How do you explain our SHMUPS hobby to your loved ones?

[HenshinStorm2001]

My fiance and I will be moving in together by the end of this year or early next and she is kinda like meh about my Cabs,but since we will be getting married and she is also my banker I am kinda well......scared of what may happen when I decide to buy a Ketsui and 1 more Egret 2 or Astro in the future.. What have you guys done or said to avoid confrontation (bitching) and the like?

[DJ Incompetent]

Throw her hobby right back in her face. If she doesn't have one, she should try it sometime.

[Matsunaga]

You're screwed.

[chempop]

This is actually a pretty good question as people who aren't into it really don't get it. I guess you could say a number of things that _might_ help her understand - here are some ideas...

It is a healthy outlet because it is relaxing, zen inducing, and spiritually fulfilling, some women really like that kinda talk lol

It is good exercise for your eyes, she doesn't want you to go blind in your old age right?

Ask her what she would rather have you spend your free time doing, and then make some compromises by remembering to do some of the things she says from time to time.

Since she loves you, she MUST except the things that make you happy - really this should be enough!

If the main issue is a money concern, just don't let bills pile up and always set aside some of the paycheck for "the future" (no, not a 5th cab), things like college for the kids.... or a special vacation of _her choice_ (this will gain you some serious extends).

I'm single right now, but I've had issues with a girlfriend who got pissed about my video games, obviously she couldn't except me for who I am and it didn't work out. I had hoped she would have made the slightest effort to enjoy them with me, but there was no chance of that. Steel Battalion was definitely a bad choice if I wanted to keep her around

[themachinist]

Tell her she doesn't need THAT many shoes or handbags.

[brentsg]

If you expect her to understand why you'd spend $1000 on a single game then it's not going to happen. The only way to properly do this is through an extensive desensitization process and it sounds like you don't have time.

I recommend:

1) start buying Neo CD's
2) get a supergun and start buying cheap MVS carts - explain how cheap they are and how much more authentic they are than the CD
3) very slowly transition from cheap MVS carts to full kits
4) explain that you need your most favorite games on home carts instead, start with the cheap ones
5) very slowly move up to your favorite $300+ home carts
6) double back and pick up a cab to replace the supergun... make sure the cab has an easy TATE mechanism
7) start picking up PCBs now... unless you got to $1000 AES carts in step 5 you will need to slowly work your way to Ketsui
8 if you've done steps 1-7 slowly and deliberately enough you are now ready to start purchasing very rare and expensive full arcade PCB kits

Optional: If you get to step 5 and realize that you can buy the CD, MVS kit, and home cart of the exact same game without getting into any trouble then you may advance quickly through 6/7/8.

[Cyvern]

Get a high paying job. Then it won't matter.

[ZacharyB]

Evolutionarily speaking, the female of the species will desire an environment with ready access to resources for her offspring.

Don't have kids.

[Kollision]

Great question, to which I sincerely have no exact answer.

I also had problems in the past due to our beloved hobby.
I still do. It's a hobby that makes us lonely even among video game players, so it is even more difficult trying to make people around you (family/girlfriend) understand such a passionate fascination.

chempop already made all the good recommendations.
I do think though that if she has a hobby of her own it will be easier. The problem really arises when she's got nothing special to do with her spare time.

[captpain]

Tackle the problem with a one-two approach of lying and domestic abuse.

[captpain]

But seriously, I'd hold off on Ketsui.

[keropi]

though I am not that much in arcade/cabs (more pc and console player) people rarely get it... You must face the fact that in the eyes of the ignorant those things look like toys for little boys... some kind of prejudice if you like...
I don't bother anymore explaining, I just answer "that is what I like to spend my time on" and nothing more. If someone does not understand this simple statement , then there are issues beyond the scope of this thread
Most likely you will get bitching that this is a "useless hobby" but that is easily answered, hobbies are not supposed to be useful they are supposed to be FUN. In the same sense fishing, scale modeling, collecting stuff is the same useless as gaming in general...
meh... I hope I made a point

edit: oh and don't have someone else manage your money... or at least have a secret stash or something...

[Warp_Rattler]

I know this is going to be a bit different than some of the other responses here, but I really think you need to reconsider your way of looking at her potential reaction. The girl sees you spending three or four digits on a single video game and doesn't approve--I hardly think it's fair to call that "bitching", bring up the age-old argument about shoes, or anything else that really belittles her position. If it helps bring about a bit of perspective, I don't get why my wife needs as many shoes as she has, and I think it's absolutely asinine that some of her pairs cost what they did. Not to say that shoe hoarding and game collecting are entirely equal, but it's important to keep in mind that people are going to see these things differently. While I go an entire year on a $50 sale pair of New Balance shoes, she has to have these $90 flats because they are of a particular color which only works with a certain outfit which her other shoes do not properly match. Where I buy a masterpiece of shmup design with an amazing soundtrack, expertly ported from the arcade, she sees me spending $150 on a game nearly a decade old for an ancient system, and what the hell is a 'Radient Silvergun' anyways?

It's one thing to be single and to do what you will with your money, and quite another to be in the sort of relationship that has you combining finances. You now have bills to pay together--you're pitching in on her credit card bill, she's helping out on your student loans, and now the both of you are accountable to the other person for your spending. I don't suggest trying to dupe her or progressively 'train' her into accepting your purchase of more and more expensive items until you can buy full kits on release unhindered, because that just seems pretty duplicitous. If you want to continue the hobby, you're going to need her blessing (if not her understanding), and you're going to have to make some compromises on your spending from beforehand. It's a bit disappointing, but unless you two are anywhere near Donald Trump's tax bracket, you're probably not going to be able to continue as you were before. I certainly wish, at times, that I could just pick stuff up with abandon like I did in my dating or single days, but at the same time having someone to answer to helps keep me a bit honest as to whether or not I REALLY need some of the stuff I see on a whim.

Here's a couple things you could try offering to do when you decide to start hunting for that Ketsui kit or Egret 2:
-Set aside a certain, agreed-upon amount of money each month/paycheck for your pursuits. Deposit it in your Paypal account, take it out as cash, whatever. That money is then yours, to do with as you please. Of course, she gets to do the same thing.
-Sell some of your collection to finance new acquisitions. If you're making a sacrifice and thus keeping the sting in the bank account to a minimum, she might be a bit more willing to let you go wild with new purchases. I've started getting rid of a bunch of old console titles I bought in my early college days when I was more of the "collecting for collecting's sake" mindset. Throwing those proceeds toward a board made the wife much more willing to let me make up the $90 difference out of our bank account, as opposed to the $230 up front. Of course, your miles may vary with different amounts depending on your income, etc.

I think if you just keep communication open, understand that she might not see your hobby in the same light, and are willing to compromise a bit from your days where you were the only one you had to answer to financially, everything should be pretty smooth. I've found that as long as they are kept in the loop, the management is willing to put up with some pretty outlandish stunts; it's when you try to exclude them or act like their concerns or opinions aren't important that the real trouble and bitching arrives.

Sorry this was so long. I hope I don't come off sounding like some sort of relationship expert; I'm just a few days shy of a year in my marriage and so certainly don't have everything figured out, but these are some of the considerations that have helped smooth the road. Plus, we dated for about five years beforehand, during which she discovered the full depths of my nerdery, so by the time the wedding day came I think she was pretty resigned to her fate.

[Warp_Rattler]

Holy crap, that's a frickin' novel. I'm so sorry.

[HenshinStorm2001]

Thanks to all of you!

@Warp_Rattler
What you are saying makes alot of sense!
I am thinking of making my last couple of purchases before the years end and gonna sell
some games to fund Ketsui. But from then on $40 every paycheck will go to Shmups
and the rest for saving and bills. Guess I am just a bit worried, but all the responses are great
and I am learning a lot from everyone so far.

Any of you guys get straight dumped because of our hobby?

[Dragoforce]

Try to get her intrested in through the "backdoor". I introduced my girlfriend to some of the shmup music (mainly Cave) that I thought she would like, then I showed her some artwork (Deathsmiles mostly) and after a while she started to become intrested herself. She actually encouraged me when I bought my Deathsmiles kit since she liked the music and the design so much. Then again, when have split economies which makes thing somewhat easier. And try to sell of some stuff before you make a big purchase, if it only covers a fraction of what the new game will cost you it still eases the blow.

[emphatic]

I'm actually selling off games that get no to very little play time, and each time I do, I tell my girlfriend that, and also directly explain to her that that money will go towards a game that I will actually use plenty and not have laying around gathering dust. We live in quite a small apartment with 2 kids, and I still have three cabs (trying to sell off the woody one though).

I really like the suggestion that playing games is an outlet of emotion and keeps you calm, sane and happy. You could (if you're acting skills' up to it) get "very upset" over some trivial thing, then go play games a while and come back very mellow and hug her or something.

Also, ask here what she would suggest you do with your free time/money. Explain that this is a collector's hobby where you can actually use the items without lowering the value much, or keeping the stuff alive (I'm looking at you DDP-DOJ BL PCB).

[mr_m0nks]

You could always ask for Ketsui as a wedding gift

[Strider77]

tell her if she has that much of a problem with one room dedicated to you and the rest of the house to her then it's not going to work b/c selfish people are to needy.

your money is yours and her money is hers after you split the bills 50/50. anything left is personal funds.

if you have babies shit on all that.... both of your lives are nothing but compromise.

[cools]

she is kinda like meh about my Cabs

You're marrying someone who's already judging what you do in life?

If she's just not interested, fine. If she actively disapproves, you're screwed.

[adversity1]

Try to get her intrested in through the "backdoor".

Do you recommend manual stimulation beforehand?

[Danbo]

Tell her it's an investment. A Ketsui PCB will only increase in value over time

[charlie chong]

all these games look the same to the unitiated.. just buy ketsui and tell her it's strikers 1945 and only cost you £60. if you get a cab put pink buttons and balltops on it then it will be "cool"

[Skykid]

You're screwed.

This. Just admit you're a total fucking geek and hope she can live with it.

I try to actively encourage my girlfriend to come to game shows and such, and while its getting easier to have her agree to attend, she still gets bored faster than I will and start moaning about something or another. She spent a long weekend at IC09, goes to every ATEI, and came to a fighting game mash up last year - and even plays games too. She likes using my E2 cab (but mainly for 2 player puzzlers and the odd scrolling beat em up).

All of this is moot though - I never hear the end of how geeky the hobby is, and that I need to start saving for my future. Which is true.

[Kron]

I'm with cools, You're in a no win situation by setting yourself up with someone like that unfortunately.

[Danbo]

why did you put the cardboard box in the trash?! UGH

[gray117]

I'd be more worried that you're planning on getting married without having lived together properly yet... Totally no offense, and maybe I misunderstood something, but I'd think this is by far the bigger challenge for most couples?

Back to the base problem here though; there's an important distinction to be made here. Are you looking for acceptance, or participation?

It's fine that someone doesn't understand your hobby as long as they respect it. And to help with that; be careful that you don't keep shoving it in their face and boring them with it. You'll probably find that she'll be perfectly accepting of your hobby as long as its not all you talk about. So perhaps be careful how often/much you try and 'introduce' your hobby to her.

Like everyone says just balance the real life and the hobby, and yes depending on how much room you have maybe you can't get another cab - keep all your games in one area /room(s) and don't spread it around and you'll be fine. Try to pre-agree where all you're stuff is going. Do NOT suprise someone with any big bills or space taking/invasion.

Finally, imho girls care more about time and attention rather than amounts or money ... so buy what you want - having time to spend on it will be the problem

Any objections? ... Tell her at least you're not heavily into cars/bikes/sports/drinking/betting/strippers which can be even more time consuming/isolating/dangerous/expensive... There's plenty of worse things in the world than being a bit of a geek...

One last bit - moving can typically be a big thing for girls who depend a lot on their friends and/or the 'outside world' - if you're moving to a different area make sure a f**k that she has easy access to a 'best friend', activities and days out before you start with the whole my time/your time thing ... If she's making new friends in a new area this could be something of particular importance. After she's comfortable with independance THEN you can use that phrase if you need - just don't use it before

[jochen]

Maybe too risky if you try this ( not very serious ) tip from me ( I am a happy single in my midthirties ) :


tell her that your cabs and videogames mean more to you than sex .

Now two things might happen:

She leaves you right away - so it´s you and your videogame-collection "home-alone" again.

She starts trying to change your mind ... meaning every sex dream of you might come true.


But please consider ... these are tips from a long time single.

[Jockel]

Well when i got my first cab my girlfriend wasn't too happy about it.
Then i played a little bit with her and she learned to tolerate it.
Later i got my first candy (astro city) which she instantly loved.
We played some TGM2+ and Puyo Puyo Sun on it, but she always lost and got angry at me.
So my tip: play a little with her, and let her win
Nah but honestly, it's your hobby, she has to cope with it. Simple as that.
Tell her it's at least more interesting than collecting stamps.
Find a game she likes and get the arcade version (or a j-pac w/ MAME), it'll probably change her mind.

[jonny5]

the only thing i have found shuts up the g/f when it comes to high priced games is this:

its an investment....its like money in the bank...sure it cost $1000, but if you need that money back, you can sell it for pretty much what you payed for it

and its better than money in the bank cuz you can play it

as for cabs.....your fucked chicks dont get cabs...mine 'tolerates' them....

just make sure you get a game that the g/f likes and will play....then she cant say shit