Okay, it's been a week.
I had this funny analogy in mind that I'm like a Game of Thrones fan saying Daenerys' psycho turn in the final season was a complete betrayal of years of character-building around her being a justice-minded reformer, and BryanM is telling me, "no, no, this has all been foreshadowed since the beginning," but wow, the more I think about it the more GoT predicted this awful primary season. Specifically GoT after they ran out of books and those hacks D&D had to start writing.
The Night King is the looming threat of climate Armageddon.
Liz Warren is Daenerys. People have been building her up for years as the savior, the breaker of chains. Sure, she might have had some racially problematic moments, but for sure she's going to be the one to help us fight back the night king when the time comes. After all, she has her legendary dragons/plans for that! Unfortunately her "flying too low over the iron fleet" moment came during the debates when The Rat asked her if she can provide medicare for all without raising middle class taxes, and just like the ballistaes showing her dragons had the fortitude of hummingbirds, Liz Warren went, "Oh fuck fuck fuck!" slapped a ridiculous head count tax onto her medicare for all plan before scrapping the whole thing and descending into an emotional wreck.
Things got even worse when she saw that the bros of the north liked Jon Snow (Bernie) more than her. And when Jon Snow rebuffed her sexually after learning she was his aunt/Bernie denied her attempt to #metoo him, she said, "then let it be fear"/stomped over to Bernie with a hot mic and said, "I think you just called me a liar on national TV!" So when the bells of surrender were ringing in King's Landing/the moderates were all dropping out and endorsing Biden, she went nuts and nuked all the common people she'd been claiming to want to save from the very start/split the progressive vote to the political benefit of the man whose awful bankruptcy bill was supposedly the whole reason for her entering politics in the first place. Daenerys' creepy fascist speech in the ash covered King's Landing was Warren's dancing selfie with Kate McKinnon.
Bernie Sanders, as I said, is Jon Snow. Despised by the powerful for being a bastard/socialist, but beloved by all the common people on the receiving end of the Night King's depredations despite the cultural/age difference. By his birth/public opinion polls on the issues, he is the rightful king. And based on his well-documented record he's the best anyone in this dark universe can hope for. Unfortunately his biggest weakness is that he doesn't really want to rule and will pounce on any opportunity to bend the knee and pass the responsibility to someone else. His second-biggest weakness is overestimating the rationality of everyone else in the setting, Jon Snow thinks he can dump an ice zombie in Cersei's lap and she'll clearly understand the need to put this existential threat above her petty vendettas/Bernie thinks he can appeal no pudding-brained Boomers by setting aside mudslinging and focusing on the issues.
Plus his enemies are ridiculously powerful. Dana Bash is the zombie dragon, denying him the chance to chase down and face the Night King/denying his request to fact-check Biden's lies about his social security record, so he's reduced to screaming impotently at the zombie dragon/telling voters to, "go to the youtube."
Joe Biden is Brandon Stark. A thoroughly useless character who's mentally out to lunch, who gets dragged around by other people convinced he's going to be the savior, but he never accomplishes ANYTHING. Just like when Bran warged into the tree without the raven's supervision and accidentally let the Night King break through the tree's magic barrier to kill the raven and all the forest children, Joe Biden told Harry Reid to step aside during budget negotiations with Mitch McConnell when the odds were completely in Reid's favor since the Bush tax cuts had a rapidly approaching expiration date, and Biden ended up making the Bush tax cuts permanent, a result that was literally worse than doing nothing.
Every time someone tries to speak to Bran/Biden and partake of his magic wisdom, all he does is say things that are disconcerting with just a touch of the sexually inappropriate: "Sansa you were so pretty when I watched you getting raped on your wedding night/I got hairy legs and kids liked to rub my legs and watch the hairs stand up."
But just when it looked like the old order was being smashed, a star chamber of oligarchs decided to appoint Bran/Biden to be the king, probably knowing that since he was on some far away mental plane that they would be the ones pulling the strings in his name.
Tyrion (and I'm talking about the D&D-written Tyrion) is an old Iraq War Neocon turned never-Trump pundit welcomed with open arms into the #resistance. He has the reputation as the cleverest man in the world, and so his counsel is eagerly sought, but his advice is always dogshit, "We should make nice with Cersei, she always keeps her word!/The way to beat Trump is with a Hillary Clinton-esque centrist!" People more in the know see him talking the the council of Oligarchs at the end and say, "why is this guy being allowed to direct the conversation? Shouldn't he be in jail for war crimes?"
Cersei is Mitch McConnell. A character whose career is defined by slaughtering sacred process cows and taking the nuclear option, often at the same time, yet everybody is convinced they'll listen to reason.
Trump is Craster. An obscene corpulent blowhard with deep insecurities who lusts after his daughters and casts aside his male heirs. Just as Craster is willing to make deals with the Night King so he can run his incestuous compound in peace, Trump is willing to wave off MBS of Saudi Arabia chopping up reporters with bone saws if MBS will do financial deals with him on the side and take that money-pit high rise off his idiot son-in-law's hands. Establishment Republicans show deference to him because he's the only shelter they have in the political wilderness, but the instant he falls out of favor they'll gut him just like they did Bush jr.
Andrew Yang is Petyr Baelish. He comes across as a friend and ally, offering you $1000 a month for nothing, what a nice guy! But if you read the fine print you'll realize he's a sinister libertarian trojan horse. You can't get his pitiful UBI unless you relinquish all other forms of disability, food stamps, and other government safety net, opening the door to them being destroyed once their headcount falls low enough. And the whole thing won't be paid for with a wealth tax but instead a regressive VAT tax that's pitched as a tax on Jeff Bezos, but in reality will fall entirely on the shoulders of consumers. And he outlined this whole sinister plan on the Dave Rubin show, a white-nationalist-friendly platform that even The Rat was smart enough to cancel his appearance on. The Yang Gang is poor crazy Lysa Arryn, desperately in love with him, but destined to go tumbling through the moon door by his hand.
Marianne Williamson is D&D's sexied-up version of Maggie the Frog. On one hand she's a kooky figure with all her mystic woo, on the other hand in her brief appearance she cut straight to the moral rot in the system.
Um... Jaime Lannister is Glenn Beck, losing his Fox show was like losing his sword hand, who
shacked up with Samantha Bee/Brienne of Tarth at his lowest moment. She was thrilled to bring him on the side of the #resistance, but once he got it in/realized there was no money in #nevertrump, he immediately ran back to Cersei, leaving her crying in the snow.
I think I'm reaching at this point. Anyone else got any parallels?
And to put a button on this:
Two working class dudes, one black one white, just baked a tray of ten cookies together.
An oligarch walks in and grabs nine cookies for himself.
Then he says to the white dude "Watch out for that black dude, he wants a piece of your cookie!"