This review is positive, but very clearly is the result of ignorance, even if most people here would rate the game similarlyIxmucane2 wrote: Of course, in the case of game and literature reviews there is an important asymmetry at work: an adverse review can be the result of ignorant misunderstanding, a positive review implies some kind of comprehension (or there would be nothing to like).
At worst, a "wrong" positive review we disagree with demonstrates aberrant taste, not arrogant incompetence.
Amusingly bad reviews
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
The Guwange "Walkthrough" series begs for a Xoxak-style "Let's Credit Feed Gigawing" takedown. Fucking guy wastes several videos demonstrating how to suck at Guwange.
serious internet is seriousJockel wrote:I could never play on a screen that's smaller than my dick.
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Special World
- Posts: 2220
- Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2009 2:12 am
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
I thought Western reviewers loved Ikaruga for being "the only innovative space shooter ever" and "more like a puzzle game, really!"
http://catstronaut.wordpress.com/
- catstronaut loves games
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews
The Guwange walkthrough doesn't have a commentary though, unlike the original commentary for "Let's Credit Feed Giga Wing". Apart from the brief snippet about "educational videos" "passing stages" etc.NR777 wrote:The Guwange "Walkthrough" series begs for a Xoxak-style "Let's Credit Feed Gigawing" takedown. Fucking guy wastes several videos demonstrating how to suck at Guwange.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
Here's how you "pass stages": mash the continue button. Very "educational." I get what you mean, though. It needs added commentary.Lance Boyle wrote:The Guwange walkthrough doesn't have a commentary though, unlike the original commentary for "Let's Credit Feed Giga Wing". Apart from the brief snippet about "educational videos" "passing stages" etc.NR777 wrote:The Guwange "Walkthrough" series begs for a Xoxak-style "Let's Credit Feed Gigawing" takedown. Fucking guy wastes several videos demonstrating how to suck at Guwange.
serious internet is seriousJockel wrote:I could never play on a screen that's smaller than my dick.
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TrevHead (TVR)
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- Location: UK (west yorks)
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
What gets me though is that the uploader put up "superplays" of 2 characters at the same time. Which ofc were ridiculed by all us shmup fans. I would of thought he'ld of learnt his lesson but hoo no about a week later another kusoplay was uploaded with the 3rd character. Personally I think it was cos of all the attention the previous vids of got, even if it was ppl trolling, those guwange vids were one of the channels most popular video for its gaming playthough section (they must have allot of gamers making videos cos the damn channel spams YT with about 50 vids per day FFS).
Aye the guwange kusoplay uploader MahaloVideoGames sucks my hairy arse as a creditable gaming channel. Its a shame that they're one of the "in crowd" been a youtube partner which ofc means success in the high number of subscribers they have compared to normal YT channels who dont get all the marketed on YTs home page. As I use a BM which is linked to my profile page, its rare I do go to YTs home page. But when I do im sick of those shitbags MahaloVideoGames getting recommended to me half the time im there.
Aye the guwange kusoplay uploader MahaloVideoGames sucks my hairy arse as a creditable gaming channel. Its a shame that they're one of the "in crowd" been a youtube partner which ofc means success in the high number of subscribers they have compared to normal YT channels who dont get all the marketed on YTs home page. As I use a BM which is linked to my profile page, its rare I do go to YTs home page. But when I do im sick of those shitbags MahaloVideoGames getting recommended to me half the time im there.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
I was playing Triggerheart Exelica on the DC recently and I thought I'd check out some of the reviews on Metacritic. These are for the Xbox 360. Now, I know it's kind of a love-or-hate game (I quite like it) so some people might agree with the negative reviews, but check out the top-rated review:
http://www.metacritic.com/game/xbox-360 ... ic-reviews
"if you like vertical shooters of old and new; if Radiant Silvergun, Parodius or Do Don Pachi mean anything to you"
The guy's such a hardcore-shmupper he even TATEs his horizontal shmups.
http://www.metacritic.com/game/xbox-360 ... ic-reviews
"if you like vertical shooters of old and new; if Radiant Silvergun, Parodius or Do Don Pachi mean anything to you"
The guy's such a hardcore-shmupper he even TATEs his horizontal shmups.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
A couple things:mrsmiley381 wrote:Thanks for reminding me of how painful that video is. I had almost forgotten about it. I mean, everyone is allowed to like what they want, but it's like they only picked games people might recognize or they just never really tried harder games or other games in general.
- It was actually Stuttering Craig that dissed DDP, not Handsome Tom.
- While their tastes may be rather mainstream, that video has a heck of a lot of views and is responsible for getting many people interested in shmups, and some (including myself) will investigate further and discover the more niche titles.
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mrsmiley381
- Posts: 474
- Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:37 am
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews
I've considered taking this on as a personal challenge, as I have been working on my southern drawl. Seriously, that guy was terrible. Doing the video would be especially hard on my end due to the aforementioned lack of original commentary. But perhaps I could add my own genius twist to it.NR777 wrote:The Guwange "Walkthrough" series begs for a Xoxak-style "Let's Credit Feed Gigawing" takedown. Fucking guy wastes several videos demonstrating how to suck at Guwange.
Genius might be a little too strong of a word, but I'd love to tear this guy apart. Really, what a joke. Is there a single mainstream game review organization that doesn't credit feed and at the same time consider it beating the game?
Why is it called the Vic Viper/Warp Rattler? Because the Options trail behind it in a serpent-like fashion, and the iconic front fins are designed to invoke the image of a snake's fangs.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
Welcome to the board! Play X-Multiply.Brod wrote:A couple things:mrsmiley381 wrote:Thanks for reminding me of how painful that video is. I had almost forgotten about it. I mean, everyone is allowed to like what they want, but it's like they only picked games people might recognize or they just never really tried harder games or other games in general.
- It was actually Stuttering Craig that dissed DDP, not Handsome Tom.
- While their tastes may be rather mainstream, that video has a heck of a lot of views and is responsible for getting many people interested in shmups, and some (including myself) will investigate further and discover the more niche titles.
IGMO - Poorly emulated, never beaten.
Hi-score thread: http://shmups.system11.org/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=34327
Hi-score thread: http://shmups.system11.org/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=34327
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mesh control
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TrevHead (TVR)
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews
+1mesh control wrote:Drum wrote:Welcome to the board! Go play Mars Matrix.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
It's a cool catchphrase but do yourself a favor and don't go play Mars Matrix.
That's right, I said it.
That's right, I said it.
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mrsmiley381
- Posts: 474
- Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:37 am
- Location: Independence, OR
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
That's what you meant to say, right?captpain wrote:It's a cool catchphrase but do yourself a favor and go play Exed Exes.
I kid, I kid. To each his own.
Why is it called the Vic Viper/Warp Rattler? Because the Options trail behind it in a serpent-like fashion, and the iconic front fins are designed to invoke the image of a snake's fangs.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
I hope this is your only post you ever make.Brod wrote: A couple things:
- It was actually Stuttering Craig that dissed DDP, not Handsome Tom.
- While their tastes may be rather mainstream, that video has a heck of a lot of views and is responsible for getting many people interested in shmups, and some (including myself) will investigate further and discover the more niche titles.
BIL wrote: "Small sack, LOTS OF CUM" - Nikola Tesla
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
Christ, man, be more welcoming to newbies. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean you should try to get him to stop posting. The more people who discover niche titles, the better.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
Of course you dodrauch wrote:I hope this is your only post you ever make.
Thanks for the welcomes folks.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
I like you already. You get my sense of humor and didn't take offense. For a real, old-fashioned welcoming, let me say: welcome to the boards.
BIL wrote: "Small sack, LOTS OF CUM" - Nikola Tesla
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
RNGmaster wrote:The more people who discover niche titles, the less niche they are.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
Actually, if he has any chance of fitting in here, he would have been histrionically indignant and looked for the completely unnecessary support of his other like-minded humorless ... *cough* sorry, never mind.drauch wrote:
I like you already. You get my sense of humor and didn't take offense. For a real, old-fashioned welcoming, let me say: welcome to the boards.
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Dragoforce
- Posts: 1375
- Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 12:00 am
- Location: Malmö, Sweden
- Contact:
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
ABC is fun.Jockel wrote:RNGmaster wrote:The more people who discover nice tities, the less nice they are.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
I thought all guy have been familiar with those issue since the boom of Polygon era.
I m not surprised if those reviewer even have never played Xevious.
I m not surprised if those reviewer even have never played Xevious.
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
Titties are nice no matter how many people discover them.Dragoforce wrote:ABC is fun.Jockel wrote:RNGmaster wrote:The more people who discover nice tities, the less nice they are.
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sunburstbasser
- Posts: 217
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews
How does one go about writing a good review of a shmup? What elements would it need to include?
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
Do you really want someone to try to tell you how to write a good review of a video game in a short forums post here?sunburstbasser wrote:How does one go about writing a good review of a shmup? What elements would it need to include?
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incognoscente
- Posts: 927
- Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 11:33 pm
- Location: Georgia, USA
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
Copy the template at the bottom of this post into your favorite word processing program. Then follow these relatively easy steps to write a winning review:
1. First, you need to pick a very lackluster game. Something nobody in their right mind would love but nothing universally panned or this won't work.
2. Play the game for a while. Scribble down some obvious observations about the scoring system. If there's a strategy thread for the game, avoid anything someone had to ask about.
3. Figure out which sacred cow shoot'em up you're going to subtly impugn. Ikaruga or Radiant Silvergun are good choices but a bit passe. Might I suggest R-Type, Raiden, Dodonpachi, or Mars Matrix. Make sure you know the developer of this sacred cow and when it was released.
4. Figure out which "next-gen" (read current gen) game you are going to insult. Bonus points if it is a first-person shooter, but sports games and racing simulations are fair game, too.
5. Pick something about your playing style that has changed as your skill has improved. The more unique the better (e.g., if you use the wine-glass grip for a joystick). Two parts to this one: First, figure out how to write it without personal pronouns (I, me, my) so it completes the phrase, "It helped me immensely when I learned ..." Second, is there a less-specific way to phrase the sentence fragment you just wrote? (Expanding on the above, "the right way to hold a joystick.")
6. Two portions of this document change depending on if the sacred cow is older or newer than the game you are reviewing. You can't blindly search/replace this one.
7. Sign your name
8. Clean up
Template:
One of my favorite games ever, [A] is an overlooked gem released for [Z] in [C]. I remember how excited I was when I saw the game for the first time. But then something came up and I never got a chance to play it. Until now.
For [C] standards, the graphics are really well done. I remember them blowing away everything else at the time and they still impress to this day. ([J] Only one of these is going to make any damned sense. If [C]<[G], delete sentence 2 and these notes. If [C]>[G], delete sentence 1 and these notes. 1.) Certainly the artists at could have taught the guys at [F] a thing or two about art. (2.) You can really see improving in every way on the [F] style.
The music is also really well done, though a bit dated. But it's not like there was much competition in [C]. Not like things are now for all the [H] fanboys where there's so much next-gen crap competing for their time. Oh, I should also mention something about the sound effects. The sound effects are really well done. The explosions are beefy and the weapons sound nice and powerful. Really impressive for its age.
But who cares about graphics and sound! You wanna know how it plays!!!
And I must admit, I have saved the best for the last. The gameplay in this game is nothing short of mindblowing. Everything comes at you and it's all you can do to fend off the attacks. I mean, it's INTENSE. Not like that [E] crap that everyone always raves about. This is a shmup that separates the men from the boys.
Of course, what would a review be without mentioning the scoring system? [D] Of course, for anyone that knows , this is all child's play. OR IS IT?!?
([J] Again, only one of these is going to make any damned sense. If [C]>[G], delete paragraph 2 and these notes. If [C]<[G], delete paragraph 1 and these notes. 1.) really expanded the [F] style and made it into their own, especially their game [A] which improves in every way on [E]. But maybe this isn't surprising considering that I heard that [F] staff would later work at .
(2.) You can really see the influence on [F], especially their game [E] which is clearly an homage to [A]. But maybe this isn't surprising considering that I heard that staff would later work at [F].
Anyway, I think that's enough to give you the picture. [A] is one of the best shmups ever released and deserves to be in any TRUE shmup fan's collection. They don't make 'em like this anymore.
-[K]
1. First, you need to pick a very lackluster game. Something nobody in their right mind would love but nothing universally panned or this won't work.
- i. Replace all occurrences of [A] with the game title.
ii. Replace all occurrences of with the developer's name.
iii. Replace all occurrences of [C] with the year of release.
iv. Replace all occurrences of [Z] with the platform of release.
2. Play the game for a while. Scribble down some obvious observations about the scoring system. If there's a strategy thread for the game, avoid anything someone had to ask about.
- i. Replace [D] with three scoring system observations in the following format: You get points for [observation] and [observation]. There are also [observation].
3. Figure out which sacred cow shoot'em up you're going to subtly impugn. Ikaruga or Radiant Silvergun are good choices but a bit passe. Might I suggest R-Type, Raiden, Dodonpachi, or Mars Matrix. Make sure you know the developer of this sacred cow and when it was released.
- i. Replace all occurrences of [E] with the sacred cow's title.
ii. Replace all occurrences of [F] with the sacred cow's director.
iii. Replace all occurrences of [G] with the year of the sacred cow's release.
4. Figure out which "next-gen" (read current gen) game you are going to insult. Bonus points if it is a first-person shooter, but sports games and racing simulations are fair game, too.
- i. Replace all occurrences of [H] with this modern title.
5. Pick something about your playing style that has changed as your skill has improved. The more unique the better (e.g., if you use the wine-glass grip for a joystick). Two parts to this one: First, figure out how to write it without personal pronouns (I, me, my) so it completes the phrase, "It helped me immensely when I learned ..." Second, is there a less-specific way to phrase the sentence fragment you just wrote? (Expanding on the above, "the right way to hold a joystick.")
- i. Replace with this vague sentence fragment.
6. Two portions of this document change depending on if the sacred cow is older or newer than the game you are reviewing. You can't blindly search/replace this one.
- i. Search for both occurrences of [J] and follow the instructions you find there.
7. Sign your name
- i. Replace [K] with your username.
8. Clean up
- i. Search for any remaining ( ) [ and ] and delete as necessary. You can also fix up grammar as you see fit, but that is totally optional.
Template:
One of my favorite games ever, [A] is an overlooked gem released for [Z] in [C]. I remember how excited I was when I saw the game for the first time. But then something came up and I never got a chance to play it. Until now.
For [C] standards, the graphics are really well done. I remember them blowing away everything else at the time and they still impress to this day. ([J] Only one of these is going to make any damned sense. If [C]<[G], delete sentence 2 and these notes. If [C]>[G], delete sentence 1 and these notes. 1.) Certainly the artists at could have taught the guys at [F] a thing or two about art. (2.) You can really see improving in every way on the [F] style.
The music is also really well done, though a bit dated. But it's not like there was much competition in [C]. Not like things are now for all the [H] fanboys where there's so much next-gen crap competing for their time. Oh, I should also mention something about the sound effects. The sound effects are really well done. The explosions are beefy and the weapons sound nice and powerful. Really impressive for its age.
But who cares about graphics and sound! You wanna know how it plays!!!
And I must admit, I have saved the best for the last. The gameplay in this game is nothing short of mindblowing. Everything comes at you and it's all you can do to fend off the attacks. I mean, it's INTENSE. Not like that [E] crap that everyone always raves about. This is a shmup that separates the men from the boys.
Of course, what would a review be without mentioning the scoring system? [D] Of course, for anyone that knows , this is all child's play. OR IS IT?!?
([J] Again, only one of these is going to make any damned sense. If [C]>[G], delete paragraph 2 and these notes. If [C]<[G], delete paragraph 1 and these notes. 1.) really expanded the [F] style and made it into their own, especially their game [A] which improves in every way on [E]. But maybe this isn't surprising considering that I heard that [F] staff would later work at .
(2.) You can really see the influence on [F], especially their game [E] which is clearly an homage to [A]. But maybe this isn't surprising considering that I heard that staff would later work at [F].
Anyway, I think that's enough to give you the picture. [A] is one of the best shmups ever released and deserves to be in any TRUE shmup fan's collection. They don't make 'em like this anymore.
-[K]
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burgerkingdiamond
- Posts: 1570
- Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2010 9:56 pm
- Location: Virginia, USA
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
It would have to be written by someone that knows what shoot em ups are about and can therefore give an objective critique of said game. The problem is that shmups have fallen out of mainstream popularity. And most of the time the ones that still do come out are reviewed by people who, although they may be genuinely into video games as a whole, know little to nothing about this genre. As a result, almost everything that comes out in their review is bullshit.sunburstbasser wrote:How does one go about writing a good review of a shmup? What elements would it need to include?
It's like someone writing a review of a foreign movie without subtitles. They would only be able to knowledgeably critique the most trivial, shallow aspects because they would have very little understanding of the subtleties of the plot. The meaning would be lost on them.
Let's Ass Kick Together!
1CCs : Donpachi (PCB - 1st loop) Dodonpachi (PCB - 1st loop) Battle Bakraid (PCB) Armed Police Batrider (PCB) Mushihimesama Futari 1.5 (360 - Original) Mushihimesama Futari BL (PCB - Original)
1CCs : Donpachi (PCB - 1st loop) Dodonpachi (PCB - 1st loop) Battle Bakraid (PCB) Armed Police Batrider (PCB) Mushihimesama Futari 1.5 (360 - Original) Mushihimesama Futari BL (PCB - Original)
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
This is fucking genius.incognoscente wrote:Awesomeness
Just 3 tips:
1) Avoid this: "This is totally retro and cool, I don't know why this game is good but I somehow feel I should like it, I played it a grand total of 5 minutes but believe me, it's rad!"
2) If you actually play shmups, avoid rambling entire paragraphs about the intricacies of the scoring system or whathever, avoid using shmup forum terminology. If your review can't be understood by anyone, it's not a good review, despite how detailed or accurate it is.
3) I'd suggest getting a bit of knowledge about the different styles and trends (ie: what makes super star soldier different from dodonpachi), but if you can't, fine. Just avoid "This xevious remake plays a lot like the classic R-type" or someshit. Avoid comparaisons in general, it's better to clearly be ignorant of the genre than saying shit. You might want to drop a few big names like gradius, R type in your review, though, just so the average dude knows what you're talking about.
"In short, it comes down to spirit" - dodonpachi developper Kohyama.
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TrevHead (TVR)
- Posts: 2781
- Joined: Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:36 pm
- Location: UK (west yorks)
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
Wow thats some cool shit nobody needs to write another shmup review ever again just copy and paste.
Im might also add that the really best reviews should also write "shmup fans will love this game" ideally in the last paragragh, while namedropping a few words that these rare mythical creatures will only understand. It really doesnt matter that much that these "shmup fans" are the only type of ppl who can be bothered to read the artical till the last paragraph. While everybody else has just quickly glaced at the pictures and skipped striaght to the score.
Its not content its the number hits to the page that counts so tell the reader weather you liked it or not within the first sentence and aim all the space between the 1st and last paragraphs at the type of person who isnt into shmups but whose hobby is knitting, porn or cats and only arrived at the web page by accident.
Infact dont even bother posting any images of the game cats are much better
Im might also add that the really best reviews should also write "shmup fans will love this game" ideally in the last paragragh, while namedropping a few words that these rare mythical creatures will only understand. It really doesnt matter that much that these "shmup fans" are the only type of ppl who can be bothered to read the artical till the last paragraph. While everybody else has just quickly glaced at the pictures and skipped striaght to the score.
Its not content its the number hits to the page that counts so tell the reader weather you liked it or not within the first sentence and aim all the space between the 1st and last paragraphs at the type of person who isnt into shmups but whose hobby is knitting, porn or cats and only arrived at the web page by accident.
Infact dont even bother posting any images of the game cats are much better
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burgerkingdiamond
- Posts: 1570
- Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2010 9:56 pm
- Location: Virginia, USA
Re: Amusingly bad reviews
well obviously everyone loves cute cat pictures. I know I do.TrevHead (TVR) wrote:Wow thats some cool shit nobody needs to write another shmup review ever again just copy and paste.
Im might also add that the really best reviews should also write "shmup fans will love this game" ideally in the last paragragh, while namedropping a few words that these rare mythical creatures will only understand. It really doesnt matter that much that these "shmup fans" are the only type of ppl who can be bothered to read the artical till the last paragraph. While everybody else has just quickly glaced at the pictures and skipped striaght to the score.
Its not content its the number hits to the page that counts so tell the reader weather you liked it or not within the first sentence and aim all the space between the 1st and last paragraphs at the type of person who isnt into shmups but whose hobby is knitting, porn or cats and only arrived at the web page by accident.
Infact dont even bother posting any images of the game cats are much better
Let's Ass Kick Together!
1CCs : Donpachi (PCB - 1st loop) Dodonpachi (PCB - 1st loop) Battle Bakraid (PCB) Armed Police Batrider (PCB) Mushihimesama Futari 1.5 (360 - Original) Mushihimesama Futari BL (PCB - Original)
1CCs : Donpachi (PCB - 1st loop) Dodonpachi (PCB - 1st loop) Battle Bakraid (PCB) Armed Police Batrider (PCB) Mushihimesama Futari 1.5 (360 - Original) Mushihimesama Futari BL (PCB - Original)