Small problems of a lifetime...when you least expect it and you find yourself in a shojo

[Lemnear]

I still don't feel like talking about it with those close to me, their judgment could be influenced by the fact that they know me, i don't know, and then i'm afraid of their judgment.

I ask here...many of you are many years older than me and undoubtedly have more life experiences of a certain type...maybe some of you are already in your second marriage...

I met a person online, in one of my moments of deep depression... this person is one of the moderators of that chat.
He was kind to me...and one thing led to another and the conversation moved to Telegram.
In the end it turned out that it was Prince Charming himself of my dreams (i don't have a stereotype...but this is really rare)... it shocked me, too many coincidences, an alignment of the planets, one of those unique occasions of destiny.
I believed that such a person could not exist...
But i'm a fucking witch, who plays with men's hearts, but i couldn't do it with him, he suffered too in past, and he exudes so much goodness and light that i didn't feel like (and i still don't feel like) playing with his feelings.
In the end the chat was filled with little hearts everywhere, with photos, calls and even video calls (it's not really that close...).
When i asked him why someone like me, he always replied that his heart told him...
In all this, however, he didn't tell me exactly where he lives, nor did he leave me his phone number... he says he's planning for us, he mentioned something about buying a house for us... and also some problems with the police....strange because about everything else he doesn't have many scruples about telling me about it...
This has been going on since early February... but it wasn't like that, but now we talk every day as soon as we can.
I don't know what to do...and what to really think...is he making fun of me? Does he really love me? And how could it if we've never met in person yet?
Is he a dangerous guy? or is it the opportunity of a lifetime (for both) ? It would require me to move…but i live in a gorgeous place...sometimes i experience things and places as if it were the last time...to get used to it.
it really looks like a shojo...

Feel free to delete or to mock me. I don't care...

[Lander]

In fairness, those closest to you being influenced by that proximity isn't necessarily for the worse. After all, they're the people who will be there for you when the chips are down.
Though it depends, person-to-person. Potentially gossipy or judgemental friends, maybe not, but family will generally see things from a place of care, even if it comes off as overprotective or out of touch with how you feel.

I get it though, been there, felt that. Probably would have eyerolled at my own advice, too. But with hindsight, there are cases where I'd have been better off talking to the people who genuinely care and listening to their advice. Not exclusively - sometimes going your own way and risking the hard lessons firsthand is a natural part of life - but don't rule it out entirely.

Anyway, with that out of the way. I can say from experience that meeting someone online can spawn a promising relationship. It happened to me back in the day, and yielded a few very happy months. Didn't work out long-term, but that was for other left field reasons that I shan't delve into. Point being, it can happen.

On the other hand, don't believe anything you can't see and reify with your own two eyes and mind. Tempting as it is to let the heart and imagination run away, it's not real real until that point. An unhappy corrolary of living this deep into the information age, but it is what it is; a balance between letting yourself engage, but also staying grounded.

Take this very thread, for instance. As tag-avatar text boxes on a website, there's some possibility - however remote - that any of us could in fact be elaborate pranks puppeteered by some malefactor, with the ultimate purpose of pulling a mean It was me all along! Lookit this idiot taking it at face value! at someone else's expense.
That said, I haven't knowingly witnessed the like since joining, and the community feel is such that I choose to believe we all masquerade in earnest. It's a matter of time begetting trust.

On the plus side, if you've video called face to face with another identifiably human being, the likelihood that you're being taken for a ride (I believe the kids call it "getting catfished"?) is somewhat lowered!

I don't think any of us can tell you for sure if it's one thing or another, personal matter as it is, but it'll become self-evident in time.

Just take it steady - it's fine to romanticize together about getting a place, flights of fancy of the heart and what not - but that's big long-term stuff. Practically speaking, you'd meet in person first, which itself comes with the aformentioned time and trust, as do many other smaller steps between honeymoon period and lasting thing.

And - perhaps in spirit of the recent loss of x93 - look after yourself you're a familiar face and part of the farm crowd, however trivial the bonds of phpBB may be in the grand scheme of things.

[BryanM]

Internet relationships can often be tinged with desperation, as it's kind of a last resort for social interaction. From very mild, to very extreme.

Just wanting to be able to talk about specific topics with people is usually pretty mild. (Waves arm.)

When it comes to dating or sex stuff.... eh. A couple stories come to mind:

There was one guy who packed up his entire life to move in with his internet girlfriend. When he arrived, she invited him into the backyard to drink some wine together. Then she told him to close his eyes, which he did, expecting a kiss. What he got instead was a baseball bat to the head. Followed by him writhing on the ground, begging her not to murder him. After the fact, the explanation she gave for why she did it was because "she didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore."

Another was a voice actor for the game Genshin Impact. He used his mild bit of fame to be an internet sex creep on teen kids. Getting them on facechat, Louis C.K.'ing while making crude comments.

.... hah.

Anyway, just don't put yourself under someone's else's power unless you absolutely trust them. Saying something is easy. Actually doing it is hard. Just building up the physical comfort it takes to be room mates with someone can't be done from states away. It's easy to wear a mask in short interactions, a favorite tactic of guys like Bill Clinton who only care about doing it.

It'd also be nice to have some kind of external contingency plan with family in case you end up chained up in some guy's basement. Throwing away your social support to live with a stranger isn't the best decision, usually.

Sometimes it's better these kinds of things rarely amount to something "real". Reality can never compare to a fantasy.

and also some problems with the police

Oh yeah, I forgot about this bit.

Yeah, don't give him money.

[Sima Tuna]

I learned a little in my teens and early adulthood about online relationships. I was a lonely goober who sucked at talking to women IRL.

First off: No matter what you talked about, how many times you bared your hearts to each other, or how you seem to be perfect together, just keep one thing in mind:

You really don't know each other.

That advice might seem unusual, but it is very true. Until you meet in person and vibe (or don't,) you haven't learned a thing about each other. All that stuff you shared online is just "information exchange."

Secondly, long-distance relationships are harder than normal ones. There are logistical hurdles to overcome and you can't verify the behavior/honesty of the other person. I'm not saying this to poison you against them, but just assume that they are doing whatever they please when you're not with them IRL. I wouldn't formalize ANYTHING until you've met a couple times in real life.

Police are a red flag. Maybe ask them what the police thing is all about. It would be a good idea to take their temperature on a subject that likely makes them uncomfortable. Do not ever give anyone money you meet online, Bryan is very right about that.

I think it's important with internet relationships to keep things slow until you meet physically. The internet encourages fast intimacy, but you don't really know somebody with that kind of "relationship." It's easy for anyone to craft a false personality when all interactions are mediated online. For example, I could have written at the top of this page "I was a huge lady-killer who boned thousands of womens in my youth" and maybe somebody would believe it. Since I'm not on camera or in person with you fuckers, none of you can spot my tells for lying.

I'm not trying to spoil your possibility for a nice relationship. Just trying to advise to keep things slow. It's possible you met a perfectly lovely person online. I only want to counsel you in case that isn't true. If everything goes well then that's the ideal result. Hopefully, taking things slow and pushing for physical meetings (video calls and then in-person) will allow you to screen each other for crazy.

[BryanM]

It's kind of neat, considering how fast things churn and get old on the internet, that internet relationships have a real life ratio of like 12 months on the internet is worth roughly a month in real life. There's definitely significant people I don't talk to anymore, but they're stuff more like a "cool aunt" or "little sister" than anything else. I guess we can call this Bryan's guillotine - you can be interested in someone's mind, or you can be interested in someone's body, but you really shouldn't mix the two on the internet. Crossing the streams is just asking for emotional self harm.

(... this has reminded me that an internet friend once did give me money, without me asking whatsoever, to buy an expansion to the game we played together that I mentioned I wasn't going to buy. ... I should really read her book sometime, it's the least I can do.... but I'd really rather die than spend money on anything.... good lord, something that happened 18 years ago being relevant to my life today, I really am some kind of cosmic-scale animal....

... maybe I should mention webnovels and patreon to her, at least... it's too easy getting used to not talking to people, you know? It's stupid to feel a little awkward about it when I know she won't mind.)

Gregg Valentino's quote about people only showing you what they want you to see is always relevant. My ex probably didn't have a lot of red flags that her ex-husband would beat her.

I always shake my head at people's personals ads, where they show absolutely nothing of their true selves. "I liek doggos and walks on the beach" no shit who doesn't! I need some more pertinent deets. Think how much more time they'd save if they just admitted they want to lie around the house in their underwear all day and eat ice cream and play Super Mario Brothers 3 too much. The people looking for that will be able to find'em, and the people who aren't can sail right on by.

We're all cowards.

[Immryr]

Don't do anything hasty before meeting in real life.

talking about buying a house is very odd before you've even met. even if you live in very different places a much more normal next step would be to go to the place the other person lives and meet in person.

there are definitely alarm bells ringing for me.

[Rastan78]

Sounds like this person has already triggered a feeling in your gut that something might be off. Best not to ignore those feelings or it might come back to bite you.

It's a common pattern for manipulative or abusive people to come in with overwhelming love, charm and affection towards someone they perceive as vulnerable. Wanting to move things along at an extremely fast pace.

One of the best tools you have is asking lots of questions. Someone who wants to buy a house with you should be honest and open before that point. Letting someone see that you don't have strong boundaries about honesty could be opening up a can of worms.

And if they do anything that raises the hair on the back of your neck and seems at odds with the prince charming image they put forward trust your gut. Don't go into denial and brush it aside bc you want to believe they're something else. Address it there and then.

If this person is truly legit that will show itself in good time.

[ryu]

In all this, however, he didn't tell me exactly where he lives, nor did he leave me his phone number... he says he's planning for us, he mentioned something about buying a house for us... and also some problems with the police....

None of that sounds good.

It would require me to move…but i live in a gorgeous place...

And he's not willing to move to your place?

[Rastan78]

https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcis ... ve-Bombing

[Stevens]

There are giant red flags here, and enough of them that if it were me I would run the other way.

I wish you the best.

[Sengoku Strider]

If he's planning for a house with someone he's never even been in the same room with, then no, he doesn't love you. And that goes for you too, you can't possibly love him. So much of communication is nonverbal, things that are said without words. You might think you know his heart, but if the two of you have never been in the same space, then there's just so much he can't possibly have nonverbally said to you. I guarantee he's not the man of your dreams. The man of your dreams is just that, a dream. Real people are flawed, and he hasn't shown you his flaws yet but if they involve trouble with the law, then he's likely got impulse control issues. Throwing himself into major commitment stuff with a person he's never even met sure sounds impulsive to me.

The two of you sound quite lonely, and two people finding like-minded companionship on the internet isn't weird. But do NOT ignore the genuine possibility that he's a manipulator, even if he's just using you for the attention. He's already manipulating you by giving you all this affection but withholding basic facts about himself like where he lives. He might or might not have some ulterior goal, it could just be impulsivity, but he's not being straightforward and honest.

When i asked him why someone like me

This is what jumped out to me most in what you wrote. There are a million ways life has to make people feel unlovable, and it sounds like some of them might have happened to you. It usually starts with mean or cold or neglectful parents, then gets piled on by jerks in high school. If it was like that, then just know that you're not even close to alone in this world in that experience. You're settling for this simulated love instead of someone who can be there and hold your hand for real, because some part of you has been convinced that it's a better deal than you'd usually get. Or maybe the distance between the two of you feels safer, lots and lots and lots of people often convince themselves that if someone else really knew them, they'd leave.

It's so common in this world that it's a very well studied phenomenon. Schema therapy has a good handle on it, this might resonate with you:

Schematherapy Online - Defectiveness Schema and Shame

The easy first step to take is to get in touch with the stuff that's cool about you, so you never have to ask questions like "why someone like me?" If you know what's cool about you, then you know what's loveable about you. You'll have a much easier time telling if someone really cares for you and not just an image of you. Or worse, using you.

But also watch out for the voices inside you that tell you you're not good enough. Whoever you are, you're descended from a countless series of ancestors going back way before the first civilizations that other people wanted to mate with. Those critical words inside might sound like your own inner voice, but if you listen closely I'd bet they start sounding a lot like those parental figures or jerks from high school. Or the people in your real life you didn't feel safe mentioning this to. We internalize other peoples' voices like that because those moments of criticism hurt, so if we have them onboard like an AI we think they can predict how others will react to us and keep us away from more of that trouble. The issue is that when you're keeping yourself away from real affection in the world your feelings go numb and it's not safety, it's...

deep depression

[Shelcoof]

I'm old school and I know dating and relationships have evolved since the introduction of the internet

Here are a few key things you need to know and verify about the other person

[Essential]
Full Name
Address
Age
Physical appearance

[Important]
Person have kids?
Career
Salary
Future Goals
Family
More.....

If you don't know the essentials then you don't know anything about this person
Same goes with the important section

[Sumez]

There are giant red flags here, and enough of them that if it were me I would run the other way.

I wish you the best.

This

Don't confuse these feelings of affection and infatuation for love. Love takes training and molding throughout shared experiences and hardships.

[ChurchOfSolipsism]

I'm stunned that so many people here are really trying to help and give good advice - not being cynical here or trying to say that people here suck (not at all), juts that I'd have expected more barebone posts in the vein of "Don't be an idiot/ trust someone you have never met". Honestly, you guys just made my day a whole lot better!

[guigui]

I'm stunned that so many people here are really trying to help and give good advice - not being cynical here or trying to say that people here suck (not at all), juts that I'd have expected more barebone posts in the vein of "Don't be an idiot/ trust someone you have never met". Honestly, you guys just made my day a whole lot better!

Agree with this, when it comes to serious matters (at least, lets aknowledge this can be more serious than gaming for instance), this community does not disappoint and thinks twice before posting things that can have some actual consequences on others.

I also note that answers went from "yeaaaah, it may be ok, but double-triple-check everything" to "too many unknow parameters, run".

Woud love to hear back from OP Lemnear though. Forum says she connected right before posting this message, then did not come back since. Hope everything is ok ?

[Steamflogger Boss]

I'm stunned that so many people here are really trying to help and give good advice - not being cynical here or trying to say that people here suck (not at all), juts that I'd have expected more barebone posts in the vein of "Don't be an idiot/ trust someone you have never met". Honestly, you guys just made my day a whole lot better!

If we can't help each other in situations like this, what are we doing really? This is a pretty nice place overall.

Most of what I'd say has been covered (pretty late to the party here as for some reason I thought this was the other small problems thread) but this guy smells like bad news. Basically, things are happening out of order here. You don't talk about *buying a house* before actually meeting someone. The fact that he was evasive about any questions regarding any actual info about himself is also alarming. The thing linked by rastan is really good.

Of course, got a nice chuckle out of some of the stuff from bryan.

I will add, a cousin of mine met her future husband in a chat room in like, the 90s. Over 20 years of marriage later now, 3 kids. Oldest is in the navy now I think. So it can work out but I'd be pretty surprised if the guy being mentioned in the OP is legit.

Agree with this, when it comes to serious matters (at least, lets aknowledge this can be more serious than gaming for instance), this community does not disappoint and thinks twice before posting things that can have some actual consequences on others.

I also note that answers went from "yeaaaah, it may be ok, but double-triple-check everything" to "too many unknow parameters, run".

Woud love to hear back from OP Lemnear though. Forum says she connected right before posting this message, then did not come back since. Hope everything is ok ?

Ah damn, this is still her last post you are right.

[Sengoku Strider]

Woud love to hear back from OP Lemnear though. Forum says she connected right before posting this message, then did not come back since. Hope everything is ok ?

Depression makes people pull back from social interactions to reassess things, that's kind of its evolutionary function. But it also makes things that might be neutral or even positive seem like disparagement; everyone saying "no" at once might feel like implicit criticism, or like everyone will look at them differently. Which if so, that's certainly not what I was aiming for, and I'm sure not others here either.

If we can't help each other in situations like this, what are we doing really? This is a pretty nice place overall.

I don't know what went down with Mark MSX, that was before my time here. But a lot of the early Electric Underground stuff made this place sound really toxic, and like a lot of others in the broader shmup community felt the same way. But after I'd been here a while I could see it was just a couple of outspoken characters who weren't scary if you deflected them, it's just that when they attack and nobody else stands up to them, it might seem like the rest of the forum is onboard with it. And then the usual stuff where otherwise okay people are just having a grumpy internet day or two. Hardly anybody's immune to those.

[Steamflogger Boss]

And then the usual stuff where otherwise okay people are just having a grumpy internet day or two. Hardly anybody's immune to those.

Yeah for sure. Mostly just saying life is so much more pleasant when you are nice to others. And in general, this place isn't too bad. I used to be a teenage edgelord of course.

[Sumez]

I don't know what went down with Mark MSX, that was before my time here. But a lot of the early Electric Underground stuff made this place sound really toxic, and like a lot of others in the broader shmup community felt the same way.

Mark was some rando who showed up out of nowhere with illusions of grandeur, seemingly believeing he was somehow more relevant that anyone else - making dedicated videos about every little subject, acting as a voice of authory appointed only by himself. Something he still seems to do, from what I can tell.
People just responded accordingly, really.

He seems like a nice guy, honestly, so nothing personal about him. But the way you choose to present your takes online is always bound to be met with an analogous response, and you need to be able to take that.

[DMC]

I remember Mark saying to Trap15 that this forum was way too negative to trap when he released his first arrange, the DDP one (which Trap himself is very critical of). So out of curiosity I checked the thread but it was just one guy that was very harsh and was called out for it by several others. Prom was a bit sceptical at first but he then changed his mind and gave lots of encouraging words, constructive criticism, and even submitted a bunch of scores. A bunch of other members were quite positive, so yeah, I think this forum gets some unfair criticism sometimes. Anyway, Mark has done some good things for the community like the streamed events.

Lemnear, it's good that you're open to input and think carefully about the situation. I agree with the others here, be extra careful when you feel something is off. And talking with a professional might help!

[Sumez]

Yeahhh, I've seen a lot of people elsewhere trashtralking "the farm", and generally it's all centered around a couple of dumb users who aren't representative of the forum at all.

Hell, same thing even happened with Voultar when he came around to talk about RetroTink or some such thing, and one single person was being an ass - and as a result he completely trashtalked the entire forum openly on his Twitter, lol.

Most relevant criticism I've seen is the people complaining that there isn't enough actual STG talk on the forum. But obviously, those people just leaving and going elsewhere is a pretty counterproductive way to combat that problem.

[Steamflogger Boss]

Most relevant criticism I've seen is the people complaining that there isn't enough actual STG talk on the forum. But obviously, those people just leaving and going elsewhere is a pretty counterproductive way to combat that problem.

Right. I feel like if you want to talk STG, then just stick to that section and try to encourage discourse there. While I enjoy the genre it's legit the last thing I'm here for though.

[BryanM]

That does overlap with the cave-stg stuff I brought up in the icy thread. Things really peaked with Deathsmiles, and it was all downhill from there. With the genre completely dead in the commercial scene, if we want anything new, we'd have to make it ourselves.

Kalikan being one of the major new games, when it'd have just been considered a "neat" project before, is really a sign of the times : /

[Sima Tuna]

With the genre completely dead in the commercial scene

This is the best explanation for why conversation around shmups may have stagnated over time. Not only on this forum, but in the gaming landscape generally. How many times can we all get excited for superplays of mushi ultra?

The genre is kill. All we get are indies and channels like Mark's would try to hype each one up as the second coming. But let's be real here, most of them are not as good as the old games we already have. As easy as shmups are to make, they are difficult to design well. I honestly hold out more hope for 2d beat em ups coming back at this point.

But back on topic, I tried to word my response to Lemnear carefully because I know that people who are in the middle of a relationship don't want to hear discouraging or judgmental words. I hope she is doing well and considering the feedback people have left. The list of important information Shelcoof provided is probably the most important post in the thread, imo. If you can't answer those points then you don't know the person. So the first step, from my perspective, is to learn all of this information and verify it before becoming further emotionally invested. How a potential partner responds to you asking them for this information will tell you a lot about them as a person. Someone who wishes to pursue an honest relationship without deceptions would have no difficulty answering those questions.

[Essential]
Full Name
Address
Age
Physical appearance

[Important]
Person have kids?
Career
Salary
Future Goals
Family
More.....

I would also add martial status, aka have they been married, if so for how long. And of course, criminal record. I'm not saying a nice person can't have one, but they should tell you all this past criminal history to someone they're talking about buying a house for.

[Lemnear]

Alive, and still in limbo...
I'm almost moved by your answers, thank you!!!
Who would have thought that there was even a bit of heart in the midst of this hail of bullets

In fairness, those closest to you being influenced by that proximity isn't necessarily for the worse. After all, they're the people who will be there for you when the chips are down.
Though it depends, person-to-person. Potentially gossipy or judgemental friends, maybe not, but family will generally see things from a place of care, even if it comes off as overprotective or out of touch with how you feel.

I thought this because for a while i thought it was actually someone i knew who was playing some kind of joke on me..only my family (and not all) knows.

Anyway, with that out of the way. I can say from experience that meeting someone online can spawn a promising relationship. It happened to me back in the day, and yielded a few very happy months. Didn't work out long-term.

Secondly, long-distance relationships are harder than normal ones. There are logistical hurdles to overcome and you can't verify the behavior/honesty of the other person. I'm not saying this to poison you against them, but just assume that they are doing whatever they please when you're not with them IRL. I wouldn't formalize ANYTHING until you've met a couple times in real life.

I should perhaps take it in the same way, as something temporary...

Take this very thread, for instance. As tag-avatar text boxes on a website, there's some possibility - however remote - that any of us could in fact be elaborate pranks puppeteered by some malefactor, with the ultimate purpose of pulling a mean It was me all along! Lookit this idiot taking it at face value! at someone else's expense.
That said, I haven't knowingly witnessed the like since joining, and the community feel is such that I choose to believe we all masquerade in earnest. It's a matter of time begetting trust.

I have the absolute certainty that that person doesn't frequent this forum XD at least.

And - perhaps in spirit of the recent loss of x93 - look after yourself you're a familiar face and part of the farm crowd, however trivial the bonds of phpBB may be in the grand scheme of things.

I kind of miss him...i feel like there's an absence in the forum, even if quiet

Internet relationships can often be tinged with desperation, as it's kind of a last resort for social interaction. From very mild, to very extreme.
Just wanting to be able to talk about specific topics with people is usually pretty mild. (Waves arm.)

Well you are certainly not influenced in any way regarding the matter, so you certainly have a much more impartial opinion than mine.

Another was a voice actor for the game Genshin Impact. He used his mild bit of fame to be an internet sex creep on teen kids. Getting them on facechat, Louis C.K.'ing while making crude comments.

WTF ROFL??? in the face of professionalism.

Anyway, just don't put yourself under someone's else's power unless you absolutely trust them.

It happens often...a lot of trust, many beautiful and positive things, and then...manipulation and maybe i'll even notice it much later...

It's easy to wear a mask in short interactions, a favorite tactic of guys like Bill Clinton who only care about doing it.

I like how you always stick politics everywhere

and also some problems with the police

Police are a red flag. Maybe ask them what the police thing is all about. It would be a good idea to take their temperature on a subject that likely makes them uncomfortable. Do not ever give anyone money you meet online, Bryan is very right about that.

Oh yeah, I forgot about this bit.
Yeah, don't give him money.

I'm not the one with the money, it's him XD
However, it seems it was nothing serious after all...false allarm.

I think it's important with internet relationships to keep things slow until you meet physically. The internet encourages fast intimacy
I'm not trying to spoil your possibility for a nice relationship. Just trying to advise to keep things slow. It's possible you met a perfectly lovely person online. I only want to counsel you in case that isn't true. If everything goes well then that's the ideal result. Hopefully, taking things slow and pushing for physical meetings (video calls and then in-person) will allow you to screen each other for crazy.

This is difficult, because it's true that the internet speeds things up, but it seems that if you go slow, then everything shuts down.

Don't do anything hasty before meeting in real life.
talking about buying a house is very odd before you've even met. even if you live in very different places a much more normal next step would be to go to the place the other person lives and meet in person.
there are definitely alarm bells ringing for me.

Yep....it seems that the house is now just for him, maybe it's for the best, but at first he didn't put it exactly like that

Crossing the streams is just asking for emotional self harm.

I'm very good at that

I always shake my head at people's personals ads, where they show absolutely nothing of their true selves. "I liek doggos and walks on the beach" no shit who doesn't! I need some more pertinent deets. Think how much more time they'd save if they just admitted they want to lie around the house in their underwear all day and eat ice cream and play Super Mario Brothers 3 too much. The people looking for that will be able to find'em, and the people who aren't can sail right on by.

You are absolutely right! It's full of bio without personality...

Sounds like this person has already triggered a feeling in your gut that something might be off. Best not to ignore those feelings or it might come back to bite you.
It's a common pattern for manipulative or abusive people to come in with overwhelming love, charm and affection towards someone they perceive as vulnerable. Wanting to move things along at an extremely fast pace.
One of the best tools you have is asking lots of questions. Someone who wants to buy a house with you should be honest and open before that point. Letting someone see that you don't have strong boundaries about honesty could be opening up a can of worms.
And if they do anything that raises the hair on the back of your neck and seems at odds with the prince charming image they put forward trust your gut. Don't go into denial and brush it aside bc you want to believe they're something else. Address it there and then.
If this person is truly legit that will show itself in good time.

This scares me, i'm not sure what i feel, maybe it's more "for the occasion" or the "rarity" of the thing, than for real emotions, i don't know, sometimes they're there, sometimes much less. I only know that it has moved my life a lot in a certain sense, at least from the torpor of apathy and for this i am grateful and also the fact that someone like me who doesn't deserve anything met someone like that...

In all this, however, he didn't tell me exactly where he lives, nor did he leave me his phone number... he says he's planning for us, he mentioned something about buying a house for us... and also some problems with the police....

None of that sounds good.

It would require me to move…but i live in a gorgeous place...

And he's not willing to move to your place?

When i asked he either didn't answer or gave a half answer...but it was still kind of "not yet".

There are giant red flags here, and enough of them that if it were me I would run the other way.
I wish you the best.

Oh, I see some, others not at all :\

If he's planning for a house with someone he's never even been in the same room with, then no, he doesn't love you. And that goes for you too, you can't possibly love him. So much of communication is nonverbal, things that are said without words. You might think you know his heart, but if the two of you have never been in the same space, then there's just so much he can't possibly have nonverbally said to you. I guarantee he's not the man of your dreams. The man of your dreams is just that, a dream. Real people are flawed, and he hasn't shown you his flaws yet but if they involve trouble with the law, then he's likely got impulse control issues. Throwing himself into major commitment stuff with a person he's never even met sure sounds impulsive to me.
The two of you sound quite lonely, and two people finding like-minded companionship on the internet isn't weird. But do NOT ignore the genuine possibility that he's a manipulator, even if he's just using you for the attention. He's already manipulating you by giving you all this affection but withholding basic facts about himself like where he lives. He might or might not have some ulterior goal, it could just be impulsivity, but he's not being straightforward and honest.

This is what i feared...and i can't understand if it is so or not... if they are real emotions or not, and above all if he is really manipulating me, or instead they are just a series of coincidences that make everything appear like something bad when it isn't.

When i asked him why someone like me

This is what jumped out to me most in what you wrote. There are a million ways life has to make people feel unlovable, and it sounds like some of them might have happened to you. It usually starts with mean or cold or neglectful parents, then gets piled on by jerks in high school. If it was like that, then just know that you're not even close to alone in this world in that experience. You're settling for this simulated love instead of someone who can be there and hold your hand for real, because some part of you has been convinced that it's a better deal than you'd usually get. Or maybe the distance between the two of you feels safer, lots and lots and lots of people often convince themselves that if someone else really knew them, they'd leave.
But also watch out for the voices inside you that tell you you're not good enough. Whoever you are, you're descended from a countless series of ancestors going back way before the first civilizations that other people wanted to mate with. Those critical words inside might sound like your own inner voice, but if you listen closely I'd bet they start sounding a lot like those parental figures or jerks from high school. Or the people in your real life you didn't feel safe mentioning this to. We internalize other peoples' voices like that because those moments of criticism hurt, so if we have them onboard like an AI we think they can predict how others will react to us and keep us away from more of that trouble. The issue is that when you're keeping yourself away from real affection in the world your feelings go numb and it's not safety, it's...

deep depression

This is both helpful and painful...but that's exactly how it is °^° definitely explained better though.

I'm old school and I know dating and relationships have evolved since the introduction of the internet

Here are a few key things you need to know and verify about the other person
[Essential]
Full Name Name surname
Address No
Age Yes
Physical appearance Yes

[Important]
Person have kids? no but he wants twins D:
Career Yes
Salary Yes
Future Goals not exactly
Family Yes
More.....
If you don't know the essentials then you don't know anything about this person
Same goes with the important section

More or less like this

There are giant red flags here, and enough of them that if it were me I would run the other way.
I wish you the best.

This
Don't confuse these feelings of affection and infatuation for love. Love takes training and molding throughout shared experiences and hardships.

eh... how to discern them? you are right too

I'm stunned that so many people here are really trying to help and give good advice - not being cynical here or trying to say that people here suck (not at all), juts that I'd have expected more barebone posts in the vein of "Don't be an idiot/ trust someone you have never met". Honestly, you guys just made my day a whole lot better!

Agree with this, when it comes to serious matters (at least, lets aknowledge this can be more serious than gaming for instance), this community does not disappoint and thinks twice before posting things that can have some actual consequences on others.
I also note that answers went from "yeaaaah, it may be ok, but double-triple-check everything" to "too many unknow parameters, run".
Woud love to hear back from OP Lemnear though. Forum says she connected right before posting this message, then did not come back since. Hope everything is ok ?

If we can't help each other in situations like this, what are we doing really? This is a pretty nice place overall.
Most of what I'd say has been covered (pretty late to the party here as for some reason I thought this was the other small problems thread) but this guy smells like bad news. Basically, things are happening out of order here. You don't talk about *buying a house* before actually meeting someone. The fact that he was evasive about any questions regarding any actual info about himself is also alarming. The thing linked by rastan is really good.
Of course, got a nice chuckle out of some of the stuff from bryan.
I will add, a cousin of mine met her future husband in a chat room in like, the 90s. Over 20 years of marriage later now, 3 kids. Oldest is in the navy now I think. So it can work out but I'd be pretty surprised if the guy being mentioned in the OP is legit.

Well there will always be stories with a happy ending somewhere.
This forum is one of the most polite i've ever written in, the users are cultured and there's no need to call moderation every 5 minutes XD
i'm afraid to make another quote, if i accidentally delete something i'd have to do it all again XD

In any case, it hasn't moved much, i rightly proposed some dates since we're on the verge of summer, but i don't know anything yet :\
maybe he doesn't trust me enough...but he knows my name, he has my number, and he knows where i am.
The problem is that i can't imagine a future without him, it seems like he's the push i need to get me going...otherwise i'll settle like dust...
EDIT: strange how i look at my depression and my perennial duality on Light and Darkness (i believe that if i abandoned the "dark" side i would have ruined all the suffering i have undergone... it's a warning, a sort of inner strength!).
But his response is "I am your light, choose me!" (hearts aside).

Sometimes he seems like Prince Charming...but the one from Shrek..

PS: I probably shouldn't have watched The Witches of Eastwick for the first time (love it).

Anyway regarding Mark MSX, i have the impression that it is he who creates that toxicity (i follow him and i like many of his videos, especially the one about Gameplay Density) but sometimes he is so elitist especially when it comes to CAVE...while Shmups Junkie is much lighter, he takes the thing as a game, and in fact they are games..have fun!

[Steamflogger Boss]

Glad to see you are okay. I hope you find happiness, either with this guy or someone else.

[Sima Tuna]

someone like me who doesn't deserve anything met someone like that

I really hope you can move past this state of mind and change this way of looking at yourself. You are a special person and you deserve to be around people who love and care for you, genuinely. This kind of negative shit that comes from inside your brain? You can safely tune it out. Slowly learn to disregard that voice that says "you don't deserve anything" or "You're worthless," because I can tell you that this voice is just trauma bullshit speaking. It has no value. Giving headspace to this kind of toxic discourse is pointless.

I don't know how to go about beginning to raise your self-esteem. Maybe start with making small accomplishments each day so you can feel good about yourself. Or maybe stop devaluing what you already do, as if it's not worth anything. But it seems to me this is one place to begin. There's a saying, "Wherever you go, there you are." If you feel bad about yourself, you can't change that by moving to another place or starting a new relationship. I have some issues myself. Well, if I'm in India or Tibet or Salem or Antarctica... All my baggage follows me. So I have to deal with me before I can deal with others. Anyway, that's how I figure it.

I don't know anything about your past, but my moments of low self-esteem are a result of being raised in an abusive household. But that's not a reflection on me and it doesn't mean I should feel worthless. When I get those negative thoughts, I know that it isn't real. It's a fake reality created by trauma. In the moment, maybe knowing that doesn't change how I feel. But the negative emotions pass and then I can analyze and realize what I was feeling then was temporary and false.

If you feel like you're depressed and/or anxious all the time, then it might also be good to explore options with your doctor. If you aren't already. I don't want you to be walking around all the time thinking you're worthless, especially if those feelings are a result of nonsense from your past or a chemical imbalance in your present which can be addressed and treated.

[Lander]

Glad to see you back, Lemnar for a minute I was worried the they might judge me vibe may have looped back around and scared you off!

Depression and low self esteem are a tough thing to deal with; I've been through my own - ostensibly as a result of having my social support structure toppled a couple times by well-meaning but ultimately misguided parents, plus the usual school bullshit for seasoning - and it's one of those things where others can try all they might to help, but it's on you to actualize it and overcome. A real catch-22, since being depressed is itself an incredibly potent demotivator.

For me, getting over it coincided with finishing university, and reframing my terms of self-worth from 'prove yourself deserving of romantic love' to 'prove yourself a capable person'.
Writ short, I was a mediocre student until I could take a course I cared about, so ended up as the smartest idiot studying Games Tech at the University to the West of Giving a Fuck.
Got the mortar board and Piece of Paper w/Honours, but it was a poor joke both academically and socially. That long-distance relationship started and ended somewhere in the middle year; a reprieve while it lasted, but worse after.

The resulting system shock combined with the dead-end environment is ultimately what did it, I think; got me hyper-focused on my craft, which ultimately became its own wellspring of self-confidence through refinement.
There wasn't an "Okay I'm going to fix it" or corresponding "I'm okay now" moment, so much as an eventual realization that I was identifying myself differently; a worthwhile person by virtue of what I choose to do (ergo, am), and by extension worthy of romantic love should it arise, rather than my own base worth being conditional on finding someone compatible in the human chaos.

Now, I wouldn't call it a smooth landing. More 'one you can walk away from', so it's probably better taken anecdotally than aspirationally

I should perhaps take it in the same way, as something temporary...

I'd say less 'temporary' and more 'uncertain', since temporary implies a known end, but uncertain could go either way.
Not a satisfying answer, since not knowing is one of life's greatest pains, but it beats dooming yourself into a hole, or setting up fragile expectations!

strange how i look at my depression and my perennial duality on Light and Darkness (i believe that if i abandoned the "dark" side i would have ruined all the suffering i have undergone... it's a warning, a sort of inner strength!).

I think the duality is a fundamental human nature thing. Bad experiences play a part in defining us, but I don't think they're worth clinging to; even absent present-and-active personal demons, baggage tends to stick around and act as a compass of its own accord.
In the end, we're still a bunch of confused, angry monkeys trying to figure out what "Type-I Civilization" even means; struggling with that is a natural part of it.

But also watch out for the voices inside you that tell you you're not good enough. Whoever you are, you're descended from a countless series of ancestors going back way before the first civilizations that other people wanted to mate with.

That's a really interesting way to frame it; the very state of being alive means standing atop a foundation of desirable mates. Every one of them just as flawed and human, most like!

[BIL]

Good to hear back from you Lem! I wouldn't move away from where you are, it looks like Progear's first stage.

I don't know what went down with Mark MSX, that was before my time here.

Standard-issue Dramatic Forums Exit™. I hear he's done a lot of good work since!

That does overlap with the cave-stg stuff I brought up in the icy thread. Things really peaked with Deathsmiles, and it was all downhill from there. With the genre completely dead in the commercial scene, if we want anything new, we'd have to make it ourselves.

Kalikan being one of the major new games, when it'd have just been considered a "neat" project before, is really a sign of the times : /

To devil's advocate slightly, more new STGs wouldn't quench the burning ardour of the Full Shumpers that Sumez mentions. Those guys would be happy as clams if everyone was hitting older games like the figurative heavy bags they are. There's many hundreds, well above the kusoge sediment layer, and without even factoring emulation, where you can go full monster mash and pledge your allegiance to the graveyard smash. Then you can share your findings here!

You know in Wayne's World, when Wayne opens a door at the donut place, revealing a hangar full of ninjas drilling all Tough And Cool, admiring them before he closes it and returns to his goofy VHS-lovin' day? Some guys remain in that doorway yelling at the donut randos that they all fuckin suck, before departing for a life of glamorous and highly-paid adventure. There's arguments over this stretching before the '05 reset, aka last Tuesday. "Weak Western Shmuppers" and "I Got Gripes Wit U Guys" are decent remnants.

Ban The Movies Thread Its Making Western Shumpers Weak :[

More commerce would just mean more casual fuck-and-chuck, to quote these angry bois. It's just a fundamental problem of the universe. Or not.

[PC Engine Fan X!]

Some anti-depressants such as Zoloft would best benefit in your case, Lemnear. Just inquire with your primary care physician/general practitioner and get the proper prescribed meds to get on with your life for the better. Good luck in your future endeavors wherever life takes you down the road -- there will always be peaks and valleys in the so-called "road of life" -- that is to be expected. Keep a sunny disposition and positive outlook on life -- keep your head held up high.

PC Engine Fan X! ^_~