Space Raiders by Alexander Carparelli (PS4-5)

[Sturmvogel Prime]

TRASHSTORM (EPISODE XXXI)
FECAL RAIDERS


TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.


LIST OF PESTILENCE - THE TRASHSTORM SO FAR...
HALL OF INFAMY: THE WORST GAMES EVER Vol. I

Spoiler

I: EXIT TRASHFALL, WELCOME TRASHSTORM (POWER-DEAD BY BREAKTHROUGH GAMING) - (Nik & Kit's Math Quiz)
II: UNINSPIRED SPACE SHOOTOUTS - (X-Force Genesis)
III: NIGHTMARE DRIVING ON THE TRASH GAME ROAD - (Driverio)
IV: AGE OF DEVELOPER STUPIDITY - (Game Achievements "Stroke The Pet" Series)
V: TAKE THE TROPHIES, I DON'T WANT THEM! - (Rocketio)
VI: SUPERDISASTROUS SPACE SHOOTER SQUAD - (Super Rebellion)
VII: MYRON SAID "CRAPPY HOLIDAYS" - (Breakthrough Gaming: The Continents)
VIII: BREAK-TURD GAMING...AGAIN - (Project: Summer Ice - Pinball)
IX: DEEP SPACE ATROCITY - (Deep Space Anomaly)
X: ZAKYM'S DISASTROUS RETURN - (Rocketio 2 and 3)
XI: CRAPPER BOWL AND THE END OF BREAKTHROUGH GAMING - (Breakthrough Gaming's Football 2)
XII: ALPHA MORON - (Alpha Warrior by S-Mobile)
XIII: THE DEEP FREEZE - (SoulFrost by Xitilon)
XIV: WEBNETIC'S FIRST SHOOTER - (Space Defend by Webnetic)
XV: ONE BUTTON CATASTROPHE - (B Cannon by Xitilon)
XVI: CLASH FORCE? MORE LIKE TRASH FORCE! - (Clash Force)
XVII: TAURIAN MANURE - (Taurian Defense)
XVIII: INHUMAN ROAD: STINKING TURD LIGHTNING - (Thunder by Xitilon)
XIX: MORE XITILON TRASH - (S Lanes by Xitilon)
XX: TRASH-O-WEEN PRESENTS: CRAPPER-5 - (Hyper-5)
XXI: RED-CRAP-TOR - (RedRaptor)
XXII: FROM MEDIOCRE TO "X-CREMENT" - (X-Force Under Attack)
XXIII: CONSEQUENCE OF STUPIDITY - (Danjigoku)
XXIV: IF IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, IT'S EXTINCT - (Arcade Archives: Dinorex)
XXV: NEPHENTHEOSIC EUTHANASIA - (Nephenthesys)
XXVI: MESSED UP SHMOUPPING - (Shmoup by Phoenix Reborn Games)
XXVII: WAR AGAINST BLOCKS. AS STUPID AS IT SOUNDS - (Shooting Blocks by Webnetic)
XXVIII: (UN)HOLY WEEK SPECIAL - (Galactic Invasion by Pix Arts)
XXIX: DISADVENTURE IN VENARIS - (Flightpath: Adventures in Venaris
XXX: THE OBSCENE LEVEL OF STUPIDITY - (Aabs Animals

More STG crap. It is hard to believe how low indie shooting can fall, but the following shmup puts Breakthrough Gaming to shame.
This time is Space Raiders by Alexander Carparelli.



What you see is what you get.

Before starting with the gameplay, you wanna know what's one of the worst aspects of Space Raiders?
ALL THE AD-BLURB ON THE PLAYSTATION STORE IS A FUCKING LIE
Just read.

Embark on an intergalactic journey in this adrenaline-pumping 2D space shooter!
Pilot your sleek spacecraft through treacherous enemy armadas as you battle to save the galaxy from imminent destruction.
With intuitive controls and fast-paced action, blast your way through wave after wave of alien invaders.
Dodge incoming fire, shoot enemies in this thrilling arcade-style adventure.
Are you ready to become the hero the universe desperately needs?

There's nothing adrenalinic, treacherous, intuitive, fast-paced or incoming fire in Space Raiders. If we can call this shit a game, the idea is to destroy all the enemies in sight until you die and burn all of your lives. But guess what? Your enemy doesn't do jack shit and just simply scrolls down in endless waves which you can pass through by holding the fire button and WITHOUT MOVING, you can make progress in the game by remaining static and never let the fire button go. So, there's no "Dodge incoming fire" to be found in this game, killing 99.999999991% of the fun factor of this game, reducing its worth and chances to be good down to 0.000000009% already.

"Treacherous enemy armadas" my ass, there's more treacherous enemies on LJN's X-Men than this, and the same goes for "Intuitive controls". Just the basic controls with the left Analog Stick and your twin laser fire with autofiring. Speaking of autofiring, sometimes when you press the Touch button, it will lock the autofiring, allowing you to let the game play by itself while doing something else (and better) than playing with this shit. Clearly, nobody tested this game. Believe it or not, there's no D-Pad support and worse, NO PAUSE BUTTON. Once you start playing the only way to get out is by closing the app.
With zero difficulty in this game, the only way to die in this game is by deliberate collisions. One single collision will cost you a life, once your five lives are gone its Game Over, but guess-the fuck-what? The game will automatically send you back to the game rather than sending you to the title screen. Overall, it fails as an arcade-style game and there's nothing thrilling in this game, reducing the blurb to a bunch of lies.




That Platinum Trophy is an Award for the Epitome of Human Stupidity.

When you were a toddler and drew a picture of your mom with 17 fingers, green hair, and a body that looked like a melted turd, she loved it. It was a terrible drawing in every way possible, but she loved it and called it cute because you were three. This game is as bad as a 17-fingered drawing, only the people who made it are not three.

Graphically, this is one of those games where you can apply Seanbaby's wisdom in order to criticize it. The sprites are plain and generic and the background is the same crappy blue starfield with randomly placed stars with a dark background that changes from dark blue to dark red. Also, you're stucked with the horrible scanline screen filter whether you like it or not. Is half as bad as the "Cordium jamming" effect from Project Wingman, so you have a trash-fest to suffer if you've bought this for "trophy hunting".
The music: Oh, Lord! Who the fuck is playing with the Casio soundboard?, It sounds just like those unlicensed Color Dreams games, but far worse, and to increase the fucking agony, that's the only thing you'll be hearing in the fucking game and for a final injury to your ears, the laser sound of your weapon is annoying. Now add the autofiring and you'll have a torture for your ears. See and hear for yourself (Your poor own severed ears...)


FACT RAIDERS

- Space Raiders appears on the PS4 Dashboard as "SpaceRaiders".
- Don't confuse it with the Gamecube/PlayStation 2 Space Raiders (Space Invaders: Invasion Day / Simple 2000 Series Vol.52 The Chikyuu Shinryokugun: Space Raiders) by Taito and Mastiff.

THE REVIEW SCALES BLEW OUT! EVERYONE BRACE!








Vessel Crew: We're inop! (We're off-center, close the bulkheads)


KRA-KOOOOOOW!!!

Alexander Carparelli's Space Raiders is an insult not just for gaming, but for indie development. It's as lowest as a game could be since there's nothing to encourage the player to stay on the game. Terrible graphics, zero gameplay, atrocious sound, its the absolute worst in terms of videogames. ¿How does an atrocious game like this made its way to the PlayStation Store? Sadly, the answer is painfully simple: Sony doesn't give a fuck about quality.

Action 52, and Deep Blue this world forgives you because CRAP-arelli's Space Raiders is far worse than any other trash game you can possibly imagine. Trying to comprehend how bad it is it's just technically impossible.
So, fuck this game, and a Cordium Cruise Missile bombardment for Alexander Carparelli for making this game and for Sony for letting this monstrosity in on the PlayStation Store.

SYSTEM
REVIEW OVER

The PlayStation's gone insane.



*"Results" plays in the background*