One Linerz & VERY Short Joke Thread

doodude · Post by **doodude** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:25 pm

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken

GaijinPunch · Post by **GaijinPunch** » Thu Mar 20, 2008 5:50 am

I was fucking this guy in the ass the other day. He reached back and grabbed my balls, and I was like, "Pfft...FAG!"

doodude · Post by **doodude** » Sat Mar 22, 2008 6:47 pm

Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven - Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.

A little long but it seemed apropriate...

Ruldra · Post by **Ruldra** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 12:23 am

We have a winner

It's amazing the number of Star Trek episodes following that formula.

captain ahar · Post by **captain ahar** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 1:59 am

Q: How does a zen master order a hot dog?

A: He asks for one with everything.

----------------------------------------------

Q: How come Smokey the Bear never had any kids?

A: Because every time the Mrs. got hot, he beat her with a shovel.

Michaelm · Post by **Michaelm** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 2:27 pm

Jesus was walking with the heavy cross towards the execution place when some stranger asked him if he "would make it to the end". Upon which jesus said "I think so, but don't pin me on it".

Stormwatch · Post by **Stormwatch** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 7:43 pm

captain ahar wrote:Q: How does a zen master order a hot dog?

A: He asks for one with everything.

¬¬ It's only funny if he says: "make me one with everything."

JoshF · Post by **JoshF** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 7:58 pm

That Star Trek one was pretty good. Let me try one.

Q: How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty second eyebrow twitch, panting loop.

Gungriffon Geona · Post by **Gungriffon Geona** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 8:13 pm

easter dicks

doodude · Post by **doodude** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 8:23 pm

Stormwatch wrote:
captain ahar wrote:Q: How does a zen master order a hot dog?

A: He asks for one with everything.
¬¬ It's only funny if he says: "make me one with everything."

Ohhhhh, yeah, cuz I was thinkin', "well thats stupid" until I got the 2nd version!
But the 2nd version is funny!

Ruldra · Post by **Ruldra** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 11:59 pm

JoshF wrote:Q: How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, but it takes four episodes.

captain ahar · Post by **captain ahar** » Mon Mar 24, 2008 1:09 am

doodude wrote:
Stormwatch wrote:
captain ahar wrote:Q: How does a zen master order a hot dog?

A: He asks for one with everything.
¬¬ It's only funny if he says: "make me one with everything."

Ohhhhh, yeah, cuz I was thinkin', "well thats stupid" until I got the 2nd version!
But the 2nd version is funny!

oh my god, epic fail. i suck with jokes.

Minzoku · Post by **Minzoku** » Mon Mar 24, 2008 3:37 am

You know, some people believe everything Genesis says.

I don't even like Phil Collins.

black flag nc · Post by **black flag nc** » Fri Apr 04, 2008 7:53 pm

JoshF wrote:That Star Trek one was pretty good. Let me try one.

Q: How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty second eyebrow twitch, panting loop.

LOL! Nice.

Nuke · Post by **Nuke** » Fri Apr 04, 2008 8:22 pm

Minzoku wrote:You know, some people believe everything Genesis says.

I don't even like Phil Collins.

But Peter Gabriel=God!

.....carry on.

Minzoku · Post by **Minzoku** » Sat Apr 05, 2008 10:21 pm

"I've loved you more than you will ever know."

"So you did take advantage of me last night when I was drunk!"

jpj · Post by **jpj** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 8:21 pm

if a cyclist runs into a woman, who is to blame?

the cyclist of course. he shouldn't be riding his bike in the kitchen

Ed Oscuro · Post by **Ed Oscuro** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 10:15 pm

Minzoku wrote:You know, some people believe everything Genesis says.

I don't even like Phil Collins.

BILL CALL MANDY

jpj · Post by **jpj** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 8:15 pm

is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?

doodude · Post by **doodude** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:01 pm

How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan when they come, and take the house when they leave.

What do old women have between their breasts that young women don’t?

A navel.

What’s the difference between a hamster and a cow?

Cows survive the branding.

black flag nc · Post by **black flag nc** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 6:32 am

What bubbles and scratches at the window?

A baby in a microwave.

------------

What's the worst part about having sex with a 5 year old boy?

Washing the bloody clown suit.

------------

What do you tell a chick with two black eyes?

You'd be wasting your time. You done told the bitch twice.

RGB · Post by **RGB** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 11:38 am

I do know that these pedo jokes (the one above, and from the 3rd page) are brilliant entertainment in your fellowship, but that doesn't mean they're wildly enjoyed or accepted here...

moozooh · Post by **moozooh** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 12:04 pm

Why are you so uptight about certain joke subjects? I mean, there are also jokes about deaths, vandalism, violence, all possible failures and misfortunes. Most jokes are like that, fyi, which is the reason they are jokes in the first place. So what, if someone jokes about killing, does that make them a killer?

doodude · Post by **doodude** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 12:07 pm

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

black flag nc · Post by **black flag nc** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:31 pm

RGB wrote:I do know that these pedo jokes (the one above, and from the 3rd page) are brilliant entertainment in your fellowship, but that doesn't mean they're wildly enjoyed or accepted here...

Sorry, but after a few years in the US military, tasteless jokes are all I've got. You're free to post all the squeeky clean 2nd grade jokes you want.

doodude · Post by **doodude** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:33 pm

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

dpful · Post by **dpful** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 1:47 pm

I in the bathroom on the "Enterprise", I stumbled across the Captain's Log.

Reicher was in there doing number 1.

Mcdonalds unveiled their new McMicheal Jackson burger. It's a 39 year old piece of meat between 8 year old buns.

JoshF · Post by **JoshF** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 2:18 pm

Reicher was in there doing number 1.

I thought he was doing number 1's number 2.

doodude · Post by **doodude** » Sun Apr 20, 2008 12:05 pm

What do you do when your wife's staggering?
Shoot her again.

What is the difference between and Virgin and a washing machine?
The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it!

Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.

TriggerHeartExelica · Post by **TriggerHeartExelica** » Sun Apr 20, 2008 3:37 pm

black flag nc wrote:
RGB wrote:I do know that these pedo jokes (the one above, and from the 3rd page) are brilliant entertainment in your fellowship, but that doesn't mean they're wildly enjoyed or accepted here...
Sorry, but after a few years in the US military, tasteless jokes are all I've got. You're free to post all the squeeky clean 2nd grade jokes you want.

No one asked you to post squeaky clean jokes. Pedo jokes are disgusting no matter how ya slice it.
Oh and the baby in the microwave one? DUMB! Think before you post next time PLEASE!