Trouble with a friend

Post by **Shatterhand** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 7:53 pm

I would like to ask the opinion of you guys about something happening in my private life.

I have this friend, for like 10 years now. He is a slacker, he never stays at the same job for a long time, he has quit school too early, and he loves videogame, but he usually plays them in other people houses as the only one he owns is an old SNES (bought when most people already had PS1s

).

About 2 years ago, he asked me to lend him my Playstation. I refused, saying that I don't like to lend any of my stuff. He nearly cried to me, saying that our friendship is bigger than my playstation, and that I have other consoles to play, and he had nothing and that if he broke the Playstation, he would pay the fix (in spite of having no job at the time)... I also had recently lend the Playstation to another friend who I WAS SURE would pay me if he had broken the console. So I ended up lending to him, after he assured he would pay the repair it if it was broken..

Obviously, the PSX stopped working under his hands, and he obviously had no money to repair it. I didn't care much at the time, and we agreed that when he had a job, he would pay it.

I didn't even repaired the system, as I wasn't playing it a lot lately, and was looking forward to buy a PS2 soon. I'd just wait 'til he get a job and then fix it.

So he got a job. But at the same time he was planning marriage with a girl he had met, and he was buying lots of stuff for the marriage, and had no money left. I said "Ok, when you have some money left, we will go to the repair shop to repair it"

He then lost his job. He got some extra money because of that, and he bought an ARCADE CONTROLLER (In spite of having NO console to play). He bought at the same time I bought one for me, and he said he was buying so we could play fighting games with 2 players and all... and ok, I was ok with it. I'd wait more.....

Then he lost the girl (Because she didn't want to marry someone who stays SO LONG without a job, heh).

Once the stick on his controller broke (Playing with someone else that was not me), and still as I used it his controller a lot with other friends, I bought a new stick and changed the stick.

Last month his stick stopped working, and it was just a matter of changing the PSX controller circuit inside of it... and again, I BOUGHT the PSX controller and was going to do the fix myself...

Now he got a new job. I told him "Ok, now you can pay what you own me". (I didn't even add he also own my girlfriend some money), to which he replies "I can't, I am not making much money here, and I have other priorities", while I KNOW he's spending a lot of money in cyber-cafes.

So I just told him "Ok then.. so I'll repair your arcade controller... and now IT'S MINE up until you pay what you own me." He said that I was wrong, that he paid for the controller, it's his controller, he got pissed at me, and I said "Fuck it, you won't have your controller up until you pay what you own".

And that's it. A 10 years friendship is basically shattered right now. But I am so pissed that he had SO MANY chances to pay me and just dodged it every time. It's not even much money (And I don't even want the PS1 that much, as I own a PS2, though I was thinking about selling the PS1, and I could pay the repair myself).. it's just his attitude that got me really pissed.

So, do you guys think I'm wrong?

Edit: I hope my english is good enough.

Fighter17 · Post by **Fighter17** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 8:00 pm

You're not wrong at all.

The guy is an idiot.

Brian · Post by **Brian** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 8:02 pm

This entire thing sounds childish and beyond absurd. This guy could get you a PSX used for a 10 spot on ebay. Who brings an old PSX to a repair shop? The labor would cost more than the console.

Secondly, this guy has so many problems, a console should be the last thing on his mind, and if you are a true friend, the last thing on your mind.

Post by **Shatterhand** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 8:11 pm

Yes, I kbow it sounds childish. Can't argue with this, but keep in mind that, about the price, we are talking about Brazil, where a PS1 still costs around R$200 - R$ 250, which is like US$ 100 - US$ 125. We don't have ebay

http://produto.mercadolivre.com.br/MLB-60928132-_JM

And like I said, what annoys me is not the console or the money, but the attitude. He doesn't own me just the console though, he also owns money to my girlfriend.

Dale · Post by **Dale** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 8:12 pm

The best way to ruin a friend ship is to give that friend money or something valuable. If you ever watch court shows on TV you'll notice that many people end up hating each other over issues about loaned stuff. You made the mistake of lending the valuable item, but from what you said it seems like your friend gave you little choice in the matter though. It's not good to never lend anything to anyone but at the same time you should have realized that someone who takes so little responsibility in his work life and school life would not take loaned property very seriously ether.

I say simply pay for the repairs yourself and try to make amends. It's my guess that after so much conflict over this borrowed item went by I doubt he'll be tempted to ask to borrow anything else.

I have a slacker friend also. He's a good guy though. It's not worth loosing a friend over the repair costs of a PS1.(as expensive as it may be)

As to the money he owes your girl friend, let her make her own decision on that issue.

Post by **Shatterhand** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 8:22 pm

Problem is the money that he owns to her, she will ask it to me, not to him, because she lend it to him through me... and she is always asking about it.

And believe it or not he actually tried to ask my PS2 borrowed for a party, but he did it indirectly (He was like "Ah, it would be cool to have a PS2 on the party" through the whole day, up until in the end of the day he was like "Man, I NEED to get a PS2 borrowed from someone! Do you have any ideas?", heh

)

DJ Incompetent · Post by **DJ Incompetent** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 8:30 pm

You're in the right. Stand your ground. He's been playin' you for awhile. Don't expect a payback. Keep the controller.

When he plays the "friendship" card, you say a decent friend woulda made a point to get his buddy back when you caused damage.

UnscathedFlyingObject · Fri Aug 10, 2007 8:54 pm

Good riddance, I say. I've a friend who lent my 2 Guncon2 to some other guy, and he doesn't want to go pick 'em up because that guy is the brother of a girl he liked and they ended up sour. WTF. He said he'd buy me new ones, but I'm still waiting. I'm still fine with him as a friend though, since he's been a fine guy ever since I've known him (not nice with other people's stuff, though.)

I should learn to say, "NO" when people ask me to lend them stuff. They NEVER come back in the same condition no matter how much they swear.

Tempest · Post by **Tempest** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:09 pm

If your friendship means that much to you, don't go out of your way to isolate the guy or be mean to him, just stand your ground and if he plays the "friendship" card where your relation should matter more to you than a controller, tell him it should matter more to him than being a useless fuck and not doing something he promised to do 2 years ago. Also make sure to let him know you foresaw this chain of events and tried to avert it for both of your sakes, and this whole mess is on his shoulders (That being said, even though it is a good bit of leverage, you probably shouldn't have fixed his stick knowing he was not going to get you back for it OR the PS1)

Ceph · Post by **Ceph** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:23 pm

I, too have learned it the hard way, and have since instated a simple rule:
No lending of videogames/systems to anyone.

Shatterhand: Of course you are right. And you don't need "friends" like that. The guy obviously doesn't care about you.

bleem · Post by **bleem** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:25 pm

sounds like he's using your friendship for his own benefit.

doesn't sound like much of a friendship to me.

JoshF · Post by **JoshF** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:37 pm

saying that our friendship is bigger than my playstation

He should listen to his own advice.

Specineff · Post by **Specineff** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 10:17 pm

My old man used to say that clear dealings make for long friendships.

Nuke · Post by **Nuke** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:04 pm

I spilled a drink on my friends laptop not so long ago and me being in a jam financially, he agreed to wait on charging me for the repairs (which were expensive).
I will pay him as soon as I can and maybe throw in a gift or something for the inconvenience.
Friendship maintained.
You should probably ditch this guy before he drags you down further with him or wait until he crawls back to you.
And yeah, true friends are hard to come by but I think you should seriously consider getting a new one.

szycag · Post by **szycag** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:20 pm

the begging for the ps2 would be the last straw in my eyes :/ this guy will never change

PFG 9000 · Post by **PFG 9000** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:21 pm

Clearly he's got some maturity/responsibility issues. It's up to you whether your friendship is worth putting up with his attitude, but I guess you should expect his immaturity to continue as long as you maintain your ties with him.

Anyway, it sounds like your choices are to either keep hanging out with him and keep putting up with stuff like this, or to drop him and forget about ever getting your money back. Or...you can nag him for the money for as long as it takes, which will probably destroy your friendship but might get you your money in the long run, and then drop him as soon as you get it back.

Neon · Post by **Neon** » Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:44 pm

My take is not to burn the bridge. Clearly the dude has issues and doesn't give a fuck about anyone else, so the thought of a 'friendship' in terms of emotional bonds, etc. is out of the question. However, you can maybe manipulate him to your advantage in the future. He could pick you up if you're stuck somewhere without a car, etc. etc. Maintain the friendship, just don't expect your Playstation back and don't loan him any property or money.

junkeR · Post by **junkeR** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 12:54 am

I had a 10 year friendship go sour. We didn't talk for two years and we are just now beginning to BARELY talk again... although we both don't really care for one another anymore.

I would just give your friend some time off for a bit and contact him soon after. A friendship after 10 years can't just end over a small payment like that. Mine ended over stuff that snowballed over many years.

Mortificator · Post by **Mortificator** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 1:46 am

Snowballing can make any friendship go sour.

But forget the PS1, you were nuts to borrow money from your girlfriend for the guy. You should look at them as two separate transactions, because they really are; your girlfriend loaned you money that you still owe her, and you loaned this guy money that he still owes you. Take my advice, pay her back right away or she will nag your ear off.

And I understand you wanting to keep the controller, but that feels really sleazy to me. He didn't have the job when he gave you the controller to repair, yeah, but it still happened after the whole PS1 thing started and you took it in good faith.

Him: Thanks for agreeing to repair my controller.
You: Let's just say your predicament moved me. TO A BIGGER CONTROLLER!
Him: What?
You: Oh crap, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

I'd actually have less of a problem with you beating him up and taking the money, which at least wouldn't be conniving.

Ganelon · Post by **Ganelon** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:13 am

Ceph wrote:I, too have learned it the hard way, and have since instated a simple rule:
No lending of videogames/systems to anyone.

Absolutely, lending anything of physical/sentimental value is even more dangerous than lending money. At least for money, you know you'll get a rightful exchange (although you still might not get it back). For items, people tend to downplay their worth and it's difficult to say something to someone who just put some scratches on your disc or made creases into your manual, maybe for a $100 game.

I've personally refused to lend my items after the 16-bit era. While I may be put off as a bad friend (which doesn't happen since they understand and see the care I place when I handle my games), better disappointed than shattered and as the hardcore saying goes, video games aren't necessities to living.

Considering you've kept track of this issue for so long, I'd imagine this issue is important to you, that you have a sense of fair exchange, and that if you let him off the hook now, years down the line, you would regret it. At this point, he has to realize that he needs to take responsibility. If you know you're right on the cafe thing, then he has a critical decision to make here, you or the cafe.

Post by **Shatterhand** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:38 am

, and you loaned this guy money that he still owes you. Take my advice, pay her back right away or she will nag your ear off.

Yeah, I talked with her today about this. She isn't pissed off or anything, she just would like him to pay. But I agreed to pay it anyway.

I asked her if she could loan him the money, and she did it. She even asked him a couple of times about the money, but yeah, he's my friend, not hers, so she always ask about it to me, not to him, as she barely sees him.

What really pissed me off is the way he said "No, I won't pay, I have other priorities", when everyone knows he spend his money in lots of shit, he doesn't have to pay bills or anything. He just said it like "Yeah, fuck off, I'll pay this shit whenever I feel like, I'd rather spend the money buying chocolates than paying what I own you". Like, paying your debts it's NOT a priority.

But thanx for the replies everyone, it's helping me think better about this whole situation.

Nuke · Post by **Nuke** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:55 am

Shit, after hearing that, I'd beat him up good.

Post by **Shatterhand** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:03 am

This suggestion was given to me a couple of times.

I just found out that he is owning money not only to me. After I talked about this with a common friend of ours, he said "Yeah! He owns me some money too, and I lend him a couple of PSX games, and never gave them back to me!.... But you gave me an idea, he just lend me two DVD movies, I won't give them back up until he pays me too".

HAH, it seems I started a revolution or something.

I must add that what pisses me off is just not the atitude "I will pay whenever when I want", but the complete lack of word. I hate when someone says "I'll do" and then doesn't do for no reasonable reason. And also a certain "You fixed my controller? Fuck it, you did it because you wanted it to" vibe I got from him on this conversation.... while it's true, I think it's completely unfair of him thinking about it like that.

JoshF · Post by **JoshF** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 4:25 am

Take him to a horse racing track for a friendly wager. Tell him he doesn't need money either because you know some people who will gladly pick up the tab.

Post by **BulletMagnet** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:30 am

Shatterhand wrote:Like, paying your debts it's NOT a priority.

That's a quality I personally can't stand, myself...I'm not a paragon in the area of personal responsibility or anything, but honest to goodness I don't take on responsibilities I'm not sure I can live up to, for better or for worse. Anyone I've ever met who's done the sort of thing your friend did to me are no longer friends of mine; if nothing else, it's simple incompatibility at work.

I'm not an expert in matters like this, but methinks if you want any hope of either a) not just cutting the guy off, or b) being driven nuts by him if you stay friends, you, possibly along with others, need to confront him about this constant bad tendency of his, very bluntly and directly. It seems obvious that if this isn't done, he's going to keep doing the exact same thing he's been doing - don't take my word as gospel, as you know this guy and I don't, but from here it sounds like it's time to draw a line in the sand and give him the choice of crossing it or not.

tada · Post by **tada** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:00 am

Ceph wrote:I, too have learned it the hard way, and have since instated a simple rule:
No lending of anything to anyone..

Fixed. This is basically one of the rules I live life by. No matter what they say, or what the money is for, or how badly they say they need it, I don't lend anything.

JBC · Post by **JBC** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:24 am

I had a friend like this once. Back in 2002 I was working 12 hour days delivering for Domino's and repairing washing machines on the side to pay the rent for me, my girlfriend at the time and his lazy ass since he got kicked out of his parents house and i was letting him crash in the living room.

He had been there for months without getting a job or paying rent, eating my food and drinking my sodas and not cleaning and yadda yadda. I just shrugged it off because he was my best friend and best friends take care of each other, right?

Then finally i got some time off to celebrate my birthday and begged him to come hang out with me and the crew but he said he was tired and wanted to stay in. When i came home i caught him sleeping with my girlfriend.

Fortune had smiled upon me and i freed myself of two moochers with one punch. I also took his shoes.

I wouldn't find this person who's taken advantage of your kindness to be trustworthy and would just cut your losses and quit hanging with them.

Ceph · Post by **Ceph** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:31 am

tada wrote:
Ceph wrote:I, too have learned it the hard way, and have since instated a simple rule:
No lending of anything to anyone..
Fixed. This is basically one of the rules I live life by. No matter what they say, or what the money is for, or how badly they say they need it, I don't lend anything.

You are probably a lonely person. If a friend of mine is in need, I will lend him/her money without hesitation (if I can afford it). That's what friends are for. I don't lend money to people I can't trust, because people I can't trust aren't my friends.

UnscathedFlyingObject · Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:32 am

That's some messed up shit. I thought the best friend sleeping with your girlfriend only happened in movies.

JBC · Post by **JBC** » Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:50 am

UnscathedFlyingObject wrote:That's some messed up shit. I thought the best friend sleeping with your girlfriend only happened in movies.

Yeah, it was a long time ago though. I asked around about them since i moved back and it seems like life has not been as kind to them. The girl is cheating on her current boyfriend and my 'friend' is supposedly in a detox. Some people would laugh but despite all that had happened i don't have any ill will towards them. Once a skank always a skank i guess. It's really sad.