MORE XITILON TRASH
TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
Ah, shit. Xitilon is still at it, and to make things worse, is in the shmup scene.
Today I have the disgrace of bring you the review of S Lanes.
C-Type. The "C" is for "CRAP"
The gameplay of S Lanes consists on moving through "Lanes", but you don't have control of the ship's movement, making it move downwards nonstop. The only way to make your ship move to the right is by holding the X Button which is also the fire button. As you are on this constant auto-drop, once you hit the bottom rail, you'll automatically be on the upper one rather than moving upwards and repeat the process as if you're a cursor on a game menu. While this could be a subject to criticize, this is in fact useful since the game will drop you enemies that will try to reach the left side of the screen. If one of them reaches the left side, it's Game Over. No extra lives to tolerate the player's mistakes. Along with keeping your enemies away from reaching the edge as if it was a horrible parody of Cosmo Gangs, you have to collect coins. Not just to increase your score, but to avoid enemy speed ups. Each missed coin increase the speed of the enemies, making the game much harder than it should be. To put it simple, if you miss three coins, you're fucked, the enemy ship will outrun you and the game will be over.
Unlike the other crappy Xitilon games like Thunder and B Cannon, S Lanes' trophies doesn't require you to survive 2 or more minutes, just getting 1000 points and 100 coins to obtain all the trophies.
Graphically its garbage, the pixelated ship look like a toddler's depiction of the R-9A Arrowhead from R-Type done in Lite-Brite, and the enemies look like crappy insects. Even the Atari 2600 was more nostalgic and detailed than this, not this indie mentality of "2 or 3 colors and a oversimplistic blocky design is retro". The music is the only decent thing due it's few Megaman-esque riffs and that's all what I have to say about this game.
The usual result on the Lea Scale.
Why it doesn't surprise us?
Looks like Xitilon relies on publishing trash for the sake of trophy boosting. But criminally unplayable crap such as this should be banned and the fact that this game exist is proof that someone at Sony is not doing his/her job right. "It's like yay! Get all the trophies for 99 cents", one fucking dollar to waste on feeding trash developers just like Breakthrough Gaming's monstrosities.
Speaking of the Devil (or the Bydo), Breakthrough Gaming is coming back with more abominations.
GOD HELP US ALL...