The Workplace Horror Stories Thread!

[ACSeraph]

You learn a lot about humanity working retail. before coming to Japan so long ago I worked as the general manager of a small store in kind of a bad part of my town, and I was not prepared for all of the things I would learn about the world in that time.

The most unforgettable though was when one evening a part timer high school kid comes and tells me "So uh... someone shit on the floor." I assumed it was like a little kid shat himself or something, so I asked the kid to get some cleaning supplies and show me where it was. Kid leads me back to our fucking stock room (this happens to be where the only bathroom is, so its not uncommon for customers to go back there), and I see this stock cart fortress in the middle of the floor, forming a cube of 4 walls.

"What the fuck is that?"

"This is how it was when I found it."

So I "open" one of the walls of the cart fortress to see a massive pile of lumberjack shit. Guess the dumbass must have assumed bathroom this way meant the whole fucking stock room was the bathroom. Anytime my life in Japan gets stressful, I remember that event and praise not-god that I don't live in America anymore.

So, now it's sharing time. Gather round the campfire and let the world know of the shit (possibly literal) you have seen in your endless grind to afford food, internet, and PCBs.

[drauch]

Yeah, had an old lady one time that couldn't wait and just shit all over the fucking floor in front of the bathroom. Not even in the actual room, but outside in the lobby in front of the door. Same place some assholes shit in a french fry box and left it on the table.

Had a guy call me after hours and leave friendly, sexual messages on the answering machine that eventually turned to hateful for about a month since I never called him back.

Everything was just funny. Worked on the shit part of town for like 4 years and dealt with meth-heads every day. Just crazy after crazy--but again, I wouldn't consider it horrible, but quite hilarious. Had hobos living on the roof with sleeping bags and hobo caches. Stole our air conditioners like 6 times. One time they had a hobo party out front after hours and shit all over the place. They'd sleep on ratty old, rain-soaked mattresses they'd pull out of the dumpster. Average customer was a complete fuck-o, but sometimes the wondering vagrant would pop inside or come through a backdoor. Always a treat! Snakes and mice and wasps in two different buildings a common site. My last job it wasn't uncommon for a mouse to fly past my hand when I was using the, er... (computer) mouse. I'd also pick up an AC adapter out of an outlet and like twenty roaches would fly out of it. They used to hang there for warmth. We never had A/C. Even in the past job when the bums stole our air conditioners it really didn't matter because the boss wouldn't let us use them anyway. Really easy to work retail when it's 30 degrees or up to 95! Used to pee and see steam rise in the bathroom. We also wiped our ass with coffee filters because we never had toilet paper. Then the toilet would overflow and the bathroom would be a frozen shit swamp. I almost preferred it super cold, because we used this ancient diesel heater we bought off craigslist that would make your eyes and throat burn and would occasionally shoot out flames. Good times. Wouldn't change it for the world, though.

[MOSQUITO FIGHTER]

I was a janitor at a movie theater for a month before I got fired. One day I saw that someone had shit this giant turd in the corner of the movie theater. I guess he didn't want to miss whatever stupid movie they were playing so he just shit in the corner. Hell it could have been the boss for all I know. I just left it there. It was gone the next day, so whatever.

[MOSQUITO FIGHTER]

I used to hate it when I was a busboy and people would leave their shitty baby diapers sitting on the table with their half eaten food slop and dishes.

[Tregard]

Christ, I was going to reply with some of my own, but already they pale into insignificance compared with what some of you have been through.

[broken harbour]

I once ran an auto shop, co-manager kind of deal. It was a higher-end store in a really posh neighborhood with million dollar homes, politicians live there, hockey players, alot of local media celebs, etc... About half the customers were super nice old-money peeps that were extremely gracious and generous, the other half were new-money douchebags with trophy wives and Ferrari's.

Once on a saturday, a customer came in at 12:55pm (we closed at 1pm) and demanded we do this 8 hour job on his heater core, I nicely explained that:

1) Its not a job we can do on the weekend, and
2) Even during the week, it could take over a day depending on what else is going on that day.

He started to lose it on me, he went off screaming about how insignificant I was because of my job, and how stupid I am to be a "grease monkey", just being totally disrespectful, causing a scene. After abour 2 minutes he lost his temper so badly that he grabbed the monitor off the front desk and threw it on the floor. At this point I grabbed the baseball bat I kept under the desk (in case we ever got robbed) and I slammed it down on the desk where the monitor used to be, barely missing his fingers, and very calmly looked in his eyes and said quietly "Go ahead, keep talking."

He left, and I got a standing ovation from the other customers who saw the whole thing.


That was the job where I lost hope in humanity, a few weeks later took an office job where I have little human interaction. (And it's great)

[Obiwanshinobi]

That was the job where I lost hope in humanity, a few weeks later took an office job where I have little human interaction. (And it's great)

Whenever I leave my ivory tower and get a job, my own species turns out no better than I remembered it. Though rather than individuals who sometimes lose it, it's everyday stuff that appals me most - the social norm (such as coworkers A and B backbiting coworker C, next day coworkers B and C backbiting coworker D and so on).
Tell you what workplaces are the best: where the staff is of most varied age and gender (ethnicity as well). Then and there your fellow human beings are most caring of one another/least awful.

I was a janitor at a movie theater for a month before I got fired. One day I saw that someone had shit this giant turd in the corner of the movie theater. I guess he didn't want to miss whatever stupid movie they were playing so he just shit in the corner. Hell it could have been the boss for all I know. I just left it there. It was gone the next day, so whatever.

Did you see the Cinema Paradiso movie?

[GaijinPunch]

I feel like something is wrong w/ me after spending a few years in fast food and retail and never having to clean up someone else's turd.

[Obiwanshinobi]

I had to clean up a handbasin all shat over once, but it was in an out-patient clinic, where many comers didn't look well to begin with.

[MOSQUITO FIGHTER]

Did you see the Cinema Paradiso movie?

Nah, I've never heard of it. Does it have a scene where that happens?

[Obiwanshinobi]

Does it have a scene where that happens?

I can't remember, but it wouldn't be out of place there.