On Schizophrenia

[Siren2011]

How many of you know someone with this disorder? How are they coping?

The doctor told me that I have bi-polar disorder with mania, but I know the delusional beliefs I had were traits of schizophrenia. I don't know why he doesn't think that I have it. Of course if he can prove to me that I don't have schizophrenia, I would believe him. That line between bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia is hard for me to draw. It all seems like the same shit to me. Maybe there are subtleties that make them different. I don't know.

What's fascinating is I don't have anything to point to as a cause for my psychosis (which marked the beginning of this chapter of my life). In one instant, overwhelming fear took over and I thought I was going to die... They say there is a death instinct in all of us and I felt it full force.

Once I felt like leaving the house and starting a new life, as weird as that seems. I attempted once already, because I was sick of family and everyday bullshit, but I turned back due to hypothermia-inducing weather. I've not gotten the urge to leave ever since. I honestly can't tell if that was rational or not, because on one hand it makes total sense to leave the house permanently if there is nothing left for you there. But on the other, it is a very spur-of-the-moment decision not taking into consideration that it was cold as fuck that night. Sleeping behind buildings in that kind of weather is does not protect against the cold, even with a leather jacket and a hoodie.

After my return, I was left no longer with disdain, but ambivalence toward my family and the material goods I own. I stay because there's nowhere else to go, not because I want to be here. My insomnia went way though, but I kinda miss it for some reason.

I have gotten violent impulses (which seem exciting in the moment I get them) and sometimes believed that objects were trying to send me messages (like the sign on the road near the clinic I stayed at -- which was red -- somehow signified that I would die soon. And then there was the belief that my moods and the weather were somehow connected.). This was most likely a sensory defect, because I acknowledge now that I was just being paranoid. Indeed, it is fun figuring out what was real and imagined in my mind.

But yeah, that's my story so far. Do share if you have some of your own. I can't get enough of this stuff.

[Stormwatch]

Roses are red, violets are blue, I am schizophrenic, and so am I.

[E. Randy Dupre]

Schizophrenia is not Multiple Personality Disorder.

[Siren2011]

I highly doubt I have that.

[Marble]

The doctor told me that I have bi-polar disorder with mania

I don't get this. Don't people with bi-polar disorder fluctuate between mania and depression? So wouldn't it be impossible to have bi-polar disorder without mania?

Anyway, I'm definitely not an expert on any of this shit but if you do have bi-polar disorder, then you have is a mood disorder, not a psychosis. I believe what defines a psychosis is the inability to differenciate between things you're imagining and what's actually happening, so if you were delusional or psychotic you would never be aware of it. Unless it comes and goes. My grandmother has some kind of psychosis (and has pretty much her whole life) and thinks that people who died a long time ago are still alive, that death is like an illness that someone can recover from, etc. Anyway, I'm pretty sure there are more mental illnesses than just schizophrenia that have delusions as a symptom.

Schizophrenia is not Multiple Personality Disorder.

When did anyone say that it was? lol.

[E. Randy Dupre]

Schizophrenia is not Multiple Personality Disorder.

When did anyone say that it was? lol.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I am schizophrenic, and so am I.

Lol, etc.

[Drum]

I grew up dealing with this illness - my mother has schizophrenia/bi-polar disorder.

When I was small she could get pretty unstable, whether because she wasn't on the correct doseage, right meds, or she'd gone off them. Usually this manifested itself in pretty harmless (but embarrassing) ways, like: wearing underwear over her swimsuit and going for a swim in the public pool. Sometimes it manifested itself in nasty personal attacks on anybody with a whiff of control or authority (usually my dad, particularly male doctors, sometimes random strangers like the poor guy at the ferry terminal in charge of getting cars on-board). She was never physically violent, and would never have hurt us kids, but some of the things she could say to some people were astonishingly cruel.
When she was having psychotic episodes her pupils would dilate and she would behave a lot like a wounded or cornered animal. She was hypersensitive to everything - noises, changes, voices, whatever, and read much more into them than was reasonable - everything was a threat or potential threat. I think her senses were also a lot more acute, or at least focused than ours - a lot of times she would hear things that people would assume were just hallucinations that later turned out to be exaggerations of sounds that were actually there but nobody else noticed. She would also hear and see things that just weren't there, of course.
She has generally settled down since her thirties/forties and gets seriously ill a lot less. Last time was a doozy though - I got woken up by a call from the police who picked her up walking around at 2am after she'd been to the service station to get some cigarettes, accused the clerk of trying to poison her, and came away empty handed because she had no money. She also called the police about a man with a dog on the roof. idk

My advice is: Stay on your meds. At least when you're around other people a lot. For their sake as much as yours. Experiment with doseages under doctor supervision and find the right one for you (it took my mother years to really get stable, though there's a good chance she was simply lying about taking her meds - she lied a lot).

[Stormwatch]

My grandmother has some kind of psychosis ... and thinks that people who died a long time ago are still alive, that death is like an illness that someone can recover from, etc.

Perhaps the same could be said of all religions...

[Evilmaxwar]

I happen to know a guy who used to be a buddy during high school. Always been a little strange but as he turned in his twenties it evolved in full fledged schizophrenia.
The paranoid "they are all plotting against me" kind, he would also see "hidden meanings" in everything and would be convinced he knew things only he could understand. He was in mental institute for some time as his case was very serious, he would refuse to take medication as he would say he was perfectly fine so they brute forced them on him. The guy was however pretty smart and fled the institute twice. Last time he fled, he actually went to airport, took a plane and changed continent... Yes he did that

He has been on the run like that for at least four years, sending the occasional postcards to some friend. Living from money his dad sent him. He changed country every 3 months or so. Went from Egypt to greece to Norway and i dont remember all the places. Its kinda funny because hes paranoid so i imagine when he changes country he feels like he Evaded the threats and he starts to feel and behave better. Until the cycle starts again and he needs to move again. He certainly was not taking meds during his trips and seemed to be doing not too bad as a globe trotter. Anyway i dont know what eventually happened to him as i have had no news for some time. I just felt like sharing the story.

Thats far from the whole of my experience though. I work as a landlord and have been taking care of several dozens low income lodging units for now more than 10 years. Many people i've seen in this time were unemployed and living off social assistance.
I have seen people with pretty much all kind of problems, alcoholism, drug dependency, diverse health problems including many people with schizophrenia and other Schizoid disorders.

Some of em get by pretty well, sometimes you do not even notice for a long time before you suspect. Other times it becomes an obvious reality all too quickly ...

In my experience, the best things you can do at least on the immediate is taking your meds, as previous poster mentioned. Many of em who caused trouble because of their conditions usually were not taking their meds and/or were using alcohol and/or drugs. Drugs such as cannabis or any other drugs for that matter absolutely DO NOT MIX with people with schizophrenia. Those have always been the worst cases in my experiences.

I have some people that lived peacefully for years ( taking their meds ) then one day got drunk, didnt take the meds, went crazy and started to threaten people. In one case a usually peaceful guy ended up in prison for months only to come out crazier than ever. I am actually as in this very moment having problems with a guy who is schizo/paranoid. He will start yelling and or throwing things at totally random times which can be in the middle of the night. His neighbors are going nuts and want me to do something but its not easy because he pays rent well and because of the law here in quebec i cannot throw him out without going through all the administrative hassle that takes months.

Maybe you are not schizophrenic maybe its milder than that as the doctor said, its not for me to tell but what i would tell you is to stay clear of any drugs but the one the doc prescribes, be carefull with alcohol and do not fear people who want to help you.

[drauch]

My grandmother has some kind of psychosis ... and thinks that people who died a long time ago are still alive, that death is like an illness that someone can recover from, etc.

Perhaps the same could be said of all religions...

That was amazing.

[Siren2011]

I believe what defines a psychosis is the inability to differentiate between things you're imagining and what's actually happening, so if you were delusional or psychotic you would never be aware of it. Unless it comes and goes.

Do you mean audio and visual hallucinations that the person believes is based in reality? If so, I definitely had a visual one. I believed that the instant I did anything regarding my passions (going to Tae Kwon Do, for example) a man would be there with a shotgun ready to blow my head off. It took actually going there (after much hesitation) before I realized that it was a bogus belief based on superstition. It took me about a couple of weeks before I mustered the courage to do this. So the psychosis came and went, one debunked superstition at a time.

The next one I knocked out was the belief that the pill I took for anxiety would cause me to die of mental instability. After I took it, needless to say, this was false. Then there was the one about sexual desires never being fulfilled. Well, the stripper whose tits I sucked on last weekend begs to differ.

The psychosis was there, it just wasn't permanent. But I'll be damned if my past self was going to believe otherwise. There was nothing my family could have said to convince me that these were delusions. I had to figure it out on my own by testing my hypothesis.

I even had a similar thought to your Grandmother. I believed that it was possible for me to become immortal and that death could be cheated. lol.

You're right about this:

I'm pretty sure there are more mental illnesses than just schizophrenia that have delusions as a symptom.

and this.

So wouldn't it be impossible to have bi-polar disorder without mania?

I'm not an expert either, so I can't say with 100% certainty that I have schizophrenia. Bi-polar, yes, definitely.

The guy was however pretty smart and fled the institute twice. Last time he fled, he actually went to airport, took a plane and changed continent.

They have cameras everywhere in those places. It gives me the heebee jeebies. I thought about using a credit card to fly me to Japan, and disposing of the card and my I.D. after I landed and left the Japanese airport. But that would be stupid, because American officials would be after my ass (my BOA account would have gone well into the negatives). But I guess there is a certain degree of fun in running away from law enforcement. That I can't deny (Not that I am, or course).

In my experience, the best things you can do at least on the immediate is taking your meds, as previous poster mentioned. Many of em who caused trouble because of their conditions usually were not taking their meds and/or were using alcohol and/or drugs. Drugs such as cannabis or any other drugs for that matter absolutely DO NOT MIX with people with schizophrenia. Those have always been the worst cases in my experiences.

I have come to terms with the fact that there is no other way for me to live a normal life than to take my meds.The depression hits too hard without them...

And Mary Jane makes me pissed off like a mother fucker. I would have injured my brother over a stupid verbal exchange had he not locked his door after I smoked it. I've decided to never smoke it again (I ingested the plant itself as well).

EDIT: What about DMT?... I've always wanted to take it, but now I'm not so sure...

[Danza]

I had a a psychotic episode during a bout of mania, kind of.

Long story short, I meditated for 5 days straight (I also took some drugs) and the shit hit the fan.

But, it needed to happen for my own sake really. It was a very strange experience, but after the 2 days of mindbending terror and severe dissociation I had a lot of very helpful insights about my life and the way I interpret things. That is, I realised how much of what I think about things is really only my own thoughts and experiences and they don't represent objective reality at all. From that perspective, to judge anyone or anything as being positive or negative is wrong, because all I have is a limited perspective. So it really opened me up to new experiences and not judging people so harshly. My entire worldview collapsed in 20 minutes so from a blank slate, I could really change the way I viewed the world. It was like being born again, shaking my head wandering why the fuck I took so much for granted and not only that, hated the world so much. That entire paragraph probably sounds crazy too, but whatevs.

I was already getting therapy for anxiety and depression, so from the moment it happened I had people there to help me through it. So it was a very painful experience, but with proper help it actually opened me up to change my life for the better. I'm 100% definitely not saying this result is common or to meditate for 5 days for whatever reason, it isn't. Even my therapist agreed it was one of the "best" things to happen to me.

Annyway, I've even finished therapy and don't have any issues anymore apart from the occasional bout of depression, but I feel that is normal really. I was diagnosed with drug-induced psychosis and hypomania, because within about a week I wasn't delusional or have any other symptoms.

There are obvious things about schizophrenia such as formal thought disorder. Basically words and sentence lose logic and function and this is representative of the state of thought (very basic description really). This is a common symptom of schizophrenia and you are quite coherent.

With bi-polar, there is the depressive side and the manic side. With mania there is, mania (super happy but on the edge of outright delusion, psychosis and recklessness). Hypomania is up, up, up and possibly reckless but without psychotic symptoms basically. I kind of bordered on the edge of mania, in and out.

I would say, avoid DMT. It is so available everywhere these days and it is seriously fucking hectic shit. Be careful, bro.

[charlie chong]

the problem is that they are using bipolar as a catch all term for mental illness.. i don't know anyone with bipolar who doesn't crossover into other areas of mental illness.i'm a positive manic where i get real happy and feel all enlightened but can cross over into the sort of stuff drum was talking about in the periods before and after.i usually notice myself get very assertive and snappy in the period before an episode.
I suffer from auditory ,visual hallucinations and dissociation from my body.one time i thought i was tied into the group mind/cosmic conscious and started reffering to myself as "WE" then the next day i collapsed at work and ended up in hospital.FUNTIMES

[Elixir]

I can't get enough of this stuff.

Can't get enough of what, exactly? How you're self-diagnosing yourself with something when you could seek help for a proper answer from an alternative source? Or maybe you can't get enough of your lack of independence, and disrespect for your family.

I can only assume you've accidentally stumbled across "shmups forum" instead of "livejournal". There's next to no reason for this thread's existence; you're not interested in other people's stories about how the doorknob talks to them at night, you're interested in getting a reaction out of your pathetic, boring, non-independent life. Congrats, here's mine.

I'd suggest some suicide tactics, but I don't want to get banned. Besides, you've already disrespected them enough, at least keep your pathetic existence around long enough to claim their inheritance which they'll lovingly pass on to you.

Self-diagnose yourself with this, instead: attention whoring.

[Siren2011]

There's next to no reason for this thread's existence

Uh, yeah there is, asshole. It's interesting discussing this disorder and it's effects. Do I need to explain to you how internet works? People kinda discuss shit that interests them. "Live journal". lol. It sounds like some stupid social networking site where people post banal comments like "I had X for lunch today", which is met with thumbs up by followers.

At least this thread is meaningful. If it doesn't interest you, then simply don't post.

Besides, you've already disrespected them enough, at least keep your pathetic existence around long enough to claim their inheritance which they'll lovingly pass on to you.

Shows what you know retard. I have no plans to wait for my father's "inheritance". There is no way in hell I'm sticking around here that long. As of now, I'm frantically looking for work. And I know it sounds cliche to say "the economy is a bitch", but there you go. Moving out will be a gradual process, whether I want to believe it or not.

What is so exciting about your life? Please share. And if it's anything beyond insulting people on Shmups for shits and giggles and playing shit-ton of videogames, I'd stand surprised.

Note: The latter is not meant to be an insult. Videogames are awesome.

Note 2: You're wrong. I do appreciate their stories, especially Evilmaxwar's about his friend's behavior. Good stuff!

[Elixir]

I'll tighten that up for you.

Uh, yeah there is, asshole (I have gotten violent impulses (which seem exciting in the moment I get them)). It's interesting (in my opinion) discussing this disorder and it's effects (of which I've self-diagnosed myself of). Do I need to explain to you how internet works (filler; rhetorical)? People kinda discuss shit that interests them (on their respective appropriate forums).

At least this thread is meaningful (in my opinion; because it's my thread). If it doesn't interest you, then simply don't post (do I need to explain to you how the internet works?).

It's only meaningful if you continue to show any half-heartedly relevant interest in other people who also wish to spill their guts. Not sure how this is going to help you or your situation at all though. Which brings me to my next question..

Do you even want to resolve these issues or do you just want to feel associated with people who also do? Is there a reason as to why you're (trying to) categorize yourself as schizophrenic, and more importantly, why on earth are you talking about this in a gaming forum?

[charlie chong]

IT LIKE SOLDIERS EXCHANGING WAR STORIES ELIXIR.SOME PEOPLES FIND IT COMFORTING.. I PERSONALLY FIND PEOPLE'S MENTAL ILLNESS STORY AMUSING.

MEBBES YUO SHOULD ADMIT TO THE WORLD YOUR DEPRESSED AND A MILD SOCIOPATH?? IT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER AND STOP YOU BEING SUCH AN ANUS NAZI

[charlie chong]

I DIAGNOSE YOU HAVE 4D LIZARD DISEASE

[xris]

I have a foster brother (I was the foster child, his family) that is paranoid-schizophrenic. Legally diagnosed, and keeps refusing SSI (govt. funding for those unable to work). For about the last ten years he travels from state to state, does a little jail time, usually possession or vandalism, sometimes shoplifting, then on to the next state. Compounded with a long history of drug abuse, he's in bad shape these days.
It can be rather scary talking with someone that is heavily effected by this. His main problem, he really believes that aliens are working with the govt. to harvest humans for electromagnetic energy for aliens to use as drugs. This leads to a mistrust of anybody he perceives connected with this, which is why he won't take SSI, he feels they would be paying him to keep his mouth shut. Also why he will not take medication. Some of the delusions go deeper, but the alien thing is the main theme running in his head. He also hears voices, and will hallucinate, mixed with drugs is not good. He was almost committed last year, but his mother spent a ton on a lawyer, even though he was across the country. The call she got for x-mas this year was him telling her that he knows she had stolen a baby from a visit to Finland, and brought him to America to raise him as her own. She has never been to Finland. He has assumed a new name to reflect this.
He's been like this for almost fifteen years, it can be extremely difficult dealing with someone like this. You kinda just let them go along with it, fearing that if you speak against it to a degree you will now be labeled as an enemy, and will have no chance of helping in the future. I get the occasional letter from him when he's in a new jail, asking for money for commissary. His mother is completely broke now, and no longer gives him money. He's in his late thirties, and shows no sign of improving.

[Elixir]

IT LIKE SOLDIERS EXCHANGING WAR STORIES ELIXIR.SOME PEOPLES FIND IT COMFORTING.. I PERSONALLY FIND PEOPLE'S MENTAL ILLNESS STORY AMUSING.

MEBBES YUO SHOULD ADMIT TO THE WORLD YOUR DEPRESSED AND A MILD SOCIOPATH?? IT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER AND STOP YOU BEING SUCH AN ANUS NAZI

It's a possibility, but I'm not going to self-diagnose myself and look ironically mentally retarded in the processs.

Your "sharing war stories" concept would work if this case were past-tense, which it's not. It's talking about on-going issues instead of looking for answers, in the most inappropriate place possible.

[Despatche]

Do I need to explain to you how the internet works?

I want to hear this. Go on.

[Jockel]

I DIAGNOSE YOU HAVE 4D LIZARD DISEASE

Hahahaha, oh wow.
That thread was amazing.

But i think that OP is not completely bonkers like 4D Lizard-Man.
Also, "pathetic" seems to be Elixirs most favouritest word in teh WORLDDDDD.

[CptRansom]

And this thread finally begins to get entertaining.

Carry on, gentlemen.

[BulletMagnet]

This thread is not in a good place, and neither are several of the posters herein: watch your steps.

[Siren2011]

It's only meaningful if you continue to show any half-heartedly relevant interest in other people who also wish to spill their guts.

Look, just because I don't comment on everyone's story does not mean that I'm not interested. I only comment when I have something to add to the discussion. The whole point of this thread was not to "resolve these issues I have" but to merely entertain others with our stories. In that respect, plenty have delivered already.

But what have you contributed? A migraine, that's what. I'm sure to the people who know you, this is nothing new.

As for this,

why on earth are you talking about this in a gaming forum?

Hi. I'd like to welcome you to the OFF TOPIC sub-forum. In it, sometimes, people discuss shit that doesn't have anything to do with games.

Games are the main topic of this site, in case you didn't know. So guess what? A topic about schizophrenia in the OFF TOPIC sub-forum is a topic being discussed in the appropriate place. Would you prefer that we discuss it in the High Score thread, instead? I won't, because I'm fine here, but feel free to start it yourself.

What is so "retarded" about self-diagnosing myself, anyway? Why do you care so much if I try to connect my symptoms to an appropriate illness? Does arguing with a crazy person make YOU...crazy as well?

He's in his late thirties, and shows no sign of improving.

That just sucks. Why the hell is he refusing free money, though? I guess that is a stupid question. Dur.

[drauch]

This thread is bi-polar.