TRASH GAMES, START YOUR ENGINES
Here we go again...
Looks like the third chapter of the Trashfall has started feeling the need for stink.
Today's game is Retro Pixel Racers.
Bad Beyond Belief...
As its name implies, this game is a retro-arcade style racing game in the style of Ivan "Ironman" Stewart's Super Off Road, Atari's Super Sprint and Moto Roader MC. In fact, the game controls are pretty much the same as those from Moto Roader MC as we have a Boost that makes your car goes faster for a while like a "Dash function", you can select from a large array of cars and trucks before racing. Each car has its own status making them fast, slow, fine handling or with better boost. The first two levels are somewhat fun to play, once you're done with the first levels that's where the fun ends. ¿Why? here's the answer: Horrible controls. ¿Have you ever felt that the car takes forever to make a turn?, This game is an example. In normal races, its quite of a problem in the first 2 tracks, but once you hit Level 5 it becomes virtually unplayable since you have to do sharp turns. To make things worse, the AI clearly cheats as they have pro-driver skills and are able to move with speed and grace while you are having all kinds of problems.
That's what I call a list of chores.
There's two game variations: The first one is to win the race on first place. Unlike Forza Motorsport, the game pulls the what I call the "Top Gun Mentality" since the rules of the race arre basically "There are no points for second place", an All-or-Nothing, Do-or-Die condition which I consider very strict and intolerant considering most of the times you'll end up on third place, if you end first place then it was a matter of pure luck. The second consists on clearing five laps before time runs out, pretty much like the checkpoint racing from Super Hang-On or Out-Run. While 1st place races are ordered on Odd numbers (1, 3, 5, etc.), Time races are even numbers (2, 4, 6, etc.). Looks like basic variety and they wouldn't be a hard task to do if it wasn't for the horrible controls that plague the game.
Me too.
It's hard to believe that this horrible mess made its way to PC and console stores stores.
Graphically, it tries to be retro style with pixel-rendered cars with some clear nods to real vehicles like the white car with blue stripes based on the Ford Mustang. The tracks have the same color palettes despite the track layout, making them look uninspiring and way too generic. As for the sound, the music feels also generic as the soundtrack has a generic upbeat music in the race and the hip-hop pace on the main menu. The voice that says "Three, two, one...Go!, Go!, Go!" sounds like if he's bored and with all reasons, this game is indeed boring and unplayable as well.
Shizuka's right, Nina.
This mission has been aborted.
Retro Pixel Racers is a total failure of gaming. I'm sure this is a "Joke Game", a product made to troll players and achievement hunters alike with horrible controls, repetitive gameplay and unfair AI opponents. If you've picked this for the sake of trophy/achievement boosting, then I feel sorry for you.
That's definitely a negative result in the "Shizuka Sakai Scale".