Who here uses online dating sites?

[GaijinPunch]

Sort of. Being experienced with both marriage and long term relationships, it definitely seems like you get hit on far more than when you're single. It probably has a lot to do with not acting like a jack ass quite as much.

[rugdoctor]

Sort of. Being experienced with both marriage and long term relationships, it definitely seems like you get hit on far more than when you're single. It probably has a lot to do with not acting like a jack ass quite as much.

Being experienced with both? Are you married or not? Just being nosey...

[jasoncslaughter]

I've tried a few and had some interesting dates, but nothing really serious. I don't bother with sending a bunch of messages, though, as most of the women on dating sites are overwhelmed with messages. It seems to work better to just wait for someone to let me know they're interested. I don't really expect anything out of it, I just use it to keep up my dating skills.

It probably has a lot to do with not acting like a jack ass quite as much.

So true.

[Skykid]

Sort of. Being experienced with both marriage and long term relationships, it definitely seems like you get hit on far more than when you're single. It probably has a lot to do with not acting like a jack ass quite as much.

There's a psychology of the sexes involved with this too, in that women identify a man already taken as being a worthy mate/provider, since someone else has already had the confidence to partner with them. That's a subconscious attractive quality for women.

We're all a bunch of animals really.

[GaijinPunch]

Being experienced with both? Are you married or not? Just being nosey...

On paper only. Separated, but so many visa issues involved it's just all on hold right now. Personally I don't give a shit -- it's a piece of paper. My kid's happy and isn't exposed to hours of negativity a day which is all that matters.

There's a psychology of the sexes involved with this too, in that women identify a man already taken as being a worthy mate/provider, since someone else has already had the confidence to partner with them.

I read this in David Attenborough's voice.

[rugdoctor]

hear what you mean brother, I am not married as well but have 2 and soon 3 lovely kids...NZ is pretty tolerant to defacto relationships. Hope your PR get sorted soon...funny how in NZ given your situation, you will be granted residency immediately if you have evidence of abuse from the resident spouse!!

[MOSQUITO FIGHTER]

Yeah, I've tried okcupid before. I was pretty much unable to get anyone to message me back. So I deleted my profile and haven't bothered with it since. It was a total waste of time for me. I was optimistic about it at first, but it was about as much fun as talking to a brick wall.

[GaijinPunch]

hear what you mean brother, I am not married as well but have 2 and soon 3 lovely kids...NZ is pretty tolerant to defacto relationships. Hope your PR get sorted soon...funny how in NZ given your situation, you will be granted residency immediately if you have evidence of abuse from the resident spouse!!

Actually I've had PR for ages... I stood the nightmare long enough for that. It was mainly for her to get her Green Card easily. She's the parent of a US citizen so she could have eventually received it but it would have been more hoops to jump through. We're semi-cool with each other now I suppose, but the world's largest ocean is between us.

[mastermx]

Dating? Finding love? Has the full shmup philosophy fallen on deaf ears? Does the term "reco is my waifu" not hold weight anymore. Besides who needs dating and love when there's touhou hentai. It's time for people to put their sticks away and take out their arcade sticks instead.

[Zerst]

Tried OKC for a year pretty recently. Got few responses, no dates. At least in my area, it seems that the women on the site are generally either looking for a bar hookup or someone to have a kid with, and I want nothing to do with either of those.

Positive experience overall though, I'd say. Learned more about myself, actually built up a degree of confidence in the life I live. Just find it a shame that my relatively simple existence isn't compatible with what a good number of women expect of men in the context of dating.

[Blackbird]

Dating? Finding love? Has the full shmup philosophy fallen on deaf ears? Does the term "reco is my waifu" not hold weight anymore. Besides who needs dating and love when there's touhou hentai. It's time for people to put their sticks away and take out their arcade sticks instead.

If you're gonna do it, go all the way.

[rugdoctor]

hear what you mean brother, I am not married as well but have 2 and soon 3 lovely kids...NZ is pretty tolerant to defacto relationships. Hope your PR get sorted soon...funny how in NZ given your situation, you will be granted residency immediately if you have evidence of abuse from the resident spouse!!

Actually I've had PR for ages... I stood the nightmare long enough for that. It was mainly for her to get her Green Card easily. She's the parent of a US citizen so she could have eventually received it but it would have been more hoops to jump through. We're semi-cool with each other now I suppose, but the world's largest ocean is between us.

I salute you! I wish my waifu is half the world away sometimes...after having kids around, being a monk seems like an attractive solution.

[GaijinPunch]

being a monk seems like an attractive solution.

Trust me, that option was weighed... and still is.

[Domino]

Well bump time.

I made a profile on a website, I'm not going to respond to anyone. Lets see if this works..... The ones who might be interested is the one who actually reads your profile.

[Ruldra]

Unless you're a female, or a hot/rich guy, I don't see how just sitting there will net any results. You'll just be another drop in an ocean of average guys.

[Lordstar]

talking to a nice girl right now. infinitely more educated than myself. I find the clever ones like a bit of rough

[Lordstar]

Unless you're a female, or a hot/rich guy, I don't see how just sitting there will net any results. You'll just be another drop in an ocean of average guys.

Thats quite deftest. first off people are attracted to all kinds of things. the way you look and present yourself is attractive to someone. Its how complete and utter loosers who have vile personalities end up with nice women. I think having an online profile on a dating site is just another avenue to put yourself out there.

Dating? Finding love? Has the full shmup philosophy fallen on deaf ears? Does the term "reco is my waifu" not hold weight anymore.

She can only be wiaifu to one of us.... trust me you do not want my sloppy seconds.

being a monk seems like an attractive solution.

Trust me, that option was weighed... and still is.

one foot in front of the other bro!

[Bananamatic]

She can only be wiaifu to one of us.... trust me you do not want my sloppy seconds.

waifus are instance based

[Domino]

Unless you're a female, or a hot/rich guy, I don't see how just sitting there will net any results. You'll just be another drop in an ocean of average guys.

Thats quite deftest. first off people are attracted to all kinds of things. the way you look and present yourself is attractive to someone. Its how complete and utter loosers who have vile personalities end up with nice women. I think having an online profile on a dating site is just another avenue to put yourself out there.

I agree. I tried CL in the past and I found someone who is really into fashion and makeup and have a huge thing for smart geeks who are into video games and such (and yet she wasn't into any of that). Too bad her location was like too far away from me. But still it proves the point above.

[neorichieb1971]

POF is shite. If you want a decent site, get one that you pay for. POF is full of people who have profiles because its free and have absolutely no intention of meeting a person.

I heard the http://www.eharmony.com/ is good.

[CptRansom]

I've used OKC with no real success and CL with pretty great success given the reputation of the site.

My problem with OKC is that 90% of the women said their favorite movie is The Notebook (/gag) and their favorite book is Twilight (fuck right the hell off). Of the few remaining, most of them would brush me off with "just looking for friends" (just say I'm a fat nerd and be done with it holy shit). I met a few. My favorite was the one who told me on a first date about being on three different antidepressants, then texted me a week later talking about how she was sick of being single. Nope.

CL... It deserves its reputation, but if you're willing to sift through the shit, there can be gold in them thar hills. You're not likely to find a supermodel, but there are definitely some good people out there. Several of the girls I dated are still good friends of mine.

Then of course, you've got the horror stories. I showed up to a lunch date, and this girl had quite obviously sent me pictures that were five years and fifty pounds old. Fifteen minutes in, I pretended I had a text, checked my phone, said, "My roommate just told me my cat's on fire," and I fucked off.

The best was the froyo date, though. Holy shit. I sincerely doubt anyone wants to read all of that, so I'll just say it involved someone who was 26, had sex with one guy in her entire life, that guy had short-term amnesia and ED, she'd had his abortion (she told me ALL OF THIS after knowing me less than 48 hours what the fuck), she was wall-eyed, wore a three-wolves-howling-at-the-moon shirt tucked into the jeans which neatly bisected her enormous roll, hair looked like it hadn't been washed in a week. She tried to hug me, so I side-stepped her and gave her a high five, ran to my car, and peeled out of the parking lot. I then proceeded to delete and block her number/email, because holy shit. No.

Anyway, words of advice for online dating: Insist on clear and recent pictures. Only meet in public for the first time. Try to meet within a few days of chatting if possible, because online chemistry and in-person chemistry are two very different things. Coffee and froyo and the like tend to be good first dates, IMO, because they're cheap and they're quick. If you hit it off, you can do something later. If it's miserable, you've only lost a half hour or so, plus you got coffee/froyo and potentially a story about a bad date. Win-win.

Sorry for the novel.

[Skykid]

Although I have no firsthand experience, judging by your stories isn't life too short for this kind of caper?

Why spend years on these sites finding overweight depressed people who suffer from social problems too great to be reconciled - and who you probably have no physical attraction to - when you can just find partners in workplaces, social circles, public events, and dare I say it, bars and clubs?

It feels like a 21st century misconception, that the Internet is an easy way out of face to face suckng it up, growing a pair, and striking up conversation.

[Xyga]

overweight depressed people who suffer from social problems

Add: 'disgusting perverted old farts and grannies who shouldn't be allowed to use the internet'

[neorichieb1971]

I agree with Skykid. By definition the only people who go on those sites are depressed and full of history you don't want to know about, or are just damn right too ugly. Which is weird, because on a website you more likely to go for looks than anything else.

If your a man going on those websites, look at yourself in the mirror.

I will admit I got my wife through such a website. But she was from the Philippines and we spent 1 year before we met in person and 3 more before we lived together. If you want local fanny, just go to where local fanny is. What Skykid said just clicks with me now, if I had only had the balls to go out in the world and be a fun loving person some woman would want. I will say however that English women are a strange species. I put them into 3 categories. a) on benefits with kids b) taken by their school sweet heart or c) some exec type that is stuck up herself.

So maybe my wife was a win win situation. She is so lovely and adorable and has christian values. Even if your not religious, if you want someone who will potentially be a wife figure, get someone with christian values because it just feels safer. I don't know any English guys that are still married to their first,

[TransatlanticFoe]

POF is shite. If you want a decent site, get one that you pay for. POF is full of people who have profiles because its free and have absolutely no intention of meeting a person.

I heard the http://www.eharmony.com/ is good.

Nope, having been on paid sites I can tell you that they're full of free members who can't actually reply to your messages unless they pay. They can't even see who's sent the message to even glance at the profile. What's the point spending time formulating a decent opener if you're not even sure if they can read it?

eHarmony gave me 5 matches in total, with the nearest to me in Birmingham. Not paying for that!

All the girls I've met through paid sites were oddly picky when I met them in person, and very quickly went silent thereafter. You've paid for the service, created a horribly generic profile (hint: travel and socialising are only interests when you elaborate on them) then get specific about what you want only when you meet in person? WTF.

Free sites - at least you know they can read your messages and reply if they're interested. You just have to filter searches to avoid the mass of "only interested in a quick shag" profiles and know that the male:female ratio is way heavy on the sausage end, so most remotely aesthetically pleasing girls get bombarded with messages - so don't get too downbeat if they don't reply.

tl;dr - you'll get nowhere as a bloke if you don't put yourself out there and send messages.

[Skykid]

Actually I wasn't quite putting it that way. I know a good Iooking guy who got an equally attractive girl through a dating site, both intelligent and well suited.

It's just that according to most people that's the exception and not the rule.

However (and that's a big but) your categorising of English women is depressingly accurate, although I wouldn't say wholly as that would be unfair.

But too much hard work, fuck all that shit. It depends on taste and character of course, but I gave up many moons ago trying to second guess and play games with weird female egos. I'm a straight talker, I prefer the same.

[BryanM]

overweight depressed people who suffer from social problems

Add: 'disgusting perverted old farts and grannies who shouldn't be allowed to use the internet'

I know which one I am!

[Zerst]

By definition the only people who go on those sites are depressed and full of history you don't want to know about, or are just damn right too ugly. Which is weird, because on a website you more likely to go for looks than anything else.

If your a man going on those websites, look at yourself in the mirror.

Agreed. I credit a big part of my lack of success to the fact that I'm pretty dopey looking and extremely non-photogenic. I actually had a bunch of people talk to me on OKC before they changed from showing text+picture to exclusively picture. I went from 20-30% response rate to sub-5% easily after that change. Of course, I also have the misfortune of being primarily attracted to immature nerdy women that near-universally have dozens of people fighting over them so it's that much easier for me to fall between the cracks.

[Skykid]

By definition the only people who go on those sites are depressed and full of history you don't want to know about, or are just damn right too ugly. Which is weird, because on a website you more likely to go for looks than anything else.

If your a man going on those websites, look at yourself in the mirror.

Agreed. I credit a big part of my lack of success to the fact that I'm pretty dopey looking and extremely non-photogenic. I actually had a bunch of people talk to me on OKC before they changed from showing text+picture to exclusively picture. I went from 20-30% response rate to sub-5% easily after that change. Of course, I also have the misfortune of being primarily attracted to immature nerdy women that near-universally have dozens of people fighting over them so it's that much easier for me to fall between the cracks.

Right, so all this tells me is you should drop the timesink, go out and sell yourself as you are: somewhere you don't need to be photogenic, can offer a real personality, and don't have to fight off a million competitors. Just think about it, you strike up a conversation and it's 100% your opportunity. And if she's not interested, done, done, on to the next one. If you've failed a thousand times online already, it's a minor setback.

[Mischief Maker]

By definition the only people who go on those sites are depressed and full of history you don't want to know about, or are just damn right too ugly. Which is weird, because on a website you more likely to go for looks than anything else.

If your a man going on those websites, look at yourself in the mirror.

Agreed. I credit a big part of my lack of success to the fact that I'm pretty dopey looking and extremely non-photogenic. I actually had a bunch of people talk to me on OKC before they changed from showing text+picture to exclusively picture. I went from 20-30% response rate to sub-5% easily after that change. Of course, I also have the misfortune of being primarily attracted to immature nerdy women that near-universally have dozens of people fighting over them so it's that much easier for me to fall between the cracks.

Why not turn on a webcam, watch a funny movie, then choose a still of you looking your best mid-laugh?

Looking fun can be just as effective, if not more effective, than looking pretty.