Transporter 3 - should've gone straight to audiotape.

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 1:50 am

I've never sat through a movie that felt more like work.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, this pile of utter dross makes it to the screen. It is offensively bad. Consider this a warning: If you actually spend your money to see the film after reading this, I bloody well told you so.

neonecko · Post by **neonecko** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 2:28 am

Yeah, this movie was terrible. Stupid story and stupid action. Fail.

kengou · Post by **kengou** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:30 am

After the second one I don't know why anybody would watch the third one.

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:54 am

kengou wrote:After the second one I don't know why anybody would watch the third one.

I haven't seen the second one, I turned the first off half way through. This I was forced to watch.

Arvandor · Post by **Arvandor** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 4:51 am

kengou wrote:After the second one I don't know why anybody would watch the third one.

themachinist · Post by **themachinist** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 5:16 am

I haven't seen more than one of them, but it had that one hot chinese chick, she was annoying as hell but she was nice to look at

.

Zebra Airforce · Post by **Zebra Airforce** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 5:21 am

Bad action movies are the best kind of movies.

kengou · Post by **kengou** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 6:11 am

themachinist wrote:I haven't seen more than one of them, but it had that one hot chinese chick, she was annoying as hell but she was nice to look at .

That was the first one, which was actually alright. Not great, but mildly enjoyable.

Zeether · Post by **Zeether** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:05 am

So I take it Rifftrax is doing this one.

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 12:01 pm

Transporter 3 has the most appallingly cringeworthy dialogue just about ever. Not helped by the directors complete mis-understanding of how to use music for dramatic effect. It's embarrassing, really, really embarrassing.

The co-star Natalya Rudakova is absolutely useless too - she can't even string a sentence together.

This film deserves to burn.

WTF is Luc Besson doing?!

LaserGun · Post by **LaserGun** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 12:42 pm

Why the fuck is every action film full of parkour/free running and Audis flying off of ramps and shit?

RGC · Post by **RGC** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 12:58 pm

D · Post by D » Mon Dec 15, 2008 1:28 pm

RGC wrote:Skykid, why do you keep subjecting yourself to these films? It should be obvious you're not going to enjoy them. Whenever it came out, I saw the DVD cover of the first film and just thought 'oh, cockney prick joins two gun hollywood bandwagon'. Torture though it may be, I'd sooner watch Rowan Atkinson selling out as Bean, or Steve Coogan similarly wasting his talents in Jackie Chan movies. I'm surprised you give the industry so many chances. Just saying...

Probably friends. I've got the same thing. friends playing bad movies, bad shows and soccer video games, blech. You don't just walk out

. It's not done.

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 2:00 pm

RGC wrote:Skykid, why do you keep subjecting yourself to these films? It should be obvious you're not going to enjoy them. Whenever it came out, I saw the DVD cover of the first film and just thought 'oh, cockney prick joins two gun hollywood bandwagon'. Torture though it may be, I'd sooner watch Rowan Atkinson selling out as Bean, or Steve Coogan similarly wasting his talents in Jackie Chan movies. I'm surprised you give the industry so many chances. Just saying...

Ha ha, I don't have a choice! I was sent along to see it to do a review. The only upside is I get to save other people from wasting their money, cos I'm gonna ruin it.

RGC · Post by **RGC** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 2:16 pm

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 2:33 pm

RGC wrote:Fair do's. But, if people need a review to tell them what to expect from Transporter 3, unless they hale from another planet, they really deserve to see it! :p

I wouldn't wish it on anybody mate - it's THAT bad.

Zebra Airforce · Post by **Zebra Airforce** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:25 pm

Sounds excellent.

CStarFlare · Post by **CStarFlare** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:45 pm

Idunno skykid... I've always thought that action movies lost a lot when they are released on audio tape. I don't think it would have sold very well.

clp · Post by **clp** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 3:48 pm

i cant believe anyone actually watched any of the sequels the first was shit enough as is .

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 7:43 pm

clp wrote:i cant believe anyone actually watched any of the sequels the first was shit enough as is .

Truth.

Post by **undamned** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:44 pm

Skykid wrote:...should've gone straight to audiotape.

Funniest movie dis I've heard in a while.

I was quite surprised to see posters advertising this movie. There was a friend of mine that got railed by us for years because he thought the first one was better than the Matrix.
-ud

DEL · Post by **DEL** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 10:16 pm

Seen it for free. It borrows from Speed, Rutger Hauer's Wedlock and probably a heap of other films too.

I'm still a Luc Besson fan despite this movie.

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Mon Dec 15, 2008 11:54 pm

DEL wrote:Seen it for free. It borrows from Speed, Rutger Hauer's Wedlock and probably a heap of other films too.

I'm still a Luc Besson fan despite this movie.

Were you a fan of the movie Del? I can't believe Besson was even involved, let alone wrote the script?!

Davey · Post by **Davey** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 4:19 am

I enjoyed it, actually. However, I went into it expecting something laughably inane and over-the-top, and it totally delivered.

My girlfriend loves Jason Statham, so whenever he makes a new movie we usually end up seeing it. She was kind of disappointed in Transporter 3, but from what I've seen all of his movies are equally terrible (yet pretty amusing if you're in the mood to turn your brain off for 2 hours).

themachinist · Post by **themachinist** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 4:52 am

Hey he was in Snatch. I liked that one.

Arvandor · Post by **Arvandor** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 6:02 am

A lot of the recent stuff he's been in has indeed been pretty terrible, but before Transporter 2, I really loved some of the movies he was in.

Snatch
Mean Machine
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
The One (not great, but enjoyable enough)

Post by **undamned** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 6:53 am

Arvandor wrote:The One (not great, but enjoyable enough)

He was trying way too hard in that movie. I wanted to punch him in his nards.
-ud

Skykid · Post by **Skykid** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 11:52 am

undamned wrote:
Arvandor wrote:The One (not great, but enjoyable enough)
He was trying way too hard in that movie. I wanted to punch him in his nards.
-ud

Yeah, it's funny when someone who can't act tries really hard to act. I think he had the funniest American accent ever attempted on screen in The One - he always makes me laugh myself silly whenever he comes on. Genius.

Davey: you're a man of...special tastes.

DEL · Post by **DEL** » Tue Dec 16, 2008 1:02 pm

Skykid wrote;

Were you a fan of the movie Del?

Naah, just Besson.

Films I did like Statham in:-
Snatch *****five stars
Crank
The Bank Job
Transporter 1 wasn't too bad.

I liked the Transporter cameo at the beginning of Collateral. All movies should feature Statham delivering a suitcase, and I mean ALL.

ever

Davey · Post by **Davey** » Wed Dec 17, 2008 2:17 am

themachinist wrote:Hey he was in Snatch. I liked that one.

Yeah, Snatch was great. Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels wasn't bad, either. What I meant to say was:

Arvandor wrote:A lot of the recent stuff he's been in has indeed been pretty terrible, but before Transporter 2, I really loved some of the movies he was in.

I was thinking of these when I made my post:
Transporter 2
Transporter 3
Death Race
Crank

I wouldn't say any of those are legitimately good movies, but they all kept me entertained and made me laugh a few times. Crank was just so hyperactive and silly that I couldn't help but to like it. I don't really watch action movies, but my girlfriend has dragged me to enough Jason Statham movies that they have grown on me. They're guilty pleasures of mine now.