Then after much a do about nothing, they release the beast.. The thing we are supposed to sell.
http://www.shapetomorrow.com/portfolio/ ... i-star.jpg
The cost to the consumer for this product is $1850
What was hailed as an "air filtration unit" looked nothing more than a vacuum cleaner made out of bullet proof materials. So it was about demoing a vacuum cleaner in peoples homes, that amongst other things could do party tricks as well. So we watch the demo presentation that some expert is showing us. It was quite impressive, the damn thing could swallow up a 20lb bag of sand in about 5-8 seconds and suck the b-jesus out of your hand.. So yeah, it has brand new cyclone technology that works like tornado! Woo hoo! Just like the Grommit show, this thing sucked and blowed. So you flick the switch and it blows enough air to make a golf ball seemingly levitate.. This is the part when your supposed to get the kids all sitting on the couch wearing your BIG Clown hat your big red nose. By pouring vanilla extract onto the exhaust, you could make the room smell like vanilla in 30 seconds.. its all good stuff they say!
So for 2 weeks I learn their demo routine and I'm ready to hit the streets. During the 2 week period, it becomes obvious these people take short cuts and cheat you into believing things that are just not true. For a start, they said at the begining they had so many orders which is why they were recruiting new sales people. The truth actually was that everyone had 2 choices - 1) If you do a demo you get $20 each time 2) You sign out of that program and go 100% commission where you get $300 a time. Well obviously everyone went commission 100% because you would have to do alot of demos in a day to make $300. So if you just sold one, you could go home that day knowing you made some decent cash. Well, out of the last 30 people to sign up the month before, maybe 2 were left still doing it this month
. Obviously made no sales and moved onto a proper paying job 
The other cheating aspect of it was how they were getting people to call into the helpdesk. Pre-Xmas, they would do 10,000 flyers offering free pepsi/coke/turkey or Ham. The FREE part of the flyer was huge, with miniscule writing at the bottom saying you only qualify if you watch a demo of a said product, the Tri-star itself. So we get nuns, old age pensioners and cheap skates trying to cash in on the "too good to be true" free coke etc.
Another aspect I didn't like was that the $300 commission per unit sold was based on a cash sale, a credit card sale or a particular financial companies sale. If cash or CC was not acceptable they would be offered to take part in the finance program, if not accepted by them, the Tri-star people would go down a list of creditors. However, if any of those were used (which was about 95% of the time) the salesman would get a measly $50 set rate.. Pityful! They would also offer a plan where your first payment was not due until your tax return was paid around April..
So Day 1 of Richie's first sales day -
Its a nun (very nice sister)... Very nice house, all clean and tidy.. we didnt like clean houses because the product needed to sell by itself (but hey, if the house looked like crap they wouldn't spend a godly amount on a vacuum cleaner would they?). So I go in, do the demo and I hear "ooh its lovely, so fascinating technology these days".. She had some cakes in the oven which smelt so good I could just lie on the couch all day eating and smelling cakes
. Well the nun wasn't stupid, she's like "Hey you missed a spot over there" whilst I was having a good time vacuuming her carpets. The Tri-star did a great job and she was so proud of the end product, how well it performed, giving me a cake . So I come to the crunch point... "The Tri-star is the best air filtration unit on the planet, i've proved it right in front of your eyes, it can suck the sand from under your carpet and you can shoot golf ball around the house at the flick of a switch and it only costs (wait for it) $1850 lmao. She replied "oh, I didn't realize it was that expensive, God wouldn't allow me to make such a large financial purchasing decision!". And went on "If the demo is over, I've got more cakes in the oven so can I have my Ham?".. Under normal circumstances we are supposed to do a runner, pack everything up and leave.. but this was a nun.. I wasn't going to let a poor nun down here. So I give her the ham coupon for shnucks.. I pack up, I leave and she's smiling at the door watching me mumble cuss words as I'm trying walk down the icy path to my car, where I almost fall on my butt trying to stack it all in the trunk of my car.So I get back to HQ - "no sale" they said. I said "nah, it was a nun, hardly the type of consumer we are targetting". So then they get this girl to go with me who is supposed expert (Yeah right) to the next point of call, which happened to be on the same street as I lived on (uh oh).
So we arrive at this huge house (i'm thinking, "big house, loadsa money, easy sale"). Well in the real world it doesn't work out like you'd think. The rich folk have money because they don't buy stupid ass vacuum cleaners for $2k a pop. Well, ironically they don't like spending any money at all because when we got there he just wanted his FREE turkey :p. So he watches us unload this big huge box from the trunk of this girls car thinking "what the hell is that?".. Unsure of the next thing he is going to say or do, we pile in the front and he starts to get nervous. It turns out his wife has cancer and is in bed ill, probably dying. Well, its an unwritten rule that the wife has to be there because husbands don't really go for the vacuum cleaner sale thing. So I pursuade the girl to go ahead anyway since you can't really say for sure that its a forgone conclusion that he isn't interested. Well, it turned out he wasn't interested (what a surprise). Well, miss smarty pants doing the demo realized his attention was wandering. We were in this big room with a piano, grandfather clock and all kinds of antiques, we didn't realize the actual carpet rug thing she was sitting on was some sort of artistic antique collectors piece. So comes round the vanilla extract demo to make the room smell like vanilla. She is trying to retain his attention whilst dripping extract onto some kind of soaking paper not looking at what shes doing. The extract rolls right off the paper and is dripping between her legs (shes sitting on the carpet floor)... 10 drips later i'm going "PSSTTTT" "PSSSSSTT".. then she notices whats happening, the guy is almost asleep from boredom. Then he jumps up and says, "you know what I don't care about the turkey, just get out".. with only 2 minutes of the demo left we tried to get him to listen to it, he didnt want to. So we get out of there like a bus that is running 15 minutes late. The next day, the guy calls in fury as he noticed the vanilla extract stains all over his $3000 rug.. He then proceeds to try and sue the company eeekkkk...
Day 2 - (it don't get any better).
Today, I got some tips on how to work the sale. Apparently, it works better to empty the vaccuum and empty its contents back onto the floor once the demo is done. Because if they don't buy the machine, you leave the crap in a big pile on their carpet and whilst doing that your supposed to hold it at arms length and give the impression its disgusting.
Ring ring, ring ring... my turn again to go out on the prounce.
This time is was 2 old age pensioners.. So again, I pull up outside the residence, nice house again. Unloading the box, the man of the house comes strolling down the front yard bewildered "WTF is that" look on his face because of course, he just wanted a turkey, he must of thought it was some kind of Jurrasic Turkey called a Tri-star lol. So still bewildered he's opening doors and letting us into his home holding his head back in case a giant animal comes out of the box to attack him
.. I sit him and his wife down and try to explain he needs to watch a demo of the Tri-star air filtration unit.. he's like "errrr".. At first I thought it was just more bewilderment.. but the simple fact was that they were both hard of hearing. Now 10 minutes into the demo I was pretty sure not much had sunk in.. The wife was mesmerized though, never took her eye off the thing, but when the husband found out it was a vacuum cleaner he almost sh*t himself. I later found out he did a stint for a competitor called "rainbow". So the man of the house starts to get worried, and since part of the demo has me talking over the noise of the vacuum cleaner (remember, they couldnt hear me when the stupid thing was turned off), it was a complete and utter waste of time. So now he knows the plan, he knows its a 2k vacuum cleaner and he knows he's not getting his turkey because we didn't bring it in the door lol (he doesnt know we gave coupons). But amazingly, the wife was in disagreement.. She made me stay even though the guy was packing my sh*t and pushing me out of the door. Well, they got into a Jerry Springer fight which led into the street on the front yard... I left as quick as I could, gasping for breath, smoking a cigerette in the car back to HQ... Phew! When I got back, the wife had already rescheduled another demo I got back, they said "did you dump the contents of the demo back on their floor like we told you to?". I said "if I would of got to that stage of the demo it would of been a remarkable achievement!".
So later that day, I get told things will look up.. I get sent on a ride with the best salesman in the area, his name was Josh.
So i'm like talking to him in the car, he told me he made a couple of grand that week and to watch what he does in the next home we go to.. So i'm like ok.
It turns out to be a crappy little apartment complex thats all run down.. Josh did a remarkable job.. These guys were just lapping it up.. At one point the phone rang and the man of the house just took the handle off the hook.. The lady had a newborn and the carpet looked like it hadn't been cleaned in about a year and a half. So we start the demo and start cleaning spots of the carpet, the Tri-star is kind of metal in places so all you can hear is "ping, ping, pong, pow" with all the bits flying in there.. We mustered up the biggest pile of crap, it was like a world record! Josh got one of the chairs from the kitchen table and I thought he was going to sit on it.. What he actually did was empty the contents on the floor again and then stood up on the chair and said "I feel safer up here".. I almost pissed myself! So after the demo, these guys wanted one.. Josh said "all the richer neighorhoods are buying these, their like hot cakes".. well we all know that isn't true. So anyways, they managed to get finance on the basis that the man had 2 jobs, some army pay of some sort and a tax return coming in April... At this point I felt really really guilty, these guys were going to suffer as soon as we walked out the door because they will have realized that $1850, plus interest over 3 years is like $3000+ and they didn't look like they could afford it. So I go into the car and pick up 6 bottles of 2liter coke and congratulate him on the sale.. To my amazement he was chuffed, saying it would be great for his camping trip.
Well anyway, Josh says that it is customary for the buyer to give up their old vacuum cleaner or let him cut the plug off the wire.. I later found out at HQ they have about 300 Vacuum cleaners that are all listed on ebay.
Day 3 - (worst day ever)
Its freaking freezin cold outside, im glad to get indoors at HQ. Top dog manager comes and says things are slowing down and more flyers need to be put out. He gets this heavy box from the corner and gives us a 1000 or so flyers each and tells us to put a number on it, I was number 11. So Im writing on each corner a number 11. About an hour later ive done my 1000 flyers and i'm asked what kind of car I drive. Since I had a small car they werent interested in mine, some lady had a SUV so we all piled in there and went for a drive. We stop in some neighborhood and start going door to door.. like I say it was freezing cold.. The manager guy said the person who gets the most calls gets $20 bonus woo hoo! (helpdesk would ask what number was written on it). Well 6 hours passed, my 1000 flyers were out, my ears were falling off and my feet hurt like f*ck. I get back to HQ to find out they had about 15 calls altogether, but no no11's
. By 6pm, the top dog manager looked at the white board and dismissed me and another girl who had no calls at all. So 2 weeks of demo training, learning my lines, taking crap, driving around in my car using my own gas and working on 100% commission that paid diddly squat... I was kind of devastated. But the funny thing is, I look back and its funny.. its actually hilarious to be honest. I don't tell anyone about this particular job because I never made a cent.
What some people do for money is somewhat criminal.. I'd pay $200 max for that vacuum cleaner, so even a sale in my eyes was a con, and i'm an honest person. I could not bring myself to sell this product unless it was some rich bastard.
I hope it made you laugh, I chuckled a few times writing this.. It all happened to me.. Hope I cheered you up.
Richie.
) in 99% of the cases its someone that sells one to their relatives/friends.
i couldnt believe my eyes, shatner is such a poof! 
