Movies you've just watched

[ChurchOfSolipsism]

I'll make sure I'll download it illegally one day...

Sorry, no offense, but that sentence was funny as shit.

just realized I made it into somebody's signature! right on!!

[cj iwakura]

Watched Jim Jarmusch's Paterson. Probably his best film since Ghost Dog. VERY similar, too. Lots of focus on poetry(but less on gruesome violence).

And Method Man, lol. Jim's always down with the Wu.

[soprano1]

I'll make sure I'll download it illegally one day...

Sorry, no offense, but that sentence was funny as shit.

just realized I made it into somebody's signature! right on!!

[PC Engine Fan X!]

Checked out The Shape of Water on Christmas Day. Interesting concept of the aquatic creature being able to communicate with the leading actress via ASL (American Sign Language -- there's SEE which is Signing Exact English or rather English Sign Language which is more akin to how the American English language is spoken). I wouldn't be surprised if TSoW gets nominated for an Oscar or more. With a running time of 2 hours and 3 minutes in duration, it takes place in the year of 1964 timeline.

PC Engine Fan X! ^_~

[BryanM]

Holidays meant I got trapped into watching terrible Will Smith movies.


Bright

As yet another clone of Star Wars, this is one of the worse ones. Every character is a movie-land gangster for some reason, and 75% of the film is a single chase sequence. Go watch the Fifth Element again instead.

It does seem like the sort of thing that'd make for a decent first episode of a TV series. You could cut the length in half and still retain all the necessary and good parts. Would double its overall quality, for sure.


Suicide Squad

Has more stuff in it than Bright, at least. An incredible example of how to make a terrible Star Wars movie.

Nothing of weight or consequence happens in its entire length. There is nothing to be invested in. 50% of the film is the crew murdering these boring ass pitch black bubble people. Are these monsters cool to look at? No, they're featureless black blobs. Do they present any threat to anyone? No. Do they drop loot and EXP points when they die? No.

If the people producing this thing didn't care, why should the audience.

More interesting is how it's another (endless) example of taking children's cartoon characters and dumbing them down to the ground for old people. I was... astonished at how ancient and awful the music selection was. Which worked for the audience they were targeting I guess. The crowd that does not want to see something new, as that kind of thing is distressing to them.

I know that's nothing new - It all comes down to Rich Evans hopping back and forth like a jackass screaming "AT-AT's! AT-AT's!" on a loop five thousand times.

[soprano1]

The Jungle Book (1967)
Story is kinda bland, but the watercolours and music are nice.

The Jungle Book (2016)
Meh, typical grimdark Disney reboot, no charm at all. The ending is quite different from the original, wasn't too bad though. I think the difference lies in the times these movies were released.

Cinderella (1950)
Amazing animation for the time. Must have been expensive.

Sleeping Beauty (1959)
Same as Cinderella, not much to say. Is the Maleficent spinoff with Angelina Jolie worth a watch? She's a cool villain, did a nice job here and in the first (and best) Kingdom Hearts.

The Sword In The Stone (1963)
Merlin the time travelling magician lol. Worth watching for his whole shenanigans. And Madam Mim.

[Lord Satori]

The Boss Baby. GREAT palette cleanser after having seen The Last Jedi on Christmas. This movie is cute, wholesome, funny, and the animation is FANTASTIC! I highly recommend it.

Is the Maleficent spinoff with Angelina Jolie worth a watch?

It's alright. It brings enough new to the table to keep you interested, but the story goes differently from the animated version and you may or may not like it.

As for Star Wars...

Spoiler

My only major issue was them killing off Snoke. Ever since The Force Awakens, people such as myself have theorized on who he is and what he's all about, but it turns out that all of us were wrong and he's just a shitty Emperor Palpatine clone (in the metaphorical sense) with no backstory beyond him being of af. I'm grasping at straws here, but I'm hoping that maybe he'll come back as a force ghost and have more power in that form, like maybe he was goading Kylo into killing him like the Emperor tried to do with Luke, but I know it's a long shot.

Also: Since Leia survived the entire film, it looks like they're going to have to kill her off between movies, which is a real shame.

[BrianC]

The Jungle Book (1967)
Story is kinda bland, but the watercolours and music are nice.

Excellent cast too, with Louie Prima (King Louie), Phil Harris (Baloo), George Sanders (Shere Khan), and Sterling Holloway (Kaa).

[Vexorg]

Logan Lucky: **1/2

I have no idea why the critics enjoyed this one so much (92% on Rotten Tomatoes). It's a heist film in the vein of the Oceans 11/12/13 films that came before it, only this time with rednecks robbing Charlotte Motor Speedway during the biggest NASCAR race of the year. It runs two hours, but it's loaded with so much filler and inconsequential nonsense that you suspect the movie would run about 25 minutes without all of it. Even after the big heist is completed the movie still runs another 30 minutes trying to wrap up a ton of loose ends, but still leaves a ton of stuff unexplained. The success of the heist plot seems to be heavily dependent on a large number of people being shockingly incompetent at their jobs.

Best part of this one was Daniel Craig playing a demolitions expert. It's hard to not imagine Joe Bang as being James Bond on his day off though, the same way it's hard to watch Jack Reacher and not see him as Ethan Hunt on his day off...

[BryanM]

Spoiler

Also: Since Leia survived the entire film, it looks like they're going to have to kill her off between movies, which is a real shame.

Spoiler

Uh.. didn't you hear about Rogue One? Death is no longer enough to free an actor of their contractual obligations. That 'ole trick doesn't work anymore, no sir.

Carrie Fisher, being a product of the Disney Corporation, is going to live on forever. In movies. As a CGI princess.

I have no idea why the critics enjoyed this one so much (92% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Hoo boy. This one...

The "fresh" rating is a percentage representing the number of professional, selected critics who gave something a positive review. "Positive review" being defined as something like "whatever gets a 6 out of 10 or better".

Which in itself has the problem of dumb people not using the five point scale or less scoring method. So you have these assholes giving out scores like it was grade school, where 70% is "average" or a "C". When an average movie is supposed to be 3 out of 5, with 5's being rather rare. (Maybe 10% or so out of everything released.)

You can obviously see there's an ocean of problems with this metric. It's not even close to something serious, and frankly is an affront to basic human decency.

[Skykid]

Logan Lucky is pretty bad actually, yeah. Boring, meandering,flaky and completely unfeasable in every respect. Made me want to sleep.

[soprano1]

The Princess And The Frog (2009)
Awesome movie, right up my alley with the music and setting. Shame they went right back to relying on Pixar to do more expensive big budget CG movies.

Tangled (2010)
Had to see what the fuss was all about. It was OK overall, very cool CG animation. Maximus the horse was the best.

[wgogh]

Bright

As yet another clone of Star Wars, this is one of the worse ones. Every character is a movie-land gangster for some reason, and 75% of the film is a single chase sequence. Go watch the Fifth Element again instead.

Speaking of wich, the elf girl looks like a rip off of Leeloo

[rapoon]

I, Claudius - Due to it's duration, i'll put this here instead of the TV thread. 12-part miniseries from the 70's ( I really wish miniseries would make a comeback.) about the earlier period of the Roman Empire. Highly recommended if you enjoyed Rome (HBO), and
place a greater emphasis on writing and delivery than extravagant production.

I started watching this some months ago, watched the first three or four episodes, and loved it.

wrapped up the final episode last night. you're in for quite an experience. a few episodes from where you are, John Hurt appears as Caligula (adult) and elevates the entire show. It's one of the finest performances I've seen.

[Xyga]

Blade Runner 2049

Not much to add to what's been said, it's a solid good or good+ mark, which by today's standards is almost a miracle.
It's a working sequel, but a level or two behind the original because of a few issues and so-so choices.

[soprano1]

wrapped up the final episode last night. you're in for quite an experience. a few episodes from where you are, John Hurt appears as Caligula (adult) and elevates the entire show. It's one of the finest performances I've seen.

Oh, I know. Sometime after he passed away, the BBC did a documentary on his life, and I was awestruck when they showed a scene of him in I, Claudius. Fantastic.
I'll be sure to finish the series.

[EmperorIng]

Yeah, I really enjoyed Blade Runner 2049, if only because it tried to treat me, the audience, not as a drooling baby for the most part, and that it tried to tell its own story (even if some elements, like the robot rebellion, felt tacked on and pointless). Doesn't stand up to the original but as its own sci-fi movie I think it's pretty good: interesting visuals, some neat ideas, esp. surrounding your own Amazon Echo waifu Joi, and a few twists and tweaks to the story that I felt were clever.

Recently with friends I saw two different movies: Star Wars: The Last Jedi and GYMKATA. Which one was I more entertained at?



THE COMBUSTION OF GYMNASTICS AND KARA-TE CREATES THE EXPLOSION THAT IS... GYMKATA!

A movie about how a gymnast can use the SKILL OF GYMNASTICS... THE KILL OF KARATE to beat the shit out of nondescript Slavs who are supposed to be Asian but all look like they come from the ethnic grocery store in your town. There are about 8 punch/kick/impact sound effects used, each making it sound like someone is getting hit with a giant bamboo stick. The setup is also funny enough to mention: dozens of people are either killed, kicked, or beaten the shit out of, because the Reagan administration sends in this gymnast (later GYMKATA) expert to win a deadly tournament that will grant him one wish... which is to put a cell tower in the country. That's the whole motivation. I presume the other contestants sent their best Gymkata experts to get a chance at that increased cellular range. Oh I guess he wants to fuck the hot Filipino chick (the only Asian in this Asian country), but priorities man. Reagan ain't gunna win these fucking Star Wars by himself.

Since gymnastics is a very limited way to kick the shit out of someone, the guy is lucky enough to find pre-chalked gymnastics equipment lying around everywhere, whether it is high-bars in narrow alleyways, or pommel horses in towns filled with insane cannibals.

This movie has no fat. In contrast to some b-movies, scenes don't drag... most end BEFORE they are supposed to. It's like when they were trimming the fat they took some of the meat out too. Thank God for 90 minute movies. I want those back. This cost me nothing to sit through (other than a few bucks and an hour+ of my time). A long boring movie makes you feel like you were tricked. no tricks here. Just Gymkata.

Oh and Star Wars the Last Jedi was ok. Not as much to talk about!

[drauch]

Gymkata is so cool. I love that towards the end it just gets weird, almost like a Blind Dead movie with robed cultists and fog abound. Plus people falling off cliffs and hitting the ground. My favorite thing in movies!

[soprano1]

Alan Partridge Alpha Papa (2013)
I watched this after seeing a recent docu of the character. Brilliant shit, IMO. Maybe I should check out the old shows.

[BIL]

THE COMBUSTION OF GYMNASTICS AND KARA-TE CREATES THE EXPLOSION THAT IS... GYMKATA!

Say, that's one nice GIF Looks like the best Resident Evil 4 movie that never was! I only know the movie via RedLetterMedia, but you have enticed me! As some pittance of gratitude here is a patriotic GIF of my own. Take that, A-rab! God bless MURICA!

Alan Partridge Alpha Papa (2013)
I watched this after seeing a recent docu of the character. Brilliant shit, IMO. Maybe I should check out the old shows.

Oh hell the fuck yes you should. The first season of I'm Alan Partridge is a cringe masterpiece. If you've got the time, it's more than worth bookending it with Knowing Me, Knowing You, and the second season of IAP for the full meteoric rise and Shakespearean downfall of the UK's #1 television chat host! All three are super-tight productions, six eps apiece with zero filler. If you only see one though, make it IAP1. Flawless writing. The mystery of the drawer will haunt you forever! Although a bit overtly wackier, IAP2 has its share of classic material too, like the legendary Dante's Fireplaces Promotion.

"I've pierced me foot on a spiiike!"

Just about anything Armando Ianucci produced around that time is gold. The earlier radio/TV stuff featuring Partridge before he got his own series (On The Hour, The Day Today) is worth snooping around too!

EAT MY GOAL
SHIT!

Also see the audiobook of Alan's recent autobiography, We Need To Talk About Alan, read by Steve Coogan himself. Buy it! You rotten shits!

Also consider Brass Eye, involving much of the same personnel. Much dryer and nastier than the tragi-comic Partridge stuff, but you'll know if you're into it.

u got any clarky cat m8

[Stevens]

Meh....needs more Jason Gedrick.

[boagman]

Logan Lucky is pretty bad actually, yeah. Boring, meandering,flaky and completely unfeasable in every respect. Made me want to sleep.

Pretty much agreed, here. The movie dragged on and on, and every ad showcasing Daniel Craig's Joe Bang painted him in the absolute best light possible. I'll spot that he was probably the best part of the movie, but what you saw in the ads/trailers? That's the best of him. Both my cousin and I were really disappointed with this one.

[soprano1]

Oh hell the fuck yes you should.

Thanks, BIL.

[Necronopticous]

The Shape of Water was fucking fantastic. I think I liked it even more than Pan's Labyrinth, which I was definitely not anticipating.

[Mischief Maker]

Bright was definitely a disappointment.

What is up with the writing process at Netflix?

The entire first half of the movie was setting up this whole shadowrun-esque racial dynamics metaphor against a tolkienesque backdrop, then the second half is a chase with bad guys whose threat was completely undefined. With the result that both parts are half-baked and unsatisfying.

I've seen this again and againat Netflix, like they put together writers who hate each other and do everything in their power to nullify the other writer's themes.

[neorichieb1971]

Star Wars VIII

Satisfied or unsatisfied? This is the question. The last 30 minutes saved it from being another SW bomb, but only one segment made me feel that SW feeling again, it involved the Falcon and tie fighters. The music kicked in, the nostalgic sounds kicked in as well. I could feel weightlessness sitting in the chair. I'm assuming everyones complaints were aimed at a certain gambling joint scene(s). I was mystified in the end scenes and it paid off for me in spades. The early sections of the movie were null and void and I'm still sick of seeing silly coincidences in these types of movies. If you happen to be in a jail with a guy who can break out why is he even in there?

It gets a 7/10 from me.

IT

Funny watching this after watching Stranger things. It borrows a lot from it. I'm not sure but I think some of the cast are borrowed as well. It has a dickhead driving a fast car that wheel spins at the turn of the key (same car just different color). It has the 80's nostalgia too with the bikes and computer games. What it brings new to the table is the creepy as ass shit clown. It works in many ways. I'd give it a 7/10 also, as it fails to explain the existance of such phenomena. It doesn't give you the training guide like "Gremlins" does, but then I assume the book doesn't do that either.

[Vexorg]

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle: **

Modern effects-heavy film bearing little to no resemblance to the 90s original aside from the title and a vague jungle-like setting. Basically a combination of Moana, The Breakfast Club and some sort of vaguely Uncharted like video game (complete with lives, cutscenes and annoying NPCs) with the standard dose of crude jokes, gratuitous Sony product placements to the point of obnoxiousness and generic action sequences you'd expect from a movie whose target audience seems to be about 13 (one female character ends up male inside the game, which goes exactly as you'd expect.)

[neorichieb1971]

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle: **

Modern effects-heavy film bearing little to no resemblance to the 90s original aside from the title and a vague jungle-like setting. Basically a combination of Moana, The Breakfast Club and some sort of vaguely Uncharted like video game (complete with lives, cutscenes and annoying NPCs) with the standard dose of crude jokes, gratuitous Sony product placements to the point of obnoxiousness and generic action sequences you'd expect from a movie whose target audience seems to be about 13 (one female character ends up male inside the game, which goes exactly as you'd expect.)

I got all that from the trailer. Sony are releasing some dire shit lately.

[wgogh]

Bright was definitely a disappointment.

What is up with the writing process at Netflix?

The entire first half of the movie was setting up this whole shadowrun-esque racial dynamics metaphor against a tolkienesque backdrop, then the second half is a chase with bad guys whose threat was completely undefined. With the result that both parts are half-baked and unsatisfying.

I've seen this again and againat Netflix, like they put together writers who hate each other and do everything in their power to nullify the other writer's themes.

Reminded me a lot of Shadowrun, indeed. Shadowrun, only bad. Maybe all the money went to marketing, since I saw the movie being announced at so many places that made me sick. Same thing was with Death Note, and we all know its just as bad.

[BryanM]

And Will Smith's salary.

Let's be honest, no actor is worth millions of dollars for a couple months worth of work. Any production that thinks they are is by default an ugly, cynical affair.

Arnold certainly wasn't paid 10 million dollars for The Terminator. I guess it's more appropriate to think of this surplus as going to marketing, not the production of the film.

If you guys haven't seen the first couple episodes of Ash vs Evil Dead yet, but sat all the way through Bright, I pity ya.