Space ship game reviews

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Necronopticous
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Space ship game reviews

Post by Necronopticous »

I was bored. Feel free to join in.
Strikers 1945 3 is an old-school touhou game much like many retro arcade games of the '80s and '90s. It is heavily based on the formula started by Raiden (Not the Mortal Kombat character!). In Strikers 1945 3, you take up the control of a space ship and you must make your way through 8 stages of planes and tanks and battle the 8 bosses. Unlike many games that took the touhou genre to new heights, such as Perfect Cherry Blossom, and Ikaruga, Strikers 1945 3 doesn't really bring anything new to the table, and relies mostly on the game mechanics of the past. In Ikaruga, you are able to change colors and absorb bullets, but in Strikers there is nothing of the sort. Sure, you have a super power attack that can clear the bullets off of the screen, but this only lasts for a second or two, and you can only use it a limited amount of times. Once your power attacks run out, you are defensiveless against the barrage of enemy bullets (Did I mention that one hit kills you?). But this is an arcade game, after all. It was made with one thought in mind, getting lots and lots of quarters! Luckily, you can continue as many times as you like, provided you've got the cash! Like in Perfect Cherry Blossom, you are able to choose from a few different characters (space ships in this case) at the beginning of the game. Each one has a different type of shot and power attack. The game features a high-score board which is fairly easy to make it onto, provided you can maneuver through the bullets and collect a few of the gold score medals. These will give you a random amount of points from about 100-1000 each, and is the best way to rack up points if you'd like to get your name on the board. Strangely, your score is reset each time you continue, making it nearly impossible to top the whopping 70,000 points required to grab the first-place slot. Overall, Strikers 1945 3 is a fun game to play through once, but there's not much else to see after that. Great if you have a half hour to kill and a few bucks to spend at the arcade.

Graphics: 4
Story: ???
Music: 7
Gameplay: 5
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Observer
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Post by Observer »

heh, I like this. I was going to post my old Ketsui review (you can find it here)

But let me attempt a review of R-Type Delta:
tr00kvltl33treviewer0909 wrote:This game is too slow. You can accelerate your ship but then it goes too fast so you can't accelerate it. There are few bullets and they all kill you in one hit. The ship doesn't have inertia. IT'S NOT REALISTIC. Plus you can't take more than one hit, I cannot stop stressing that. You can continue but if you die you have to go to a checkpoint without weapons. So old school it's not funny. For retro lovers only. Oh, and the graphics are from 10 years ago, liek, super old, dude. Just as bad as that PoConChapi that looks like it's for Super NinTendou.

Bad, bad, game and the enemies are scary, there are no lolis or cute stuff, it's all dark gritty space sci-fi with space keyboards and no little cutesy tunes. Boo! I want Trouble Witches! This game is too short and has no replay value whatsoever, you can beat it really quickly!

3/10 =(
I am tempted to make a DoDonPachi, I mean, PoConChapi, and speak a lot about the Stadium Robot and Ibara 360 released on the Magnetvox 180º.
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Udderdude
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Post by Udderdude »

Dodonpoochi is a retro classic 2d shoot-em-up. Despite having poochi in the name, you find not pooches but bees hidden around the levels. This is blatant fradulent advertising, and Akira should be ashamed. You would think their publisher CAVE would have corrected this oversight.

Anyway, you blow up lots of 2d ships that are about as animated as a paper cut-out. Some tanks and turrets rotate around, but that's it. Why can't they be 3d models that spin around like Ikaruga? Truly they were scraping the bottom of the art barrel. It's low-res and pixelated too. It looks awful on my 50 foot LCD HDTV with SuparFiltering(tm) enabled.

There's some hit thing on the side of the screen that seems to arbitrarily reset whenever it feels like it. Lame! Ikaruga's color switching thing is 100 billion million quadrillion times better. Sometimes you get a power-up that makes your shots more powerful, but using it causes the enemies to start firing so much crap that you die in 2 seconds anyway. Who the hell came up with that idea?! Also your laser looks like a giant pee-pee beam when you use it, HEHEHE I SAID PEE-PEE.

In the later levels, it gets so difficult that it seems obvious the developers gave up on making it balanced so they could mooch more quarters out of poor Japanese children's pockets. It's impossible to win without continuing like 20 times. For shame! I could buy Ikaruga for that many quarters!

1/10, and I'm being generous.
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jonny5
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Post by jonny5 »

touhou genre....rofl...good stuff...... :lol:
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SockPuppetHyren
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Post by SockPuppetHyren »

PoConPachi...old-school touhou game...giant pee-pee beam
I love this thread.
kozo
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Post by kozo »

From the IGN archives:
Mushimesama (Japanese for "Mushy Hind Saga") is a dating sim brought to you by Konami (who made the shmooter series Contra) and THQ. Released only in the Great East of Orient, this adults-only hentay title is not for the kids.

Upon starting the game up, you will notice that everything is presented in what I call Lame-O-Vision. What's with all the black, man (.txt)? It's like someone forgot to tell the programmers to fill up the screen! I give the graphix a 7/10 though, because it has that 80's vibe, kinda like Graduim and Space Investors.

Sound is a solid 10/10. Lots of sultry voice acting. I don't even know what she's saying, but she's ridin' that bug. Hot tunes compliment the "on screen action" if you catch my buzzin'.

Gizzame-play. It is a toss-up. On one hand you've got hentei. But in the other, if not your wiiwii (this *is* hentay), you have lots of distracting things all over the screen, like, pink bullits and numbers and enemies and crap like that, that just don't make any freakin' sense. I mean, if I wanted to hone my math skills, I would've just put in Streakers 1945! And all that flat-screen stuff (what I call 2D, my friends love it.) What do they think this is, 1998?

All in all, I'd give it a solid 2/10, since the control is confusing and I have to press Start a lot to get more pretty pictures in between the stages.

Shame on you, THQ.

I almost left this out: If you want real 3D action, try Icarouge.
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PPA
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Post by PPA »

oh my rofl :lol:
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ChurchOfSolipsism
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Post by ChurchOfSolipsism »

Hahaha great retarded idea. Looking forward to more contributions (I suck at being funny, so no review from me).
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Sasupoika
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Post by Sasupoika »

Hahaha.
Keep it coming, those are hilarious.
Mushimesama (Japanese for "Mushy Hind Saga") is a dating sim brought to you by Konami (who made the shmooter series Contra) and THQ. Released only in the Great East of Orient, this adults-only hentay title is not for the kids.
Lolwut?
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ZOM
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Post by ZOM »

...old-school touhou game...

...It's low-res and pixelated too. It looks awful on my 50 foot LCD HDTV with SuparFiltering(tm) enabled...

...since the control is confusing and I have to press Start a lot to get more pretty pictures in between the stages...
Oh my god! This cracks me up, keep em coming! :lol:
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Observer
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Post by Observer »

Ok, here comes the pro review of Espgaluda:
Super Pro Reviwe 771 wrote:Espaldadura* is yet another Touhou-clone by CAVED, a company of japanese midgets that keep vomiting low quality 2D crap that nobody likes in this browned, bloomed and motion blurred reality of the mega huge phaluses of the 3D wankery. Espaldadura just doesn't cut it.

The game makes you play as two nameless fairies from Touhou that seek for revenge and probably steal Reimu's donations in a world full of mecha and some humanoid, ugly stuff that won't make you happy at all. Character art for your fairies is SO kawaii and the music is so awesome and so fitting with the setting that makes me wanna go play DDR and Singstar.

Sadly, we come to the truly low points: the storyline is too generic, the bosses are too easy to beat and once you beat it there is no need to go back to this thing. There are pretty numbers everywhere and lol, bullet time so this Touhou-meets-Matrix is just a huge disappointment. What a waste. CAVED, you suck so much, stop making these dinosaur games from the '70s all based on score. Nobody cares about score, you need to get updated: buy a good computer and start cranking up some REAL tr00 shooters like Aegis Wings, Geometry Wars, Power Up Forever and Shred Nebula.

Those are shooters. You don't even have a life bar here!!! What they were thinking?

I'm giving it a 6/10 for the boobs, the fairies and the Matrix Mode.



*Espalda Dura: from the spanish "Hard Back" hehehehe.
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