How do you explain our SHMUPS hobby to your loved ones?

[Dragoforce]

Try to get her intrested in through the "backdoor".

Do you recommend manual stimulation beforehand?

Nah, just plug it in and see if it fits.

[kennyrh]

The only response would be . . .

. . ."what !! you don't like shmups . . .you PHILISTINE !!!!!!!!"

Or . . ."right, shoot the shit outta THAT . . ."

[Jockel]

Insert another random "shoot the core" joke here...

[honorless]

I'm with cools, You're in a no win situation by setting yourself up with someone like that unfortunately.

I dunno, "meh" implies to me that she's completely indifferent to his hobby rather than disapproving of it.

Warp_Rattler has the right idea. The issues are really responsibility and equality.

If you're fully combining your finances, don't make big purchases without at least getting an OK. Don't drain the joint account. Don't rack up lots of debt. Put the necessities first. These are kind of no-brainers.

Establishing "his", "hers", and "ours" accounts and having percentages taken out of your paychecks to fund them is a good idea. I wouldn't bring it up immediately unless your fiancée is a rather practically-minded girl, though—otherwise she might take offense.

Like everything else in your relationship, it should be give and take, 50/50...sharing if possible. Or at the very least, the situation should be mutually acceptable. (If someone's out of work taking care of a kid, 50/50 isn't gonna happen.)

If it's not and you can't make it that way, bail the fuck out.

[Jockel]

Oh yeah, don't buy stuff together with her!
You never know if/when/why your relationship is going to end, and it sucks to argue over who owns what.

[HenshinStorm2001]

All of you are making valid points. She does like BAM and MD3 for the Neo.
May Mushi Tama maybe in order for the future...........
still a little worried but not as much thanks guys.

[Warp_Rattler]

Yeah, if there are games she likes to play, look into getting one or two of those so she feels a bit more included in your hobby; she might also be a bit more understanding as to why you like it so much.

A few other people also brought up the valid point of investment. Now, no financial advisor worth his salt would tell you to put all your savings into PCBs, but they do tend to retain a somewhat stable value. "Baby, I'm providing for our future, and having fun doing it!" certainly wouldn't fly, but it might help to let her know that if something came up like a huge medical bill, you could probably liquidate your collection pretty easily for a nice chunk of change. Just giving her the assurance that the hobby isn't a worthless monetary black hole and could be put to use during hard times might certainly help your situation a bit.

[dan76]

I used to have a flat share with a fella who worked in the city - banker type - and apparently there was a problem with the hi-level execs becoming stressed out with their job, not relaxing and it leading to all kinds of "issues". One of which was cock-rot. Not just any old cock-rot, but executive cock-rot. They were so into work they were forgetting to wash, eat, look after themselves. One of the ways given to combat this cock-rot was that after work they should go and relieve some stress, play a sport, shoot some zombies. Yes, playing House of the Dead was advised as a good way to relieve stress. You've seen them, guys in suits, playing HOTD in the corner (well, a few years ago anyhow). This is all true, as told to me by Gordon, the banker type (and if you can't trust them...) - So, substitute HOTD for Ketsui or whatever - it prevents cock-rot, and that's vital given the situation you'll be in.

[HenshinStorm2001]

Shmups kill stress no doubt about that...but so does sex...

[Icarus]

Just admit you're a total fucking geek and hope she can live with it.

This. Face it, we're all a bunch of geeks, and the best thing to do is to hope the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is easy-going, or just as much of a geek as you are.

All of this is moot though - I never hear the end of how geeky the hobby is, and that I need to start saving for my future. Which is true.

This too. I've personally kept my spending to a minimum the past year - aside from a recent blip where I splashed on a J360 and a couple of games, as Play-Asia was having a 20% off sale, LOL - and I can tolerate some of her more extravagant purchases (like that £480 Louis Vuitton bag... （￣へ￣） ), as long as she can tolerate mine. We both try and save as much as we can, but we try to have some fun while we're at it.

Compromise. Best, and only solution.

[XERO]

i don't.....

[kog3100_edw]

"Baby, all that fiddlin' with the joystick works out my wrist so I can have a better time when I'm alone during your headache nights."

[UnscathedFlyingObject]

1. Lie about how much your games cost ("That old board was just $50..")
2. Lie about how much you spend on her ("I bought you these earrings. They were just $500."

She'll be delighted by how well you spend your money.

[TodayIsForgotten]

The same way females explain their hobbies for shopping and makeup. You don't need it but you buy it anyway. That's all you have to say. You stop buying clothes and makeup, I'll stop buying games.

[Andi]

1. Lie about how much your games cost ("That old board was just $50..")
2. Lie about how much you spend on her ("I bought you these earrings. They were just $500."

She'll be delighted by how well you spend your money.

This is great advice, obviously from an expert.

I'm in the opposite situation. My girlfriend spends more money on games (admittedly, girl-safe DS games) than I do, and I'm always trying to reel her back in. Girls are terrible with money.

[Jockel]

Girls are terrible

[vercimber]

My girl and I are both professional writers--so this is what I say to her on occasion:

"I appreciate that you understand and accept this strange hobby of mine. Just as you meditate and swim to help you relax and get ideas for stories, I play these particular types of games to help my brain descramble and focus."

It's not bullshit, either, which helps. But if you can somehow make it known that shmups are actually BENEFICIAL and HEALTHFUL for you (i.e., it plays to your analytical nature, it keeps your brain sharp, it helps nurture your decision-making skills, etc.), then she'll likely begin to warm up to it. Also, play a bit confused and befuddled about it all, as in:

"I honestly don't know WHY it's these sorts of games that help my focus--and I know they cost a bit of money--but I feel that, if I were to do without them, I'd be abandoning something genuinely therapeutic for me."

All of this sounds like hogwash, I know, but it's worked for me. For what it's worth.

[Leeram]

I have some advice. I am married with two kids and my wife hates my hobby. Here are some tips:

- Before you get married make an (unofficial) pre-nuptial agreement that you will have your own room in any house you ever live in. I did this. This will give you somewhere to go when you need to be away to think. Never, ever, under any circumstances, complain about anything in any other part of the house. Whether you like it or not, let her have the rest of the house however she wants it, no matter how ridiculous. Do not have an opinion about bathroom tiles, carpets, curtains, sofas, the colour of the bin, which drawer the cutlery goes in.

- Do not mention anything when you buy a game. If she asks tell her, there's no need to lie, but don't volunteer anything.

- Get her to chip in for games at your all birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day etc.

- Be prepared to sell from your old collection to buy new, unfortunately this has to be done to show you aren't wasting "house" money. On occasion be really upset about it (but nice) and when she asks why you're upset, explain it's because you are having to sell your stuff to buy a new game... You might touch lucky and she'll feel sorry for you and let you keep your stuff and buy the new game. Don't do this too often though and reserve it for more expensive items!!

- Never, ever complain about anything she buys or how much it costs. Never complain about her going out with friends or going anywhere for any reason (week long holidays, whatever). But keep a running total of the cost in your head. It's always useful when she accuses you of wasting money.

- Make her watch the Big Bang Theory and Beauty and the Geek (and the IT Crowd if you are in the UK) so she can get a flavour of how geek minds work

- This is the biggy - refuse to watch ANY girlie telly. No "the OC", No "Nip tuck" etc. Then sit every night with her to watch telly (or whatever) and let her control the remote. The second she puts on anything girlie tell her you are going to play games. That way you always get to blame her for watching telly when she complains about it, rather than you going to play games

- Do not, under any circumstances, import a Space Ace arcade machine from America and just run off to collect it 3 hours away in a hired van one day and then show up with a load of mates/family to put it in your house, UNTIL you are married. She will hate it forever and never forgive you, but she won't divorce you

- Both of you read a book called "Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps"

- Never buy an expensive game without chipping in yourself and never tell her about it until after you have bought it AND she is in a good mood.

- Be prepared to take a lot of stick about it, but stick to your guns

- Assuming you get married and have children, make sure you negotiate a trade off for having each child. I got a top spec PC for my first child and the best broadband we have in the UK, for life, for the second You absolutely will need somewhere to go on your own and you need commitment to pay for those things regardless of children sucking up every single penny you ever earn ever again, ever. Your sanity matters.

- Hope you get a boy, then you can say everything is for him and it's automatically allowed. I have two girls and don't get that option, except for Wii games like Mario Galaxy

Cheers

Lee

[HenshinStorm2001]

These are all very good. We may get a 3 bedroom home (her parents)
so if this is the case we will only have 2 kids total. But I am going to try and space
them as much as possible. 5 years. So I can have 1 of the rooms and in a couple of years
build a game room in the back yard

Hope this will work.

All of you guys are vastly wise and I bow to all of you and your knowledge!!

[Ixmucane2]

refuse to watch ANY girlie telly. No "the OC", No "Nip tuck" etc.

"Nip/Tuck" is "girlie telly"? I think the combination of soap-like complications, extreme situations and aberrant characters is more likely meant for a mostly male (but possibly gay) public of jaded sadistic perverts, like other recent shows like "Dirt" and "Dexter". Maybe you only mean that you can't stand these shows while your s.o. likes them?

My definition of "Girlie telly" is: shows, typically by female authors, with woman protagonists that seem to interact mostly with other women and concern themselves a lot with love and sex and friendship (from a limited female point of view) rather than with real life.
Examples, in order of increasing irritation, include "Gilmore Girls", "Grey's Anatomy", "Sex and the City", and "The L Word".

[Leeram]

But you miss the point. It doesn't matter what is or isn't girlie telly, it's whatever your lady friend watches, regardless of what it is.

Cheers

Lee

[emphatic]

But you miss the point. It doesn't matter what is or isn't girlie telly, it's whatever your lady friend watches, regardless of what it is.

Cheers

Lee

I'm having problems finding stuff for my girlfriend to watch as to get myself some gaming time. We both watch the same shows. And Nip/Tuck is awesome, whatever kind of person that makes me, I will admit it makes me sad it has been canceled.

[THE]

- Assuming you get married and have children, make sure you negotiate a trade off for having each child. I got a top spec PC for my first child and the best broadband we have in the UK, for life, for the second

Lol, then you need to get a new kid every 3 years...

[Gamehunter73731]

Been there. The best thing is to buy her a present every time you buy a game. It worked for me and everyone is happy.

My fiance and I will be moving in together by the end of this year or early next and she is kinda like meh about my Cabs,but since we will be getting married and she is also my banker I am kinda well......scared of what may happen when I decide to buy a Ketsui and 1 more Egret 2 or Astro in the future.. What have you guys done or said to avoid confrontation (bitching) and the like?

[elvis]

I feel a little sorry for people who feel they need to lie to their significant others in order to justify their hobbies. Particularly those who had a hobby pre-relationship, and it was destroyed by an uncaring significant other.

Since she loves you, she MUST except the things that make you happy - really this should be enough!

That sums it up for me. My wife knew I was a gamer when we met. She doesn't enjoy the sorts of games I do, but she accepts that it's part of my personality. And quite honestly, if she'd forced me to choose between a life without games and a life without her, the games would have won (on principal - I am who I am, and won't be manipulated).

Luckily for the both of us, she was understanding. Now I get games and a wonderful wife.

Of course, I won't lie to you. Work and kids will kill your gaming time no matter who you are. But it's our collective choice to pick our priorities at given times in life, and not an enforced choice by my wife where I have no say.

I guess the only advice to anyone getting married is to do so for the right reasons. I've lost count of how many of my good friends have been bullied into bad marriages by manipulating partners. The end result is always the same: depression, divorce, or both. It's far easier to grow a spine early on and stand up for what you believe in than it is to suffer through life for something you only think is what you truly want.

That all sounds terribly childish and selfish, but honestly occasional selfishness is one of the few things that keeps a person sane in their life.

[Ixmucane2]

What are the main concerns of wives etc. against hobbies?

• Objective annoyances and inconveniences.
  For example, my father had to give up building model airplanes after a bad case of sawdust in the living room.
  Fortunately, the main problems with videogames are noise and distracting flashing lights, which can be solved by using earphones and by not placing screens in stupid places like a shared bedroom.
• Irrational aversion.
  There are quite a few people who dislike videogames and despise people who play them and, a fortiori, people who spend serious money to play them. But who would marry such a narrow-minded person?
• Waste of money.
  As many have pointed out, arcade boards and cabinets should be easy to resell at a satisfactory price.
  What might be more important, the expenses are possibly large but few, planned and not recurrent: the cost can and should remain under control.
  The situation is much better than in the case of other hobbies that are subject to casual shopping (e.g. accumulating clothes, books, records) or more expensive for more dedicated practitioners (e.g. gambling, tourism, extreme sports).
• Waste of time.
  This isn't very negotiable; a responsible person simply doesn't neglect his duties. Can videogames be more important than family?

[RoninBuddha]

"avoid bullets and shoot stuff"

[HenshinStorm2001]

She is ok with everything now, but to be honest I will have to get a Ketsui
b4 actual marriage. $1000 will never be justified by any woman on a game.
She wants a pinball machine she says.........aren't those things alot?

[neorichieb1971]

Pinballs vary depending on how rare they are and the condition they are in.

I have a simple strategy with women. I tell them that there is more money in the bank than last month because I budgetted accordingly. Since Ketsui is the only game that warrants special attention (at the moment) I don't think its going to be a problem.

My girlfriend wants to keep the AWSD now after telling me its big chunk of metal. I just put her first for a while and her attitude changed. But then again, with shmups i'm not really impatient. I've missed countless deals and opportunities to speed things along but find thats where the problems start. I also have a blu ray addiction right now and am at the mercy of quality releases

[Hibachi]

My wife has been absolutely fine with my gaming.

She's okayed a JP 360 on top of my UK machine and let's me have pretty much what I want and plays Gears of War 2 and Left 4 Dead with me although she never ventures online.

She didn't bat an eye when I mentioned that I'm looking at a cab as I'm mainly a console gamer and merely said 'where are you gonna put it?' Which is a fair point.

She does mock me a bit though but i've always gamed and she's accepted it. I usually buy her a new ironing board or some make up and washing up liquid though just to keep her happy.

Shmups wise she can be in the same room as me but does not like the high pitched yelps that tend to come from the characters when playing but that's about it.

I get my time by having a specific night of the week arranged (usually a Thursday) where she will get out of the way for me to play games. I also get time in at the weekends too when there's nothing on the TV as well.

Richieb - Did you used to come into Next Gen?