YOUR WORST 2 MINUTES IN SHOOTING
TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
Time to visit the garbage days of Xitilon again. This time is the vertical scroller N6 Secret Mission.
When D-Grade gaming becomes "F-Grade": Fucked-up Grade
Remember what I've mentioned in Bubble Fish about the "By God..." in upper case letters, bold text, underlined and font size 220 in Word? Here's another example that popped up recently on the PlayStation Store. N6 Secret Mission is not just videogame garbage, its the epitome of a rotten dead dog on the street. This sorry excuse for a vertical shooter consists of shooting one single type of enemy: Armed Boxes with your fast paced twin blue pea shooter, nothing more or less. Powering up your ship makes the shots wider (from "| |" to "|||| ||||") but as they add a bullet to your frontal stream, the firing rate decreases. While this sound like a huge step back, the simplicity of this game just rebalances it since its no longer the super machine-gun like blaster and the enemies are basically "Zako" like. Controls are fucked up. First off, there's no Analong Stick compatibility, so everything is assigned to the D-Pad. Second, when you move left or right, it will accelerate from slow to extremely fast in a matter of half-a-second, and to add more craziness, there's no up or down. Instead, pressing up will speed up the scrolling while down reduces the screen's speed. To end things up there's no Game Over in this game. If you get killed, you'll start the level all over as if you've lost a life. ¿How you can call that a game if you can't even lose?
CONGLATURATION!
LET'S TRY ANYTHING ELSE WITHOUT THE VIDEO GAME
In normal speed , the game can take you less than two minutes, but 30 seconds to get all the fucking trophies, Platinum included. Surprisingly, this game indeed "ends". But you won't get a hero's return or see your squad celebrating. Instead, you'll get a results screen with a kill count, shot accuracy, damage received and time spent prior to completion. Nothing more, nothing less.
Zero budget brings the absolute worst of space combat.
Graphically, as an old "Pre-Crushborgs" product, we're facing the usual trash graphics that distinguish Xitilon's mediocrity. The assortment of shit that both equal and rival the infamous Breakthrough Gaming: Repetitive backgrounds, null detailings, mediocre sprites, especially your ship which looks like an "^" with small cannons on the sides. Background just sucks, its space, space, space all the time with white turds that are suppposed to be asteroids. The music on the other side retains some of Chris Huslbeck's inspiration since it feels Amiga/Turrican-esque with the war-spacey like mixed style; the only redeeming factor of the whole game.
See what I mean?
Like all the crap from Xitilon, N6 Secret Mission is another addition to the 1 dollar garbage that constantly appears on the PlayStation store. The only comforting thought here is that at least is crap done by a human and not the recent "AI Shovelware" that plagues the store.
Games like these are those times when I hate to be the Seanbaby/Angry Video Game Nerd/Cinecutre of this forum and write trash shmup reviews, but someone has to warn the community about them.
1 R-9 out of 10. Need to say more?
It's man-made garbage.
Still painful for everyone, including a fictional character like Eda.