ROCKET RIDE TO HELL
TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
Welcome to the worst of Xitilon.
Fun won't be found here.
Talking about Xitilon is most of the times talking about shit that insults the "Anything for a buck" category (Except Crushborgs), but the following game is perhaps the ABSOLUTE WORST OF XITILON: Twin Rockets.
You will crash a lot before getting used to the controls.
The gameplay of Twin Rockets is to manuever your microscopic ship across an infinite asteroid belt while picking coins. Sounds simple, but here's the problem: You can't use your standard controllers to move, and you don't have a weapon to shoot the asteroids. Instead, you can only use L2 and R2 to do that, but that's fucked up since it doesn't just rotate the ship. When you press L2, you activate the left accelerator, thereby turning the rocket to the right, and vice versa making a turning mess most of the times. So you have to press BOTH in order to keep your position or flight in a straight path. Yeah, I said "keep your position" since your ship falls, pretty much like Gravitar. But in Gravitar it was more fun to play and also you don't had a fuckton of asteroids trying to kill you.
Trust me, it's not as fun as it looks like.
Also, there's no room for error since if you go off-screen it's game over. Yeah, one of those "die once and start over" games. At first I've thought I crashed with something that didn't left the screen properly, but no, there's no limit to stop you from going off-screen. It is basically your typical exercise of frustration but in a more irritating level.
In a typical "Easy Trophy" game, you have to obtain 7000 points, die 10 times, crash with an asteroid, go off-screen, collect 50 coins and survive for 5 minutes. If you can survive to obtain 7000 points, then congratu-fucking-lations dipshit, you've survived Xitilon's player-trolling game.
Videogame calvary on its worst definition.
As your typical Xitilon crap, the game's graphics are as dull and generic. Starting off with that distorted "retro screen" effect which can't be toggled off. The player sprite is horrendous as its way too small and small size means "easy to lose" from your sight. The asteroids rather than trying to look vectorial like the arcade version of Asteroids, they look like random white blobs with color flashing borders, resembling game graphic failures more than asteroids. The music is lackluster and just boring as hell. Just check a gameplay and hear it yourself.
Calamity and "STUPIDITY LEVEL EVENT".
Just when Xitilon seems to learn the lesson with Bubble Fish and Crushborgs, falls down on the same mistakes of the past or maybe he only wants to go on the easy way regardless of the consequences. Whatever the cause is, the result is always the same: Mind insulting shit in exchange for a few throphies and an easy Platinum.
Anyway, this your usual 1 R-9 out of 10. Need to say more?
Being a reviewer hurts, and Eda knows it.