Real pointless thread: the firm handshake.

Rob · Post by **Rob** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:45 pm

I always want to lock up when someone extends their hand. Found this article (yes, bored!), which covers it pretty clearly:

It is the lowest form of machismo, of which there are many low forms, and surely the most unsound method of selecting future employees. I should know – I, too, have been a firm handshaker, even though I could see no correlation between my manual prowess and my ability to process data or answer phones. It seems there was none. I firm handshook, I got the job, I fucked about.

I know it's a small thing, but I hate being forced into these rituals. It makes me feel a little dirty and embarrassed for everyone. It makes bowing seem cool.

Post by **BulletMagnet** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:51 pm

That sort of thing doesn't bother me nearly as much as the mind-bogglingly stupid questionnaires they give you when you apply for something like that...

"Why did you apply to work for us?" (Duh, I want to pay my bills!)

"What do you feel that you specifically could contribute to the company?" (Another nameless grunt doing drudge work, so the boss doesn't have to!)

"Do you sometimes feel frustrated with people?" (I sure do right now, filling out this trash at your request...)

Oh, and I just LOVE being asked what I expect my starting salary to be...

it290 · Post by **it290** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:05 pm

The ones I hate are the questions that put you in a hypothetical situation and ask you how you'd handle it, especially when said situation has nothing to do with any kind of work environment. What am I doing, applying for a job, or creating my next Morrowind character?

The n00b · Post by **The n00b** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:41 pm

Is it any less pointless than hiring a totally unqualified hot chick because you hope she'll give you a blow job? I've lost tons of HR jobs this way. I'm one of the top competitors and then I lose the job to a chick like that. Someday....someday...the interviewer will be a gay guy and then we'll see who gets the job...bitch

jp · Post by jp » Thu Feb 02, 2006 12:12 am

it290 wrote:The ones I hate are the questions that put you in a hypothetical situation and ask you how you'd handle it, especially when said situation has nothing to do with any kind of work environment. What am I doing, applying for a job, or creating my next Morrowind character?

Q: If someone broke into my store and tried to rob it, how would you handle the situaiton?

A: Your store? I'll have your dead body in the back by the end of the week, then it will be MY store. And then I'll go find your house, and then it will be MY house. And the police will do nothing about it because I will pay the Thieves Guild their fee. Now, if someone tried to rob MY store, I would slaughter them without thinking about it with my Deadric Great Sword. I have a 100 in Sword fighting. It would be no challenge.

professor ganson · Post by **professor ganson** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 12:26 am

Larry David could probably make an excellent episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm (or Seinfeld if it still existed) about the firm handshake. Can't stand it. I also really, really dislike very limp handshakes. Creeps me out. It's like there's a dead body part in my hand. "What am I supposed to do with this?" I always think.

jp · Post by jp » Thu Feb 02, 2006 12:51 am

professor ganson wrote:Larry David could probably make an excellent episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm (or Seinfeld if it still existed) about the firm handshake. Can't stand it. I also really, really dislike very limp handshakes. Creaps me out. It's like there's a dead body part in my hand. "What am I supposed to do with this?" I always think.

Eat it.

Rob · Post by **Rob** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 1:12 am

^ We have a limp handshaker! Haha!

subcons · Post by **subcons** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 3:37 am

Absolutely everything associated with looking for a job blows. People stay at shitty jobs just so they don't have to look for another shitty job.

Ah. Life.

jp · Post by jp » Thu Feb 02, 2006 3:43 am

Rob wrote:^ We have a limp handshaker! Haha!

No, he said "It's like there's a dead body part in my hand. "What am I supposed to do with this?" I always think.", and I responded to the question "What am I supposed to do with this?" with "Eat it." I don't know, I just watched a Fulci flick, it was the first thing that came to mind.

Post by **system11** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:51 am

subcons wrote:Absolutely everything associated with looking for a job blows. People stay at shitty jobs just so they don't have to look for another shitty job.

Ah. Life.

Quoted for truth. I know this feeling well.

TWITCHDOCTOR · Post by **TWITCHDOCTOR** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:16 am

Not sure where this thread is going, or where it was intended to go.
But, I've always been a firm handshaker. I'm a tad macho, even though I'm not a "bear man" type.
A handshake is a formal greatting, also an offer of trust. I believe a handshake should be firm, and dry/warm.
I've shaken hands with other men/guys, and it feels limp and cold!!! WTF!!!

People can tell alot about you by your handshake...
So, you look them in the eye when you shake? If not, you appear to be like a dog laying on the ground with his legs up and belly exposed. LOOK into the eye! ALso, people who look away when they shake usually have something to hide, or they feel "less than". Either that, or they show discust.

A limp handshake is "wimpy"...enough said. A cold sweaty hand is even worse!!!
You don't have to clench down hard, but firm should get the point across as in "your serious", and you carry yourself serously.

ALso, you can tell between a "manual labor" type vs. an "office" type just by the handshake! You can feel the rough texture, or are the hands baby butt soft?

Yes, a handshake can tell you much about certain individuals you meet.

landshark · Post by **landshark** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:19 pm

I hate the limp handshake. It's like shaking a pile of cooked spaghetti.

I also hate people that grab your hand too quickly and they end up grabbing the tips of your fingers so you can't really shake.

Neo Rasa · Post by **Neo Rasa** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:44 pm

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" "In your chair."

Acid King · Post by **Acid King** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:33 pm

Neo Rasa wrote:"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

(Don't say doing your wife-Don't say doing your wife)

Doin' your.... son?

umi · Post by **umi** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:40 am

Is handshaking the new penis envy?

My handshake is pretty limp, cuz I'm not a very assertive person. I only increase the strength if the other party comes on strong (partly to adjust to my environment, partly to save my hands). Meanwhile, I'm always thinking to myself, "What gives you the right to touch me?". Haha. Only half kidding on that last one. If I sense a situation may call for a handshake, I probably even initiate it half the time, whereas when I was younger I never would.

The Japanese got it right though... bowing is so much better. Well, it suits my personality better, in any case.

iatneH · Post by **iatneH** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:57 am

I'm a pretty small guy, but I've received comments/complaints that my handshake is crushing (I've squeezed a bathroom scale between my fingers and thumbs and it read about 80 lbs).

But I hate handshakes, because my hands are sweatier than any human being, and they've been like that for as long as I can remember. It's disgusting. When I've been watching a show in a hot and crowded theater and I have to clap my hands, I can feel droplets hitting my face. I have a joystick for my Saturn and the well around the stick was completely flooded and it was running down the front of the panel. Same thing at the arcade. Good thing I'm the only person who plays shooters at the arcade. But people pick up the 1P guitar for Guitar Freaks after I've played, then make a sound and put it down and pick up the 2P side instead. Gross. And that's only part of why I hate interviews.

MOSQUITO FIGHTER · Post by **MOSQUITO FIGHTER** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 10:41 am

I can't remember the last time I had to shake someone's hand. Maybe when I got my car loan which was years ago. Didn't shake hands for jobs either. Guess I manage to avoid putting out a hand shaking vibe.