Movies you've just watched

[GaijinPunch]

Villains were weak - no character, no naked limber-up, and the femme fatale might as well have been a terminator for all the good crashing her through three walls with a truck did.

And no F-bombs. Instant fail. Sorry you had to go through that.

[Vexorg]

Going to sneak in another live theater review:

The Nutcracker (Ballet West version, live performance)

Somehow, in over forty years of existence I've somehow managed to never see one of the many performances of The Nutcracker until tonight, when I took my wife to a performance put on by the local ballet company. She has fond memories of seeing The Nutcracker with her late mother many years ago, so I'm pretty sure she was just there to watch all the cool dancing. As for me, I think I've been to the ballet once before many years ago, and it was one of those weird "new works someone should have said no to but didn't want to get uninvited from all the cool kid parties" shows where everyone was leaping around the stage barefoot to a soundtrack of a single out-of-tune guitar just because it's edgier that way (apparently you can turn any dance act into "modern" dance if you just take off your shoes and make a bunch of skimpy costumes out of satin and Spandex.) It had a couple of good acts but most were choreographic and musical trainwrecks.

This production was, understandibly, a bit more traditional. That doesn't mean it wasn't bizarre in its own way. There's absolutely no dialogue in this show, and I'm not sure anyone whose name doesn't start with "Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky" could figure out what's going on just by watching. It starts with a Christmas party where some parent with no sense of self preservation hands out shiny new trumpets to a whole bunch of boys all at once. The girls on stage all get dolls, but one special girl gets a Nutcracker that makes half the neighborhood jealous (maybe wait until all the other kids leave next time?)

Of course it's a magical Nutcracker that comes to life and promptly goes to war with the house's resident rodent infestation that nobody seems to want to talk about. After the girl and the nutcracker slay the rodent king in the most family friendly way possible, the nutcracker turns into a handsome prince and they both completely mail in the entire second act sitting on a fancy bench while everyone else handles all the dancing. There's something about sugar plum fairies in between all that, but even after watching it I still have no clue what a sugar plum is, nor why they would need their own brand of fairies or why I might experience visions of them dancing in my head on the night before Christmas.

The second act is basically a "Tchaikovsky's Greatest Hits" album come to life, chock full of songs you've probably heard for years without knowing where they come from ("wait a minute, isn't that the Tetris song?"). If you ever watched Fantasia off some grainy VHS tape in one of those puffy white cases thirty years ago you might recognize a couple more songs, but mostly you're just there for the dancing anyway. Think of the first act as the pizza delivery to set up all the action in the second act, so to speak. Only the kids are watching so all you can do is dance around.

All that said, it was still an excellent performance by talented dancers, and it helped that it didn't drag on for way too long like some performances have been known to do (looking at you Richard Wagner.). The tickets are kind of expensive so it's a bit of a splurge, but it's worth doing at least once.

[vol.2]

But hey to each their own.

One could easily say that millennials are obligated to hate John Candy or some such bullshit. It's reductive nonsense.

[Herr Schatten]

Dell is such a great character though. Annoying AF but you love him b/c he's such a nice guy. Has a friend everywhere. He waves to strangers on the training pulling in that he's about to board. He's also kind of a dumb ass which is awesome.

He's basically Spongebob.

John Candy is one of those boomer comedians that everyone older than a certain age is contractually obligated to stan for, like Bill Murray and Chevy Chase. I personally never understood the appeal of any of these dudes, but I was obviously never their target audience.

I can kind of relate to this, as I feel much the same way about Candy and Chase, although I do like the occasional movie they're in. On the other hand, I usually enjoy the performances of Murray and Steve Martin, even if they are in subpar movies. No idea what that means.

[Air Master Burst]

One could easily say that millennials are obligated to hate John Candy or some such bullshit. It's reductive nonsense.

I don't think anyone younger than like 40 cares enough about John Candy to hate him, but apparently daring to rate one of his middling movies accurately is a nuclear hot take to people of a certain age.

For my generation it's not liking The Simpsons that usually gets those kind of reactions.

I can kind of relate to this, as I feel much the same way about Candy and Chase, although I do like the occasional movie they're in. On the other hand, I usually enjoy the performances of Murray and Steve Martin, even if they are in subpar movies. No idea what that means.

Steve Martin is actually funny, so that tracks. I also have a theory that Bill Murray developed an evolutionary survival trait that causes him to remind white people of their favorite loser uncle, sorta like how cats evolved to mimic human baby cries with their meows.

[Lander]

If anything, at least the F-35 attack at the end of the movie was pretty awesome. "Is that it, huh?! Is that your best shot?!"

I'm out of touch with modern VTOL hardware, so seeing the turbine + gimballed thruster was pretty rad. Though that pilot must have gotten the mother of all bollockings from his CO for that stormtrooper-tier aiming and hotshot danger-close flying

And no F-bombs. Instant fail. Sorry you had to go through that.

That didn't occur to me at the time, but now you mention it...

What's worse is that I still have the extended cut of 5 occupying my in-tray. Though even then it looks to be half an hour shorter than the rest of the series, which is a mercy.

[Mischief Maker]

Jesus Christ, now trendy kids are hating on John Candy?

There's a long, long history of sketch comedy guys getting all their edge buffed off in order to be approved for a film project. Before you shut the book on John Candy, look at some of his SCTV work:

Taxidermy

Magnum PEI

Dr. Tongue's 3D house of Stewardesses


I supposed I understand how a tyke could dislike Bill Murray. But I could just as easily understand how in a few years we're gonna have youngsters saying they don't get why people thought Norm Macdonald was funny.

[vol.2]

I don't think anyone younger than like 40 cares enough about John Candy to hate him, but apparently daring to rate one of his middling movies accurately is a nuclear hot take to people of a certain age.

For my generation it's not liking The Simpsons that usually gets those kind of reactions.

It's not the intensity of dislike or apathy that I'm pointing to, but the reductive nature of the statement. Saying that "anyone younger than" blah blah blah doesn't actually mean anything; it's a sweeping generalization.

But, yeah, I don't much care for the Simpsons either. I loved it when I was in middle school, but the charm wore off for me somewhere along the line.

[Air Master Burst]

Jesus Christ, now trendy kids are hating on John Candy?

I don't hate him, and I like some of his SCTV stuff, but his feature movies mostly suck. Volunteers? Armed And Dangerous? The Great Outdoors? Wagons East? Kill me now! He works best in smaller doses; like sketch comedy, cameos, and Spaceballs.

I supposed I understand how a tyke could dislike Bill Murray. But I could just as easily understand how in a few years we're gonna have youngsters saying they don't get why people thought Norm Macdonald was funny.

Some things age well and some things don't. Most of Bill Murray's prime material is either dated 80s shit like Caddyshack and Meatballs, or cloyingly twee Wes Anderson movies. I'm sure if you were old enough to remember the 80s like that those movies are hilarious, but I can't relate to any of it. In The Army Now was more enjoyable to me as an actual army veteran than Stripes ever was, but kids today who join the army will probably wonder what the fucking deal with Paulie Shore was, too.

It'll be the same way with Norm Macdonald. Some of his late-nite appearances will always be timeless, but Dirty Work is some 90s ass shit that I wouldn't expect anyone younger than like 30 to enjoy much no matter how much of a "cult classic" it's supposedly become.

It's not the intensity of dislike or apathy that I'm pointing to, but the reductive nature of the statement. Saying that "anyone younger than" blah blah blah doesn't actually mean anything; it's a sweeping generalization.

No, it's hyperbole. I'm exaggerating to make a point. You clearly understood that point, so why quibble about word choice instead of actually engaging with it?

[vol.2]

No, it's hyperbole. I'm exaggerating to make a point. You clearly understood that point, so why quibble about word choice instead of actually engaging with it?

No, if you're making a point other than you think that there is some generalized opinion of John Candy based on age, I don't see it.

Are you just talking about yourself? Are you saying that you have anecdotally noticed a trend? If that's the case, it's not hyperbole at all, but an entirely different logical level. I think you're making an absurd statement to get a reaction and you clearly know it.

Hyperbole would be "I hate John Candy," or some such thing, which you've already denounced as being too strong a word, so I guess hyperbole is pretty subjective to you.

To be clear, I'm not a big John Candy fan. I like a few of his movies. I think Planes, T, and A is funny. I love Spaceballs, but I could take or leave most of his other films. I think this is a pretty common opinion among people my age in my experience.

[BIL]

I remember some yattering bint on Paul Merton's run of Room 101 opining that, while tragedy is eternal, comedy dates. They were talking about Shakespearean comedies, IIRC, nominating them for the titular banishment.

I don't know if I agree there - as noted, the woman was mildly cretinous - but in any case, I don't think the 20th century is nearly long ago for hard generational distinctions. People my parents' age rave about The Honeymooners, I gotta say it's got some clever stuff. The "polopones" bit was ingenious. Mel Brooks is a clever cunt too! And Richard Pryor, if I quoted half of his stuff in Burgerland, I'd have some mincing choad in a ski mask chuck a milkshake at me. And then I'd shoot them, repeatedly, center mass + Great Value Guarantee! And then, I'd go to prison and get ass-raped and murdered by Neo-Nazis! Now that's certified FRESH!

OTOH the only time I want to see Hannah Gadsby is through the scope of a high-powered hunting rifle. No Hannah, not because you're a lezzer, or a woman, or whatever the fuck else you witheringly boring penal colony cunt - but because your "comedy" is fucking thalidomide, and made me want to put one through my brainstem. It's me or you, love!

I feel a song coming on.

Anyway, you kids have your fun. I just wanted to blast a hot load of shit straight out of my filthy arsehole all over the clapter du jour, and more importantly, big ups my man Richard.

EDIT: what is timeless if not this?

I’d like to die like my father died. My father died fucking! He DID! My father was 57 when he died. The woman was 18. My father came and went at the same time. I just figured God must’ve loved my Father an awful lot to let him go out like that.

My heart is fulla song this Friday night.

[xxx1993]

Just saw Avatar: The Way of Water. My brother described it as a "three-hour remake of Free Willy" due to the whaling plot.

[BIL]

I saw an ad for it on a box of corn flakes today, those characters look fucking monged m8, put me off buying the cereal tbh 3;

"The Way Of Water," more like "The Way To Make Me Ignore Your Shite Movie" lmao also fuck James Cameron he's a cunt now

Well corn flakes aren't very healthy tbh, the unsweetened SCOTTISH PORAGE OATS with big buff homie on the box I went with, now they will do your muscles right x93! Avoid the sugary processed shite, get something with protein and fibre FFS!

[null1024]

Just saw Avatar: The Way of Water. My brother described it as a "three-hour remake of Free Willy" due to the whaling plot.

lol
What I really want to know is if it was as impressive as the first one was in 3D. The actual plot is less relevant.
give me my three hours of pretty pictures

"The Way Of Water," more like "The Way To Make Me Ignore Your Shite Movie" lmao also fuck James Cameron he's a cunt now

What'd he do now? I think I remember hearing some people talking some shit, but I don't actively keep up with celeb gossip.

[BIL]

tbh I'm still pissed at him for endorsing that piece of shit Dark Fate To be fair I guess he did shit all over it and its director, afterwards

I did hear he was getting DRAAAGGED on the twatters by the manosphere et al, because he said "testosterone is a poison," but in-context all he said was that when he returns home from his IRL nautical exploits (serious shit, EZ to kill yourself/others if you faff about at sea), he needs to disengage his adventurer persona. Soldiers, cops and firemen have all remarked similar, when coming home to their wives and children after a long shift of high-pressure (and frankly uber-masculine) work. Hell, I've heard of high-performing lawyers and chefs needing a similar decompression process.

So storm/teacup etc, afaik. Still hate him re: Dark Fate. Even if The Helicopter Stunt makes it impossible for any action movie fan to ever truly disavow him. ;-;7

[null1024]

Hahahaha.
Eternally glad I dodged that bullet by just trusting my gut that nothing new related to Terminator could possibly be good.

man, typing that out just made me feel sad

[xxx1993]

Honestly, I prefer James Cameron in the 80s and early 90s, that was his peak. The last good movie he did was True Lies. He should have stopped after that. Avatar doesn't really have any originality, since the first one is like a sci-fi version of Pocahontas and Dances with Wolves while this new one is more like Free Willy. Didn't see Way of Water in 3D or IMAX, though. Just standard screening.

[GaijinPunch]

But, yeah, I don't much care for the Simpsons either. I loved it when I was in middle school, but the charm wore off for me somewhere along the line.

Sure it wasn't the ridiculously low quality the show sunk to eventually? That's another story.

[GaijinPunch]

Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart in Peril

Within the first 90 seconds we've got a tatted up topless bird in hakama, slicing samurai to pieces and subsequently showering herself in blood. Best opening of a film ever? The case could be made. Moving on we have the usual formula, which is more akin to a manga than a movie, which works. Generally it comes to what would seem like a logical conclusion, but there's another 20 minutes and of course, a grander fight remaining. The under 90 minute run times of this series really works. I think I only have two more to go.

[Air Master Burst]

The more time passes, the more convinced I am that Gale Ann Hurd was the real talent in that relationship. He hasn't made a good movie without her (True Lies is delightfully stupid but it's not good), while she's produced a bunch of bangers since.

James Cameron's mid life crisis was something to behold. I'm glad he just does weird submarine stuff now instead of marrying and divorcing coworkers every three years.

[BIL]

I like that theory, since it'd mean Linda Hamilton killed the Terminator franchise with the very thing it was premised on: her pussy.

Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart in Peril

Within the first 90 seconds we've got a tatted up topless bird in hakama, slicing samurai to pieces and subsequently showering herself in blood. Best opening of a film ever? The case could be made. Moving on we have the usual formula, which is more akin to a manga than a movie, which works. Generally it comes to what would seem like a logical conclusion, but there's another 20 minutes and of course, a grander fight remaining. The under 90 minute run times of this series really works. I think I only have two more to go.

We live in a time with more cool shit than one man can possibly consume. These are always so rad, and I don't think I got around to this one. Deffo seen the first two - who can forget when homie demonstrates his superhuman killing prowess by not only keeping his rod while being threatened by multiple armed men, but getting his bird off with a right good tatami mat rogering, as his would-be assailants uneasliy stand around waiting for him to finish?

[xxx1993]

The more time passes, the more convinced I am that Gale Ann Hurd was the real talent in that relationship. He hasn't made a good movie without her (True Lies is delightfully stupid but it's not good), while she's produced a bunch of bangers since.

James Cameron's mid life crisis was something to behold. I'm glad he just does weird submarine stuff now instead of marrying and divorcing coworkers every three years.

I feel like after Titanic, Jim's ego has really gotten to him lately especially since Avatar had already surpassed Titanic as the most successful movie of all time, and now he's turned it into a franchise.

[Mischief Maker]

I'd rather watch Titanic or Avatar than a Michael Bay Transformers movie, bland Marvel or edgelord DC capeshit, or Stupid Trek any day of the week.

16 bazillion wannabe Die Hard clones every year, but someone makes an action movie that vaguely reminds people of Dances with Wolves and it's insta-cancelled.

Joke's on all of you, Avatar is actually Red Scorpion in space!

[BIL]

tbh I'd watch Titanic ten times before any of the rest once - decently made film imo, also bobs & vegana - because Avatar gave me the best sleep of my 20s when I took my nephews to see it and slept through the entire thing - my big sister tearing a strip off me after, telling me they could've been Kidnapped And Bummed™ while I snoozed, which is fair tbh - and the rest are either capeshit (hard sell for me, see few posts back 3;), or actively hideous (I gave the man Bay four chances and he plundered my asshole every time, get lost Mike, sorry about your panic attack though, that's some hard shit 3; and KurtzTrek LMAO, I'd rather cut my own dick off and bleed to death, holy fucking shit, the man is unbridled gonorrhea).

It's a rough time for blockbustin fun MM.

[GaijinPunch]

We live in a time with more cool shit than one man can possibly consume. These are always so rad, and I don't think I got around to this one. Deffo seen the first two - who can forget when homie demonstrates his superhuman killing prowess by not only keeping his rod while being threatened by multiple armed men, but getting his bird off with a right good tatami mat rogering, as his would-be assailants uneasliy stand around waiting for him to finish?

A man of many talents. This one does go a bit back to the origin of how he became the executioner. No huge arc or anything for him but the bad assery remains. Worth it for the opening alone. She has great cans!

[BryanM]

Was actually a little interested in watching the Captain Marvel capeshit. No, not that Captain Marvel, the real one. The kid who got his powers from a wizard.

It just seems like it might be smaller and more relatable, kind of like The Last Starfighter? It's a character that's always been very solid in animation. Just like a Jurassic Park movie, it can't be too bad could it? There's a proven formula for these things.

Also I feel like the least they could do, after the monkey's paw curled up when I wished they'd make some real superhero movies for a change when I was a kid, is put Squirrel Girl or Booster Gold into something finally. It's something they've teased for years, but by this point I'd sooner expect that reboot of The Destroyer to appear. (For those of you who like 80's action schlock and have been dodging it, go watch Remo Williams already. It's Robocop, but with kung fu.)

... while on the topic of superheros, the reason so many black super heros have electric powers is they didn't want to pay royalties to use Black Lightning so they just made a copy pasta character. The first candidate for a black superhero?

"The original candidate for DC Comics' first headlining black superhero was a character called the Black Bomber, a white racist who would turn into a black superhero under stress."

The wild things that could happen, in the primordial unfinished world where actual new things could be created.

Sure it wasn't the ridiculously low quality the show sunk to eventually? That's another story.

It's really stupid to hate someone for making a cartoon wrong... but I really hate Al Jean. So much. Just the complete antithesis of what the show used to be. And he's so smug about it..

The Simpsons was something that my dad and I shared together. But one year I noticed I wasn't as excited about Sunday as I used to be, my enthusiasm for the show flagging. After standing in the room taking in the cherry picker scene from Lost Our Lisa, I left and didn't come back. Just like various other children in sitcoms, who go up the stairs. And they... they don't come back.

[BIL]

"The original candidate for DC Comics' first headlining black superhero was a character called the Black Bomber, a white racist who would turn into a black superhero under stress."

Ha, grew up with a few blokes like that! Albeit they were mainly racist towards other white people.

[xxx1993]

Stupid Trek any day of the

Don't say anything bad about Star Trek. There's nothing wrong with the modern film trilogy with Chris Pine.

[BIL]

Here use this instead, save on valuable keystrokes ;3



Into Darkness some inane shite m8 You put the what in the missiles, love? When Piney is trying to intimidate Benny ("YEW ARE A CWIMINAL!"), I want to scream like Al Pacino at the end of Godfather III - but out of mirth! Hey wait - WTF?! SPOCK is saying the thing! And now KIRK is doing the thing! Sheeeit, bruh... that is some twist n' turns right thurr Twistin' and turnin', my need for "BRAWAWAWAWWWWWR! SPAWK SMASH" is burnin! Yearnin! Returnin - like herpes!

Star Trek more like Star Keck M. I. RIEEEETE Yo that - what the fuck was her name.... I refuse to Google these things, I must keep things tight! Ah, Alice Eve. Yeah she hawt! WTB hentai doujin where she coaxes out the REAL origin of McCoy's nickname - fuck that mongled "ONLY GOT MUH BONES" guff! Now, she is prone, and heard to moan and groan, because Doc McCoy is...

Would you believe it?

GIVING HER THE BONE! Actually that's a legit win/win imo. Been harbouring MUCHO MANLOVE for Karl Urban ever since darling DOREDDO That one has a fit blonde bird he doesn't get to bone either - but as any 2000AD fan worth his helmet knows, Dredd is so planet-shatteringly masculine, he'd actually become slightly gayer if he fucked a hot broad. That's his Kryptonite!

Anyway, as we all know - we all know, x93-kun! - Bad Trek leads to Great RLM! So even this laughable C-tier shite is readily forgiven. "Then they say... go away now Khan!"

[xxx1993]

Hey, at least Beyond was actually pretty good. But if anything, at least the modern film trilogy is miles better than whatever Lucasfilm and Disney came up with for Star Wars' modern trilogy.