Shmup stinkers

[Rob]

Oh yeah: Am thinking about making a series of hi score threads based roughly on the list in the OP. Is anybody interested?

In seeing a bunch of threads with 0 responses. Sure, why not.

[rocketassistedkea]

Here's a real stinker for you...the worst shmup I've played.
The year was 1982 or something, and with my dad in tow...I picked my birthday present [or christmas, who remembers these things]: and got my poor pa to part $80 for an Atari 600 cartridge called: 'Caverns of Mars'...Ooo....cue spooky Captain Scarlet music. The Mysterons are invading.

Have a look at a youtube [if you can]; I'm sure someone couldn't resist filming themselves playing it, possibly in an attempt to warn others.

'Gameplay' [snigger] consisted of turning your ship left and right [and up and down fractionally...it had terrible controls implemented terribly], taking occasional shots at things in your path, as you fell down the screen.
1 minute later, cue the second level...where you fell through a few missiles, navigating a few tunnels....shooting a core a few times [or maybe just once, don't remember/don't care], and voila. 2 minutes after booting it up; you've finished the game. Yet I PICKED IT [o.k; I picked it based on the shiny box picture...same way I picked: 'Star Raiders', which just rocked].

Whooa, what happened, where am I...that's IT??
Thankfully, there;'s a second loop-where things are [slightly] harder/different. Can't remember how...I just remember, 2 minutes later that was over, too.

Game over man, game over.

Zaxxon/Super Zaxxon also only had 2 levels...but it was WAY better than this.

A stinking turd of a shmup indeed.
Conclusion? Gameplay would be more fun if you drink too much floor polish; and played it covered in your own [or someone else's] warm sick. 'Cause at then at least you'd be warm, and thats...more fun than playing this. Warm and comfortable.
Warmth is good.
Being lost in the wild, coming across a dead horse, and sitting in it, would be warm, hence:also more pleasurable than playing: 'the Caverns of Mars'. If you're confused, understand, the upper-limits of my survival-shelter skills, consist of: a] finding an abandoned air-conditioned car, and sitting in it, or b]:discovering a dead horse, and sitting in that.)
I even have a copy of it somewhere. I really need to bury it in the backyard-but I'd need to seperate it into bits first, otherwise; it might just come back, and make me do things like play it.
I don't want that.

Z

[DocHauser]

I was actually playing Twin Eagle II yesterday before I looked at this thread. I think it probably has dated quite a lot - it looks pretty ugly these days. It's still funny and kind of entertaining to play, though. I don't think it's a classic, but it's probably not a stinker either.

In fact, there are very few actual arcade games that deserve the term. Most of them are at least playable (they needed to be to get people to put in more than one coin), just lacking that extra spark to make them great. The likes of Ghost Pilots, Sky Smasher, Stagger 1, Zing Zing Zip, and the Dooyong games are all probably 5/10 to 6/10 games, i.e. average-to-above-average. Not great, but not truly terrible. But in modern reviewing terms, any game that gets 6/10 or less is deemed a stinker. (The only arcade games on the list that I've played that really are dreadful are Mission Craft, Fire Hawk and Bermuda Triangle.)

To find the proper bottom-of-the-barrel stuff (1/10 to 4/10 games), you've got all the garbage produced for home consoles and home computers; Atari, NES, SNES, Master System, Megadrive, Spectrum, MSX, C64, Amstrad, Amiga. That's where the real shmup stinkers can be found...

[rocketassistedkea]

Hey; this'd probably be copyright infringement or something, but taking Twin Eagle 2 (with all the game assets/graphics/sound e.t.c already in place [the time-consuming stuff]...maybe some nice 3d debrie effects, to update it graphically-it was gorgeous in its day]...and manipulating the code to; a)give your huge chopper a tiny hitbox, and; #2) replace crappy game flak with some kind of interesting pink bullet-hell....would be a smashing improvement on an already fun game. Wouldn't take much either, and could possibly be legal, if it were freeware. I'm not a lawyer, so don't know these things. Not sure if the code's even out there, anyway. But if it was; I'm someone could pick it apart...b
It's crying out for a sequel, or failing that; a fan remake.
But yes...I can't actually picture any flak in my mind, there can't have been much of it in that game...I do remember it feeling a bit lacking in hostile fire, but I also remember being lulled into a false sense of security;and exploding quite a bit.

Z

[Obiwanshinobi]

I actually like Strike Gunner STG too. Cool choice of weapons for the time, and not many shooters of the era had 2p co-op.

Point taken, but next to Vimana released in the same year 1991, as well as certain toaplanish games released in 1990 (Raiden, Air Duel) - I'm talking co-op shmups - Strike Gunner S.T.G. is quite baffling. Omega Fighter Special from 1989 is way more busy right off the bat (it does co-op too).

[DocHauser]

taking Twin Eagle 2...update it graphically-it was gorgeous in its day]...and manipulating the code to; a)give your huge chopper a tiny hitbox, and; #2) replace crappy game flak with some kind of interesting pink bullet-hell....would be a smashing improvement on an already fun game. Wouldn't take much either, and could possibly be legal, if it were freeware. I'm not a lawyer, so don't know these things. Not sure if the code's even out there, anyway. But if it was; I'm someone could pick it apart...b
It's crying out for a sequel, or failing that; a fan remake.
Z

Have you played Under Defeat? It's like an updated TEII...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6oOaHdSmzc

[Skykid]

Twin Eagle II is an awesome mix of awesome and oh dear. That makes it awesomer. Had not played it before, now I am glad I did. Thankyou!

Yeah, my thoughts exactly, the game is seriously amusing!

I'm going to have to check out the first one after you mentioned it. I don't know if anything can top the commentary in TE2 though.

And this my friend:

Oh yeah: Am thinking about making a series of hi score threads based roughly on the list in the OP. Is anybody interested?

Is an awesome idea! I was thinking the same thing after playing TE2 that it would be fun to score challenge the weird, not so wonderful, and downright awful games for score. You can open a separate thread in the high score section if you like and copy the list wholesale (include the vids so people know which version they're looking for). I'll update this one with the highest forum score next to each title.

Do it!

[Drum]

Oh yeah: Am thinking about making a series of hi score threads based roughly on the list in the OP. Is anybody interested?

In seeing a bunch of threads with 0 responses. Sure, why not.

I was thinking about doing a megathread, but I pmed spadgy about it (nearly two weeks ago, I am slacking) and he thought it might be easier to manage a series. I don't know what to do! I can definitely see a bunch of individual threads dropping off the page, so maybe one collected pain gauntlet is the way to go.
I don't have any experience hosting high score threads outside IGMO, which not even Ruldra posted a score in, but I am confident I am up to it.

[Skykid]

Oh yeah: Am thinking about making a series of hi score threads based roughly on the list in the OP. Is anybody interested?

In seeing a bunch of threads with 0 responses. Sure, why not.

I was thinking about doing a megathread, but I pmed spadgy about it (nearly two weeks ago, I am slacking) and he thought it might be easier to manage a series. I don't know what to do! I can definitely see a bunch of individual threads dropping off the page, so maybe one collected pain gauntlet is the way to go.
I don't have any experience hosting high score threads outside IGMO, which not even Ruldra posted a score in, but I am confident I am up to it.

It would be a massive undertaking, but it would be a lot of fun. Personally, a single thread I think will work best, others will drop off too easily when people focus on one game in particular and never resurface. Also, individual threads would clutter up the hi score index massively.
If you do a collected thread of Hi Score Stinkers for people to pick and choose that should be amusing... just hard work!

[DocHauser]

You could maybe have a couple of separate threads, one featuring the Dooyong games (The Last Day, Pollux, Flying Tiger, Blue Hawk, R-Shark) and another featuring the other half-decent arcade games on the list (Sky Smashers, Stagger 1, Zing Zing Zip, etc.)

As for the console games, not sure if there'd be many people interested in playing the likes of Xenon 2 for score...

I hadn't heard of Sengoku Cannon before seeing this thread. Bloody hell, it looks appalling (and I like Sengoku Blade).

skykid> I just noticed that your link for Varia Metal is actually a video of an indie/doujin game called Varia, which is not the same thing. There don't seem to be any clips of VM on youtube.

[dunpeal2064]

I actually like Strike Gunner STG too. Cool choice of weapons for the time, and not many shooters of the era had 2p co-op.

Point taken, but next to Vimana released in the same year 1991, as well as certain toaplanish games released in 1990 (Raiden, Air Duel) - I'm talking co-op shmups - Strike Gunner S.T.G. is quite baffling. Omega Fighter Special from 1989 is way more busy right off the bat (it does co-op too).

Ah, see I was only comparing it to its rivals on the SNES, not across the board. I can't bring up an argument worth taking it down, other than that I still find it playable. Not the best, but IMO not the worst. But I totally understand why it is up there.

[Skykid]

skykid> I just noticed that your link for Varia Metal is actually a video of an indie/doujin game called Varia, which is not the same thing. There don't seem to be any clips of VM on youtube.

Doh, thanks man. I'll remove the link in the hope someone can produce one.

[Kollision]

Damn Ikaruga is overrated.
I vote it for another stinker in the list.

[rocketassistedkea]

Fair enough;0)

Alright...I nominate; 'Lighting Fighters'....the supposed 'good' arcade version; with the snaky dragon laser. Felt and played bland back then, and guess what...I know where the arcade machine is-usually switched off; and I don't even bother asking them to switich it on. In fact, doing so would be a chore...can't even be bothered asking them to do so; would rather just quietly wait for my fish-n-chips, and/or chewing my toenails in public.
Couldn't recommend it to a hardcore (though it IS hard, one thing it has going for it...and the lasersnakething[tm]), nor a casual player...for fear it might colour their impression of the genre.
I reckon it was also dated when it first came out [god, I'm old].
I don't understand the praise this game gets.

P.s; the 'crap' TF3 I played; was almost certainly the SNES version...I remember missing TF4 terribly....so It'd make sense that I'd want quick relief by sleeping with a skanky hooker called 'Geof'; dressed up as a Thunder Force game.

Z

[MathU]

Biometal for the SNES is a real turd.

[dunpeal2064]

Biometal for the SNES is a real turd.

No wai! Play that shit ten times more often that Gradius 3.

[devilmanozzy]

Here's a real stinker for you...the worst shmup I've played.
The year was 1982 or something, and with my dad in tow...I picked my birthday present [or christmas, who remembers these things]: and got my poor pa to part $80 for an Atari 600 cartridge called: 'Caverns of Mars'...Ooo....cue spooky Captain Scarlet music. The Mysterons are invading.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwGSVzqLCg4

The game visually looks fine for the system its on which is a Atari 800. As for how much you paid....Why are you spending $80 on something you know nothing about?!

As for the length of the game, It's clear that the game is about two things: Score and making it all the way through. It's actually quite a interesting different direction they took having the play race back out. Anyways I don't see your issue.

[devilmanozzy]

Alright...I nominate; 'Lighting Fighters'....the supposed 'good' arcade version; with the snaky dragon laser. Felt and played bland back then, and guess what...I know where the arcade machine is-usually switched off; and I don't even bother asking them to switich it on.

You mean "Lightning Fighters" aka "Trigon".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mPLg91gTVw
BTW, the game looks fun.

P.s; the 'crap' TF3 I played; was almost certainly the SNES version...I remember missing TF4 terribly....so It'd make sense that I'd want quick relief by sleeping with a skanky hooker called 'Geof'; dressed up as a Thunder Force game.

That is a game called "Thunder Spirits". Use google next time when in conversation and spouting out stuff like that.

[MathU]

Biometal for the SNES is a real turd.

No wai! Play that shit ten times more often that Gradius 3.

Well it's not like that's a hallmark of SNES shooting quality.

Also surprised nobody's mentioned Spriggan Powered yet. I have played few shooters quite as dull as it is. It's even worse than Biometal.

[dunpeal2064]

Biometal for the SNES is a real turd.

No wai! Play that shit ten times more often that Gradius 3.

Well it's not like that's a hallmark of SNES shooting quality.

Also surprised nobody's mentioned Spriggan Powered yet. I have played few shooters quite as dull as it is. It's even worse than Biometal.

Yeah, good point. If I do hook up the SNES for shmupping purpose, 9/10 its either Macross, Axelay, or Sonic Wings (good co-op woth the lady)

Spriggan Powered does look a tad dull, which is disappointing. I had heard a lot of hype about it

[Rob]

Bio Metal is one of the best SFC shooters. This should be common knowledge by now.

[MathU]

You're a little loopy when it comes to picking out video game quality, Rob.

[Dale]

Nope, it is the best.

[dunpeal2064]

Definitely top 5. Macross is number one though, and I have not played Rendering Ranger (granted its not a pure shmup, but I'd rate it in there all the same).

[rocketassistedkea]

Here's a real stinker for you...the worst shmup I've played.
The year was 1982 or something, and with my dad in tow...I picked my birthday present [or christmas, who remembers these things]: and got my poor pa to part $80 for an Atari 600 cartridge called: 'Caverns of Mars'...Ooo....cue spooky Captain Scarlet music. The Mysterons are invading.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwGSVzqLCg4

The game visually looks fine for the system its on which is a Atari 800. As for how much you paid....Why are you spending $80 on something you know nothing about?!

Dude...I was a kid. Like, 6 years old.
Are you a troll? Very fucking rude, your comment on; 'Thunder Spirits'. Instead of me following your dictatorial command...to use Google...[how rude and condescending], why don't YOU read the posts first before you comment. ...where you'll SEE I've already said that.
Anyway, 'Caverns' had it's moments, namely, navigating tunnles...but it still took around 2 minutes to finish, and the controls were pretty bad-making those two minutes a bit of a chore.

I'm actually in the mood to have a rant about trolls [forgive me...we've just had a big earthquake in Christchurch today, 65 dead, at least 200 still trapped in buildings....both numbers are going to rise]....but rather than clog up your thread Skykid [I think you're a nice guy...another aftershock just writing this]; I'm going to introduce myself in the 'introduce yourself bit'; and have my rant there. I can't stand rude people.

Lightning Fighters...there's probably a MAME you can download. I've played both versions, the one at the arcade is the US version, but really; from memory the 'better' JA version just offers you a new satellite weapon. Feels very 'empty' to play.

I second BioMetal as a turd. Had a catchy song, and looked good in stills...moving; is another matter.

Z

[Skykid]

Definitely top 5. Macross is number one though, and I have not played Rendering Ranger (granted its not a pure shmup, but I'd rate it in there all the same).

Rendering Ranger is a Run n' Gun dude.

Okay, so before there's any kerfuffles, let me just try to compile the recent mentions:

Caverns of Mars - can't see anything wrong with this to be honest. It's a game of its era and hardware and looks kinda fun actually.

Ikaruga - is overrated, I concur, but no stinker. We already had this come up.

Trigon/Lightning Fighters - looks a wee bit slow, but fun still. Not putting this on a the stinker list.

Thunder Force SNES - Don't we have this up already (Thunder Spirits?)

Biometal - looks awesome. Can't possibly put this up.

Spriggan Powered - Yes, had this very briefly and hated it. Dull, sparse, annoying. It's on the list.

[Kollision]

Randering Ranger R2 is a hybrid, with run'n'gun stages followed by shmup stages and so on so forth etc.

It's fairly impressive.

[Skykid]

Randering Ranger R2 is a hybrid, with run'n'gun stages followed by shmup stages and so on so forth etc.

It's fairly impressive.

I know, just don't consider it a pure shmup. I didn't think much to it as a game tbh, maybe I should spend some more time with it.

[drauch]

Great game, but yeah, dunno if it's worth the price. That part is fairly relative, I suppose...

[devilmanozzy]

Here's a real stinker for you...the worst shmup I've played.
The year was 1982 or something, and with my dad in tow...I picked my birthday present [or christmas, who remembers these things]: and got my poor pa to part $80 for an Atari 600 cartridge called: 'Caverns of Mars'...Ooo....cue spooky Captain Scarlet music. The Mysterons are invading.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwGSVzqLCg4

The game visually looks fine for the system its on which is a Atari 800. As for how much you paid....Why are you spending $80 on something you know nothing about?!

Dude...I was a kid. Like, 6 years old.
Are you a troll? Very fucking rude, your comment on; 'Thunder Spirits'. Instead of me following your dictatorial command...to use Google...[how rude and condescending], why don't YOU read the posts first before you comment. ...where you'll SEE I've already said that.
Anyway, 'Caverns' had it's moments, namely, navigating tunnles...but it still took around 2 minutes to finish, and the controls were pretty bad-making those two minutes a bit of a chore.

I'm actually in the mood to have a rant about trolls [forgive me...we've just had a big earthquake in Christchurch today, 65 dead, at least 200 still trapped in buildings....both numbers are going to rise]....but rather than clog up your thread Skykid [I think you're a nice guy...another aftershock just writing this]; I'm going to introduce myself in the 'introduce yourself bit'; and have my rant there. I can't stand rude people.

Lightning Fighters...there's probably a MAME you can download. I've played both versions, the one at the arcade is the US version, but really; from memory the 'better' JA version just offers you a new satellite weapon. Feels very 'empty' to play.

I second BioMetal as a turd. Had a catchy song, and looked good in stills...moving; is another matter.

Z

You do bring out the troll in me I must say. Anyways I have downloaded the (world) version of Lightning Fighters which was pretty fun so far. There is slowdown tho. Can't get the Japan version to work.

Sigh, I don't know you or whats going on in the news. I don't even have a tv anymore. Anyways I have in the past worked on some wikis if you are trying to figure me out. I have nothing to hide from you. Funny thing is I am a artist too, so stop pushing that on me. I have a bachelor in Animation.