One Linerz & VERY Short Joke Thread

[hzt]

What's big and small at the same time?

A big egg.

[Jockel]

A priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.

[MOSQUITO FIGHTER]

How do you know if you're having sex with a minor?

Look for the key signs. Are they wearing a hat with a light, carrying a pickaxe, or is their face covered in coal?

[KAI]

Translated joke number 2:

A drunk man was walking down the street when he came across a nun, he punched her in the face and yelled "FUCK YOU BATMAN!!"

[Jockel]

Helium walks into the bar, orders a beer.
Bartender says: We don't serve noble gases.
The Helium doesn't react.

[guigui]

Sadistic, zoophile, pyromanic, and masochistic see a cat :
"Kick it ! Fuck it ! Burn it ! Meooooow"

[opt2not]

I was going to tell a joke about Sodium hydride, but NaH...

[opt2not]

I could tell more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones Argon.

[shmuppyLove]

I could tell more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones Argon.

Now you're just boron us.

[opt2not]

Hahaha there you go!

[powersoul]

Spartans never die, they just respawn. (halo-related)

[Klatrymadon]

"I kicked the new Bond villain out of my pub."

"Javier Bardem?"

"No, he can come back when he's sober..."

[Jockel]

I could tell more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones Argon.

Now you're just boron us.

When the chemistry jokes have worn out, we barium.

[Khan]

"I kicked the new Bond villain out of my pub."

"Javier Bardem?"

"No, he can come back when he's sober..."

made me smile

[emphatic]

[mesh control]

[MOSQUITO FIGHTER]

Some people say sex with socks on is weird. I don't see what's so weird about it. I mean it's just me sitting in front of the computer.

[Specineff]

2001 Space Odyssey, Linux Version:

Dave: "Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
HAL: "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
Dave: "SUDO open the pod bay doors, HAL."
HAL: "F*CK..."

(I know that XKCD did this already, but it was pointed out to me until after I said it this morning)

[Klatrymadon]

The Grim Reaper tried to claim me last night, but I hit him in the face with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with Death.

[Skykid]

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?

A woman who wont do what she's told.

[Icarus]

A Quality Assurance Engineer walks into a bar.
Orders a beer.
Orders 0 beers.
Orders 999999999 beers.
Orders a lizard.
Orders -1 beers.
Orders a sfdeljknesv.

[BIL]

Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?

Spoiler

TO KEEP HIS NUTS WARM

BAAAHAHAHA

[jonny5]

Ha, this thread takes me back. Doodude - haven't seen that name in a while.

[LordHypnos]

I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, "Fuck it, cut em up!"

[Skykid]

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

Spoiler

Wataaaaah!

[emphatic]

[antron]

Chuck Norris can jump over the rat in Pitfall II.

[Ruldra]

My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records...but then the librarian told me to take it out.

[Obiwanshinobi]

(Heard this one when I was working on construction.)

A boy in his early teens catches his parents having sex. They deliberate over how to react and the man decides to take the hard seat and explain it to the son. Finds the boy shagging the granny, saying: "see how it's like when someone bangs your mom?"

[BIL]

Guy phones up his boss and says "I'm sick." "What's the matter?" "I just fucked my sister."

BAAAHAHAHA

Spoiler