This is getting absurd (History channel)

[Pixel_Outlaw]

Behold, the state of the American History channel.
Not a one time thing either, they show hours and hours and hours of this stuff every week.

I mean, they don't even bother to cover where the Moai heads started shooting fruit loops.

[atheistgod1999]

I mean, they don't even bother to cover where the Moai heads started shooting fruit loops.

Yay, I got a shmup reference for once

By the way: it's Froot Loops.

Anyway: yeah, that's absurd. IIRC, around 2008 some kid's TV channel in my country called Cartoon Network had endless marathons of this show called Chowder, and this other channel called Nickelodeon had endless Spongebob marathons (and TV specials). Even they weren't as bad as this, though.

I just looked up what AA was and yeah, that's even more ridiculous. Why the fuck is an educational channel showing vaccines-cause-autism-level conspiracy theorist bullshit? Now I know what that South Park episode was referencing.

[EmperorIng]

history channel has been dross for over a decade now. It was still bad even then, but you might still get a great documentary or two out of it. H2 was the dumping ground of the channel's more substantive documentaries (liberally mixed in with loads of stupid aliens and garbage pickers/oak island shit), and even THAT was killed off. It's honestly not worth watching any more.

The Smithsonian channel, while suffering like any other digital cable channel needing to fill in 24 hours (lots and lots of WWII, modern ocean ship profiles, aerial photography programs), nonetheless produces or shows off some really interesting and fun history documentaries, even if their narrators are constantly over-excited at what is happening onscreen. The special on the atomic bomb dropping, with interviews with Japanese survivors, is quite harrowing, deftly mixed in with living testimonials from the scientists and pilots on the mission. Other documentaries on ancient cultures provide a decent mix of entertainment and education, even if the production values are typically lower than History Channel at its height.

[WelshMegalodon]

Behold, the state of the American History channel.
Not a one time thing either, they show hours and hours and hours of this stuff every week.

"While men exists, so will I"

[Ed Oscuro]

Cable documentaries are really hit or miss. I've had much better success looking up shows elsewhere.

The main thing that gets me is the idea that every show needs to be packed full of fake action filler without a point. It's the bane of almost any historical show, especially war themed ones (bye-bye, Millitary Channel...er, American Heroes Channel). Typically I best tolerate shows that leave this to a minimum - laugh if you will, but some of the Ice Road Truckers shows (Himalayas!), some Weather Channel shows (though most of the recap type clip shows are too obnoxious, like watching a Bully Fails compilation on YouTube), Survivorman. Occasionally I'd watch Air Crash Investigation type shows, despite the crosseyed dramatizations.

One show that I felt really went beyond "tolerable" to "consistently enjoyable" was Time Team, which had a great mix of cast chemistry, the time crunch, shots of cute dogs, farm animals, and beautiful English country scenes, and a focus on the real work, science, history, and a lack of giving a shit about appealing to the shiny object museum hoarder mindset that most people erroneously equate with archaeology.

They also went the extra mile with "experimental archaeology," which is like MythBusters, and often more accurate at that (Time Team seemed to have an absurdly high degree of success on the experiments, whereas MythBusters often seemed to throw in the towel too early!) Sir Tony also has had pretty good success bringing the formula to a variety of non-archaeology shows as well, like Walking Through History and The Real DaVinci Code (which is more fun than it sounds - Tony has perfected the droll English art of taking the piss out of garbage history). Lately, I've started looking over some Michael Wood documentaries, which are also fairly good.

One thing that really clued me in about how bad Historically A Channel had become was reading up on its coverage of Jesse James, I think it was. Just awfully sloppy and bad, it seems they give the camera time over to self-promoters and charlatans often.

[mamboFoxtrot]

It used to be the Hitler Channel, but lately its been the Hysteria Channel (+ random other shit like Swamp Logging or w/e). Ancient Aliens is probably the shittest shit I've seen in a while. I mean, really, 7 seconds of Googling debunks almost everything they try to present as evidence. That show, and other woo shit like it irritate me because every time I go to Google it in hopes of finding out something new and interesting it's just like "lol that was proven a hoax 70 years ago". I remember hearing some shit about how "scientists discover invisible entities with new telescope" and think maybe there's some cool new shit about dark matter or something, but it turns out to just be some lone fraud/quack guy who turned his telescope's lens backwards and got some gibberish pictures out of it.

Cartoon Network

Remember that time that Cartoon Network tried to get on the Reality TV bandwagon? That was dumb.

[atheistgod1999]

Remember that time that Cartoon Network tried to get on the Reality TV bandwagon? That was dumb.

Yeah. I remember being the only one at school who didn't watch Drake & Josh (yes I know that was Nickelodeon, but no one ever watched CN's live-action shows because as you said, they were dumb) because I preferred cartoons. I remember one time when I was 8, I turned on the TV only to find that Cartoon Network was about to start a new episode of Out of Jimmy's Head, and I was pretty devastated because Nickelodeon wasn't showing anything good either and I had nothing else to do (probably only remember that incident because during a commercial break I first heard of NiGHTS through an ad for the Wii sequel).

[Ed Oscuro]

The "ancient aliens" angle should make for fun, if not compelling TV - you could always play it straight like Tony Robinson. But that's the very rare exception.

Remember the "good old days" of this kind of show? I remember that I used to love that stuff, but when you got right down to it their formula always seems to have been "spend as little money as possible to fill the running time."

Maybe I'm out to see, but Ancient Mysteries was more or less a cultural phenomena back in the '90s back when it was on the air - though even then I knew that it was soft-headed at times. The two real draws: Scenery, and Leonard Nimoy as the narrator.

Incidentally, Wikipedia informs me that Ancient Mysteries was essentially a re-spin of an older show, which started with a special: In Search of Ancient Astronauts, based on the infamous "Chariots of the Gods?" And so we've come full circle...pardon the pun (at least I didn't try to shoehorn anything about crop circles in there, did I?)

I'm getting desperate enough to consider taking up German, Swedish, whatever - there's some good introduction to TV archaeology in those countries (and the UK) here.

[Pixel_Outlaw]

Well since I only have basic cable I guess I'll be boarding my vimana and departing from this miserable service.

It's really bad that the cable company keeps people ignorant by only offering sheer stupidity in the lower packages.

Then again...maybe there are clues all around us.
Perhaps clues can be found in even ancient bands like Styx.
These people from the 70's didn't have our technology today and might have mistaken an alien for a god.
Perhaps Ancient Aliens abducted the band and gave them secrets of the universe!

In the song "Come Sail Away" a clue is given.

"I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise, they climbed aboard their starrship and headed for the skies"
This kind of thing can't be made up. These ancient people had no knowledge of aliens.

Another piece of evidence may be found in the band Journey. They mention a "wheel in the sky" that keeps on "turning".
Could this be the iconic flying saucer we know today? The answer is a definitive "yes" if one pauses to consider the only words they had to describe it - "wheel" and "sky".

Now if one looks to Electric Light Orchestra we find crude depictions of what could be mistaken for a spacecraft on their cover art.
Could this drawing from antiquity really be a space craft from another world?
Drawing inspiration from the only technology of the time, it has been reproduced using "jukebox" motifs but the origin is unquestionably alien.
Their initials are inscribed upon the top of the ship as it travels through the black void toward a clear earth in the lower left, perhaps telling an origin story.

[mamboFoxtrot]

It seems they should hire you as their new writer!
Funny thought about "ancient ufo/astronaut depictions" is that since we haven't been able to confirm UFO sightings as actually being aliens (at least as far as the public is concerned *X-Files Theme*), isn't it kind of presumptuous to take older depictions of them as evidence of aliens? I mean, what if "flying saucers" and such is just a kind of common or even near-inevitable thought for humans, like inventing the wheel or imagining a dragon-like creature?

And so we've come full circle...pardon the pun (at least I didn't try to shoehorn anything about crop circles in there, did I?)

I think saying you didn't make the joke is worse than actually making it, though... c'mon Ed, don't be so wishy-washy!

[Xyga]

I prefer Ancient Video Games.

[Durandal]

I prefer Ancient Video Games.

There's only so much documentaries about E.T, dankey kang, and mahrio I can take.
Nobody ever talks about the unsung legends of the arcade days, the C64/Amiga library, or the evolution of RPGs from the Apple II to the IBM PCs

[WelshMegalodon]

There's only so much documentaries about E.T, dankey kang, and mahrio I can take.
Nobody ever talks about the unsung legends of the arcade days, the C64/Amiga library, or the evolution of RPGs from the Apple II to the IBM PCs

Where really is Sosaria? Could "Exodus" have been a relic from another world?

Next up, the secrets of Miner Willy! What did he really discover in 2049?

[Lord Satori]

Honestly, if it wasn't for that show, there wouldn't be ANY coverage of historical locations (mysterious or not) on that channel anymore. You take what you can get, guys.

Besides, some of their ideas are pretty neat if you approach it from a theoretical standpoint. I like the idea of an ancient civilization of advanced humans that left the planet during the 200,000 years of human prehistory. I feel like if they approached it from this angle more often, it'd make it a more fun show.

Does this belong on the history channel? That's a bit of a stretch, but there isn't a mystery/conspiracy channel to put it on, so it's the next best thing I guess.

[Ed Oscuro]

But it's literally the same thing every time. Things that are nearly as interesting come up in real history come up if you look for them - for example the flooding of Doggerland is an incredible story and makes for just as good TV (in part because there is real stuff to go on. Reenacting any of the many different ancient construction projects - from the pyramids to Offa's dyke - makes for better TV than some guy talking about aliens doing it (I'm guessing they don't show some UFO winching the blocks up on top of the pyramids).

[Lord Satori]

But it's literally the same thing every time.

A show about aliens always being about aliens. Imagine that.

Seriously though, there are a few gems among them even if most of the episodes tend to run together, and despite the title, aliens aren't always the central theme of an episode. I want to say it's the newer stuff that's better, but I honestly have no idea considering I've seen less than ten episodes or so.

I'm in agreement though, that an all day marathon that consists of 90% Ancient Aliens is bullshit. Even if you want an "Aliens" day, there's plenty of content to choose from.

[jasoncslaughter]

History Channel has been a joke for years. I'm a fan of Nova on PBS, and it's free to watch, although they rotate which episodes are available for free (or you can watch any of them if you sign up to be a regular donor). Smithsonian and National Geographic produce some decent shows too, and there are plenty of good documentaries on Netflix. I'm okay with History showing all the garbage that they do, I just wish they would change the name of the channel.

[Xyga]

I just wish they would change the name of the channel.

Hysteria Channel ?

[BrianC]

I never watched the History Channel, but I have been frustrated with cable channels as of late. Many of them are worse with commercials than broadcast channels and History Channel isn't the only channel showing needless mini marathons of stupid programs (Cartoon Network is a good example. Uncle Grandpa is on too much and they don't seem to have a consistent schedule). Disney (no longer a paid channel), Cartoon Network (though there are still a couple shows I like), Boomerang (which now shows the older stuff at awkward times), and TV Land are all shells of what they used to be. Not much respect for older cartoons on most networks either.

[Lord Satori]

(Cartoon Network is a good example. Uncle Grandpa is on too much and they don't seem to have a consistent schedule).

You spelled Teen Titans Go wrong.

[atheistgod1999]

.

[KAI]

Oh, now I get that stupid meme.

[soprano1]

I prefer watching stuff made by the BBC. American docs, even made by PBS, is too much high zoom to places and faces and unnecessary dramatical music. Also, David Attenborough and Jim Al-Khalili are communication gods.

[Mero]

I don't get the channel but just took a look at the listings, UK version seems to be spamming stuff like Storage Wars, American Pickers and Pawn Stars.

[BryanM]

>0_o)- A bigger concern is why on earth are you giving them your money? Why would you give material aid and comfort to your oppressor so they can oppress you more thoroughly and totally?

It's 2016. They should be paying you to watch their ads. ("Ads" is short for aids.)

There's only so much documentaries about E.T, dankey kang, and mahrio I can take.
Nobody ever talks about the unsung legends of the arcade days, the C64/Amiga library, or the evolution of RPGs from the Apple II to the IBM PCs

There are people on the internet who've produced deep dives. The Chrontendo people did every single nintendo game in chronological order, in a depth a bit deeper than say an AVGN would. Really cleared up how much we have Ultima 3 to blame for every JRPG ever.

It's kind of interesting that we have Texas to blame/praise for that genre.

Of course, the average game doesn't have the kind of seismic impact an ET, U3 or Mahrio does. It'd be like a history channel with a doc about president Garfield. People like things they know.

[BrianC]

(Cartoon Network is a good example. Uncle Grandpa is on too much and they don't seem to have a consistent schedule).

You spelled Teen Titans Go wrong.

That too (though Uncle Grandpa isn't on as much as it used to be). CN shows dumb shows way too much to the point where it's hard to find when certain shows are on. Johnny Test is another dumb show that showed way too often (on both CN and Boomerang) and it's a huge insult that it has a similar name to a much better show.

[Ed Oscuro]

Johnny Test is another dumb show that showed way too often (on both CN and Boomerang) and it's a huge insult that it has a similar name to a much better show.

Hot mamma?

Nah, Quest (and the mid-90s version, what little I saw of it) is actually really good, especially given how old it is.

[WelshMegalodon]

There are people on the internet who've produced deep dives. The Chrontendo people did every single nintendo game in chronological order, in a depth a bit deeper than say an AVGN would. Really cleared up how much we have Ultima 3 to blame for every JRPG ever.

It's kind of interesting that we have Texas to blame/praise for that genre.

Exodus isn't anywhere near as linear as your average JRPG, and its battle system is closer to something out of Fire Emblem than Final Fantasy. I'm inclined to blame Square for the genre's descent into mediocrity, but it's not as if the desire for more "cinematic" gaming hadn't already been there. More powerful tech and the influence of terrible anime played a hand as well. Dragon Quest clones destroyed themselves.

[Durandal]

There are people on the internet who've produced deep dives. The Chrontendo people did every single nintendo game in chronological order, in a depth a bit deeper than say an AVGN would. Really cleared up how much we have Ultima 3 to blame for every JRPG ever.

It's kind of interesting that we have Texas to blame/praise for that genre.

Exodus isn't anywhere near as linear as your average JRPG, and its battle system is closer to something out of Fire Emblem than Final Fantasy. I'm inclined to blame Square for the genre's descent into mediocrity, but it's not as if the desire for more "cinematic" gaming hadn't already been there. More powerful tech and the influence of terrible anime played a hand as well. Dragon Quest clones destroyed themselves.

Dragon Quest is to Wizardry as God of War is to Ninja Gaiden.
For some inexplicable reason, the Dark Savant trilogy (Wizardry 6, 7, is barely even known in Japan, as most Japanese Wizardry games are mechanically more similar to the earlier Wizardries. And that's really telling of the state of JRPGs, as the Dark Savant trilogy brought with it the most improvements and deviations to the classic formula (abandoning towns for shops and inns altogether in favor of 100% dungeon crawling, ingame enemy parties which roam the world and plunder its belongings in real-time, and so much more). And then blobbers kind of died in the West too.

[WelshMegalodon]

Dragon Quest is to Wizardry as God of War is to Ninja Gaiden.

That's exactly right. I believe Enix's own Portopia Renzoku Satsujin Jiken also lent some of its mechanics.

I have this theory that Final Fantasy's limit of 9 charges per spell level came from the first Wizardry, and that the Knight and Ninja classes were based off of the Lord and Samurai. Then again, that game is essentially 1st Edition reimagined as a Dragon Quest clone, so both games could have taken the rule from a source I've never seen.

For some inexplicable reason, the Dark Savant trilogy (Wizardry 6, 7, is barely even known in Japan, as most Japanese Wizardry games are mechanically more similar to the earlier Wizardries. And that's really telling of the state of JRPGs, as the Dark Savant trilogy brought with it the most improvements and deviations to the classic formula (abandoning towns for shops and inns altogether in favor of 100% dungeon crawling, ingame enemy parties which roam the world and plunder its belongings in real-time, and so much more). And then blobbers kind of died in the West too.

That's a shame, especially when Crusaders ended up being a far richer game than any of its predecessors.

Which reminds me, I need to hurry up and learn something better than DOSBox... Bochs, QEMU, PCem?