THE OBSCENE LEVEL OF STUPIDITY
TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
Oh God, the following review is biblically horrific. I've seen a lot of trash games in my life, but sadly, stupidity knows no boundaries, and this is one of those examples.
No, is not Breakthrough Gaming (despite they've released an RPG called Forgiveness recently), an indie studio who thinks big and flops, or a major commercial failure. This is the epitome of human stupidity, the monument to developer laziness and the testament of how developers think gamers are stupid enough to pick anything for a few Achievements. I'm talking Aabs Animals by Aabs Inc.
Fortunately, I didn't had to buy it to review it since others already picked it and fell for it (My condolences and sympathies to all of those blogs and YouTubers) and my duty as a reviewer is to warn the rest of the world about the monstrosity this game is.
Tamagotchi and Digimon V-Pet were better than this.
The premise of virtual pets isn't new. It existed since the 90's with Tamagotchi and Digimon Virtual Pet (V-Pet for short) where the player dedicated some of its time to a digital creature as if it was a real pet; feeding it, cleaning its shit, take it to its bath and even check its health or else it would fuck out. Was like a passing fad since nobody cared about it until Nintendo threw Nintendogs. But like the 'gotchis, it came and went, clear indicator that its era died out waaaaay ago as an obvious fad... Until Aabs came up with this shit.
With the concept of virtual pets and how Nintendo made a lot of features on Nintendogs, you might expect that Aabs would take notes from it and implement them on Aabs Animals, right? Right? Oh, fuck...
This is gonna sound stupid, but there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with your pet in this game, except for rotating the camera and zooming. No shit. That's the only thing to do here is to watch the miserable little cat rolling, meowing and walking around. No basic attentions, no health checking, no taking to the park for a walk, NO NOTHING, just watch the cat, and just for what? To obtain trophies/achievements? That's the abysmal lowest excuse for Trophy Hunting. It's on the same league as Breakthrough Gaming's "Welcome to..." visual novels which were shameless commercials for Breakthrough Gaming, but this one is "I got 10 XBOX Achievements/5 PlayStation Trophies DOING NOTHING!". Yeah, the PlayStation 4 port has the lowest amount of trophies making it even more pathetic and insulting, because, is not only shit, but SHIT THAT COMES WITH A PRICE: 10 dollars. Yeah, asking 10 fucking dollars for this is a fucking insult. I mean, if this was a free demo with trophies to encourage you to buy the full game with all the possible features included, then I might justify its existence, but this is zero-to-nothing in terms of excuses to defend this atrocity.
It is sad that the game was made with good intentions since Aabs donates the obtained money to animal shelters, but with a monstrosity like this, the intended effect on the customer is the exact opposite: An "FU" to the cause, just like Breakthrough Gaming is an insult to Christianism and all what represents. I mean, if you're planning to do a game with warm hearted intentions, put some heart on it, not doing a more than obvious vulgar display of laziness and lack of effort. I mean, fuck, Breakthrough Gaming's catalog was unexcusable, but at least the "arcade" titles were playable, but Aabs Animals doesn't give a flying fuck about playability.
But you know what else is bullshit in this game? The advertising blurb is a fucking lie: "Aabs Animals will continue to grow with future updates". Well, the game never updated on PlayStation 4 and XBOX One, so you're permastucked with the craptastic black cat. How appropiate, a symbol of bad luck as your default virtual pet.
Graphically its the sorriest excuse of using the XBOX and PS4 graphics. A Space Harrier-esque checkerboard floor where your CGI cat does whatever baby cats do. I don't know if that's limbo or purgatory, but if those exist, that's what they may look like. There's no day/night changes or different ground, what you see is what you get. There's no sound department except for the kitty's meows. A total ripoff in gameplay, graphics and sound, and sorry if I didn't say anything else of the audiovisual department, but there's not too much to talk about. Wish I could talk more about it, but there's nothing else to say.
AABS CURIOSITIES
- Aabs Animals was originally released on the PlayStation 3 and PSVita with little more content such as background music, different cat colors and backgrounds which were removed on the PS4/XBOX version.
- This game led Microsoft to the reinforcement and banning of easy Gamerscore titles on the XBOX Store.
If the universe is God's cosmic play, then this is the Game Over screen he's watching right now.
Aabs Animals is an insult to Gaming, Trophy Hunting, charity and people's love for pets all at once. It makes you wonder ¿Why the fuck somebody would make an atrocity like this? and worse, using charity as the excuse. That's offensive. As a game, it makes LJN games look good. Please, somebody tell LJN, Big Rigs Over: The Road Racing and Atari's E.T. The Extraterrestrial that humanity forgives them.
If you're looking to donate to charity for a specific cause, go and give them some money to the physical persons, not to a console online store where someone can rip your money off with no-quality shit. If you're stupid enough to waste 10 bucks on whatever shit they throw at you, then pick this game "Mr. Stupidest Person Ever".
AWACS Galaxy's right in all the words that comprise that quote.