, you guaranteed have just become very attractive to her.

Then once the sex is in place, suddenly you have a woman in your life you don't feel "obligated" to hang around. Win-win!

Nah, a lot of them are pretty much the same and after that I stopped bothering 'cause I lost all interest in that group. The funniest part was seeing how she even looks like one of her friends. This has happened before where I was hitting on one girl in a group, went for drinks, talked to a bunch of other people, and came back to hit on one her friends who happened to look like her - I ended up going back to my place with the wrong girl!

A lot of guys would avoid this trap if they were forward with the girl and let his intentions be known from the start. They hang around hoping the girl will fall for him eventually but it never happens.

Grow some balls and let her know you're interested in her romantically. If she rejects you, you can move on with your life and avoid unnecessary drama.

I saw this phrase in another forum: "Girls are not machines that you put Kindness Coins into until sex falls out." Sums it up nicely.

It took me a while, but I know that. The last few times I was friendzoned, that shit came way left field 'cause I made real sure to state I wasn't just hanging out for my own health and stressed the fact that I don't befriend girls I'm attracted to (or see as potential). And STILL some chicks green-lighted me: verbal and body language were all there, the occasion and location were set, and BAM! No-go, don't collect, lose a turn. What a jip.

Lesson: I need to be less nice and stupid, and up my level for coming off as a total dick

Sausage link related:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4 ... re=related

[Mischief Maker]

A lot of guys would avoid this trap if they were forward with the girl and let his intentions be known from the start. They hang around hoping the girl will fall for him eventually but it never happens.

Grow some balls and let her know you're interested in her romantically. If she rejects you, you can move on with your life and avoid unnecessary drama.

I saw this phrase in another forum: "Girls are not machines that you put Kindness Coins into until sex falls out." Sums it up nicely.

Patrice O'Neal again:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCpHHJAk_zE

It's a goddamn crime this guy's success didn't stomp Dane Cook's into the dust.

what? Thats bullshit. Honestly think the more readily available you are to someone the less a girl wants you. Why do you think a girl will desire the 2K handbag over the 20$ one. its something that the other girls do not have . essentially they are feathering their nests. You could argue that its the cost (which to an extent it is because not all girls have that kind of cash to blow on a fucking bag which is hot for what 6-12 months) my point is and for many cases unless you are mutually feeling love for one another there is nothing more off putting than someone throwing themselves at you. Its nice for a while but it gets boring fast.

You are correct sir, and making yourself an artificially scarce commodity to drive up your apparent value is a valid strategy. However, not only is The Tao of Steve not the only strategy, it is a lady's strategy. It's not a strategy to make a woman want you, it's a strategy to make her covet you.

I did not advise him to pretend to be interested in her interests. Yes, that would be throwing himself at her. So would casually sauntering up to her and telling her all the things you're awesome at as carefully nonchalant as you can be.

But a guy who walks up and in full honesty says, "Hey, you're cute! Tell me something interesting about yourself!" how often does ANY woman, much less a beautiful woman, meet a man with the balls to engage with her at that level? No need to pretend to be a rare commodity, there are way more hot women in the world than men with that level of self-validation.