Help me remain a gamer!

[Searchlike]

Not going to bore you with my story, but basically I don't like my current life and can no longer justify spending hours on games I never manage to beat.

I don't want to give up the hobby altogether, just significantly reduce the time I spend with it. I am very open minded when it comes to the medium and have enjoyed quite a few casual games for their briefness, focus and originality. Some of the ones I've enjoyed are A Short Hike, Before Your Eyes, Inside, Unpacking, Wide Ocean Big Jacket, Minit, Hidden Folks, Overboard!, etc.

I'm also very interested in checking out itch.io's catalogue, but it's a pain to navigate that site unless you know what you're looking for. If anyone has some good recs, I'm all ears.

One way I could justify spending time on longer experiences is if I could play a game in one of the languages that I'm either learning or have intentions to learn. Ocarina of Time was one of my best English teachers as a child so I know that text or dialogue heavy games can be powerful tools to learn a foreign language. The languages that I'm interested in are Japanese, German, Portuguese, Italian and maybe French. The first two I'm currently learning/re-learning, the others I think might be easy to pick up due to their similarities with Spanish, my mother tongue.

As for the inevitable 'What about arcade games?', listen, I love them and always will, but I'm mostly looking for stuff to unwind to, it's either that or I simply stop playing games. Yes, if I haven't made myself clear so far, I'm talking about games without challenge or very little of it that still manage to make good use of the medium and that are short in lenght. Arcade games are not an option for me right now, they require an amount of energy and focus that I won't have by the time I get to them.

That is all, I tried to make this brief. Thanks for your time!

[XtraSmiley]

What system do you have?

Xbox Game Pass seems to be a great way to try a bunch of games and not worry about finishing them. Some easy games that I have recently enjoyed, Ratchet and Clank Rift Apart, Deathloop, and Control.

[Rastan78]

Sometimes I find turn based strategy games relaxing bc there's no time pressure to make a move. Try Into the Breach. It's a really stripped down and easy to learn approach to the genre. Set it down to easy while you're learning the ropes and it won't be anything too stressful.

[Blinge]

If you've moved on from vidya, if you don't feel the desire to play them anymore, then don't.

Using that time for something more worthwhile? great.
When you want gaemz they'll be here when you come back.

[neorichieb1971]

I find gaming a bit of spectators sport these days.

I won't buy the latest Xbox or PS5. So often just play games that I loved years gone by. Try playing older games. Its not that there is a shortage of them.

[Licorice]

I'm in a similar boat even though I really like my current life (I mean, realistically, it's as good as it can be, anything better would be luck or not worth it amounts of effort). The issue is gaming takes a back seat to other goals and pursuits I have despite being happy with my obligatory routine.

So, being in a similar, but not same, boat, here's a few things I noticed when I tried to game in moderation:

1. The best games are those we want to pour time into. It's rare to love a game and want to do something else after 10 minutes of play (except maybe socialize how great the game is).
2. If we limit our time playing a game we love (as opposed to stopping only with natural fatigue), whatever we do in lieu of game time feels like a chore.
3. Same applies to interrupting something else you like to do for gaming.

From this I've learned that I can't really partition my free time between gaming and some other pursuit in the span of a single day or even week. However, when we're talking months, it is possible. So what happens is for a few months I'll spend all my free time gaming, and then for another few months doing something else e.g. pursuing art, learning languages, studying biology etc.

But still, time is partitioned, and we can't do everything we want in one life time. Does this mean maybe games should go? I decided no. Games are a great cool off after burning out from one more serious pursuit and before moving on to the other.

But anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, you can enjoy any type of game, and that changing the type of game to better suit a gaming in moderation kind of approach, doesn't work, or at least didn't work for me.

These are ofc. just my observations as applied to me. YMMV.

Oh I also want to note that I have fucked up important parts of my life, in part, due to gaming (e.g. flunking out of post-grad), and it took me ages to recover (turns out employers aren't impressed when you've sunk 2 years down the toilet for nothing). TBH tho I don't think I've learned my lesson. In fact I realized the opposite -- I just don't really want to just pursue one thing (including gaming) for years in lieu of all the other things. It's just not me. A little bit of everything while it tastes the sweetest due to my internal emotional state or whatever? *chef's kiss*

My fullest respect and admiration for those that are able to pursue one thing with crazy dedication, be it gaming (materially, gaming is no different to other forms of self expression, so IMO I don't agree we can say it's less "worthwhile") or something else.

[drauch]

You could always try 'walking sims'. They're usually super short (2-5 hours) and basically zero difficulty. Firewatch, What Remains of Edith Finch, Gone Home, etc. Essentially Adventure games without the brain-scratching puzzles. Or visual novels. They're usually much, much longer, but the narrative is more fully-fleshed out typically, like watching a mini-series or somethin'.

[Searchlike]

What system do you have?

I do my gaming almost exclusively on PC these days and I've mostly moved away from mainstream titles as I find them bloated. I'll play an easy game, I just ask that it is short and that it dares to do something interesting with its gameplay or that it has a storytelling approach that fits the medium.

Try Into the Breach.

I actually asked about this one a while ago, but it didn't seem to have many fans around here, I'll give it another look.

If you've moved on from vidya, if you don't feel the desire to play them anymore, then don't.

You're right. I've done this before, a good 5 or so years without gaemz. I'm not sure this is quite the route I would like to take this time around, but it's good to be reminded that this is indeed an alternative.

I find gaming a bit of spectators sport these days.

I won't buy the latest Xbox or PS5.

Yeah, I'm probably done with buying new consoles, for every cool looking game that's not available on PC there are like another 20 that are, thanks to indie developers. I already spent most of my gaming time playing older titles, it's the stuff that I like best.

You could always try 'walking sims'...

Or visual novels...

These coud be great as a learning tool, provided they have the option to change the text to different languages and I think some of them do. My only gripe might be that they don't seem gamey enough, I don't ask for much really, only that developers make creative use of the medium's unique features. A recent example I fully enjoyed was Florence, which was a charming mix of light puzzles with alternative comics. It's not a groundbreaking work in any way, but it is a game and it's hard to imagine it as anything else.

I'm in a similar boat...

Thanks for sharing your experience, I really needed to read something like this. I am definitely far from having screwed up my life beyond repair and even if that were the case I don't think I could attribute it to gaming, or to film, that other hobby of mine that just like the former has led me through a curious path, not the one that I initially sought and not even close to be my calling or whatever, I think I might be a bit too old for that, but A path anyway.

I see things a bit differently than I did 10 years ago and don't regret a lot of things nowadays, just wish there were more than 24 hours per day. So yeah, I agree with you, I don't see games as worthless, but also don't feel like moving away from the skill based titles will be much of a problem for me and I really believe it might be the right time to try something different and see if I can put more of my energy into other interests that may lead me to a better place than the one I'm currently at.

It's great that you have managed to find a balance, not an easy thing to do and also very worthy of respect, I think. As they say, let's try to do our best, whatever it might be.

[Gamer707b]

From what I'm reading, sounds like you're more of a non-gamer than you are a gamer right now. I went through a similar thing 4 years ago. I was buying a bunch of PS4 games. Playing them once or twice and wouldn't really have a desire to go back to them. The triple A stuff at the time, like Detroit, Yakuza, Tomb Raider, things like that. I was thinking that "maybe I'm just finally growing out of them now that I'm in my 40s". Eventually, I just started to focus and play other, simpler pick up and play games. Stopped buying Triple A, played even more shmups and other arcade genres, bought the occasional Nintendo game and started to almost right away, notice that I'm having way more fun. It's like my passion was re-ignited by changing the kind of games I play. So I realized it wasn't that the whole gaming hobby I didn't enjoy, it was the type of games that I simply wasn't enjoying anymore.

But I always tell myself that when it comes to a point I don't enjoy gaming at all, I walk away from it. No problem. I do a lot of cycling and other hobbies too. But, I'm , 47 and have been gaming since 1980. So, if I'm still doing it now, there's a good chance that if I live to be 80, I might actually still be gaming, Anyhow, you don't need anyone to "help you remain a gamer". That's your thing. Look at it yourself. If you need to change genres like I did, then find a type of game you enjoy more. Or you might just want to take a couple years off and come back fresh. Or maybe you've just moved past gaming and that's ok too. We don't HAVE TO keep gaming.

[BareKnuckleRoo]

I'd recommend something like Pikuniku. I gifted it to my hubby for similar reasons as he's not a big gamer but we got a Switch recently; it's a low key adventure game with light platforming elements, nothing wildly difficult or anything, and it's not a super lengthy game. It's amusing, and isn't hardcore by any means.

[BIL]

From my experience, take a step back and enjoy another hobby for a while, I suggest something relatively passive like film or music (these can of course be rigorous endeavours in their own rights, I mean a more old favourites/easy listening mode ). Or just use the time to relax and do nothing in particular. A nice view is invaluable if one's available to you.

I didn't post here from January to July of 2019, just didn't have the time or energy to spare while dealing with a house move, qualifying exams for a promotion, and an unwell dog. Likewise, no gaming, and I really wondered if I'd fallen out of love with the hobby as I neared 40. I'm glad I didn't do anything rash, because call it a vice or a pastime, my affection for all this stuff came back like an absolute motherfucker once the dust had settled.

TLDR: take a break but don't burn the bridge back, is my hopelessly amateur advice. ;3

[drauch]

^Aye. I do the same as well. I usually try and balance my (too) many hobbies, but then sometimes I'll go for long spells (year or more) where I don't touch one. If it don't feel right, probably best to just let it be. No sense stringing it along forcefully, that usually just makes matters worse. Then you'll get that big ol' itch eventually, naturally.

[Licorice]

I actually asked about this one a while ago, but it didn't seem to have many fans around here, I'll give it another look.

Into the Breach is very pick up and play but in the same way as any better arcade game. So, if arcade games feel like too much to enjoy "casually", this will be the same, or at least was for me as I found myself coming up with optimal solutions and studying map permutations and stuff while not playing lol.

Great game tho. Highly recommended. I really liked their previous FTL too.

[CIT]

I was super depressed recently and couldn’t put up the energy to play anything, but then I somehow picked up Gris, and it was just perfect. Very simple, short, easy, beautiful to look at — I can recommend it.

[Searchlike]

I gifted it to my hubby for similar reasons as he's not a big gamer but we got a Switch recently

As a current casual gamer I woud like to recommend to him the titles I mentioned in my opening post, specially as Pikuniku looks like it would fit right alongside them.

I found myself coming up with optimal solutions and studying map permutations and stuff while not playing lol.

This usually happens to me with puzzle games, sometimes the best solutions only come to me long after closing the game. Love that genre, but yeah, probably not what I need right now. Good to know they're both worthwhile though.

Very simple, short, easy, beautiful to look at — I can recommend it.

Sounds great, will put it in the must play list for when the right time comes along. Hope you're doing a lot better now.

We don't HAVE TO keep gaming.

take a break but don't burn the bridge back, is my hopelessly amateur advice. ;3

If it don't feel right, probably best to just let it be.

Thanks for the life hacks, guys. You're the best and I wish you all the good that one can reasonably get from this crazy game called Life. I do feel like I may need a break and I'm going to step away from the forum for a while. This isn't a goodbye, simply a ¡Nos vemos!

[Randorama]

I imagine that you are somewhere in your late '20s or early '30s, and you may find yourself in a situation in which important matters (say, a career, human relationships, goals) take precedence over hobbies.
I also imagine that you spent considerable amount of time and emotional investment, over the years, in building an identity as "gamer".
You mention that you want to remain a gamer (=someone who is committed to the hobby of gaming), so I guess that you identify yourself as a gamer right now.

My general comments on the topic may also double as suggestions and triple as ramblings on life. This is a perfect example of TL;DR post, and I have been adding one line at a time while working, so I hope that you don't mind the inconsistencies.

So:

1. I never identified myself as a gamer or anything really, because in certain conditions "identities" are collars aimed to choke you to death, the moment someone wants to pull you back to an identity group.
I never identified myself as a football supporter of team X, because supporters of team X in Italy tend to be irrationally committed to the team and to hating supporters from any other teams, for instance.
I *do* follow the team, but on my own terms and time. I follow the same philosophy to every other type of "membership to identity group", whether it involves hobbies or work, or whatever else.

What is your definition of "gamer"? Do you want to be a "gamer"? Do you suffer for not being a gamer? If you do suffer, why?
You can check if answering these questions may serve the purpose of clearing up your ideas on the basic identity problem that seems to bug you, right now.
Personally, "gamer" is an identity tag that I would not even consider, if I were you, unless it pays the rent (i.e. you can find a way to be "a gamer" and it improves your quality of life).

2. At some point in life, it's "crunch time".
I left Italy at 24 to pursue an academia career.
I survived long enough in the field to actually have a career, but I had to give up a lot to obtain this goal.
Academia is actually perennial "crunch time": I may be tenured (=long-term job), but if I don't perform for extended periods of time, I can always get the boot.
Are you experiencing some form of "crunch time"?
If you do, my suggestion is the same as everyone else's: focus on the problem at hand, win, and then check if you have time AND patience to play games.
Pursuing hobbies is much easier if everything else in your life works in a way that doesn't drive you nuts, or drowns you with sorrow and sense of guilt.


3. If learning languages makes you feel relaxed, then by all means do so.
Videogames and other hobbies can certainly help in this goal, as you know.
If you speak Spanish, I'd add French and Portuguese to the mix, plus German and Japanese (and yes, learning other Romance languages, for Romance speakers, is generally a subjectively easier
experience).
Your work prospects may dramatically improve if languages become relevant.
Universal translators are still a SF pipe-dream; a person making an effort to speak a foreign language generates trust almost immediately.

4. If you feel some kind of peer pressure by people posting on-line about videogames (i.e. the "community" telling you to play "arcade games"), then please re-read point 1.
I have this suspicion that some of the "committed gamers" on this site have concluded fuck nothing with their lives, and therefore waste the time of their lives obsessing about "world records",
"cheating controversies", and "the problems with person X".
It could be worse, and football hooligans and religious/political fundamentalists are two easy examples of groups who would qualify as "worse".
Ultimately, Donald Duck's classic aphorism still holds: "No thanks, I don't need any suggestions: I can make mistakes on my own" (I cannot recall the Carl Barks' original story, sorry).
The only rules you really need to follow are the ones that avoid getting you arrested, and the ones that get you results.
The first ones are usually presented in the penal code of the country you live in (and in authorised rules & regulation codes); the second ones depend on the goals you choose with your own life.

5. Later on, when life looks properly organised and working in the right direction, you can check if you have enough patience to go back to stress-inducing hobbies like (arcade) games.
I have started playing arcade games again once I made the (first, important) cut at a work level (i.e. the break was 2006-2015, I believe).
I simply had more time and energy to play SOME arcade games, read more comics, and so on.
However, I simply do not have the daily patience that I had when I was a puny teen playing games in my uncle's arcade.
If I play and I rage-quit even once, I will switch to cute kitty anime or something like that
Be sure that if you have free time, you can very quickly switch to a stress-REDUCING hobby if you have a potentially stress-INDUCING hobby (e.g. gaming for me; musical instruments for my wife).

6. If you feel that hobbies are useless and therefore spending time on hobbies is a way to waste away your life, I can feel your pain.
I grew up in a very protestant-like environment in which anything not related to work and/or achieving results was a "sin", though ironically I am atheist (and so is my family; long story).
When I work, I don't generally idle and I may get stressed if I need to take longer but necessary breaks (y'know, I get stressed if hitting the 'loo takes too long).
If you share this mind-set, growing older will only make you feel worse if you are not focusing on duties before focusing on pleasures, in my experience.

However, you never know when you may find yourself turning your hobbies into your occupation, or at least a source of income.
My wife currently works 10-15 hours a week as a freelance pixel artist and character/mechanics developer for a SK company (she's from SK).
She spent a lot of time playing the company's games, she cultivated pixel art as a "spare hobby", and at some point this combination of skills turned into a source of income.

If you get stressed easily, then set gaming goals that are also real-life goals, like learning a language via games.
In Italian there is a proverb that roughly translates as "Always join useful things to funny things" (Combina sempre l'utile al dilettevole).
I suspect that if you can do that, you'd feel better.

Personally, I do publish papers on comics and manga masking them as "cultural studies research", and I plan on doing the same with videogames at some later time.
As my father begrudgingly acknowledged a couple of years ago, I turned "those wasted teen afternoons into pre-emptive research".
Reason about your hobbies and think whether and how they could become more than "just hobbies".

7. Go to the gym, or do some sports to release the tension.
Follow a healthy diet, and stay in good shape.
Do your bed first thing in the morning, and have a clear schedule (excel file ready go!) With clear "WORK TIME" "FUN TIME" slots designed to your needs, and the needs of whoever lives with you.

I have been writing this rant on a day in which my work productivity is below zero.
I do not feel guilty because anyway I am technically well ahead of my schedule, for this semester.
Once you have a good plan and you follow the plan, you know when you need more crunch time and when you can enjoy more playing time, or when those stressful arcade games are venom for your soul.

Be sure that you get results - that cover budget expenses, life necessities & luxuries, and meet personal goals of all sorts, as long as they make you healthy.

I am off for a walk, then I'll play Taito's Dead Connection a whole five minutes, rage-quit and watch kitties movies on-line

[Searchlike]

Searchlike has officially left the the forum. I'm just writing on his behalf, because I think it's worth responding to this last post. Everyone else, please, do not read this. It's long, boring, 100% off-topic and just a waste of time in general. Do something better with your time and thank yourselves later for doing so. In fact, I don't even think Randorama should read this, I don't see how anyone, probably not even me, could get something out of this. Look away.

Spoiler

What are you doing?! I told you to look away! Off you go!


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As I said before, I don't intend to bore you with the finer details, I'll just say I don't like what I do for a living. It's not horrible or anything, just mind-numbingly dull, endless and stressful. I'd rather pretend someone else does it and just move on with the topic.

Do I see myself as a gamer? Sure I guess, but only because I'm a regular poster in a shmups forum. Truthfully, I rarely talk about my pastimes IRL and if somebody asks me if I am a gamer I simply deny it, just so that they don't immediately form a picture in their head about who I am based on whatever view they have on the hobby, that and I'm something of an introvert and have very few friends and I'd like to keep it that way, honestly.

In fact, I rarely indetify as anything really and even regret that some people know me as the film guy, even though I don't really watch movies anymore. I've even had some opportunities to express my views on the medium to a mass audience but had to reject the offer as my heart is not only not into it right now, but I also never intended to evangelize about my formalistic view on the medium, I simply found joy talking about what I love about films with the people that know me. If people only see films as storytelling vehicles that's absolutely fine with me, we just don't speak the same language.

I do not intend to let that let that knowledge go to waste though. I don't know if I'm going to succeed at turning my hobbies into my living but I'm going to try. I don't have much to lose and basically any small achievement would be a tremendous boost to my confidence, I know this cause I already feel a bit more optimistic after 4 months of studying Japanese.

And boy, I'm loving the journey. I've actually gotten quite emotional about the process and have being close to tears when I see myself working hard to learn the language as I've been a long time fan of Japanese art and culture. This is the second best thing to actually travelling there and I shoud have started years ago, but enough regrets.

As for German, that was the main language during my elementary school days, so I already have a solid background. I feared that maybe I had lost that ability for good as I had not used it in ages, but turns out that if you learn a language and give it up for whatever reason, you can always pick it up later and it's almost as if you never abandoned it in the first place.

And now that it's no longer an obligation or a means to pass some exam, it turns out I also love German and want to improve my skills further. Just to be clear, I absolutely hated German in school, almost every subject was in German, even English. This is truly a miracle, guys.

It isn't just a hobby either, I have some definite ideas of how I could use these languages to bring some bread to the table and as for all the time I spent watching and analyzing films, I intend to use that for my yet unmaterialized comic, since both mediums share a lot of the language between them and I've always loved drawing.

I felt the need to write this as I think some of what I've written might make it seem like this was some sort of cry of despair, when in reality I'm a lot more comfortable with myself right now than I've been in a long time. I really just wanted to hear about some relaxing stuff to play for 15 minutes before bed.

A cool game that I recently discovered is 10 Hours Below. It's something of a screen saver and hidden object game hybrid that I can leave in the background and just glance at from time to time while I go through my anki deck.

Anyway, I told you this wasn't worth reading, look at you now. You're older and not any wiser. Still, if you did read this, thanks for your time.

I'll read anything else that is posted in this thread, but don't expect me to answer cause I won't. Just forget about me, I'll be fine.

[BareKnuckleRoo]

I felt the need to write this as I think some of what I've written might make it seem like this was some sort of cry of despair

Which it is. Like, very obviously, super blatant cry for help, "I am not well" sort of thing. Whether you acknowledge it consciously or not, people in a healthy frame of mind do not suddenly leave a forum with a long, heartfelt message prefaced with:

Everyone else, please, do not read this.

Furthermore:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLPUnTw4-1Q

If you devote your whole life to completely avoiding something you like, then that thing still controls your life and you've never learned any discipline at all.

Learn to enjoy video games in moderation with your life without stressing so much over it. Best of luck to you.

[guigui]

Such a moving thread here, not joking. I appreciate reading it because there are many things I can relate to, like many of us I guess.

[Randorama]

In fact, I don't even think Randorama should read this, I don't see how anyone, probably not even me, could get something out of this. Look away.

Please don't worry, he is away doing fuck nothing instead of working (probably hitting on the girls at the tea machine or something...the creepy bastard!).

I think that I will use his account to spam some random thoughts of mine:

1. Motivation and attitude are the chief engines when learning languages. If your motivation is as high as it appears in your post, which we were not supposed to read anyway, everything will be fine.

2. Be knowledgeable and read a lot. If you get a degree certifying that you know a lot and can do things, employers will have a reference point. If you don't, you will have to prove yourself three times as harder,
to get employed. Films, videogames, languages...certify yourself, build a portfolio, show craftmanship and enthusiasm. Rando's job and mine qualify as forms of "civil servant service", so degrees are
necessary (uh, and various other proofs, but that's a different topic). The modern world, I believe, could sometimes be simplified to: "If you can do job X, give us proof Y".

3. Remember that "people may come and go, tell you that you are a god or a complete bastard. 200 kgs is 200 kgs". OK, I edited a bit a concluding remark from Henry Rollins' "The Iron", but do accumulate
objective results (like, e.g., hitting the gym and lifting X kgs, speak a language at X official level, and so on). Whatever opinions humans around you might have (about you, about the world, etc.), a result is
a fact of life. Once you have a CV of achievements, you can read it in the times of need and say "I have done this, and the proof is the following article/work/movie/etc.".

I am half-tempted to add some NSW pics in this post to just upset the owner of this shitty account, but you guys seem a nice bunch; I'll behave.

[Mykaizer]

At the end of the day, it's all in the head. It will have to be resolved alone. As others have said, take a break. Get the priorities straightened out and things should flow nicely.

A nice view is invaluable if one's available to you.

[MX7]

I was super depressed recently and couldn’t put up the energy to play anything, but then I somehow picked up Gris, and it was just perfect. Very simple, short, easy, beautiful to look at — I can recommend it.

Sorry to hear this CIT, though I definitely want to check out Gris now. I've had my eye on it for a while.

It's true about getting burned out on stuff. I went a very long time recently without listening to music. Now I listen to music every second of the day. At the moment I've all but stopped watching films as they don't fit in to my lifestyle (I have a ten month old baby). But I have been reading more than ever. I've also come to the realisation I don't really like action games. So I'm only playing visual novels and RPGs. But in a few years time I'll be sick of them again.

So yes, trying to force yourself to do things in your limited free time is a bad idea. Just think about what you genuinely want to do right now and only do that.

[drauch]

I went a very long time recently without listening to music. Now I listen to music every second of the day.

Man, yeah I do this a lot and I don't know why. A lot of the time I kinda just like silence when I'm doing most shiet, but I basically drove for 5 years without listening to anything for some reason. Old ipod that's now probably old enough to drink started to fizzle out and I always just kept forgetting to put shit on my phone. Started playing music again in the car literally last week and boy howdy, what a pick-me-up at the start of the day when going into soul-crushing work. I like ruminating and day-dreaming most of the time about fiction, but being alone with a morbidly depressed brain isn't always the best state of affairs. Aye, such a fool me been.