A question about the ladies

[The n00b]

So I've just now noticed something really weird. My portly friend and many other "less than average" catches hardly get any dates. They have even turned down women because they "are not hot enough." It's like they just don't seem to understand that at the very least the women they are going after demand a semblance of an interesting personality. I mean come on if you're fat, why can't you date a fat chick?

Is there something wrong with lowering your standards, even when you're not getting laid or even a date anymore? I know I had to lower my standards once I got over my very shallow standard of not dating anyone taller than myself(I'm 5'6). It was a stupid standard that I regretfully kept for waaaay too long.

Anyone else have similar stories?

[Icecap Veiwin]

All my ex-girlfriends just kept me around for laughs, or because they felt bad for me.

Your friend is right -- most women (at least women my age) these days are only in it for the looks. It's why I gave up on women now -- I plan to wait until I move to find someone -- by then I'll be meeting more mature women (mature MENTALLY).
Here, I'll just link you to Maddox's article.

[PaCrappa]

Here, I'll just link you to Maddox's article.

Mature women definitely want dudes who get ideas about the ladies from web pages like that one. Shit like that ought to get you on the fast track to lonely bitterness.

Pa

[JBC]

I used to think i was really shallow like that but then i went out with this fat chick who i just couldn't help but find hot. Then i realized that i just like pretty people - be they fat, skinny, short, or tall. As long as they have a distinct, eye catching face and are clean and healthy then i don't have many qualms.

[GateofThunderforceIII]

Pa, I hope you're right about what you said about the linked web page. And while I admit to not having too much experience with women, I really feel one thing that the author said: women want the good looking, "cool" jerks who will treat them like shit.

I've heard from a lot of my friends that women are much smarter than men and that they really secretly run the world. I don't know. I see the men they're with and think that too many of them are just damn stupid. Please say that I'm wrong, Pa!

[UnscathedFlyingObject]

Damn! I must be too good for women, not one sticks around me.

[The n00b]

I'm sure there are tons of women who only go for the assholes, just like there are tons of men who only go for the bitchy high maintenance super model type. I think I do alright with the ladies without having to resort to being an asshole. It's just not worth acting that way because usually chicks who go for that are messed up in some way or another.

The n00b is a self professed nice guy and nobody's changing him.

[beatifik]

bitches ain't shit.

we don't luh dem hoes.

hey, if your buddies don't want to lower their standards, more power to them. they don't have to deal with the constant bitching/whining/complaining/waiting around/arguing that tends to come when hanging out with most girls.

[The n00b]

bitches ain't shit.

we don't luh dem hoes.

hey, if your buddies don't want to lower their standards, more power to them. they don't have to deal with the constant bitching/whining/complaining/waiting around/arguing that tends to come when hanging out with most girls.

Are you saying they should go gay? hmm that's not such a bad plan. No girl problems and a civil union pretty much doubles your income without having to deal with maternity leave or kids in general...

[beatifik]

bitches ain't shit.

we don't luh dem hoes.

hey, if your buddies don't want to lower their standards, more power to them. they don't have to deal with the constant bitching/whining/complaining/waiting around/arguing that tends to come when hanging out with most girls.

Are you saying they should go gay? hmm that's not such a bad plan. No girl problems and a civil union pretty much doubles your income without having to deal with maternity leave or kids in general...

nah, any partner male/female/straight/gay will be the same.

[ArrogantBastard]

Wow. Most of you have your funny hang-ups. No offense, but goddamn, if you have to hold females to higher standards, you might as well just go bachelor for the rest of your life.

No sense in trying to get something that you know you won't recieve any in the end.

If you feel like you've lowered your standards and you feel like it's bad thing, then you have issues. You shouldn't feel like you have to lower it so you can have a woman in your life. It should just about having a companionship, not having a tropy girlfriend who commands a lot of your attention, a lot of maintenance, a lot of your money, and more.

Plus, there's Adult Friend Finder website, so...yeah, use that if you can't get laid or you're still holding your standards high? Maybe there's a female there seeking relationship, too? You never know until you look, look, look; instead of writing about how you're having a hard time finding ladies on a message board.

Edit: This is not directed to anyone in this thread in particular, but in general.

[SheSaidDutch]

Bah humbug!

[BulletMagnet]

Your friend is right -- most women (at least women my age) these days are only in it for the looks.

As opposed to all the guys out there who aren't. Come on, relationships these days on both sides of the equation are simply something to do when you're horny/bored...heck, even if you are (supposedly) looking for something "deeper," and seemingly find it, you've only got around a 50-50 chance of it staying that way. There are exceptions to all the above, of course, but not many.

[UnscathedFlyingObject]

Your friend is right -- most women (at least women my age) these days are only in it for the looks.

As opposed to all the guys out there who aren't. Come on, relationships these days on both sides of the equation are simply something to do when you're horny/bored...heck, even if you are (supposedly) looking for something "deeper," and seemingly find it, you've only got around a 50-50 chance of it staying that way. There are exceptions to all the above, of course, but not many.

You're my hero.

[neorichieb1971]

Is this thread about attraction or relationships?


Attraction gets your foot in the door but relationships are so complicated that there is no single solution to make it work.

I'm a middle of the road guy.. I'm not hot and I just go for women that are down to earth. Since i'm 34 finding a woman that doesn't have a history of men problems is kinda hard.

So it goes both ways i'm afraid.

[GateofThunderforceIII]

Well, if things don't change, then in 11 years, I'll be like the Andy dude from The 40 Year Old Virgin. Except I'll never marry and actually get some ass.

[neorichieb1971]

Look every guy is BUY-sexual.


You don't get ass unless you pay for it in one form or another. It might be dinner, a movie, a new refrigerator or whatever.


Unless you find a nymphromaniac.. Then your just being used

[Specineff]

You guys scare me.

[Randorama]

Is there something wrong with lowering your standards, even when you're not getting laid or even a date anymore? I know I had to lower my standards once I got over my very shallow standard of not dating anyone taller than myself(I'm 5'6). It was a stupid standard that I regretfully kept for waaaay too long.

Anyone else have similar stories?

I find this rather odd. To be exact, i never had chances with girls taller than me, i think (i can't really remember, though). I'm not particularly tall (1,76, roughly 5'10"), but it's still more than most women, though...well, in most cases at least.

In general, however, i prefer to keep some specific standards. In general, i tend to avoid bad characters (too shy, too arrogant, too shallow, in general: unbalanced people) and i prefer if they have a good/fit presence (i'm not in a spectacular shape, but i've done sports for ages and i'm still quite fit). Of late, i have to say that i've *increased* my standards, mainly regarding personality issues. The last thing i want now is some lunatic with a nice ass, so to speak: i'm not in a condition in which i can afford to get extra problems from someone who's supposed to make my life better (and viceversa, but i pretend to always have been a gentleman, i may be uncorrect though...).

In general, i'm not that pretentious, but i think that i'm pretty tired of people who can't have a somewhat adult approach to human relationships... and i think this rules out a good majority of women.Surely this is not a problem on 1-night dates, but i've started avoiding those a while ago.

[GaijinPunch]

I've been with my wife for like... shit, 8 years now. I have no clue how to date, but I will tell you this: no matter how cool the girl is, if there's no physical attraction, do not bother. It's a chore to keep the physical relationship going for years down the road regardless, but physical attraction has to make it easier.

[PaCrappa]

Pa, I hope you're right about what you said about the linked web page. And while I admit to not having too much experience with women, I really feel one thing that the author said: women want the good looking, "cool" jerks who will treat them like shit.

I've heard from a lot of my friends that women are much smarter than men and that they really secretly run the world. I don't know. I see the men they're with and think that too many of them are just damn stupid. Please say that I'm wrong, Pa!

Well, I'm no authority. Let's make that clear. I can meet a girl easily enough but I've never kept one for more than three years. It's because I'm insensitive and unwilling to compromise.

But, about that linked article. Subscribing to such a negative school of thought is not going to make a man a better happier person. All of the behaviors described as if they were somehow the very cornerstone of the feminine psyche can be observed just as easily and frequently in men. It's called being shallow and it's what we're bred to be in the USA. At least those of us who have been raised by the TV set.

The writer of that article was probably burned by a couple of chicks and now he's afraid. He's afraid of letting his heart go and it getting stepped on. What a fucking pussy. Not for being afraid, but for writing such an article. Just because things didn't work out with him and a couple of shallowass bitches, all women on the face of the planet are now goldbrickin vampires with the power to speak nothing other than lies? Cry me a river Maddox...

Anyway, about standards. If they came from TV or movies it would be best to tone it down a bit. There's a lot of beauty out there and 99% of it will not be featured in this year's swimsuit issue.

Pa

[MadSteelDarkness]

There's a lot of beauty out there and 99% of it will not be featured in this year's swimsuit issue.

Pa

Quoted for truth.

[Davey]

Is there something wrong with lowering your standards, even when you're not getting laid or even a date anymore? I know I had to lower my standards once I got over my very shallow standard of not dating anyone taller than myself(I'm 5'6).

That's not lowering your standards. That's reevaluating your priorities.

Come on, relationships these days on both sides of the equation are simply something to do when you're horny/bored

These days? People never felt the urge to procreate or spend time with others until a few years ago? I suppose we should go back to breadwinner/housekeeper relationship model... that would be much less shallow.

Well, if things don't change, then in 11 years, I'll be like the Andy dude from The 40 Year Old Virgin. Except I'll never marry and actually get some ass.

That wouldn't bother me, I could go the rest of my life without having sex and be perfectly fine. Don't get me wrong, it's barrels of fun, but I have other interests. However, I realize this isn't the norm, and judging by the way most other guys talk about sex, I must have a testosterone deficiency or something.

You don't get ass unless you pay for it in one form or another. It might be dinner, a movie, a new refrigerator or whatever.

Unless you find a sugarmama. Which rocks, btw.

[BulletMagnet]

These days? People never felt the urge to procreate or spend time with others until a few years ago? I suppose we should go back to breadwinner/housekeeper relationship model... that would be much less shallow.

What I said wasn't meant to say that people haven't been "assocating and procreating" up till now, and it sure as heck wasn't a call back to the 1950's (trust me, you don't want to get me going on that subject), but rather the fact that, even moreso than it once was (imo), relationships are, for the most part, only sought out for completely short-term and selfish reasons, i.e. "I feel like boinking something now." There's little to no sense of devotion to the other person or personal sacrifice for his/her sake: it's all about "my" needs/desires/etc., and once "my" needs/desires change (without any effort to adapt to what you've already got) then it's on to the next provider.

I realize that there's no such thing as an "ideal" relationship or the like, and there never has been, but in my experience it seems like the vast majority of people have regressed to the point where others around them are only there to provide pleasurable sensations on command; if that's not happening, the heck with 'em.

[undamned]

...if you have to hold females to higher standards, you might as well just go bachelor for the rest of your life.

No sense in trying to get something that you know you won't recieve any in the end.

If you feel like you've lowered your standards and you feel like it's bad thing, then you have issues.

Well, see it however you want, but my standards (well, standards I believe that God has helped form in me) have:
A) kept me from some retarded relationships that I'm so glad I didn't engage in, and
B) allowed me two absolutely wonderful relationships, that I have no regrets about having, inspite of the fact that neither ended up in marriage.

Something stupid

Something thought out

Thanks.

There's a lot of beauty out there and 99% of it will not be featured in this year's swimsuit issue.

Wordup. It always makes me cringe how media stars are idolized as the "most beautiful people" when I've met just as many in my lifetime, it's just that they aren't in the media scene.

Is there something wrong with lowering your standards, even when you're not getting laid or even a date anymore? I know I had to lower my standards once I got over my very shallow standard of not dating anyone taller than myself(I'm 5'6).

That's not lowering your standards. That's reevaluating your priorities.

Good call.

For the record, one of my awesome relationships was w/ a very fit woman, and one with a not so fit woman. And, like I said, both were awesome.
-ud

[FRO]

^^Standing Ovation!

Thank you for saying that, ud. My wife and I are both "fat", for lack of a better term. She has a beautiful smile & beautiful eyes, 2 things that attracted me to her initially. The thing about it is, if you're in it strictly for the "dating" aspect, you'll probably be let down. My wife & I were coworkers & we started that way. Then we became friends. Then our friendship grew. Then we began to see each other more seriously. She was the only girl I ever "dated" & we were high-school sweethearts. We got married a year out of high school & have been together for nearly 9 years.

I guess I've been blessed w/ someone that accepts my faults (Lord knows I have plenty of them!). My suggestion to all here is that they cultivate friendships first, then see where that takes them.

[Marc]

I'd second that, because I went about things the complete opposite. Was with a great girl for nearly five years, met someone else, and within a month, ended the relationship to be with her.

12 Months on... not too sure if I made the right decision, but my actions fucked people's lives up so badly that I'll never really know.

[D]

Men and women are the same.

Allways keep this in mind.

One of my friends has too high standards as well.
I allways tell him to picture her in doggystyle..........
It never works.

Too high standards comes down to this.
pride.
unconsiously we are always like: will my friends be impressed?

Would you do her if you two were the only ones left on earth?

Women want a guy who has confidence:
Like saying to her: "if we were to be together you'd never leave me".
Saying this her whe will be like: "whatever". but it will eat away at her, in a good way. Don't quote me because you shouldn't say things that direct offcourse.


The thing is that you learn as you get older
when you're 67, you will know what buttons to push


more to come.......

[Icecap Veiwin]

Hm. A couple of points:

1. Holy crap, PaCrappa dissed Maddox. Awesome.

2. D is right - you learn as you get older. It is assumed this applies to both men and women. Both men AND women need to learn to find the right woman/man for them -- it just takes a while. That's why I said I was going to wait until I'm perhaps 20 to find a mate. (Considering I'm 14 now.)

[The n00b]

Hm. A couple of points:

1. Holy crap, PaCrappa dissed Maddox. Awesome.

2. D is right - you learn as you get older. It is assumed this applies to both men and women. Both men AND women need to learn to find the right woman/man for them -- it just takes a while. That's why I said I was going to wait until I'm perhaps 20 to find a mate. (Considering I'm 14 now.)

I wouldn't do that if I were you because you might miss a great experience. I'm sure over half the guys on the board can tell you a crazy story about dating in high school plus you get the prom too. I only warn you because I kind of regret never getting to experience that stuff because I went to an all boy's school so my first date was in college.

BTW try to date a lot before getting stuck on "finding a mate." Usually that's for guys in their mid 20's-30's.