E3 2017

[Durandal]

PREVIOUSLY ON E3:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwxU2t6Tnnw

It's that time of the year again when the higher-ups don their monkey suits for wear more suitable for the LA heat, and more money is spent at advertising games than developing them. Now featuring newcomer Devolver Digital, indie publisher known for their selection of hyper-violent games. Everyone's eyes will be looking at Microsoft's last attempt at staying relevant: the illustrious Project Scorpio, how Call of Duty is doing the revolutionary by going back to its roots and doing away with regenerating health, and which company's attempts at being hip and square will fall flat on its face the most. Are you ready for this?

Schedule:

Spoiler

Predictions:

Spoiler

EA:

The Good:
lol

The Meh:
-Skate 4
-New Battlefield game
-Whatever Criterion is doing
-Amy Hennig's new Star Wars game

The Bad:
-Star Wars: Battlefront 2 (not to be confused with Star Wars: Battlefront II)
-More Star Wars
-Bioware's newest abortion
-The Sims Mobile
-Mobile/Casual games
-SPORTSPORTSPORTSPORTSPORTSPORTS
-Virtue signalling through donations to whatever causes or trying to display some shred of self-awareness for being the worst videogame publisher of all time
-Need for Speed: How Are They Still Making These?

Microsoft:

The Good:
lol

The Meh:
-Crackdown 3
-Cuphead
-Forza
-Fortnite
-Sea of Thieves
-CoD WW2

The Bad:
-Gears of War (how many of these are there?)
-Halo 6
-Rare IP Reboot
-Agents of Mayhem
-Scorpio being an overpriced 4K machine
-Massive shilling on how big 4K 60fps gaming is
-State of Decay 2
-Guys the Kinect still exists

Bethesda:

The Good:
-New DLC for Prey/Dishonored 2

The Meh:
-Wolfenstein: The New Order 2
-The Evil Within 2
-Starfield
-Doom 4 and Fallout 4 VR

The Bad:
-The Elder Scrolls: Hearthstone
-a reminder that TES Online still isn't dead
-Skyrim coming to the Switch
-Quack Chumps
-Some new mobile games
-More Switch ports

Devolver Digital:

The Good:
-Ruiner
-Milanoir
-Absolver
-The Talos Principle 2
-Serious Sam VR

The Meh:
-The Swords of Ditto
-Minit

The Bad:

PC Gamer:

The Good:
-Kingdom Come: Deliverance
-Outcast: Second Contact
-BATTLETECH
-Mount & Blade 2: Butterlord
-Klei's new game

The Meh:
-ELEX
-Cyberpunk 2077
-Total WaWa 2
-Rising Storm 2: Vietnam
-The Last Night
-Pillars of Eternity 2
-Project Cars 2
-Bard's Tale IV
-Halo on PC
-XCOM 2 expansion
-Argo

The Bad:
-Halo Wars 2
-Destiny 2
-Intel shilling
-Playerunknown's Battlegrounds
-Lawbreakers
-eSports shilling
-Magic: the Gathering MMORPG

Ubisoft:

The Good:
-#Girlwood is finally laid to rest
-WILD
-New Rainbow Six: Siege update sneakpeek

The Meh:
-South Park: Fractured But Whole
-Some new indie games

The Bad:
-FarCry 5
-AssCreed: Egypt
-Just Dance
-The Crew 2
-The Division DLC
-Mario x Rabbids

Sony:

The Good:
-PS4 price drop
-Bloodborne 2
-Dragon Ball Fighters
-Devil May Cry 5
-Yakuza 6
-Yakuza Kiwami
-Ace Combat 7
-Sonic Mania
-WipEout Omega Collection
-Bloodstained
-Shenmue 1 & 2 HD
-New Vanillaware mech game

The Meh:
-The Last of Us 2
-Ni no Kuni 2
-Hellblade
-Kingdom Hearts 3
-Gran Turismo
-New Armored Core
-New Insomniac game
-New Sucker Punch game
-FFVII remake
-Spiderman

The Bad:
-Dad of War
-Knack 2
-Middle-Earth: Shadow of War
-Sonic Forces
-Days Gone
-Vampyr
-Horizon: Zero Dawn DLC
-David Cagé's Detroit
-Intensified PS4 Pro and 4K shilling
-VR VR VR VR VR
-What's a Vita?

Nintendo

The Good:
-ARMS
-Etrian Odyssey V
-Radiant Historia: Perfect Chronology
-Shin Megami Tensei: Deep Strange Journey
-Super Mario Odyssey
-Splatoon 2
-Xenoblade Chronicles 2
-Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga DX
-New Metroid game/New Retro IP
-New Wario game
-New Platinum game (Bayonetta 3?)

The Meh:
-New Pokemon
-Fire Emblem Warriors
-Pokken Tournament DX
-Holy shit guys look at all these Switch ports

The Bad:
-Mario x Rabbids
-AMIIBOS

[KAI]

The AC7 trailer is hype as fuck.

I would like to be happy about 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim, but Kamitani doesn't know shit about non-fantasy/mech action games.

[BryanM]

Ah, the annual thread for the dead corporate vidya game advertising conference. Last year's was pretty great, with how they were trying to make having a TV strapped to your face a thing. Have they given up on that gimmick, for the most part, yet?

This mini film about augmented reality games is cool, though.

[iconoclast]

Out of stuff I could reasonably expect, I'd be happy to see The Evil Within 2 (or anything from Mikami), Ninja Gaiden 4, Resident Evil 2, and some localizations (DQXI and MHXX). I'm looking forward to seeing 13 Sentinels too.

[ZellSF]

Predictions:

Microsoft will somehow have forgotten about games entirely and only talk about the Scorpio hardware. They will show some games but it'll mostly be a rehash of trailers you've already seen elsewhere. Despite PR people continuously saying Microsoft is investing into PC gaming, Microsoft will barely mention the PC, if at all. Which is too bad because getting a PC port of the Halo MCC is all I need to never have to bother with an Xbox One. I'll even use your shitty store if that's what it takes Microsoft.

Nintendo will somehow focus more on the 3DS than the Switch. They'll spend a lot of the very little time they spend on the Switch going through the multiplayer features, which will suck pretty badly. Small chance of something interesting new being shown.

Sony will start late and with a montage section. There's a high chance of a few interesting new games being shown.

Ubisoft will show us the most cringe worthy part of E3. I don't know what they'll do yet, but it will be bad. Small chance of something interesting new being shown.

AMD, Bethesda and Devolver Digital? I'll only pay attention if I'm awake and even then I predict watching Bethesda's press conference will be a huge waste of time.

[Bananamatic]

armored core 6 when

[Limbrooke]

The AC7 trailer is hype as fuck.

As always, the new Ace Combat game looks outstanding. I'm going to need a new computer.

[BryanM]

Those WiiU ports should be a bit more exciting than "meh" imo, considering no one owns a WiiU. Maybe "meh+" or even "eh"

Waste not, want not.

[TooBeaucoup]

God, I long for the days of pre-internet. E3 was so much more exciting when 99% of stuff hadn't been leaked already. These E3s are just so dull to me, now.

[Durandal]

You can't spell I WISH I WAS DEAD without EA.

EA didn't even try, it's the most predictable line-up of games possible wrapped in the most horrid presentation possible. SPORTS, Star Wars, SPORTS, two new games, Star Wars, Need for Speed, SPORTS, SPORT Wars. The sheer amount of 'we want the streamer audience' shilling was painstaking to watch. We saw a new kind of comedy at this conference, where two British men walk up to stage and describe everything on screen in thorough detail in a comedic tone as they try to sell as much copies of the product in question to the audience.

EA's new co-op Uncharted game, A Way Out, was presented by someone who made Todd Howard look like a bazaar beggar. It's gonna be awesome, the storytelling isn't going to compromise the gameplay, I can't tell you about it but trust us! Now here you can see a cutscene on one part of the screen, and the other player playing normally on the other part of the screen...

Star Wars Battlefront 2 was mostly gameplay, and the devs going on and on about how they listened. They listened. They listened. We get it. Now featuring features already present in the previous Battlefront games, cooldown-abilities, and hero characters roflstomping everything. Surprisingly we didn't see Visceral's Star Wars game yet, but we were treated to some absolute kuso-looking mobile SW game.

Oh yeah, and all of EA's new generation of SPORTS games feature story modes. The amount of advertising money spent on hyping up a fictional footballer was rather ridiculous.

Awful, awful, awful.....

[ZellSF]

EA's press conference was very... EA. No surprises. Well slightly surprising we haven't heard anything from Visceral yet. And that they would even bother with the BioWare "reveal". I mean it was just advertising Microsoft's press conference and I have a feeling just about everyone who watches one of the press conferences is going to watch all of them anyway.

[mamboFoxtrot]

@Durandal
So, what you're saying is... the eventual Cringe Compilation already has some good material this year?

I don't know why you guys put yourself through this shit.

[Skykid]

The AC7 trailer is hype as fuck.

It was ok until the first piece of embarrassingly shitty dialogue and yuck character models.

[Durandal]

@Durandal
So, what you're saying is... the eventual Cringe Compilation already has some good material this year?

I don't know why you guys put yourself through this shit.

The EA Play ended with some rando accompanied by two other EA stooges proposing to his loved one he only met through online gaming by giving her a 'Battlepack' only containing a wedding ring as she nodded in surprise, LIVE.

The AC7 trailer is hype as fuck.

It was ok until the first piece of embarrassingly shitty dialogue and yuck character models.

That's par for the Ace Combat course.

[ryu]

@Durandal
So, what you're saying is... the eventual Cringe Compilation already has some good material this year?

I don't know why you guys put yourself through this shit.

The EA Play ended with some rando accompanied by two other EA stooges proposing to his loved one he only met through online gaming by giving her a 'Battlepack' only containing a wedding ring as she nodded in surprise, LIVE.

I can't find anything on that. You're not making it up, are you?

[Durandal]

@Durandal
So, what you're saying is... the eventual Cringe Compilation already has some good material this year?

I don't know why you guys put yourself through this shit.

The EA Play ended with some rando accompanied by two other EA stooges proposing to his loved one he only met through online gaming by giving her a 'Battlepack' only containing a wedding ring as she nodded in surprise, LIVE.

I can't find anything on that. You're not making it up, are you?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

[ryu]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

Oh god, why did I watch that.

The "It's a battlepack!" moment is gold though lmao

[ZellSF]

@Durandal
So, what you're saying is... the eventual Cringe Compilation already has some good material this year?

I can't say I saw any Ubisoft-quality material from EA.

[FinalBaton]

That Jesse Wellen dude... dear god.
That's why you shouldn't hire Youtube d00ds to speak live

[Durandal]

@Durandal
So, what you're saying is... the eventual Cringe Compilation already has some good material this year?

I can't say I saw any Ubisoft-quality material from EA.

EA is blatant and shameless whereas Ubisoft is pathetic and desperate.
EA only needs to satisfy their shareholders because they know that they can get by with just SPORTS and some new AAA tripe. Having a monopoly on sports games gives you that privilege, on top of having the rights for Star Wars videogames as well. Hence why they don't even need to really try outside of following the current trends. So you get the driest in-your-face marketing possible, and that's just bad for the human soul.

Ubisoft is trying to avoid getting bought out by Vivendi, and is trying to desperately appeal to the hip and cool gamers with the flashiest shit so they are distracted by the fact that Ubisoft's mainstay successes are almost always the same shit in a different package. Their attempts at marketing their games to the gamer audience are so misguided and painful to watch because of how hard they actually try to look cool, which is even made more pathetic considering that they've been trying it like that for years.

[EmperorIng]

The goal of this year's E3 is to convince me I made a mistake skipping new games and buying a 3DO.

[Strider77]

E3 Predictions:

Nintendo officially apologizes for the Switch, Amiibos and "my body is ready" memes.

[ZellSF]

Xbox One X.

REALLY?

[ZellSF]

Oh and Microsoft already beat EA on the cringe factor.

[Durandal]

Xbox One X.

REALLY?

Ahh, I missed when consoles had some ultra-cheesy names.

I did predict the 4K shilling, but I didn't expect them to go so full frontal right out of the gate. Also a Porsche powered by a 9/11 Engine, fucking lol.

[ZellSF]

That was much better than I expected from Microsoft.

[ryu]

That was the least embarassing Microsoft conference in years. Lots of games.

None that I care for however.

[Durandal]

That was much better than I expected from Microsoft.

The Xbox One X shilling thankfully didn't last too long and after Forza's car showcase it was thankfully mostly new games, even though barely any of them actually interested me. I think it's an improvement over TVTVTV and a mostly mediocre line-up of games last year. OG Xbox backwards compatibility sounds promising, but their usage of the word 'some' has me believe that only 'some' games will get ported to the Xbox Marketplace, so you can't pop in and play all OG games directly with the new XboXX. But I'd certainly like to try Ninja Gaiden Black one day.

The Cuphead release date was announced, that new Super Lucky's Tail doesn't seems like your usual collectathon with some production value behind it, Guilty Dragonball Gear looks cool even though I'm not into fightan at all, that Shift game which briefly flashed by looked kind of interesting, I love Terry Crews, Bioware's new game looks like Destiny with jetpacks, too much scripted gameplay on the whole, and some of the indiest of indie games taking the stage. So the presentation as a whole was nice for what it was doing (SHOWING VIDEOGAMES), but the videogames themselves really failed to wow and too much time was spent on scripted gameplay or no gameplay at all.

So it gets a D from me, whereas EA is a ZZZZzz[T] in comparison.

The funniest part had to be the WE WUZ right at the start of the Egyptian AssCreed footage.

[FinalBaton]

Not super impressed with the Microsoft conference myself.

Some of those indie games will be on Steam anyway.

Also, lol @ $500 USD for the new console.
Member when Sony announced the PS3 at $499?

[Durandal]

Bethesda conference was mostly a waste of time, too much time was spent with them sticking their heads up their own asses and only the Dishonored 2 DLC and Wolfenstein 2 were the announcements of note. It's as if they ran out of new things to show and reiterated their backlog of the past 6 years instead. Now featuring paid mods again, VR games, mobile card games, and BJ as another Chump (dual-wielding does not make the Quake gameplay betterer). No Todd either. I haven't played The Evil Within so I can't feel any excitement for the sequel, but that trailer seems like its trying a wee bit hard to look like Kojima's style of direction.