Which console would you select for bludgeoning a burglar?

[CIT]

Thread brought to you by popular demand.

So the original Xbox seems to have a bit of a reputation as weapon of choice against home intruders, although a strong case can be made for the Game Cube and its handle allowing for fast maneuverability.

Personally, I like to use a pair of Wii nunchuks to flail unwanted company, although it's also pretty satisfying to skewer assailants with the trident-like N64 controller.

[Xyga]

PC-FX, CD-i, 3DO

A Vectrex would be more efficient but what a shame to break it.

But I think a NES would defintely do the job and certainly still work fine even covered in flesh and blood.

[Deadliar]

Can I claim that my PC is a console and hit him with the whole tower, Claymore-style?

[mamboFoxtrot]

Personally, I like to use a pair of Wii nunchuks to flail unwanted company

Some Playstation Move tonfa might work, as well


So, would an Occulus Rift headbutt do more damage to the user or the target?

[Deadliar]

Personally, I like to use a pair of Wii nunchuks to flail unwanted company

Some Playstation Move tonfa might work, as well


So, would an Occulus Rift headbutt do more damage to the user or the target?

Considering that the user owns an Oculus Rift, I'd say that he doesn't have much to lose from the affair.

[Specineff]

I would suggest a Pioneer LaserActive, if not for the fact that one would be trashing a perfectly good LD player.

The 3DO also feels sturdy enough.

[BIL]

Besides OGXBox, I really can't see any other mainstream console (for my purposes Atari/Nintendo/Sega/Sony) truly taking the role of weapon, ie something to start and finish a bludgeoning.

But I think a NES would defintely do the job

I disagree - it's got no heft, the shell is fragile, and it's full of empty space. The top shell of mine cracked due to age and sun exposure, and it's all hollow inches down. Doubt you could do serious damage even under ideal conditions, ie an overhead guillotining blow to a vulnerable point with the NES held length-wise, or a mounted side-on battering with Mr. Floor providing the crush scenario that the human brainbox is infamously ill-suited for.

Assuming we're talking a relatively fit young adult male - it'd probably incapacitate a grandma, but how many of those are out burgling really? I suppose an anorexic junkie fiending for a fresh bushel of crack might succumb.

and certainly still work fine even covered in flesh and blood.

The NES probably would survive, as would any solid-state Nintendo hardware, most definitely. I don't think our interloping friend is going to be in the mood for a bonding session of Contra or Double Dragon II though. 3;

[BrianC]

What about the infamous Tandy/Radio Shack VIS? I remember that one being a bit on the large side.

[MintyTheCat]

3DO.

Mind you, throwing the NeoGeo AES just at the right angle would cause some damage - to them. But it would not 'feel right' to throw an AES.
Pity we cannot include Home Computers here as the Amiga 500 would cause some damage and act as a fairly good shield too. You could add a handle to it and make like some kind of Arena fighter and scare the locals.

[Durandal]

The PS2 Slim and the memory card(s) sticking out of it can be used effectively for inflicting stabbing wounds like a scythe if you sharpen the edges of the memory cards somewhat, whereas the PS2 Phat is a bit too heavy to be used as a scythe, but still works decently enough as a makeshift mace nonetheless.

[Skykid]

OGXBOX without question. It's a skull crushing piece of hardware.

[zak]

Samba De Amigo Maracas

[zak]

OGXBOX without question. It's a skull crushing piece of hardware.

Solid Hardware. It's the only system from that gen which hasn't died on me.

[zak]

Btw, what if the burglar is stealing the OG Xbox?

[BIL]

Steel Battalion controller.

Only problem is, with the ensuing carnage, you might end up in the slammer yourself. Lawyer up!

[FinalBaton]

OG XBOX, no doubt

dat mass...

dem sharp edges...

[Blinge]

A real man makes do with a Gameboy Advance SP

[BryanM]

Come now. Plastic may be sufficient to tear flesh, but it can never break bone. To do that, we need a console with similar hardness.

That's why I recommend the Atari Z28 Woodmaster.

[Ji-L87]

I can totally see someone going to town with the OG George Foreman grill PS3. Heavy and with sharp edges. And once the plastic breaks, there's metal parts (dat hefty cooler) inside to finish the job

[lilmanjs]

Original Xbox and the original Xbox One. The Xbox One is large, heavy as all get out, and plus, it has those nice lines that make it also ideal for marking your burglar. Still, You could bash the crap out of them with the original xbox, clean it off, and it would still run just fine.

[evil_ash_xero]

I wouldn't want to bust it up, but the OGXBox would do the trick.

[supergrafx77]

I agree OGXBox, but since in my case it was let go long ago, I still feel I am in good shape for said bludgeoning with the first model xbox one.

[Mischief Maker]

I would go with the good old Atari 800. All those heavy plates for RF shielding makes for a heavy bludgeon. And the door covering the cartridge slots will prevent any blood splatter from interfering with me plugging it back in and playing a few games while I wait for the cops to arrive.

[ChurchOfSolipsism]

Real men would with perfect timing tip over their Egret 3 on a burglar and crush him to death...

[MintyTheCat]

Real men would with perfect timing tip over their Egret 3 on a burglar and crush him to death...

...real men would casually flip a 100 Yen coin as a shuriken towards the burglar's central neck vein and render him instantly unconscious, pour himself a Pimms and catch up on the markets as he waits for the local constabulary to arrive

[Durandal]

Hell hath no fury like a Wiimote launched...

[supergrafx77]

Like that Egret idea, but I'm going have to admit, I'm not strong enough. "I'm too weak."

[antron]

I'd have to break out my ColecoKnuckles

[BrianC]

I'd have to break out my ColecoKnuckles

Colecovision is also a fairly heavy system.

[PC Engine Fan X!]

Taking a huge NEC PC-FX console to smash one' noggin -- it's mostly a plastic shell with a single layer pcb + transcoder pcb + power supply unit taking up most of the inside real estate space. I couldn't do that to my beloved PC-FX though as it's in super mint condition anyways.

I agree that an OG XBox console will do some serious damage to one's skull through sheer/brute force.

PC Engine Fan X! ^_~