Recommend a GPS keychain

[GaijinPunch]

I lost my fucking keys in the park last night, somewhere on a 2k loop I jog. I went home and got my phone which has a flashlight app (which actually helped) but couldn't find them, even after looking careful through the really tall grass. Luckily, I found them this morning after waking up at 5AM and getting some natural light. They were in the dirt.

Anyway, it's 2011. Time to embrace technology. If my toilet wipes my ass for me, then I should be able to locate my keys w/ my iPhone.

Would like something:
-Small. It doesn't have to double as a butt plug, but I can't have something huge.
-Rechargeable USB battery. I can't imagine it being anything but this.
-iPad app to locate it would be a huge plus.

I haven't lost my keys in a while, but I realized how fucked I was when I didn't have them.

[Skykid]

I lost my fucking keys in the park last night, while soliciting for sex.

[Obiwanshinobi]

butt plug

Some African nation or tribe developed a culture where men pretend to have their anus plugged for life as a rite de passage and allegedly don't need to shit anymore. I.e. they must shit out in the bushes where women can't see them.
Women, on the other hand, are taught to pretend they beilieve in this lore and not to ridicule it.

[GaijinPunch]

butt plug

Some African nation or tribe developed a culture where men pretend to have their anus plugged for life as a rite de passage and allegedly don't need to shit anymore. I.e. they must shit out in the bushes where women can't see them.
Women, on the other hand, are taught to pretend they beilieve in this lore and not to ridicule it.

That's great.

[CMoon]

Your toilet wipes your ass for you?

[GaijinPunch]

Your toilet wipes your ass for you?

With a high pressure, warm stream of water, yes. You wanna see the controls?

[brentsg]

Your toilet wipes your ass for you?

With a high pressure, warm stream of water, yes. You wanna see the controls?

You'll be even more screwed when you lose your iPad and can no longer control your ass washer.

[GaijinPunch]

Your toilet wipes your ass for you?

With a high pressure, warm stream of water, yes. You wanna see the controls?

You'll be even more screwed when you lose your iPad and can no longer control your ass washer.

Wall controls. They're there... I like my Toto more than I like a lot of my friends.

[hermosaguy]

Maybe get a key whistler! I've seen them advertised but I'd be screwed b/c I can't whistle. I have a minor OCD where I am always checking for keys, wallet and phone with a self pat down. Might seem like you are constantly checking the firmness of your ass in public, but small price to pay for piece of mind.

[burgerkingdiamond]

Japanese toilets are fucking weird. I had no idea what to do when I was over there. It's like having a NASA control center at your fingertips while you shit.

[nZero]

Novice mode: ignore all the buttons, shit in the bowl, flush with the handle, wipe hands on pants

[burgerkingdiamond]

Novice mode: ignore all the buttons, shit in the bowl, flush with the handle, wipe hands on pants

yeah, I never even tried to use anything. The automatic ass warmer is a nice touch though.

[GaijinPunch]

Japanese toilets are fucking weird. I had no idea what to do when I was over there. It's like having a NASA control center at your fingertips while you shit.

I'll admit, it's a foreign concept but once you have water sprayed up your ass, you'll never go back. I hear it's the same w/ cock -- that's how they got Skykid.

[dunpeal2064]

You can spray cock up your ass now?

I need a new toilet!

[maxlords]

Best. Thread. EVER.

[rancor]

I had a friend from Austria in last year and after pressing something initiating the "forest sounds" to mask lady farts, she hit some button on the toilet that made an alarm bell ring. The police showed up soon after. I can't even imagine what that's for.

[Skykid]

Best. Thread. EVER.

Don't knock it til you've tried it folks!

[alphagamer]

Best. Thread. EVER.

I only just registered here, but already I see: I've come to the right place

[shmuppyLove]

Anyway, it's 2011. Time to embrace technology. If my toilet wipes my ass for me, then I should be able to locate my keys w/ my iPhone.

The first time I read that I thought you said, "If my toilet wipes my ass for me, then it should be able to locate my keys w/ my iPhone." hahahah

[GaijinPunch]

Anyway, it's 2011. Time to embrace technology. If my toilet wipes my ass for me, then I should be able to locate my keys w/ my iPhone.

The first time I read that I thought you said, "If my toilet wipes my ass for me, then it should be able to locate my keys w/ my iPhone." hahahah

That's more of a 2013 thing.

[CMoon]

Novice mode: ignore all the buttons, shit in the bowl, flush with the handle, wipe hands on pants

So in Japan, you have to manage rank, even with the toilets?

[Jeneki]

So in Japan, you have to manage rank, even with the toilets?

Taco Bell food is like Sokyugurentai powerups.

[Obiwanshinobi]

All you need is a "DO NOT PRESS" button launching the house into space when pressed.

[burgerkingdiamond]

butt plug

Some African nation or tribe developed a culture where men pretend to have their anus plugged for life as a rite de passage and allegedly don't need to shit anymore. I.e. they must shit out in the bushes where women can't see them.
Women, on the other hand, are taught to pretend they beilieve in this lore and not to ridicule it.

That's great.

gloriously random.

[brentsg]

Novice mode: ignore all the buttons, shit in the bowl, flush with the handle, wipe hands on pants

So in Japan, you have to manage rank, even with the toilets?

We wonder why the Japanese play games so well, but with all that complex shitting over the years.. they're bound to have an advantage.

[Daigohji]

Novice mode: ignore all the buttons, shit in the bowl, flush with the handle, wipe hands on pants

So in Japan, you have to manage rank, even with the toilets?

Death Label: Piss over the top of the stall into the adjacent one. No miss, no bomb.

[CMoon]

Sheesh, I'm just a casual urinater.

[GaijinPunch]

I'm a competitive pisser.

[shmuppyLove]

Ooh I just thought of something -- keep your keys in your ass! Then you really WILL find them with your toilet.

[ptoing]

First thing I thought when I read GPS was Get Point System.