HALLOWEEN SPECIAL 2025 TRASH DESCENT II: BLASTED OUT OF ORBIT
As we venture through videohell, nightmares and scary visions
haunt our gaming nights.
Halloween Special 2025 continues
With our host: Paimon, the Eyeless King of Hell.
So, you're back here for another horrifying trash shooter. Just like the phrase "Potty is the place to go", you're going to the nastiest potty of gaming, and worse: You're paying for it. Unfortunately, someone has to go so you don't have to and that's where our mortal (and your always-trusty) reviewer is going so you only sit and watch the horrors this world has to offer.
With this brief speech said and done, here's your mortal favorite reviewer with his review of Pixicharm - Blaster Orbit.
Everynot Game Studio is at it again. As if Spartunex wasn't enough crap to horrify our shmup nights, this happens. But this is the month of horrors and hell doesn't rest and apparently Everynot Game Studio is on the same tracks. Just take a look at Pixicharm - Blaster Orbit so you can understand.
Even toddlers will find this offensive.
The gameplay, if we can call it like it, is a zero effort, no-challenge horizontal shooter where your only enemies are asteroids and "Zako" type ships that do nothing to stop you. Now, each asteroid and enemy is worth 50 points, while picking coins gives you 100 points. That's the whole idea of the game. Just shoot and pick. No boss fights or story line to encourage you on keep on playing. I could say this game would be good for people with very, very VERY LOW self-steem because there's no way to lose, but guess what? there's no fucking way to win since the game never ends. It's basically the limbo of gaming, purgatory, the border of videogame hell itself. In more mundane words, this game is as bad an insulting at the point that toddlers would be intelligent enough to find this game offensive.
I mean, if Everynot Game Studio took more time and effort on building and polishing the gameplay, Pixicharm - Blaster Orbit could be a good R-Type clone, but instead it feels like a cheap tech demo to test the basic shot and hit detection. Do I need to say "Even the tech demo of CrossCode is better than this" again? Well, If hell itself needs an explanation, then I'll say it: CrossCode's tech demo was a short game, but it served you as a tutorial for the skills you'll be using throughout the full game. It was simple and short, but functional, fulfilling its purpose as a tech demonstrator. Pixicharm - Blaster Orbit on the other hand, is completely empty. Even Cloudflare Turnstile is more of a playable videogame than this shit, even if its a "Mini-CAPTCHA" (because it is), and how ironic, a CAPTCHA to "Eliminate the frustrating experience of CAPTCHAs". Just replace the "click on the cars" with a 3 second wait for a checkbox, click and wait other three seconds to confirm your humanity. Fuck that, logging in on a forum doesn't need a corporation acting like a toll booth or discotheque bouncer.
Are you proud of that trophy?
Trophy progression? Fuck. Kill 200 enemies, get 40 coins. Congratulations! You've got the Platinum and the trophies this shit has to offer, and believe it or not, it does the bullshit of relying on false advertising and false claims. Just check:
Welcome to Blaster Orbit, a high-speed pixel-art arcade shooter where survival and score go hand-in-hand.
Pilot your ship through an endless cosmic battlefield filled with hostile alien fleets, deadly projectiles, and shimmering coins waiting to be grabbed. Dodge, blast, and weave your way through beautifully animated retro space environments while racking up high scores.
Switch between precise shooting and evasive flying as you power up your ship, collect health, and chase orbiting coins for massive score boosts. With smooth controls, vibrant visuals, and non-stop action, Blaster Orbit brings back the thrill of classic shoot-'em-ups—with a modern endless twist.
High-speed? LIE! I saw faster shooting in Human Road.
Hostile? THAT'S FALSE. They don't care about your presence in the combat area. They're just zako waiting to be destroyed with no efforts.
Deadly projectiles? Does the asteroids count? Because there's no bullets, lasers or missiles to worry about.
Precise shooting and evasive flying? Even a toddler can survive long enough to get the Platinum. What a joke!
Orbiting Coins? LIES AGAIN! Unlike the orbiting "3-rewards-pick-1" bonus triangle from Graze Counter GM, The coins in this game appear from a destroyed enemy.
Massive Score Boosts? No, they're your basic bonus items. Blazing Star was better than this.
Non-stop action? The enemy doesn't care, don't shoot, they're like "I'm here. Kill me".
Don't you hate games that make false statements? Looks like Sony is not the Steam of consoles: Pelted with spam games and AI crap.
Zero Budget gameplay.
Decent graphic quality...for "Tech Demo" standards.
For a mediocre no-budget shmup, the graphics at least look decent enough, as if the developer bothered to make a little effort on do something of "man-made" quality rather than AI shit since the sprites and the backgrounds are 16-Bit like, and they're nicely animated on the basic level. A sign that the game had room for more but Everynot Game Studio dropped the ball. There's also basic parallax scrolling on the planets and the purple stars on the distance. Sadly, things loop over and over and over again. Think of it as a driving scene of The Flintstones or The Jetsons cartoons, but adapted on videogame form. The artwork looks a bit like AI art.
All so familiar.
Does the graphics made you think cheap R-Type?, Well, its no coincidence, the ship has some R-9A vibes, and the enemy ships are a mix of the zako-type enemies from stage 1 of R-Type and R-Type II. Even the explosion sprite is similar to the basic explosion from R-Type. That's all there is to say about the graphics. As for the music, it is a simple techno-industrial theme that repeats after playing for a few minutes. It is quite calmed compared with the common intense, accelerated style of many, many shooters.
Closing words with Paimon.
As you can see, we have the classic case of people that doesn't learn from their mistakes and repeat the same error again. The graphic quality might be good, but graphics ain't the best of a videogame. Your mortal reviewer already told you that many reviews before; "Good graphics doesn't make a better product".
But one burning question remains: ¿Does the fact that you've got submerged into this mess was worth the time and the trophies you've got? This might be one of those moments when gamer pride and bragging rights hurt.
Well, this game gets the traditional (or CRAP-ditional) score of 1 R-9 out of 10, usual for this kind of shit:
Her pain reflects what I've feel when I played this game.